Tag Archives: hatchet face

by billytheskink | August 19, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Credit Fraud

Today’s strip concludes (we hope and pray and hope and wish) this latest visit from the Ghost of Distress Past. Her Royal Wryness. The VHSaint herself.

Special thanks go out to Summer for being a prop with no impact on the story whatsoever, she has already collected her prize of appearing in a full 3 panel strip this week (panels will not necessarily be consecutive).
Special thanks also go out to Les for having such an insatiable ego and such milquetoast friends and family that he will continue to receive the unearned praise he has been given for decades now.
And extra special thanks go out to Crazy Harry, who demanded nothing but 18 panels of our precious time in return for his brilliant idea of pretending Isaac Asimov invented the concept of recording video using already obsolete technology.

On the subject of 18 panels (well, 16, thanks to a couple of 2 panel strips), this new Lisa tapes origin story actually takes up more column inches than the entire original origin story AND depiction of the recording of the tapes! That took just 16 panels in four strips. For all its faults, Act II got to the point…

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Tagged as Act II, Act II tragedies, cancer, cancer films, character death, collectible garbage, Crazy, Crazy Harry, death, enraging hair strands, flashback, flashback thought bubbles, ghost Lisa, hair horn, Harry, hatchet face, helmet hair, horrible ideas, ideas, idiocy, insufferable assholes, iPad, knowing smirks, leaves, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Lisa, Not Summer, Now Crazy Harry, obsolete video technologies, porch swing, running ideas into the ground, seldom-seen characters wearing hats, sepia-tone, sepia-toned flashback, sheer idiocy, smirk, smirks, Summer, tablet, Taj Moore-hal, tapes, technology, terrible ideas, the lisa, the Lisa tapes, those stupid tapes, Tom doesn't get women, unwarranted wry sarcasm, welcoming death, wry banter, wry weary snideness, wryness

by billytheskink | August 18, 2022 · 10:30 pm

The Les He Knows, The Better

More word zeppelins in today’s strip… Not as bad as yesterday, but still, get your bookmarks out, folks!

You know, this is actually one of TB’s tidiest retcons, probably because it is one of the very few intentional ones he’s ever undertaken. It takes the original scene and changes its context (slightly) by depicting a previously unseen scene. Tidy. The pieces actually fit together. There are no loose ends, deleted original context, or unresolved conflict with the originals scene. See? That’s not so hard.

Heck, as a bonus it even (unnecessarily but adeptly) explains a silly detail from the original scene, why Les has a camcorder and this Hari Seldon story readily at hand as if he was waiting for Lisa to lament about all the things ~~Summer~~ she will never get to experience. Turns out, he pretty much was just waiting on the chance to whip that camera on out.

Tidy as it is, this retcon was no more entertaining or less irritating because of it. In fact, it makes the origin story of the Lisa tapes tremendously off-putting. The focus shifts away from the impending reality of Summer growing up without a mother seen in the original scene to the needs of Summer’s nogoodnik parents… First, Lisa wants to record the tapes so she can live vicariously through Summer’s adolescence in her imagination. Then, Crazy and Lisa hatch this cockamamie plan to let Les take credit for the idea to record the infamous tapes, which only soothes his ego and bolsters his hero complex. These people are awful and I hope I never wind up sitting next to any of them on an airplane.

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Tagged as Act II, Act II tragedies, bad ideas, cancer, cancer films, character death, Crazy, Crazy Harry, death, enraging facial expressions, flashback, flashback thought bubbles, hatchet face, horrible ideas, ideas, impending doom, Isaac Asimov, Les, Lisa, non-pizza foodstuffs, obsolete video technologies, pop-culture references, porch swing, raging egoism, references no one gets, retcon, retcons of retcons, seldom-seen characters wearing hats, sepia-tone, sepia-toned flashback, Star Trek, Taj Moore-hal, terrible ideas, the lisa, the Lisa tapes, tiny hands, tiny trees, trees, unnatural hand gestures, welcoming death, word zeppelins, wry banter, wry self-deprecation, wry weary snideness, wryness

by billytheskink | August 17, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Hari Don’t Care-i

I’m surprised it took until today’s strip for the word zeppelins to arrive… but one has docked right at Crazy’s mouth and is unloading such a tremendous volume of technobabble that it threatens to lift the roof right off the porch of the Taj Moore-hal! In explaining the concept of recording Lisa’s advice on video, Crazy somehow spits out 60% more words than Les did in the original take on this story back in 2007. It is almost enough to make you pity Lisa, who apparently had to listen to this verbal assault twice.

Hey, I said almost…

I’m not a big Isaac Asimov guy or a sci-fi reader in general, I’ve always been very much a non-fiction reader when it comes to things that aren’t comics, so I cannot tell you how accurate or apt or idiotic or unnecessary Crazy’s rambling is (I can tell you it makes for miserable comic strip reading, but that should go without saying). I suspect we have some folks much better suited to that than me in our comments section, so I will now turn this over to my fellow SOSFers.

