But seriously… be sure to read today’s strip before David Caruso‘s lawyer does.
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Tagged as bare trees, Cayla, Cayla's pink turtleneck, characters everyone hates, dead trees, enraging hair strands, huge hands, jazz hands, Jupiter Moon, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' blue sweatshirt, Les. Cayla, Marianne, Marianne Winters, quarter inch pinch, robin's egg blue cars, Starbuck Jones, sunglasses, terrible overacting, things people would never actually say, trees, unnatural hand gestures
45 responses to “( ••) ( ••)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)”
Oh look, she’s sexy and confident again. Wheel of characterization, turn turn turn.
Show us the character growth we didn’t earn!
Putting on some shades and driving off in a convertible (in March… In NE Ohio…) doesn’t make her sexy and confident when she’s still dressed like a Mormon missionary…
And renting a bright blue sporty convertible for the day? Way to keep a low profile Marianne…
Seriously, I hope to God this is the last we ever see of Masone and Marianne and the Funkyverse’s half-assed take on Hollywood.
So like I mentioned before, what if “Lisa’s Movie” gets nominated for the BAFTAS or Golden Globes? Are those awards also going to hand-delivered to Lester?
Convertible weather in March in the midwest is possible. I had my roof down earlier this week as the temps hit mid 70s. Granted, today it’s 44 degrees, but that’s the change of season for you.
Meh, soon she will be climbing the Hollywood sign.
After her mother berates her for handing the Oscar, the ultimate symbol of “their dream” off to Les (“WHO?”) she no doubt will.
I wish Batty would show that. It would make a great strip!
Me too, but that might require a negative comment about Les and do you really want to see Marianne go to his defense?
Marianne decides to leave every trace of Lisa behind — even refusing to sully her own home with the Oscar she won for portraying her.
There’s hope for Marianne yet!
The next step is an alcohol and scopolamine fueled bender to purge the last memories of the “Dead St. Lisa: The (not very) Moving Picture” experience from her brain. If only we readers could do the same.
(I posted a comment to this effect on CK yesterday, and learned a few new words that the nannybot forbids.)
I learned a few new words that the (CK) nannybot forbids.
If that was the case she should have refused to accept the award
Seriously? An egg-blue sportscar? She needs much better glasses–although on the positive side, those shades hide the insanity in her eye-dots.
This is not how humans talk… Someone call Johnny Turbo!
BatYam does a story about a famous actress giving Les her Oscar award, and the entire thing consists of Les clearing space on a shelf and waving goodbye to the actress in his driveway. There’s just something about the unbelievably mundane that really gets ol’ BatHam’s creative juices flowing. Why are they having this conversation outside? Did Marianne travel all the way to Ohio to spend eight minutes with Les? Once again, it would appear that BatYarn lost interest in his own story shortly after it began, then cobbled together a quick, incoherent ending just to get it over with.
Panel One: Les flashes the quarter-inch-pinch hand gesture, signifying, as always, nothing.
Panel Two: I’m sure I should “Get The Reference” to Jupiter Moon, but I don’t. My fault, I suppose.
Panel Three: Either a teardrop or a stray booger is sliding down Less’ cheek. And the trees are disintegrating for some reason. I also don’t get the “to the stars” reference. I doubt that getting these references would enhance the humor.
Anyway, Marianne: Be a stranger. Don’t come back now, ya hear?
“Jupiter Moon” is the feisty female space heroine Ms. Winters played opposite Masonne Jarre in the two “Starsux Jones” movies, where she was introduced as an A-list Tinseltown sexpot and eventually devolved into the fragile ingenue who nearly jumped off the Hollywood sign. Who knew they were making a third SJ film? “To the stars!” is, I can only assume, Jones’s long-standing catchphrase and not just a rip-off of Buzz Lightyear’s “To Infinity and beyond!”
Oh, well, at least now I can freely enjoy the real Oscars and watch Sam Elliott and his mustache storm the stage when “Power of the Dog” wins Best Picture.
Thanks for the explo!
Three weeks of Marianne being a feckless rube, subtly implying she’s still manipulated by a toxic stage mom, handing the biggest accomplishment of her career to a petulant dickbag who constantly undermined the production and didn’t even want her to play his precious Lisa until he got to implausibly carry her out of a burning building. And now “I’m off to play the toughest female in the galaxy”? No, fuck you Batiuk, we finally got rid of Joss Whedon; you do NOT get to be the new Male Mouthpiece for “Empowered” Women.
Why does she have to qualify it by saying she’s the toughest female in the galaxy? Couldn’t she be the toughest “space whatever” in the galaxy? It kind of implies that she’s pretty tough…for a girl…but no match for Starbuck Jones or a Xaxian warlord.
