Les and Summer arrive in Africa for their climb of Kilimanjaro, and if Les keeps this "I presume" shit up, by the time this trip's over Summer's eyes will have permanently rolled back in her head. Their driver immediately pegs Les for the douchebag that he is, and declines to shake his hand. That "establishing shot" of Kilimanjaro International Airport looks suspiciously like one of the first images that Google Image Search turns up. And speaking of Google, "African massage" does check out as a phrase people use to describe traveling on the region's bumpy roads. Just don't look up that same phrase on urbandictionary.com.
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At last — Indiana Jones and Short Round have finally arrived in Africa! Batiuk didn't miss a single detail when he traced that Google Image result, did he? You'd think he might have added a few of his own touches, just to make sure it's not called Copyrighting Infringement.
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Doctor Smirkington, I presume? Well, it's finally upon us: Annoying and Annoying-er are finally climbing that f*cking mountain and BatMan will be trotting out all those gags he's been dying to use ever since he got back from his Kilimanjaro trip. What's the over/under on how long this lasts? I'm figuring a minimum of three weeks, but I'd feel comfortable going with four, too.
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"SuperFriends" Narrator: "LES AND SUMMER ARRIVE IN AFRICA FOR THEIR CLIMB OF KILIMANJARO"
Summer: "….the hell was that voice coming from? And "of" Kilimanjaro? Did it mean -on-?"
Les: "Don't be a pickyface, Summer. Oooh! That must be our ride! Hello, African Man! Say, I saved a chicken bone from our meal on the flight! Want to keep it for your Witch Doctor rituals?" *superior smirk*
Sunglasses: "…."
Les: "Gee, you're the very first genuine African man I've ever met! The only ones I've known previously have all been fake ones, from America! Sure you don't want the bone? Bet you could knit it into the hair of one of your many wi-"
Summer: "My GAWD, Dad! The way you treated the airport people was bad enough! Do you have to be a jerk towards everybody?!?"
Les: "Hmmph! I guess there WERE some children left behind! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see if you people have invented toilets yet!"
*Les waddles off*
Sunglasses: "….you know, young lady, I'd be willing to make sure he gets mysteriously lost between here and your camp. You know, if that's what you want."
Summer: "…hmmmm…"
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I can't believe no one has mentioned the taxi's name.
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Rusty: As far as I can tell, that's a real name of a company that handles tours and excursions in Africa.
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"Arrive in Africa…." Because bothering with the name of the actual country they're visiting is too much like work, I presume.
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sh*t he still got that douch bag look going,now i understand why white African Cayla stayed in craysyville Ohio
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What's with Les' look in the last panel? Shock at a "racy" joke? Horror that someone else has been permitted by the universe to utter a witticism? Or, maybe he just bit off his tongue and swallowed it.
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Can't we go on the Zebra Tours instead? That sounds like fun.
Also, never been to Africa myself, but I hear that there are one or two major cities on that continent that might possibly have a couple of paved roads.
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Yeah, when I first read this I thought, "I'll bet 'African Massage' isn't a Batiuk original." I have a strange feeling that, at the end of this crap, we'll all think, "Wait, did TB really ever go to Kenya, or is this all just based on some old Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom reruns he watched at 3 a.m.?"
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John: I meant, is the taxi named Moonshine or Snowball? Etc.
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I have to wonder… Are Les and Summer going to Kilimanjaro so Batiuk can write off his own trip as a "research expense"?
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Because bothering with the name of the actual country they're visiting is too much like work, I presume.
Notice the guide himself fell right into this, referring to it as African, rather than any more specific designation. You know, since Cairo is Libreville is Lagos is Maputo is Algiers is Cape Town is N'Djamena. Who the hell cares, after all, it's not as if the citizens of those regions/cities would make that kind of distinction, so why should we?
"Remember to condescend to the stupid white people, Issa. They'll find it charming!"
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Yeah, that sub-title was pretty odd, I guess he was worried that his regular readers might have forgotten all about the big trip after getting all caught up in last week's hilarity.
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Les should marry Edda from 9 Chickweed Lane. Their asshatness is identical
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Oh fantastic; Westview's own Prince Phillip has turned his charm on full blast and is attempting to win over the natives with his White Guy charms.
