You guys already covered the whole "how the hell would a kitten survive a trip to Africa in a duffel bag thing"
yesterday. So today I'll share an SoSF Exclusive: meet the real-life Dan. My trusty Google skills led me to this article on the Staten Island Advance website about Danny Messina, who was part of TB's Kilimanjaro climbing party in February of 2010. Dan is senior vice president and COO of the CentraState Healthcare System, and is on the board of directors at Seton Hall University (where I found his headshot, above). The article gives some details about the trip, and there are some photos, too, including this one of Messina with the "Pulitzer Prize-winning [sic] cartoonist".
Kitten: the Other White Meat
Filed under Kilimanjaro, Les, Summer
I still don't get the whole kitten thing at all, what does that add to the overall story (besides some easy filler material, that is)? It seems like a rather…uh…"unlikely" occurrence, to say the least. I would imagine that the real-life inspiration for "Dan" is probably having a few "WTF?" moments of his own after reading this claptrap. Perhaps he'll shoot off a C&D letter or something. I know I would, every day I consider ceasing and desisting as far as FW is concerned.
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I'm a little embarrassed by the math for the trip: 6 Americans, 3 guides, 46 porters. "It was so hard for me to walk up this mountain, even with almost ten people carrying things for me!"
I wonder if the porters spend as much time as Les whining about the stresses of climbing the mountain? I could understand it from the other climbers, who seem to be mostly elderly women.
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Leave it here with the COOKS?? Will it be okay?? Oh, it will be delicious.
More filler. Reminds you of the Gay Prom arc, which, if you recall, ended up being mostly filler.
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Beanie: there was a gay prom arc? Oh yeah, you mean the Becky's mom arc…I almost forgot how that began.
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"Not Found
The requested URL /Funky_Winkerbean/Funky_Winkerbean.20120000.gif was not found on this server."
Oh my GOD this is the GREATEST FUNKY WINKERBEAN EVER!!!!!! I take back every mean think I said about Tom Batiuk, he's found his comedy muse again!
TFH sez: The link has been fixed. Wiseguy.
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OMG, that TomBat sure can write! A kitten will probably get eaten by a much larger wild animal after surviving a harrowing journey! Ha ha ha! HILARIOUS!
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Well done, TFHackett! Your research has discovered what someone needs to do if for some incomprehensible reason he or she wants to be "immortalized" in Funky Winkerbean – simply refer to Tom Batiuk as a Pulitzer Prize-winning author! By giving TomBat that sweet, sweet ego boost, Dan has been rewarded. And who hasn't wanted to be depicted as a leg warmer-wearing idiot who packs a kitten in his luggage! Congratulations, Danny Messina!
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Dan: "Our cat had a litter of kittens a few weeks ago…"
*fifteen minutes pass*
Summer: "….AND? We all know that kittens come from cats, yeesh!"
Dan: "Well, I wanted to be sure, in case nobody knew that kittens come from cats! Anyway, this one must have gotten into my duffle!"
Summer: "How?!?"
Dan: "…magic?"
Summer: *hmmph*
James: "We can leave it here with the cooks. Get it? Because we're not American, Tom wants to plant certain stereotypes within readers brains while pretending he's not!"
Summer: "A scheme brilliant in its intricacy."
Dan: "Will it be okay? I mean, although it surviving an overseas trip unaided has already proved it's from Krypton or something."
James: "Oh, it's totally going to die, man. Don't kid yourself. The person with the impossibly thin neck was right yesterday. FORESHADOWING."
************************
James is wearing a half-lidded, sneering expression of such palpable contempt and casual cruelty that I almost admire Tom's illustrating skills. Almost.
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Oh well, so much for the explanation that Dan is from Tanzania, Kenya or Uganda, which was the only remotely plausible explanation for the kitten's presence. Gotta admit, having the kitten live is some sort of progress for Batiuk. Several years ago, he wouldn't have had a problem depicting Dan opening his duffel and discovering a dead kitten in there, in a way that was supposed to be hilarious.
I wonder if Batiuk got Mr. Messina's permission to use him in this fashion, and if his permission was given with the knowledge that he'd be portrayed as a pear-shaped, humorless lump of a man.
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Okay, I'm pretty sure I don't want to read as depressing a title as Tarzan and the Lost Kitten Who Will Probably Die Pretty Horribly After Only Experiencing A Few Short Weeks of Life despite the fact that it was Pulitzer-Prize-winning and stuff. Of course, "Kitten's Story: The Other Paw" got some pretty good reviews, but the five star ones are kinda suspicious.
I heard a rumor that Tom Batiuk said, "One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little kittens without laughing.”
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Panel 1: So, Mr. Messina, your cat had a litter of kittens and you just decided to let them wander aimlessly about your house? OK, then.
Panel 2: Summer's transformation into a drastically out-of-shape, middle-aged white guy is nearly complete!
Panel 3: "Cheetah Chip." So, domesticated kittens are a regular snack for cheetahs in this neck of the bush? Really?
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Shouldn't this have read, "Pulitzer Prize-whining [sic] cartoonist"?
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Well, if you leave that kitten with the cooks, not only will it be okay… but it will also be well done. Which is more than I can say for today's strip.
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Gee. RL Dan is an ordinary but distinguished and pleasant looking man. Not a blob-nosed, saggy, haggard and confused looking nitwit at all!
Guess Tom decided to make him look "funny".
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Welcome to another episode of "Messina and the Queen of Medina." Oh, those don't really rhyme? Well, now they do. I call it "writing."
The plot thickens. When Lynnuck Johnston's ex dumped her, she began to draw the "John Patterson" character as a flabby, whiny douche. Is it possible there was a similar episode between "Real Dan" and Batboy, resulting in Cartoon Dan being drawn as a blobby schmo? And the jacket tied around the waist and the leg warmers were bad enough — Wait until you see what he wears on his head next week.
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If I were Dan Messina… I would issue a Cease & Desist court order against TB.
This portrayal would be as embarrassing as being accidentally referred to as the Sandusky Ohio youth football director
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I'm wondering…Batiuk DID say that Les and Cayla would be going, right? I think that all the strips in the series were originally drawn as Cayla then hastily re-drawn as Summer. It does make sense, right? Doesn't Summer look more "off" than usual?
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If there is justice in the world, Dan is beating the shit out of TB right now for making him look like a wore-out Jerry Sandusky.
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Sure, the kitten will be fine! It hasn't had food or water in at least twenty-four hours, it's separated from its mother and just about everybody who's on this trip will be too preoccupied to give it the care and attention it needs, but hey, no worries! (Then again, I guess I'm glad Batiuk didn't draw his fellow hiker finding a tiny kitten corpse in his duffel bag, although it wouldn't surprise me if he did.)
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I can just picture Batiuk at the drawing table now. "Hmm…. dead kitten in bag… naw, really more of a Crankshaft idea. Where's the phone?"
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Rusty now has red hair. So maybe Summer isn't Rusty after all.
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Black kitten survives a traumatic multihour flight from Ohio and Tanzania, with no food or water, or mother…only to be have it's fleshed torn off by wild animals and/or humans. Funky Winkerbean, Ladies and Gentlemen!!!!!!
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Looking at those pictures, I have an overwhelming desire to climb Mt Kilimanjaro.
Or maybe I'll just buy a 2007 Toyota Camry.
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