Category Archives: Cayla

by | April 17, 2013

Frankie, My Beer, I Don't Give a Can

From the FW Blog, Nov. 6, 2012:
At the moment, I’m hard at work on what is turning out to be a bit of a coda to Lisa’s Story. Events in the present will spark a sort of flashback/prequel which will crossover into real life with a visit to my old apartment in Elyria…as well as a crossover with Crankshaft thrown in for good measure. Oh, and lest I forget, a long lost character as well…Stay tuned.

Clearly Les does not share Cayla's excitement over his basic-cable movie getting a free plug on a basic-cable news network. Meanwhile, somewhere in Elyria, Ohio, "a long lost character" with Paulie Walnuts hair and wearing a wifebeater clutches a can of beer and talks to his TV. It can be none other than the despicable Frankie, Darin's biological father and St. Lisa's…ex-boyfriend? Date-rapist?

Tom Batiuk Talks 'Funky Winkerbean', comicbookresources.com, March 19, 2013:
I ended up writing a story where Frankie — he's been mentioned a couple times and has actually appeared in the strip very briefly, the guy who got Lisa pregnant — returns. In the return of that story we deepen the teen pregnancy story and say that it was a little more than just youthful indiscretion on Lisa's part. There was some coercion involved and it's like a coda to "Lisa's Story."

Guess we'll have to wait for TB to "roll out" the story to see how he retcons this.

I wasn't able to dig up a whole lot on the web about Frankie (he's not even mentioned on the Unofficial FW Fan Page, though Lisa's teen pregnancy is). I found the above strip from Act II, but can't provide any context on what their relationship was by the time she was pregnant with Summer.

46 Comments

Filed under alcohol, Cayla, Cindy, Frankie, Les, pizza, unnatural hand gestures

by | April 14, 2013

Shower Scene

Bad enough that we witnessed Les getting frisky last week. Today we are forced to contemplate the silhouette of a naked Les Moore in the shower, triggering uncomfortable flashbacks to Kevin Spacey's opening scene from American Beauty.

26 Comments

Filed under Cayla, Les, silhouette, writer's block

by | April 14, 2013

Oscar, Oscar, Oscar…

Louder
April 11, 2013 at 1:01 pm
Right, because Hollywood studios always have someone who has zero experience in writing movie scripts writing the first draft. That always happens.

Talk about putting the cart before the horse, huh? Though he can't even get started on his screenplay, Les imagines himself and Cayla at the Academy Awards®. Even in his fantasies, Les must be self-effacing. Hey, douchebag: there's no "second place" at the Oscars®: you either win it or you don't. And if Lisa's Story were to be nominated, it'd be in the category of "Adapted Screenplay". And oh, yeah: they don't hand out Oscars® to made-for-basic-cable-television "movies".  Anyway, it's Les' daydream: naturally, this high school teacher and part-time pizza counterman from the Midwest beats out the likes of Tony Kushner, Quentin Tarantino and Wes Anderson* to take home the statuette, as Lisa's ghost, smiling approvingly, hovers over his left shoulder.

(*Just a few of the nominees from last year)

The Academy, as the copyright owner of the Academy’s “Oscar” statuette, and owner of its trademarks and service marks, including “OSCAR®,” “OSCARS®,” “ACADEMY AWARD®,” “ACADEMY AWARDS®,” “OSCAR NIGHT®,” “A.M.P.A.S.®” and the federally registered “Oscar” design mark, is required to protect its properties against unauthorized uses and infringements.

39 Comments

Filed under Cayla, Hollywood, Les, writer's block, writing

by | April 12, 2013

If You Give a Les a Cookie

After cancer, alcoholism, and post-traumatic stress disorder, the most prevalent disease in the Funkiverse is, of course, writer's block. Today, Cayla brings the Delicate Genius a snack of milk and cookies. But if he doesn't quit farting around and get cracking on that script? I'm pretty sure she's gonna break Les' ankles with a sledgehammer and keep him hostage in his study 'til he's done!

32 Comments

Filed under Cayla, Les, writer's block, writing

by | April 11, 2013

Unsexytime

Well is this ain't the clumsiest, creepiest, most awkward come-on in the history of man and woman! Les' usually dainty hands grow into cartoony, clublike mitts, and his eyebrows can almost be seen to wag as he clutches cringing Cayla to his bony breast, as the exposition-laden dialog balloon looming over their heads threatens to crush them both.

For all of us who've wondered what Cayla saw in Les…why she suffered his devotion to his dead first wife…why she married his ofay ass…well, it's starting to make sense now. It's finally starting to pay off for her (and her daughter), and she sends Les back to the tower to spin some more straw into gold.

37 Comments

Filed under Cayla, Les, writing

by | April 10, 2013

Script? Sure


$$$Westview Oncologist$$$
April 10, 2013 at 9:09 am
Let's play "The Price is Right". How much do you think the dollar amount is on this douchebag's check?

Well, if it's enough to pay a year's tuition at Kent times two, it's gotta be at least $18,692. "Ann also says I get to write the first script." I'm pretty sure that Ann says that just to mollify your massive ego, which will then be crushed once "the producers in Hollywood" bring in some real scriptwriters to do the job.

31 Comments

Filed under Cayla, Hollywood, Kent State, Les, Lisa's Story, writing

by | April 10, 2013

How Ya Like Me WOW

I can only imagine how "Wow!" sounds any different from WOW!

Therefore, I imagine Cayla's "WOW" sounding like the famous sound effect from the Little Rascals:

35 Comments

Filed under Ann Apple, Cayla, Les, writing

by | April 8, 2013

Lights! Camera! Cancer!

Today, April 9th is the official third anniversary of Son of Stuck Funky; here's a link to the very first post. Don't forget to enter our 3rd Anniversary Giveaway!

Cayla, honey: your first reaction to your husband's good news probably should be something like "That's great, baby! Congratulations!" instead of immediately trying to gauge how much money's coming your way. "Television? Movies?!?" Well, turns out both answers are correct in a sense…but taken together, they equal less than the whole.

John
April 8, 2013 at 5:37 pm
By the way, in said year and a half, we have yet to have an actual name for the mysterious "Hollywood Buyer"…neither a person nor a company name.

Mysterious indeed, even to Les: "something called CME…Cable Movie Entertainment". Sounds like the Funkiverse equivalent of the Lifetime Network or Hallmark Channel. Guess that means no big-name stars, no 3-D…so much for Les' labor of love being made into "a real movie".

35 Comments

Filed under Cayla, Hollywood, Les, Lisa's Story