I'm surprised he hasn't foisted copies of his book on everyone he's encountered yet.
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So, yeah, I was gonna re-draw this so it was funny, or at least had a punchline, but I was distracted by what I heard was going to be the next big FW storyline–a rolling tidal wave of sulfuric acid that was going to descend on Westview (in slow motion of course–nothing but the best!) and reduce the entire cast to screaming skeletons.
So I drew lots and lots of screaming skeletons (they are the best kind of skeletons if you are interested in drawing skeletons) and then one of the editor-droids said, "Of course, in early August, Les and Summer return," and I was, honestly, kind of "–What?"
I mean, I had this awesome screaming skeleton with a wimpy beard and duff hairline and glasses and yellow shirt ALL DRAWN OUT (I am told this is billable) and I am then told this is "Nearly" what they wanted. WHAT?!? WHAT?! "NEARLY"? I AM an ARTIST!
Well, there was an offer in compromise made and because of that MasterCard thing (don't ask, please) I had to say yes, and so, well, damn it all…I hate to be the angel of disappointment to you all, but you wont see any screaming skeletons. I mean, in the comics page. They'll still appear in your nightmares because, well, hell, you're reading "Funky Winkerbean," willingly, and you are way overestimating any kind of "pull" I might have here.
(Although I still–shhh–I still do accept PayPal.)
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Well, BatCracka can draw some kickass bricks, but just can't quite get the hang of "Negroes." Is this brotha really from that "Africa" country we keep hearing about, or is he from Chicago? Lotta cream in that coffee, Tomboy. I'm just sayin'.
Coming up – Goatee Prick gets an African Rusty Trombone and an African Dirty Sanchez, also consequences of all of those bumpy afroads. And by the way, it's not that the roads are unpaved – The driver isn't bothering to slow down for the speedbumps while leaving the airport. That's how much he hates Les already.
I think I know the real reason Slumber is on this trip. Three words: More dood clothing.
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And this is an 18 year olds' vision of "following her heart"?
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As John notes, yes, it does look like a real company, a la the Montoni/Luigi's 1/4" from reality. I presume Batiuk used it for his own climb, but i wonder if he hits these real-world outfits up for discounts or kickbacks? Anyway, we might get a peek at the outline of this arc from the trek itinerary.
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I am a graphic designer- so if I had the time I could pull this off. Here is a cool story arc – hear me out. As a cruel joke, Cayla and Summer drug Les. While he is out, They shave the stupid beard off him, place his old glasses on him, and epoxy a helmet hair wig on his noggin that they got from Party City.
At night they carry him to the high school (Cayla has the keys) and super glue him to a student desk in the hall. They have mounted a toy machine gun to it. They place a full length mirror across from Les so he can see his altered appearance.
Moore wakes up in the darkened school corridors. He is in shock at how young and handsome he looks. His euphoria is cut short as the ghostly figure of dear dead Lisa (actually Summer in her mom's wig) walks down the hall. She confronts Les, and tells him what a total failure he has been as a teacher, husband, father, friend, and all around human being he has been to all of society. Be it that he is glued to his seat and cannot move, he has to sit there and listen to it. This goes on for several weeks of strips.
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bad wolf: Thanks for the link!
It looks like exactly the sort of rewarding, strenuous, incredible trip that'll give Les the optimum reasons to gripe, complain, bitch, and moan!
Oh, joy.
My one hope is that he ignores the advice about sunlight and burns like a piece of raisin toast!
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Coming soon — Another FW spinoff! This new BatYuck offering will star Summer's penis and Les's receding hairline, who choose to stay behind in Africa, and introduce
lesbiangirls basketball and smirky wordplay to The Dark Continent. SoSF's "Charles" will play the whacky neighbor.Like:
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If Les is that scared on the car ride, there's no way he will survive this trip. This lends credence to my theory that Summer is now Batiuk's avatar, and he's working to discredit his former pet character.
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I don't understand the caption in the title panel: “hES AND SUMMER ARRIVE IN AFRICA FOR THEIR ChIMB OF KIhIMANJARO.”
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