Tag Archives: cellphone

She’ll Never Get Out Of There

Link to today’s strip

Ha…ha. “Cut”…get it? That’s a real howler and the wry banter really enhances the joke too IMO. Sigh. I guess it’ll just go on and on like this for a while, unfortunately. Once again we see our pal Guy McAuthor establish a semi-decent and perfectly functional premise only to gunk the whole thing up with the usual awful wordplay and barely-recognizable “jokes” as Conan enters the FW “why?” Hall Of Shame alongside Dick Tracy, the Flash and that comic book guy who had the heart attack that time. One wonders what the Great Writer had in mind when he started this, back before he became bored with it three seconds later. If he could ever just follow through on one of these premises someday…(sigh).

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Wood You Leaf Me Alone

Well well, look who is slumming it with the rest of the non-Hollywood crowd in today’s strip, none other than Crazy Harry and Dead Skunkhead! I wasn’t sure they’d make it, but I guess they scraped up enough cash and thankfully for Jon I guess there’s no schools or daycares within 1000 ft of the convention.

Panel 2’s background is a mite cluttered but it looks like Crazy Harry is about to lose his sandwich to a guy in Guardians of the Galaxy cosplay. Because hey, the first movie came out a year ago so why not! Skunky’s face in panel two, meanwhile, is sliding so much he looks like he’s morphing into a human skateboard.

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Flash in the Brain Pan

Link to today’s strip.

LOOK, EVERYONE!

YES!!  Dullard has had enough of Blondie, and is shoving her out the window!  I hope he immediately regrets this and throws himself out as well!

I was looking over the previous strips this week and thinking, You know, if these characters were likeable, this wouldn’t be so bad.  It’s not funny but it could be tolerable.  Maybe I’ve been too hard on Tom Batiuk.

And then, Tom Batiuk ends the week like this.

Jesus wept.

I understand there are people who really like comic books, and are excited when a new issue comes out, or there’s a comic book convention they can attend.  But the idea of a grown man being thrilled beyond measure to go to a museum celebrating the Flash…that’s just one of the saddest things I can imagine.  What the heck can they possibly have there?

In comics, I know the Flash Museum in Central City is a thing that exists, because it was the basis of a very entertaining episode of the animated Justice League Unlimited series.  There’s a huge difference, though, between the worlds of Justice League Unlimited and Funky Winkerbean.  I know I don’t have to point this out, but in JLU, the Flash is a real person who accomplishes real things, his rogue’s gallery are real people (and a gorilla) who commit real crimes, and superheroes in the real world is something people take for granted.   So, going to a museum devoted to the Flash and his exploits could be quite interesting.

In Funky Winkerbean, the Flash is not, repeat not, a real person.   Despite how hard some people wish that he was.  I can’t imagine how they could make a Flash museum interesting.  A museum of comic books, or of superheroes in general, sure, that might work.   If a friend told me, “Hey, let’s go to the Flash Museum,” the first thing that would come to mind would be a cement-brick basement with a single naked bulb in the center.  A constant sound of water drops.  A fat surly guy would wave me over to a corner to start the “tour.”   And I would think, So this is how I die.

“Let’s not,” I’d say.  “Let’s go bowling, or get a pizza, or – better yet – I hear the local high school is having a graduation ceremony.  That would be more fun.”

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She Who Laughs Last

Link to today’s strip.

I think that summarizes today’s strip pretty well.  It has irrelevant images, repetition, and a genial yet cutting accusation.

But if we want to make it more specific, we can.  We can change the focus to a soft blur, or sharpen it to crystal clarity.

This illustrates the entire problem with this week’s “story.”  These people aren’t likeable; we wish to see them harmed.

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Owl Stretching Time

Link to today’s strip.

Do any of you folks remember Silly Putty?  It was a strange, malleable plastic that could bounce, stretch in various ways, and had other interesting qualities.  And one of the things you could do was…well, I’ll let Wikipedia tell the tale:

“When newspaper ink was petroleum based, Silly Putty could be used to transfer newspaper images to other surfaces, potentially providing amusement by distorting the transferred image afterwards. Newer papers with soy-based inks are more resistant to this process.”

So, you could transfer the image of a single comic strip and, with a little patience, you could stretch that image out so that it was the size of an entire week’s worth of strips!  I can imagine how excited Tom Batiuk must have been to discover that Silly Putty is still being made, and that its adaptive process is only slightly dimmed with time.

I mean, last week with Dinkle, recording a CD had been decided, ways to raise money for this discussed, and frail elderly people were sent unsupervised into dangerous neighborhoods to hawk funguous and noisome confectionery offal.  If Dullard were in charge of that venture, we’d only now be deciding on what recording medium would require the least amount of work (yet would allow the most complaining).

I don’t want to delve back through Dullard’s scenes, but don’t they always play out this way?  It takes him weeks to open a letter, pack a van, invite a lost sister inside, or scowl about having to work.

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And It Feels Like This!

Link to today’s strip.

(Credit to Atkinson, Byrne, Chaney, Ellner and Michalski)

This is like watching a movie where a character is confronting the antagonist, but you already know it’s a dream sequence so it really doesn’t make an impact.  We already know Blondie isn’t having an affair.  We’re just watching stuff get stretched out mercilessly.  On the plus side, the art is okay, the positioning of the characters is nicely done, and the faces look natural (aside from Psycho Woman)

And I can actually believe that the Dullards have a chest of drawers that appears to be about five feet tall and three inches deep.  It’s for all the pencils, you see!

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The Chick is in the Male

Link to today’s strip.

Okay, I know the implication we’re supposed to take from this is that Blondie is cheating on Dullard.  But there are two things wrong with this scenario.

Firstly, Tom Batiuk seems to want to pull this “innocent happening taken as indecent” stunt again, after we’d just had the “Marianne Winters kills herself over kiss photo.”  We know it’s going to turn out to be a big nothingburger.   “Blondie has an affair” is not going to be on the menu.   It’s a tease and everyone knows it’s a tease.

Secondly, this is Funky WinkerbeanExciting (or even interesting) things are not allowed in this strip.

What I find most baffling about this episode is the architecture.  Yesterday, Dullard opened the door right behind Blondie.  Today, she goes wandering through the house, blithely unaware that Dullard is sneaking around behind her.  Just how stupid and unaware is she supposed to be?  Isn’t she supposed to be looking after a toddler, or has Skyler already wandered off to play in traffic?   (Who wants to bet Skyler won’t make an appearance this week?  Didn’t think so.)

Well, she’s a female character in Funky Winkerbean.  I guess that answers that.  Stupid and unaware are two of the major traits of the women in this strip.  Throw in “fat” and Blondie’s future in this strip is set in cement.

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