Tag Archives: Mindy

Tedium Rare

Link To Today’s Strip

The single dumbest FW/Crankshaft crossover arc ever continues today, as the Power Couple Of The Century continues to drone on and on about some old catalogs in front of a decrepit and slowly dying Crankshaft, as an increasingly aware and mentally sharp Morty eavesdrops and schemes in the background. It’s difficult to believe BatWad needs TWO daily comic strips to spin this yarn but then again it’s difficult to believe he has two daily comic strips at all.

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Mope Springs Eternal

Link To Today’s Strip

Springtime…a time of rebirth, flowers blooming, leaves sprouting (as opposed to falling), sunshine, mailboxes full of junk mail…yep, a time when a psychotic old bus driver’s fancy turned to the ol’ mail order catalog. No wonder everyone hates him and/or can’t ever remember his name.

Then there’s Pete, who understands ol’ Crankshaft all too well (and has to make the conversation all about himself and comic books, of course). Apparently HE sat on pins and needles waiting for the new “Starbuck Jones” to drop even though it may or may not have already run its course ten or thirty years before he was even conceived. WHY are these two talking about old mail order catalogs at a nursing home? What prompted this completely random old memory? Why is Morton lurking suspiciously in the background? Is he going to buy Chester’s old catalogs for his ol’ pal Crankshaft?

Of course he is. Crankshaft sold his catalog collection to Chester who’s going to sell his catalog collection to Morton who’s going to give them to Crankshaft, because that’s how things always work in the Funkyverse. Then Crankshaft will die and some cold unfeeling health aide will unceremoniously toss his life’s work into the dumpster and the circle of junk will be complete. I mean just look at ol’ Cranky…what the hell is he going to do with two hundred pounds of old catalogs? No one sentimentalizes old garbage quite like BatNut does. Just look at how he keeps re-packaging that stupid old Lisa story…ZING!!!!

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Still Better Than A Date With Les

Link To Today’s Strip

Yup, Mindy and Pete are sure getting real ellipsis lately. The Valentine, Montoni’s AND a date to go visit Gramps Crankshaft at the ol’ nursing home…move over Bogie and Bacall, this one’s a romance for the New Millennium. Kind of “steamy” by FW standards but that Batiuk is never afraid to “push the envelope”, as they say. NEXT week they’re planning to lay a wreath at the local unclaimed deceased pets memorial followed by a trip to the medical supply shop to pick up a new filter for Gramp’s oxygen generator. After that, it’s marriage, kids, cancer, the whole f*cking shebang. Let the good times roll.

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I Don’t Like To Throw The Word “Hate” Around Casually But F*ck These People And The Horses They Rode In On

Link To The Nadir Of This Arc…So Far

I don’t even understand what this is supposed to be. OBVIOUSLY it’s a problem for him, I mean the f*cking guy is throwing away a lucrative Hollywood screenwriting career to “be closer” to the first and only woman who’s able to tolerate his presence for more than three seconds. It’s as desperate as it’s possible to be. Yet in spite of that SHE has been waiting around for seven-plus months to see the cretin again, a fact adequately explained by that terrifying expression on her face in panel two. Stop pretending you have options there, Mindy. It isn’t like Westview is teeming with eligible bachelors, if she passes on Pete she’ll be left to choose between Cody and Bernie and quite frankly IMO they’re both out of her league.

And to add insult to injury he has to end THIS annoying sub-arc on a “cliffhanger” too, because actually wrapping up even the dumbest sub-arc in a mere six days is apparently just too much work, I guess. If he manages to drag this out for yet another week it’ll mark two full months of this, which is probably some sort of FW milestone, or it would be if anyone cared enough to keep track of that sort of thing. Soon it’ll be like DiMaggio’s 56 game hitting streak, except far less impressive.

After four long weeks of the Atomic Comics mega-arc I’ve had enough. Stayed tuned for billytheskink who takes the wheel on Monday as well as a Very Special Guest Post tomorrow! Until next time….stay Funky!

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Seven And A Half And Seven And A Half Is…

Link To Today’s Atrocity

So, it takes the “average woman” seven-and-a-half months to lose sexual interest in Pete? Hmmm, see, I would have guessed seven-and-a-half seconds but perhaps these Westview/Centerville women are a little slow on the uptake. Apparently she’s all a-flutter over how Pete is willing to throw away a wildly lucrative career just to be “near her”, which tells you plenty about how long it’s been since BatWrite has interacted with any women.

And what is Pete even talking about here? They haven’t been “dating” for seven-and-a-half months, in fact THIS is technically their “first date”. Thus according to my calculations Pete should be comfortably sexless by mid-November or so, which will be right around when this arc hits the halfway mark…IF we’re lucky. And I’ve been doing this long enough to know we won’t be.

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Moronic, Actually

Link To Today’s Strip

Ewwww…what the F*CK is he DOING to that pizza in panel three? Watching that bulbous-snouted imbecile sucking his pizza cheese like it’s a strand of spaghetti is probably the single most repugnant thing I’ve ever seen…not just in FW but ever. I’ve witnessed fatal car wrecks that were less repellent than this. Ditto Mindy’s giraffe neck in panel two, if these two morons ever breed every circus freak show in mid-central Ohio will be banging down their door.

“Yeah baby, I’m considering ditching my wildly successful screenwriting career to write comic books again.”

(Swoon)”Oh…PETE…take me, you courageous manly beast!”

Batiuk is giving us WAY too much psychological insight here…WAY WAY too much. This is obviously the fevered nostalgia-addled fantasy of a very sick man. I’d say that perhaps an intervention is called for here, but first you’d have to find half a dozen people who give a shit and as we all know that’s just not happening.

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Brother Popcorn

Link To Today’s Strip

At least we weren’t forced to endure watching these two imbeciles interacting with the ticket person, as he’s thoughtfully skipped ahead to the popcorn purchase. Who on God’s green earth would dare to eat ANYTHING from that crappy old movie house? I remember when “The Valentine” was a “last chance” dump that only showed films no one in their right mind would pay to see, but now suddenly it’s a bustling local theater with a functioning snack bar and everything. Good for the f*cking Valentine. I have never yearned to see a building leveled by falling space junk more than I do right now.

Pete “thoughtfully” remembered how she likes her popcorn…whoop-dee-damn-do. It’d be one thing if she always ordered it with saffron and shaved truffles, but it’s salt and butter…as if there’s any other kind. Pete gives off an air of sexual desperation that’s palpable, unless of course you reside in this bizarre soul-deadening part of Ohio, that is.

 

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