Author Archives: spacemanspiff85

I Wish Funky Winkerbean Folded

So, Funky was determined to know who the Pizza Monster was, so he got John to hire someone to hold the Pizza Monster at literal gunpoint? Is John somehow Westview’s version of the veterinarian on Better Call Saul? Did John just go with the first person he knew who owned guns and was willing to commit a felony for Komix Korner store credit?
Oh, and the “joke” of this strip is beyond nauseating. Apparently, there is no such thing as a geek woman. Given that Batiuk has posted super creepy pictures of female cosplayers bending over on his own blog, you’d think he’d know better. But I kind of have the feeling he’s the kind of man who doesn’t think women or girls can be “real geeks”. I would love to forward this strip to Noelle Stevenson, Kelly Sue DeConnick, Amanda Conner, Gail Simone, Fiona Staples, Louise Simonson, Ann Nocenti, Rachel Dodson, Jo Duffy, Babs Tarr, or any of the other women in comics who have had much more successful careers than Batiuk.

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That Brown Mush on the Plate is Disturbing

Haha, can you imagine? An actual(?) superhero man is petrified just at the thought of being near a woman! Hilarious! Can you imagine if maybe an actual superhero was a woman, and not just this evil supervillain(?) Pizza Monster? The entire multiverse would collapse! They’d have to invent new words like “superheroine”, probably! Ha, total fear just from being near someone who merely suggests they might be a woman, truly this is the epitome of hilarity and quarter-inch from reality writing.

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Unmanned

So I guess some guy dressed as Mr. Monster (who is actually a character not created by Tom Batiuk, so I do feel bad now about making fun of, but really, if you’re doing a “tip of the felt tip” to another artist, maybe don’t do it super tiny in between the panels of a daily strip?) really did just bust into a crowded (ha) restaurant and pull what sure look like two real guns on somebody, just because they’re dressed up in pizza boxes? Just to find out their identity? And this is supposed to be funny? Wouldn’t it have been easier, and safer, if Funky and Harry and just pulled out bats and started beating the Pizza Monster, or maybe set the boxes on fire so the Monster would have to remove them? That seems much simpler than arranging for someone to hold somebody at gunpoint in the middle of your restaurant.
Putting aside the “haha, he never thought it could be a woman” angle, which is weird since Funky also referred to the Pizza Monster as a he earlier in the week, shouldn’t it be obvious who the Pizza Monster is, just based on the voice? Only like five people, at most, are ever shown eating in Montoni’s anymore, and it would be very weird (although much creepier) if this was just some random person with no ties at all to Montoni’s. Or is there a voice changer under the pizza boxes (that also have no eye holes, but that’s another issue)?

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Mr. Lame

Mr. Monster“? And he’s just a guy in a goofy looking spaceman outfit, and nothing remotely monster themed? Batiuk is really scraping the bottom of the barrel with his fictional superheroes here. Which probably means he’ll still have fifty more, before his strip finally ends. Each somehow worse than the last. I thought for sure this guy’s name was “McMonster”, which makes as much sense as “Mr. Monster”. Again, I can’t imagine how that would be at all legible in the newspaper.
Also, I don’t think Batiuk understands how to properly honor a beloved local tradition, or whatever he’s attempting to do with these “Pizza Monster” strips. Drawing attention to how silly it is is not the way to go.

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The Westview Horror

Yep, the Pizza Monster is here. Just like he was yesterday. Not sure why today’s strip couldn’t have just taken place yesterday, other than just to waste time. But of course that can’t be Batiuk’s reason, so I must have missed a subtle nuance yesterday.
I really, really do not like the sideways daily strips. But making them multiple panels is even worse. I can’t imagine what a nightmare this would be to read in black and white in an actual newspaper.
Do you think the PM has been standing motionless in the doorway for long enough for Funky to notice and make a phone call, or did Funky have nothing better to do at work than stand around with his phone ready for the PM?

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Pizza Monster Monday

Strips like today’s, where whatever value there might be in the strip would come from the audience being familiar with the recurring “Pizza Monster” and being excited to see it in the strip again, are among the most baffling to me. Even as out of touch as Batiuk is, it seems hard for me believe that even he thinks there are people out there who think Halloween is Pizza Monster in Funky Winkerbean season and are dying to see it come back. It’s not the Great Pumpkin. And most other strips with recurring “gags” like this actually do something different with it each time. With Batiuk’s recurring gags (especially in Crankshaft-Lena’s bad at bowling! Lena’s coffee is terrible! Lena’s brownies are terrible! Crankshaft is buying gardening supplies again!), he thinks that just repeating something over and over is enough.
So, yay, the Pizza Monster showed up again, everyone can relax now.

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The Fire That Burned Les Up

Today’s strip wasn’t available for preview. I’m guessing it’ll be a Human Torch inspired comic cover. And knowing Batiuk it’ll be the first one that nobody remembers.

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Too Much Tanning Causes Burns

Today’s strip was not available for preview. I predict it’s either a single panel of Cindy and Marianne in bikinis, with Cindy bemoaning her figure, or Jeff in a cave pretending to be a spaceman. Or, knowing Batiuk, it could be Buck coming to visit an inexplicably alive Bull.

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Cave-ferno

Today’s strip wasn’t available for preview. I’m guessing it’ll show Jeff either showing off his decoder ring to Hallucination Young Jeff or awkwardly/creepily hugging him.

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Today’s Preview Was Not Available for Preview

Surprise, today’s strip wasn’t available for preview. My guess is it’ll either be Jeff in the back of a taxi telling the driver he needs to be/just peed (possible “so that’s why the cab is yellow” gag), or Pete sitting on the beach with Mindy moaning about how he wishes he was with her dad instead.

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