BeckoningChasm
October 12, 2012 at 1:39 am
I do want to ask, though…what's with the dropping leaves? They seem pretty pervasive lately.
For what it's worth, every strip in October has depicted falling or fallen leaves (except for when Les was inside watching a Lisa Tape). At this rate, there won't be much of a "beautiful golden canopy" left for our bride and groom. Today the whole town of Westview is brought to a standstill; neither pizzas nor mail shall be delivered. Out on Les' front lawn, the guests regard one another anxiously, while One of Cayla's Relatives (do we know who? Does it matter? No.) makes a last-minute adjustment to her gown.
I like the guy in the back checking his watch. "Good lord, I have a life to get to…can't they hurry this thing up? if this wedding wasn't mandatory attendance by Tom "Anthony" Batiuk, I'd be–uh…well, doing anything but being here. OH CRAP. I hope Tom didn't hear me, I don't want to be wished into the cornfield!"
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I was driving in the country on Sunday afternoon and had to stop and take this picture to share with fellow snarkers:
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Well, this is underwhelming. But hey! No Les, no Lisa.
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Boy, just look at the expressions of joy, delight, and happiness on the faces of the assembled throng! (I'm not being sarcastic- in Westview, THAT'S what joy, delight, and happiness look like!)
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Well, everyone seems suitably pissed off and miserable. It's the perfect FW wedding! Can't wait for the hailstones and late-season tornadoes to strike!
Oh, and the "but/butt" pun. Can we hope for a windblown wardrobe malfunction? Anything resembling humor? No? Never mind, then.
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"Can't start without the bride", eh? Wanna bet that Les Moore can? He has a whole shelf full of VHS tapes to act as a stand-in and failing that, he can always resort to his vivid imagination to provide one.
Blech, a whole week of terrible, stupid wedding trope-gags with this transparent, meaningless, stupid and boring relationship as a backdrop. Oh, and the "golden canopy" too, almost forgot.
BeckoningChasm: That looks like Nate who's getting all impatient back there. I think I also see Jessica too, camera in hand. Boy, they sure pulled out all the stops with this ceremony, eh? I just hope she's accidentally "taping over" the Lisa collection but it's unlikely as I'm sure Les popped those little tabs out of those tapes immediately.
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Yeah, that's famous amateur documentary filmmaker Jessica Darling-Fairgood running the video equipment back there. Judging by the pissed-off faces in the crowd, she might luck out and switch gears to a documentary about the murder of Les Moore instead.
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Nate is visibly overjoyed at both using a vacation day for this and having to pay a sub to to take over Les's class again. "Five more minutes and I'm out of here. Those attendance records aren't going to falsify themselves [Central Ahia in-joke]."
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Everybody looks like they ate appetizers that "went bad," resulting in an audible churning in the bowel region. I mean, the caterer had been there a WEEK. How long was that stuff sitting out?? Oy… Bet Goatee Boy and Crayola didn't think of hiring a Porta-Pottie company. Anyone see one? Gonna be a long line for the Taj-Bore-Hal's ONE bathroom on the second floor!
Principal Nate is checking his watch. Has it Synchronized with Crayola's. They set a time for him to be the first to Bang the Bride.
I remember some months ago, Swishy Tom claimed he had picked out a dress for Crayola. Probably been wearing it around the attic studio in mom's house.
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It looks like some addled homeless person is picking imaginary bugs off of Cayla's magic, zipperless wedding dress. Strap in, folks – it's going to be a long week!
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Wow, actual humor in a Bathack creation. Of course, I am speaking of Cayla wearing white. Hilarious!
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Footage from this wedding is going into Jessica's documentary, isn't it.
(clip of Les eating pizza)
"Here's the guy who wrote the book about John Darling eating pizza"
(clip of Les smirking)
"and here's the guy who wrote the book about John Darling in a typical conversation"
(clip of the wedding)
"and here's the guy who wrote the book about John Darling getting stood up at the altar"
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Ok, I've resisted mightily up to now to reference my wedding, which, like Les and Cayla, was held at our house. (Painful to draw comparisons, but here I go). We have video footage of the prep–setting up, full of family, friends, and inside jokes, general silliness, everyone working together. Then we have pictures of the room full of family and friends gathered to help me get ready. Footage of my husband and his friends outside, laughing and carrying on. Smiles everywhere. I don't know for sure if we started precisely on time, but I do feel certain that if we hadn't our guests wouldn't have been angrily tapping their feet and checking their watches.
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Having fun and enjoying each other's company; engaging in nice conversations while awaiting the entrance of the bride — that's what normal, emotionally healthy people do. We're not in the real world anymore, we're in Westview, where every dislikes each other, and can only smirk, while casting withering glances at all they meet, angry that their pitiful lives have been interrupted by this "blessed event." TBatCrazy has given us such a wonderful world, full of crazy scamps, hilarious people and situations…. no wait, that would be a real comic, but this is Funky Weakerbean, so we get a whole lot of nothing.
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Okay – my predictions: We will have a smirk quip fest conversation with Les and Funky. We will have one or two days of stoic silent strips of the bride walking down the aisle. Sunday will be the poignant full on orange canopy ceremony. In other words – no surprises.