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Tagged as Act II, Act II tragedies, awful dialog, awful wordplay, bad wordplay, book, bug-eyes, cancer, cancer films, carousel of death, character death, Crazy, Crazy Harry, death, excessive word ballooning, false modesty, flashback, flashback thought bubbles, hatchet face, Isaac Asimov, lame wordplay, Lisa, NERDS!, porch swing, seldom-seen characters wearing hats, sepia-tone, sepia-toned flashback, sub-moronic wordplay, Taj Moore-hal, terrible wordplay, the inevitable death of the universe, the lisa, the Lisa tapes, unnatural hand gestures, wall of text, welcoming death, word zeppelins, wordplay

by billytheskink | August 13, 2022 · 10:30 pm

A Cat, a Pat, a B flat, and an old bat

Oh boy, more unwelcome guests in today’s strip… and also Bingo. Bingo can stay, he’s cool.

He’s also old and decrepit… because of course he is. What tremendous misfortune, to exist in the Batiukverse. Even the cats have to be old and sad and subject to awful wordplay about hi ps.

Hopefully Bingo will take his claws to the new choir robes in the back after these yutzes leave.

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Tagged as Bingo, cat, cats, choir, choir loft, choir/organ, church, church choir, church ladies, church organ, curmudgeonly oldsters, Dinkle, Harry, Harry Dinkle, hatchet face, hip, lame wordplay, Lillian, Old Dinkle, Old dying people, old Harry Dinkle, Pat, Pun, punnery, puns, St. Spires

by billytheskink | August 10, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Burning Man

One bad turn deserves another, I suppose. Today’s strip sees Les take his revenge on Funky for two strips’ worth of Crankshaft schtick with some ‘Shaft-level quote muddle-ment of his own. Where did you pull this piece of unwisdom from, Les, I Chong?

The master says: Piles of excrement comes out of both ends of Les, but only one pile can can be flushed.

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Tagged as bearded dick with ears, chair jammed in a diving board ladder, curmudgeonly oldsters, dismal world view, Fire, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, general dickishness, hatchet face, headband, Inappropriate quotes, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' back is turned take the shot take the shot, Life is a dismal horror from which you can never escape, morbidity, muppet profile, Now Funky, old crap, Old dying people, old useless junk, pickleball, sport, sports, swimming, Tennis, the inevitable ravages of age, the ravages of age, trees, uninteresting stupid anecdotes, useless old junk

by billytheskink | August 9, 2022 · 10:30 pm

I guess that’s why they call it refuse

Les continues to set Funky up for this tiresome Crankshaft schtick in today’s strip. Why? Why is he doing this? Is.. is he enjoying this? He’s even more monstrous than I thought!

The real story behind the name of pickleball is (not-widely) debated, though all of the purported origins clear the low bar of being more interesting than the one put forth in this strip. I’m surprised, actually, that pickleball has not caught on in Westview, given that it was invented by a guy* who died of cancer…

^{*apologies to the late Joel Pritchard}

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Tagged as bad hair, bench, crippling yet trivial injury, curmudgeonly oldsters, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, hatchet face, injuries, Life is a dismal horror from which you can never escape, Montoni's T shirt, Now Funky, Old dying people, park bench, pickleball, really dumb questions, silhouette, silhouettes, sport, sports, Tennis, the inevitable ravages of age, the ravages of age, trees, very old gags, Willy

by billytheskink | May 23, 2022 · 10:30 pm

0-2-1-3-4

Today’s strip is all about the numbers for me… and not just the zip code of “Boston, Mass”. We’ve got 3 faculty on stage here, which is what… half of WHS’ known paid staff these days (along with Les, Cayla, and Lefty)? Of course, maybe you only need 4 teachers, 2 administrators, and a Dinkle when you only have 16 students in your senior class. To be fair, only nerds would show up for a school assembly during the last weeks of their senior year, so maybe these are just all the nerds (that would explain why Maris Rogers is having to plan on crashing graduation parties instead of hosting them).

Wait a second, this is the Senior Honors assembly. That explains it…

^{With credit and apologies to the Scotts, Smith and Hepting.}

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Tagged as Amazon smirk, Amelia, anon-o-students, bad internet connections, Bernie, Bernie Silver, Chien?, Conner, Connor, COVID, COVID-19, crowd, crowds, Emily, extremely high character-to-panel density, failed gags, hatchet face, high school, ill-timed disaster-themed gags, Jim Kablichnick, Jim Kablichnik, knowing smirks, Linda, Linda Bushka, Logan, Logan Church, Maris Rogers, Nate, pandemic, smirk, smirking, smirks, smirks exchanged, Thatsnought Hewmore, things to do in Westview when you're dead, those annoying Crankshaft twins, those stupid Crankshaft twins, traveling green shirt, truly terrible gags, Westview H.S., Westview High School, WHS, Zoom

by billytheskink | May 19, 2022 · 10:30 pm

It’s not even a proper hip. It’s polystyrene.