Are you kidding? She’s no match for Jar Jar Binks.
I like how “the toughest female in the galaxy” isn’t Lisa. And that Les is so happy his ego got stroked that he forgot to be offended by this.
So, Marianne either drove her blue convertible from LA to Westview, or she flew to Cleveland and rented a blue convertible to drive to Westview?
Hollywood superstars always drive convertibles, even when it’s March outside of Cleveland and it’s below 40 outside. Even when the superstar lives in LA where everyone thinks it’s freezing when it goes below 60.
It’s amazing the stranglehold Batiuk’s stereotypes have on his characters. He can’t even conceive of something different despite it making no sense as is.
Maybe it’s Masone’s?
At this point, I assume Masone and Cindy have bought a ‘vacation’ home in Westview, complete with a two car garage. And honestly, it would be one of the cheaper useless boondoggle’s Masone’s indulged in.
“What’s next for you, Marianne?”
Now, what should I write here. Something about finding a new life after detecting cancer early enough to stop it from killing her.. nah…
Something about taking on more serious roles now that she’s earned that award… nah…
She’ll now write a book about her experience throughout everything? The miraculous rescue from a fifty mile fire leading up to beating cancer(?) and winning an Oscar? .. nah…
More cape shit? Yeah. That’s it. That’s the winner. Boom. Mic drop. Suck it, haters.
Marianne looks like some cartoon bird in panel 1. I’m at a loss which cartoon I’m thinking of, but I know it exists.
The Jupiter Moon she’s talking about must be different from the Jupiter Moon she plays in Starbuck Jones, considering that that Jupiter is basically always being taken hostage and needing to be rescued.
Seriously, I think there was one of those damnable covers where she was fighting another woman (symbolizing Marianne and Cindy fighting overr Mason) and losing, but otherwise Jupiter Moon was always being portrayed as fainting or falling over or being carried and/or having to be rescued.
If Marianne had white curly hair in panel 1, she’d be a spitting image for the Chicken Lady from The Kids in the Hall.
We had two weeks of Mason and Marianne discussing the Oscars and we’re just hearing now that there’s another Starbuck Jones saga in the works? Does this mean that Pete and Darren won’t be flying out to Hollywood to get paid for doing nothing again? I guess Pete doesn’t need the money since he’s the highest paid artist in the comics industry. You’d think he could afford to buy Mindy a real engagement ring and spring for a new wardrobe for himself, wouldn’t you?
But an engagement tiger is just so romantic!
Or should that be “engagement tigger”? After all, the wonderful thing about the cinematic Tigger is that he is the only one…
Where did the neighborhood go?
I mean, would YOU want to live next to Les Moore?
This is such a 90s Webcomic Shitpost of a strip. I can’t believe that it’s real.
How can everything be so outrageously stupid and excruciatingly dull at the same time?!
Well that’s a pull-quote to put in a banner!
“Funky Winkerbean: I can’t believe it’s real.”
A bit of a rebuttal for the commenters here who claim the quality of Batyuk’s writing has declined due to some sort of dementia.
I’ve been reading through the Winkerbean archives to fill some gap periods when I didn’t read the strip. I’d just like to say it seems as if Act III has always been this uneventful and tedious.
Agreed. The banal wish fulfillment has gone up a bit. But he’s pretty much the same.
Very early Act III was sort of more eventful, I suppose, as he was still on his post-“Lisa’s Story” high and introducing a shit ton of new and updated characters, but it was already petering out and tailing off by the time I showed up here, sometime in 2010. It wasn’t like the stories were way better before, either, it was just way more melodramatic, back when he still felt he had something to prove.
I’ve said it elsewhere, but it still amuses me (in an admittedly grim way) that the only argument against Batiuk showing very early signs of dementia seems to be “Hey, he hasn’t declined! He’s always been vague, meandering, forgetful and incoherent!”
Good grief, on his blog he’s teasing an upcoming wedding. Has there been one in the mix that I’ve already forgotten about?
Oooh Corey and Rocky or Pete and Minty are finally going to tie the knot?
From the barest corner in the pic he posted, which shows a dark haired woman talking to Holly, it looks like Rocky and Corey are finally getting married.
Better those two than Little Mister and Miss Arrested Development. They make Liz and Anthony look well-adjusted.
It looks like a female character with dark hair, and Rocky does fit that description. This is maybe the first photo ever of TB filling in the word balloons. So if he’s doing this now, it’ll run in 2023, which puts any speculation re: his retirement to rest.
“It’s a wonder I get any work done in March!” YOU DON’T, TOM. You haven’t done any actual work since 1993.