Never Say Forever

I’ll let the readers do their own research on “the Mendoza line“, but what Harry is saying is that the Westview P.O. has been underperforming and will be closed down. Funky, thoughtless prick that he is, proceeds to frame his friend’s employment crisis in terms of how it affects him. Too bad about the rental on that P.O. box, douchebag, but those “forever” stamps will probably still be good. Meanwhile, Holly looks around wondering who turned out all the lights.

 

31 thoughts on “Never Say Forever”

  2. Oh good, this arc is finally going somewhere! Today we learn that a) the Westview post office only properly delivers one letter in five and b) Funky is as much of a self-centered asshole as Les is. I’m not sure why I (or anyone) should feel “bad” for Harry, seeing how his supposed “best friend” doesn’t seem to care, but that’s your twisted FW logic at work yet again.

  3. Or how about: “The Post Office has been pulling a (Bob) Uecker” ?

    Six year in years in the majors and Uecker had a lifetime .200 batting average.
    Not .199, not .201 but .200 even.

    Or: “The Post Office is pulling a KSU (golden) Flash”?
    2012-13 Kent State Women’s Basketball 0-5

  4. So, um, the USPS won’t be delivering any mail to Westview, OH, anymore? Is that something that happens in the 1/4″ world toward reality? Well, I guess that if the Westview Post Office has been delivering less than 20% of the mail it gets, then pretty much no one will notice. Except for spread-eagle Funkman and his broken-necked wife.

  6. Meanwhile, Holly looks around wondering who turned out all the lights.

    “Hey–who turned out the lights?…Hey–who turned out the lights?…Hey–who turned out the lights?”

    Sorry if I made you wish you were watching Doctor Who instead of reading Funky Winkerbean.

  7. CH: “My pension, my benefits, my years of employment, all gone!”
    Funky: “Figures! Now I’m stuck with a bunch of stamps!”

    Wow, what a jackass!

  8. Underperforming? How can that be? Here, sit down at your favorite seat and let me pour you more coffee.

  9. Why does Funky need to pay for a PO box when Harry comes there every- oh, I give up. It’s like arguing with a little child.

  11. I just can’t believe BatHack wrote that punchline thinking it’s funny, or that it even makes sense. Why the hell would the local post office closing have anything to do with your forever stamps? The Funkster is never going to mail anything again? Or is Funky so stupid to take this to mean the entire postal service is shutting down. If there was a Mendoza Line for comics, BatHack would need an extension ladder just to see it.

  12. I like to imagine Westview as a small town that has been steadily losing population every year. Probably a factory town until the 1970s.

    This strip just helps prove it.

  14. So there’s no such thing as a “walk-off free throw”, but a post office branch can be “batting below the Mendoza line”… got it.

  15. I can see Funky putting together another fundraiser, this time to ‘Save the Post Office’! Less will once again win some fabulous prize that will leave him cursing his luck in his perpetual glass-half-empty world. And that prize will lead to another half-ass story arc that will provide fodder for the snarkers. Ahh, the Circle of Life…

  16. I checked Google News this morning. People are still using the term “Mendoza Line.” It should be renamed the Uecker Line. Mendoza was Ty Cobb compared to Uecker. Not to mention the fact that Mendoza never did Lite Beer commercials, have his own sitcom, or appeared in a movie with Charlie Sheen. Right on, Pookster.

  18. Smirks: I think based on other examples, Batiuk has an incredibly loose grasp on the way economics work. Wait, I think I made a COTW on how Batiuk doesn’t understand anything. Never mind.

  19. The economy clearly doesn’t work the way Batominc thinks it does. But then, neither does it work the way economists say it does.

    Somehow I think that if Batominc and any economist ever put their heads together, there will be some sort of cataclysm, like when you xerox a mirror.

    Cancer.

  21. I got to thinking about this. If a post office is delivering 20% of its mail, wouldn’t the employees be under indictment for mail fraud and sundry felonies?

  22. Well, this is just another example of Batiuk thinking that how he thinks things should work are more real than how they actually do work. We have to be prepared for someone to deliver a lecture about how liberties need to be taken with the facts to serve a greater truth.

  23. Batuik finally forced himself to write for a few days without using smug, self-centered Les… and moved on to smug, self-centered Funky! What a cast!

  24. Paul Jones: Yeah, Batiuk’s “1/4 inch from reality” statement is really just a lazy excuse to have it both ways: If people complain that something isn’t funny, he can say “Of course it isn’t supposed to be funny! It’s realistic!” Then, if people complain that something is unrealistic, he can say “Of course it isn’t 100% accurate! It’s a joke!”

    Then he’d mutter about “beady-eyed nitpickers”…

  25. Funky: “So, Harry, I suppose you’ll be selling your massive collection of sevently-year old comics and pricey Tarzan hardcovers, right?”

    Harry: “Huh?!? Why would I do that?”

    Funky: “Well, what with you needing money and all. I once supported my entire empire with a first issue of a rare comic!”

    Harry: “Naw. Forget that noise. I decided I’d rather everyone remembers how much the post office means to them and have a raffle to chi-”

    Funky: “BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA…ha….*….hh…..”

    Holly: “Good Lord! Breath, Funky. BREATH!”

    Harry: “What’d I say?”

  26. If Harry ends up delivering pizza or “working” at Komix Korner, TB will have to amend that “1/4 inch” to “several yards”. Now I’m not going to pretend to know how the USPS does business, but wouldn’t a “lifer” like Harry at least be offered another gig at a different facility, or a buyout/early retirement or something?

  27. But, seriously, we all know this is another prelude to a clueless sermon on The Evils of Technology, right?

    “Evil, stupid kids! With your emails and Fed Ex!”

    “Um, both of those aren’t recent innovations.”

    “SILENCE, PICKYFACE!!!”

  28. I respectfully petition that the use of Mendoza Line in this context be enshrined in the BatDicktionary. BatButt needs to get out of his mom’s attic and associate with humans more often, if for no other reason than to observe how they speak.

    Someone mentioned Chuck Ayrhead, BatYuck’s pet bear. Check out the full-face beard on that bozo. I’d pay him $200 to eat a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs with sauce, and let me film it. No napkins! That’s got to be a sight to see.

  29. Something to ponder before you go to bed tonight….
    Who is the better symbol of personal failure and depressing mediocrity ?
    Mario Mendoza or Funky Winkerbean?

  30. I’d pay him $200 to eat a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs with sauce, and let me film it. No napkins!

    So what’s the name of this delightful little fetish?

    I have to think that the USPS is feeding Crazy a line. They didn’t want to tell him that they’re firing him for incompetence. After all, mail will have to be delivered in Westview, and they’ll continue to have post office boxes. They’re not relieved of their duty to deliver the mail. They just won’t have to pay someone to sell stamps and weigh packages at the post office. They can’t just cut off the mail. Christ, could you imagine all the little old ladies in town having their electricity shut off because mailing in their bill payments was impossible?

  31. Hmmm, don’t know if that’s a fetish. Just want to see the guy with the ridiculous beard try to eat something messy. Eeeyuk.

Comments are closed.