Today’s strip FINALLY gets to the point, if indirectly and dishonestly. Despite his protesting, Crazy doesn’t really want to be hip… He’s not sad that he doesn’t have the time or energy to keep up with what’s popular on the ~~radio~~ Spotify these days, he’s sad that listening to new music would require a modicum of effort from him. He’s sad because he has decided he wouldn’t enjoy listening to anything new even though he hasn’t even tried.

In short, he’s sad that what’s “hip” doesn’t conform to what he already likes.

Well if that isn’t this comic strip in a nutshell…

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Tagged as awful wordplay, bad wordplay, bitter resignation, bitterness, bricks, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, Crazy, Crazy Harry, curmudgeonly oldsters, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, Funkys, hatchet face, hip, I used to be cool, lame wordplay, misappropriated wordplay, Montoni's, neatly lettered signs, Now Crazy Harry, Now Funky, Old dying people, old useless junk, pathetic attempts at relevance, Pun, punnery, puns, sad-sackery, sub-moronic wordplay, terrible wordplay, the inevitable ravages of age, the ravages of age, wordplay

by billytheskink | May 18, 2022 · 10:30 pm

So your Haiku is stuck somewhere between Chipmunks and early Springsteen…

Hip hip hip hip hip
Today's strip more of the same
It just never ends

Chipmunks to Springsteen
Crazy's music tastes cover
'58-'80

Only now Crazy?
How hip did you feel during
The last 40 years?!

"You can become hip,
Just listen to new music"
- Captain Funkvious

Funky's bald advice
Somehow smartest thing in years
In this comic strip

Funky's silhouette
Recognizably human
Crazy's, not so much

Listening to this
No wonder no customers
Are at Montoni's

Make it stop make it
Stop make it stop make it stop
Make it stop oh please

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Tagged as age discrimination, Alvin and the Chipmunks, awful wordplay, bad wordplay, Bruce Springsteen, Crazy, Crazy Harry, crosshatching, curmudgeonly oldsters, endless tedium, flying music notes, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, hatchet face, hip, lame wordplay, misappropriated wordplay, Montoni's, Montoni's apron, music, music in general, musica, Now Crazy Harry, Now Funky, Old dying people, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, pizza, silhouette, silhouettes, sub-moronic wordplay, terrible wordplay, the inevitable ravages of age, things that never end, tile, unnatural hand gestures, very old gags, wordplay

by billytheskink | March 17, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Keep Circulating The Tapes

I suppose it was inevitable… but I had a fleeting thought that we might escape this arc without anyone bringing up the Lisa tapes. Alas, today’s strip has happened. It was a silly thought, really.

Wait, all ~~Les~~ Cayla sent to Marianne was two videocassettes? (apparently) Didn’t Les ask Cayla to send DVDs of Lisa’s tapes? (yes) But didn’t Les also have all of his Lisa tapes on display on the very shelf he just placed Marianne’s Oscar on? (also, yes) But didn’t Crazy convert all of the Lisa tapes to “digital” (and DVD) years ago, negating the need to send any physical media at all? (again, yes) But didn’t the conversion process require Crazy to bake (and likely ruin) the tapes because of their fragility and deterioration? (it did) Beyond that, why is she only returning these tapes to Les now instead of through a delivery company or at the movie wrap party? (because TB has panels to fill)

I suppose the real question here is, did Lisa make a tape about what to do in the event that an actress won an Oscar for playing her in a major motion picture? That might explain why Marianne wound up giving her Oscar away… everyone obeys the Lisa tapes! Sic semper videocassetta!

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Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, cancer films, cancer movie, enraging hair strands, giant mouths, hatchet face, insufferability, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' blue sweatshirt, Lies!, Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Marianne, Marianne Winters, obsolete video technologies, oddly muted squiggly lines, Oscar, Oscars, rewarding the worst, silly awards, smug inept bearded jerks, squiggly lines, squiggly lines used to denote texture, tags you never thought you'd use, tapes, terrible ideas, the Lisa tapes, those stupid tapes, trash, unbearable smugness, unearned awards, unnatural hand gestures, VHS

Tag Archives: hatchet face

Credit Fraud

The Les He Knows, The Better

Hari Don’t Care-i

A Cat, a Pat, a B flat, and an old bat

Burning Man

I guess that’s why they call it refuse

0-2-1-3-4

It’s not even a proper hip. It’s polystyrene.

So your Haiku is stuck somewhere between Chipmunks and early Springsteen…

Keep Circulating The Tapes

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