Tag Archives: Montoni’s

Don’t Box Me In

Link to today’s strip.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Funky so determined on a goal as in panel one.  Run, fat-boy, run!  And panel two is also pretty remarkable, as the “monster” managed to shed his costume…and the boxes comprising said costume don’t have any holes cut into them!  You know, what you’d need to do to make a costume out of pizza boxes.   Either that, or the “monster” is still fully boxed and we see that Montoni’s just tosses the trash into the alley, like everyone else in Westview.  Because what is there, apart from trash and garbage?  Certainly nothing valuable.

The third denouement–that this was a magical pizza monster made of intact boxes–is probably what Batiuk hoped people will take from it, but the dash around the corner kills that stone dead.

And thus ends another remarkably stupid storyline.  If I had to say something positive, well. at least Les wasn’t in it.

That positive won’t last, by the way.  Just thought I’d throw a late Halloween scare at ya.

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Attack Interrupted

Link to today’s strip (eventually).

Today’s strip was not available for preview…hey, remember when I said that about six times in a row?  Ah, memories.

I assume that we’ll get the “pizza monster” shambling around some more, and raising, well, noise levels if nothing else.  Still have one more day before we can reveal the scamp behind it all!

Of course, Batiuk could throw us a curve ball–it’s not unknown for him to suddenly break, say, an arc dealing with CTE and suicide so that he could, say, shill his book for the billionth time.

I guess we’ll all find out later!

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Boxers Briefed

Link to today’s strip.

I suppose I should be thankful that Halloween allows Batiuk to indulge his more whimsical side (a side otherwise kept carefully suppressed).  And bravo to Tom Batiuk for trying something light.  Especially considering that some of those New York Times readers might still be around.

The concept of a monster costume made out of pizza boxes is somewhat unique, I’ll give him that, though he has to admit in turn that it’s kind of stupid.  In a kind of amazing twist that only happens in this strip, it’s very creative and yet short-circuits itself by its own blandness.

And why are those two lamebrains gaping in fear at this spectacle?  Do they think it’s real–even for a moment?  Do they feel threatened?  Are they worried about how it will impact business?  (Speaking of which, I have the feeling when it turns out to be Cory, Funky will just berate him for wasting resources.)

Whether it’s fake or a real monster, the worst thing this creature could do to you is fall on you.  It doesn’t even have a mouth!  See, a pizza box opens at a hinge, just a like a giant mouth, but this feature couldn’t be worked in.  Its hands could wield pizza cutters, or a cutter and a spatula…Jason Vorhees did a lot more with less.

The lack of these things kind of dampens my initial interest in this story.  I have this awful feeling it will wind down in the most boring way imaginable.

Finally, the vertical style should have been skipped.  The artwork is too damned crowded together.  Spread out over a typical horizontal strip, it might have made a more impressive tableau, but I guess Batiuk spent all that time lettering the boxes and was damned if anyone could escape that detail.

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Ignorance is Bliss

Link to today’s strip.

First, hats off to SpaceManSpiff85, who had to suffer through one of the strip’s worst storylines in recent memory.  Glad to see you lived through it.

As for today’s offering, well thank whatever gods frown down on us that “Lisa’s Story” is no longer the focus.  I’m not sure what’s beginning here, but it almost looks like…whimsy?  Can Tom Batiuk do whimsy?  I’d have thought that he felt such things were beneath him, but who really knows.

At any rate, looks like someone’s build a costume out of pizza boxes.  I’m guessing it’s Corey.

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Aw, Poor Les. And Poor Mason, He Clearly Developed Face Cancer Between Panels 1 and 2.

Ugh, this is one of my least favorite parts of this strip. Something ostensibly good happens to someone (Les is getting paid money to make a movie out of their book, meaning there’s at least a chance a story he cares about will speak to people in a new medium, and at the very least more people will read the book, also MONEY, how does that not mean anything to a public school teacher with two daughters in their seventh year of college), and he reacts to it like he just sat on a turd and he’s too crushed with despair to do anything about it but moan.
Even if you want to look at it Les’s way, where he’s worried his beautiful story will be ruined (How exactly do you glamorize “woman dies of cancer”?), he has to just sit around like a wimp about the whole thing, like he’s still the nerd who had his lunch money robbed by Bull (since Batiuk is so clearly still obsessed with high school). Grow a spine and say no if it’s so painful, Les. Especially since you’ve been down this exact road before.  “Gosh, I guess three people who have no real role in my life thing I should do something I’m dreading, well okay, what can you do.”
I know Campbell’s idea of the Hero’s Journey can be cliché often, but it’s worlds better than the Batiuk Method. Here’s some famous tales, as redone by Tom Batiuk;
The Aeneid-Aeneas loses his home of Troy, then sits in the ashes of his home until he dies from lung cancer.
Paradise Lost-Lucifer is cast from heaven, then spends eternity laying where he fell moaning “Why me?”.
Star Wars-Luke whines about the droid he bought blowing up, shrugs and just figures that’s how life is and goes home without doing anything about it.
The Lord of the Rings-Frodo hands over the One Ring to the first Ringwraith because clearly he wants it, and it’s a long walk, and he tried his best, but sometimes things just don’t work out, but he does plan to go home and write a bestseller about it.

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Universal Dullifier

Wow, if Holly uses her one line for the year to endorse Lisa’s Story Done Right, then it must be real important to her. I mean, yeah, her story might be interesting too, since it’s a story of raising a kid by yourself, overcoming cancer, and finding love again and remarrying, but this is all about Lisa.
Actually Holly’s story is way better than Lisa’s, to be honest. Lisa’s story is “Lisa got cancer and died”. Holly’s is about overcoming something horrible and finding new life. Which really does sound like it would make a much, much better movie. I really don’t get what’s so important or inspiring about “a fairly unlikeable woman gets cancer and dies from it” where everyone thinks it would just be amazing movie and cultural touchstone, but whatever, it’s all Lisa Lisa Lisa. Lisa. Lisa.

Can someone please explain what the deal is with Montoni’s and coffee?  Cindy and Mason don’t have coffee so it’s not breakfast time, and I don’t think Montoni’s even serves breakfast anymore.  I’d say the majority of what Cindy and Funky do there is carry around a carafe.  I think it’s just Batiuk’s way of showing “hey, these people are in a restaurant” without actually showing any real work.  Really though, “Let’s go to the pizzeria for some coffee” sounds kind of gross to me.

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Wally’s Not All That Blows

So . . . Lisa still lives, and her and Les have an adopted Hispanic son? The title will still be Lust for Lisa? That all was great? Literally the only thing wrong with it was that Les wrote the script? I know it’s an incredibly pointless question, but I really wonder if Batiuk even thinks about this stuff while he’s writing it, let alone going back and reviewing it once it’s done.

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