Tag Archives: Cayla

If Ever I Would Leaf You

Lisa’s beloved autumn leaves are falling so heavily that it’s all Les can do to keep up. Especially with arms that are barely thicker than the handle of the rake he’s holding. The Other Woman, properly chastised and accepting of her secondary status, presents Les with Lisa’s third-party hug along the second tape DVD. Her dazed grin signifies her complete submission to the Will of Lisa’s ghost. Les, meanwhile, appears startled that eighteen years after her death, Lisa’s recorded nagging continues.


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Tell Him It’s from Me

Um, not really. It’s also been watched by Crazy Harry and, at least in part, by Summer. Perhaps exhausted after delivering a lecture that’s gone from genial, to threatening, to condescending, today Lisa brings it all to a rather conspiratorial close. Speaking of Crazy Harry, I thought that this “found footage” that you, I, and Cayla have been suffering through was an “Easter egg” that Crazy happened upon:

Sunday, 9/20:

But it’s pretty clear that Lisa meant for this, and “the second tape”, to be viewed. And heeded.


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Well, that escalated quickly! Well, maybe not quickly: I mean, who knows how long Cayla’s been sitting dutifully, paying rapt attention to her late predecessor’s condescending blather? But today, Lisa’ creepy claws come out as she threatens Cayla from beyond the grave. Where the hell does she get off? Is “Our Les” such a pathetic, cringing little milksop that he needs his first wife’s ghost to fight his battles? Don’t answer that…


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Say My Name

Not only is Les Moore “filled with great wit but also tremendous melancholies”…sister girl, he is a tiger in bed! Yes, folks, today we are invited to imagine Les in the throes of the sex act. Of course, the “awkward moment” that Lisa’s referencing could be one of those occasions when “Little Les” refuses to, “uh,” stand at attention? And Les cries out “this never happened when I was with Lisa!”?


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Kancer Komix

Previously on Funky Winkerbean:

I don’t know about you, reader, but I was so sure that yesterday’s postmortem, backhanded “I love you” to Cayla would serve to finally close a number of plot threads: the existence of the Lisa tapes, Les’ perpetual grief, and even Cayla’s second-class second wife status. I expected today’s strip to be a wacky Sunday throwaway: a Scapegoat football gag, perhaps, or hijinks with Cody and Owen, before Monday we maybe check in with Pete and Darin in Hollywood.

But Lisa’s not done with us, folks. And while I am loathe to deliver spoilers, and try to dissuade my fellow authors from doing the same, I must warn you: this goes on into tomorrow and this week. The story of a woman who, faced with a lingering, wasting, terminal illness, feels compelled to spend her last days on this earth recording messages for those she will leave behind. Lisa on Les: “He’s filled with great wit…” Certainly Les thinks this to be so. The rest of us see a pretentious douchebag. No wonder he misses this woman so.

For what it’s worth: Batiuk continues his laxity when it comes to using the photo album corner visual cue to depict events in the past. Could he be signaling to us that Lisa is in fact, somehow, still alive???


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She Lives, Sort Of

Link To Today’s Strip

And today we re-define “rock f*cking bottom” in the Funkyverse. Sheer self-indulgent, self-referential garbage, as aggressively awful as any individual FW strip I’ve ever seen. Once again the Great Author hauls out Lisa’s corpse and reminds us that she was nothing short of a saint, the grand martyr, always putting others first. “How special he is”…blurrrgh, pass the vomit pail please. Just revolting.

I do like how she looks a little like Wally in panel three. That’s what oncologists refer to as “stage seven”, I believe. This piece of idiocy might have made a LITTLE sense if it happened back when Les and Cayla first began dating, but now it’s merely another pathetic BanTom “victory lap” centering around that godforsaken cancer arc that he just won’t quit gloating about. Look at the effort and detail he put into making Lisa look as ill as possible, just totally disgraceful. What sort of person would enjoy something like that? It’s absolutely ghoulish, the work of a complete madman who’s thrown away the last eight years of his career patting himself on the back over a sub-mediocre and totally depressing piece of faux-profound drivel that did nothing but disturb and disgust people who were merely trying to enjoy the comics page. If he had any decency at all he’d retire right now and spare the world from having to endure any more of his pathetic depressing hackery, as he’s obviously completely out of ideas. I guess rehashing a Lisa memory that doesn’t involve her on her deathbed is just too much work for him these days.

And we haven’t even gotten to the “For Les” DVD yet, which promises to be even MORE repugnant and nauseating than this piece of garbage is, as difficult as that is to believe. I wonder if she donned her wig for that one like she did for her Summer videos? I seriously doubt that, though, as Les probably likes to remember his beloved wife like Batiuk does, with the cancer hat and death sweater, all gaunt and pale. I’m surprised he didn’t draw a chemo IV bag in the background too, just to drive his sick and twisted vision home with authority. The whole idea of a sick and dying person recording a video for a theoretical person she didn’t know and would never meet is so utterly idiotic it could only come from this lunatic’s felt tip, no one else on the planet would even consider doing something like this. This is exactly the sort of crap that drove me away from this strip for years at a time, what a piece of cringe-inducing claptrap, just shamefully terrible in every imaginable way.

And next time around I’ll tell ya how I REALLY feel. Stay tuned for Our Fearless Leader coming up next, until next time Stay freaking Funky!


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Oh No, These Tapes Have Got To Go

Link To Today’s Strip

“Funky Winkerbean”: the comic strip where opening mail and drawers is considered “action”. Tomorrow’s strip will no doubt feature the DVD tray slowly sliding closed, then a close-up of Cayla’s finger reaching for the “play” button, followed by that annoying FBI warning screen. I’m assuming that by “non-believers”, Summer is referring to the Lisa cult, a cult Cayla will be indoctrinated into very shortly no doubt, thanks to these f*cking DVDs that just refuse to go away. What a pile of shamelessly awful tripe. This is Batiuksturbation of the highest magnitude, just off the charts, the work of a very sick man with a very limited imagination. He resorts to his infamous “silent panels” in a sad attempt to give this contrived trash a sense of “importance” but all he succeeds in doing is making himself and his strip look even dumber. Which is quite a feat when you stop to think about it.


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