Tag Archives: hatchet face

Colors of the Chinned

Oh no. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. No. Just no. Please no.

*Sigh*

Our greatest fears have been realized in today’s strip. Atomik Komix has become what the Starbuck Jones movie and Montoni’s were before it, a nepotistic cesspool that doles out jobs to whoever walks in the door. No interviews, no resumes, no HR departments, just a brief conversation and YAGOTTHAJOB!

Also, like Montoni’s, Atomik Komix has had to be kept solvent by the owner selling his own personal property. Not sure this would be an owner-approved hire in real life… but this isn’t real life, this is one quarter inch from it, so the joke’s on us I guess.

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Haik-ewwwwwwww

Today’s strip is squick
Squick of the highest order
Gross in every way

“The Cosmic Treadmill”
“Yeah… that and in the shower”
These are words to fear

Why is Mindy here?
Is she unemployed or what?
A real catch there, Pete

Not that Pete is much
To write home about, Mindy
Well… he is a creep

Is Mindy working?
Why did I even ask this?
Just Funky works, duh

This strip makes me both
Want to take a shower and
Not, at the same time

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Independence Day – Resurgence

Link to today’s strip.

So, as some commentors have noted, Indiegogo.com isn’t a Batiukian aberrance like “Fakebook” or “Fleabay” but an actual crowdfunding site, so I’m not sure what they’ve done–good or bad–to fall under Tom Batiuk’s scrutiny.   A quick visit to their website and to their Wikipedia page shows that they’re mostly involved with technology, and have had a certain degree of success in that area.

They don’t seem to do much on artistic stuff, though.  Didn’t see any musicians or bands in their catalogue of successes, though to be honest I, in a Batiukian mood*, didn’t really dig very far.   Given the focus of this strip, with its childhood wish-fulfillment arcs and real-life shout-outs to obscure pals, it would not surprise me to learn that Indiegogo helped out some personage from Tom Batiuk’s past and he felt the need to give them a bit of grudging credit.

Either that, or, what appears most obvious, they paid him to run an ad.   (Eyes heavenward) It pains me sore to think that Tom Batiuk might have stooped to commercial considerations, rather than stumble evermore upon the “awards” path.

*That should definitely be the title for the second Bedside Manorisms’ CD – “In a Batiukian Mood.”  Can you just see the frowning tiki sculptures on the cover, along with a thoughtful Les Moore portrait and titles like “Sleeping Cancerous Village,” “Carcinomica,” “Seaside Melancholy,” “Running Along the Shore But Hating It,” “Don’t Mind the Tumors,” and of course, the focus of the whole LP, “Pulitzer Award Ceremony Anticipation.”

 

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Manos: The Hands Of Grate

Today’s strip finally gets to the point. Whatever.

All I see is a kid in a Davy Crockett coon-skin cap…
FWSmif

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Hai-Code

Today’s strip contains
A couple of near-haiku
Shall we take a look?

“This text may be the
Answer you are looking for
It’s just gibberish”

“That is because it’s
Written in the Starbuck Jones
Junior Spaceman’s code”
_________________________

Jeff has just put on
That stupid decoder ring
Why does he have it?

Came from his pocket?
Does he carry it around
Annoying others?

He just got a text?
But it was a Tweet he sent
To Director Guy

I guess that Durwood
Has uncle Jeff’s phone number
As if he’s used it

Nice car on the curb
Puts Batiukmobile® to shame
Who would park it here?

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Butterfl-hio Effect

Today’s strip is a sobering reminder of just how tantalizingly close we came to completely avoiding the foul, intrusive neighbor that is the Starbuck Jones movie. If only Mason had never come to Ohio, none of this would have happened.

– Mason only came to Ohio, of course, because he met Les on the set of Lust For Lisa.
– Tempting as it is to pin this all on Les, he was only able to lure Mason to Ohio with Holly’s collection of “Starbuck Jones” comics.
– Holly’s “Starbuck Jones” collection only existed because Cory started it.
– Cory only started the collection because… well, Tom only knows that. Maybe something to do with his stepfather reading it when he was a kid
– And Ohio is only a state because the British ceded it to the United States in the Treaty of Paris, which was only possible because the French ceded the Ohio Valley to the British after losing the French and Indian War.

“Fan” theory time:
Funky is still in a coma from that 2010 car wreck and everything that has happened since then has been a dream. It was immediately before the wreck when Starbuck Jones was first mentioned (Funky had to sell SJ issue #1 to cover Komix Korner’s overdue rent), everything else involving Starbuck Jones has occurred after the wreck. Also, think of all of the other outlandish things in this strip that have happened since that wreck, things that would have been unlikely before: the successful publication of Lisa’s Story and its national book tour and “Hollywood” chapters, Cayla’s appearance changes, Les’ love life, Cory becoming a soldier and a well-adjusted individual, Cindy comes crawling back to Ohio, Wally snags Rache and Buddy, Dick Tracy…

This theory is, of course, disgustingly unoriginal and incredibly stupid. But is it really worse than the alternative?

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Think, Tank

Day Two on the job and Rick Burchett is tasked with introducing a new character, and Batiuk even gives this one a name! “Tank” resembles bully emeritus Wedgeman, with his imposing physique, blue-black hair, and freckles/blemishes. Les, acting like a real teacher for once, unhesitatingly  offers Tank an opportunity to redeem his poor grade, but once again is stingingly slapped back to his senses, hard enough this time to make him affect a Jack Benny pose.

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