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For Funkshaft completists: it's come to my attention that the artwork for Batiuk and Ayers' mural at Kent State is being auctioned off to raise money for a scholarship fund. I've collected the panels and created a new page where you can view 'em. Contains some interesting imagined future FW events, and also shoehorns some Westview students as well as some faculty members into the KSU milieu. Worth a look; share your thoughts!
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Ha-ha, those wimmin sure do take a long time gettin' ready, don't they?
My wedding had an unexpected delay; our organist got mixed up on the time of the ceremony and was running late. After my dad got up and explained what was going on and that neither the bride or groom had run off or got sick or anything dreadful, everybody got up and socialized until we were ready to start. (Then again this is Westview, where "something dreadful" is pretty much the only available option.)
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I still think someone dies this week in the strip, or Les backs out lest he cheat on Lisa, or Cayla overcomes her Stockholm Syndrome and runs like hell.
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"DreadedCandiru2", one of the comics bloggers over at the Comics Casserole, is no longer blogging daily on FW and Crankshaft, since the syndicate no longer allows the strips to be viewed in advance. But he's written an excellent 5-part (!) farewell to Batiuk and Ayers' creative output. Kinda long but worth the read. Among the many eloquent points he makes:
"Why I won’t miss Funky Winkerbean, Part One" (Click on the Next Entry link at top of page to get to parts 2-5) Worth the read!
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Are the daughters going to be bridesmaids, or could Summer not find a formal dress with a hoodie?
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I've been reading through the blog posts, and I'm wondering–with the middle finger KFS has given us all, and the fact that I'm busier than ever–is it even worth looking at comics anymore?
FW, 9CL, MW, MT…they are all stupid/boring. Why do I even subject myself to them? With Crankshaft appearing to kick the bucket (a foreboding Saturday strip), will FW even continue? Who knows?
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This is going to take forever, isn't it? At least there is a light at the end of the tunnel–it does say "2012" on the invitation. I was afraid the year had been left off and we'd have decades of this garbage.
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Might as well admit it — I have no idea what Crayola's Anon-o-Relative is adjusting on the wedding gown. I doubt TomButt does either. Would have required WAAAY too much effort to come up with Something That Actually Might Have Had To Be Adjusted. So we just have some unknown (and quite franky, nobody including Tommeh cares) lady picking and pinching at it. All we're supposed to conclude is that Crayola's butt would have looked bad.
Waiting for the Lisa sighting. We all know it's coming. And we know it will redefine the term "jive-ass." Don't let us down, Swishy Tom!
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You know what the problem of the new randomly generated non-linkable comics are? If you saw today's strip about wedding hijinks and thought it was the most precious thing you'd ever seen in your life and sent the generic comic link to your family with the subject: "Doesn't this just remind you of something that would happen to Debra!" by the time half of them opened it the comic would have changed from wedding hijinks into a flashback of Lisa dying of cancer.
Tombat and syndicate stopped EVERYONE from sharing. Way to get back at 50 snarkers.
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Again, we see no trace of the parents of Les: I doubt they're dead–Les would be all angsty if they were. Instead, I'm sure that they wrote Les off years ago, and completely disowned him.
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Personally, I'm dreading the moment when Les reads his vows, because you just know it's going to go something like, "I never thought I'd find happiness again after Lisa died, blah blah blah…" with Lisa herself giving a thumbs-up somewhere within the panel. Funky already brought the Montoni's pizza, but things will surely get cheesier as the week continues.
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"In local news, noted Hollywood auteur and best-selling author Les Moore got married today, on his front lawn to some woman in a poorly-altered dress.
We assume it was a touching ceremony, but when the guests were told they'd have to pick up their own chairs and waddle over to the dining tent to feast upon Week-Roasted Hog Thigh, most left in disgust.
In other news, what has become known as "The Kilimanjaro Kitten Killer" continues to rage across feline populations nationwide, as apparently someone insisted on taking a tiny domestic pet with no shots into a region populated by wild animals and countless illnesses it had no resistance to. It is expected that cat populations will be decimated by Christmas.
And now, back to our "Small Wonder" marathon!"
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Goatee Boy's parents? Never seen 'em. But I'm imagining dad to be a pencil necked, doddering little douche with glasses and a badly receded hairline, and mom is a fat blonde woman. Question is whether they will alternately appear to be 80 years old and 50 years old from day to day.
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On Sunday, there are six rows of chairs on each side – but on Monday, it looks like only two rows are occupied, at least on one side. Are there a lot of invitees on Cayla's side, and they decided to add extra chairs just to make the two sides match?
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"Bet Goatee Boy and Crayola didn't think of hiring a Porta-Pottie company. Anyone see one? Gonna be a long line for the Taj-Bore-Hal's ONE bathroom on the second floor!"
Of course not. You can probably squat and do your business under the "beautiful golden canopy".
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I checked the casino today, and they took down the prop bet on "Lisa makes an appearance at the Les Moore wedding." There's no money to be made when the odds are 1/100,000.
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Jimmy, you can bet your ass and the kids' K*nt State tuition that when BatSuck decided Goatee Boy would remarry, the first thing he thought of was how to work Dead Lisa into the episode.
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