Tag Archives: Montoni’s

I’ll Adeela In

Link To Today’s Strip

It’s Return Of Son Of Son Of Garbage Week as 2019 finally almost draws to a merciful close. In today’s dreary installment, Adeela takes a pizza order from one of those sub-cretinous comic book imbeciles up the stairs in that fetid reeking “store” of theirs and wonders why architects with degrees from the local community college don’t seem to be in high demand right now. She’s in the Westview pizza mafia now and you know their oath…”sauce in, sauce out”. It’s really easy to GET a job at Montoni’s, leaving that job is another matter entirely. Historically speaking, 90% of the time you end up on the can or in Bedside Manor, but the perks (free pizza, financial leverage over the local comic book concern) can’t be beat.

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Confirmation Pie-as

Link To Today’s (zzzzzzzz)

Like I often say, this Pulitzer (nominee) Boy guy really, REALLY needs to get out more. While it’s nice to see Rachel the green pitcher again, this is a weak, weak gag, even by FW standards. I mean sure, it’s the second weekend of January 2018 and the 2019 strips are finished and ready to go into the prepaid CK envelope but he’s still a few strips short and has to come up with something fast or the whole weekend will be ruined so he throws together a few slapdash strips on the fly. I get that, but still, at least pretending to try would be the polite and decent thing to do for the readers, CK and himself…or so you’d think if you knew nothing about FW and the guy who writes it. But alas, I do. Every minute spent on FW is another minute he can’t spend at that pizza place, the post office signing books or looking out the window and as Lisa showed us, life is short.

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Scrooge McSuck

Link To Today’s Strip

I don’t ever recall seeing the Montoni’s office before. The layout of this place, and the entire town really, just endlessly fascinates me. Was it always there or did Adeela include it during her big renovation? Ah, you forgot that she was Montoni’s official pizza architect, didn’t ya?

Anyhow, given that a) the cheese is a vital, vital part of pizza and b) at least a dozen people work there, one can only conclude that there was quite a lapse in the Montoni’s chain of command AND that Funky is as inept at managing as he appears to be at everything else. One can also conclude that right now Funky’s mozzarella dealer is anxiously pacing around his office, occasionally glancing through his window at the nine semi trailers full of cheese he’s sitting on right before the huge Westviewian Christmas pizza rush. That really is a sad, sad attempt at shoehorning the “holiday season” in there, I mean take that reference out and this thing could run in March or June or whenever, as failing to place a cheese order isn’t especially a seasonal premise.

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The Telltale Moozadell

Link To Today’s Strip

Yup, the beloved “A Christmas Carol” mozzarella scene…a watershed moment in movie history all right. Sigh. Sometimes BatYam drops a strip so nonsensical and so unnecessary you have to wonder why he even bothers anymore and this is definitely one of those strips. “Funky forgets to order cheese”…yes, I suppose that premise was inevitable.

What are the odds that Adeela (!) is familiar with “A Christmas Carol”? Not to unfairly generalize here, but I have a sneaking feeling that Afghani TV probably isn’t showing that one all that often. Then again, what the hell do I know, eh? Anyhow, it’s good to see that architecture degree of hers finally paying off, as Funky’s office looks terrific AND functional.

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Don’t Box Me In

Link to today’s strip.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Funky so determined on a goal as in panel one.  Run, fat-boy, run!  And panel two is also pretty remarkable, as the “monster” managed to shed his costume…and the boxes comprising said costume don’t have any holes cut into them!  You know, what you’d need to do to make a costume out of pizza boxes.   Either that, or the “monster” is still fully boxed and we see that Montoni’s just tosses the trash into the alley, like everyone else in Westview.  Because what is there, apart from trash and garbage?  Certainly nothing valuable.

The third denouement–that this was a magical pizza monster made of intact boxes–is probably what Batiuk hoped people will take from it, but the dash around the corner kills that stone dead.

And thus ends another remarkably stupid storyline.  If I had to say something positive, well. at least Les wasn’t in it.

That positive won’t last, by the way.  Just thought I’d throw a late Halloween scare at ya.

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Attack Interrupted

Link to today’s strip (eventually).

Today’s strip was not available for preview…hey, remember when I said that about six times in a row?  Ah, memories.

I assume that we’ll get the “pizza monster” shambling around some more, and raising, well, noise levels if nothing else.  Still have one more day before we can reveal the scamp behind it all!

Of course, Batiuk could throw us a curve ball–it’s not unknown for him to suddenly break, say, an arc dealing with CTE and suicide so that he could, say, shill his book for the billionth time.

I guess we’ll all find out later!

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Boxers Briefed

Link to today’s strip.

I suppose I should be thankful that Halloween allows Batiuk to indulge his more whimsical side (a side otherwise kept carefully suppressed).  And bravo to Tom Batiuk for trying something light.  Especially considering that some of those New York Times readers might still be around.

The concept of a monster costume made out of pizza boxes is somewhat unique, I’ll give him that, though he has to admit in turn that it’s kind of stupid.  In a kind of amazing twist that only happens in this strip, it’s very creative and yet short-circuits itself by its own blandness.

And why are those two lamebrains gaping in fear at this spectacle?  Do they think it’s real–even for a moment?  Do they feel threatened?  Are they worried about how it will impact business?  (Speaking of which, I have the feeling when it turns out to be Cory, Funky will just berate him for wasting resources.)

Whether it’s fake or a real monster, the worst thing this creature could do to you is fall on you.  It doesn’t even have a mouth!  See, a pizza box opens at a hinge, just a like a giant mouth, but this feature couldn’t be worked in.  Its hands could wield pizza cutters, or a cutter and a spatula…Jason Vorhees did a lot more with less.

The lack of these things kind of dampens my initial interest in this story.  I have this awful feeling it will wind down in the most boring way imaginable.

Finally, the vertical style should have been skipped.  The artwork is too damned crowded together.  Spread out over a typical horizontal strip, it might have made a more impressive tableau, but I guess Batiuk spent all that time lettering the boxes and was damned if anyone could escape that detail.

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