Tag Archives: hatchet face

by billytheskink | May 19, 2022 · 10:30 pm

It’s not even a proper hip. It’s polystyrene.

Today’s strip FINALLY gets to the point, if indirectly and dishonestly. Despite his protesting, Crazy doesn’t really want to be hip… He’s not sad that he doesn’t have the time or energy to keep up with what’s popular on the ~~radio~~ Spotify these days, he’s sad that listening to new music would require a modicum of effort from him. He’s sad because he has decided he wouldn’t enjoy listening to anything new even though he hasn’t even tried.

In short, he’s sad that what’s “hip” doesn’t conform to what he already likes.

Well if that isn’t this comic strip in a nutshell…

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Tagged as awful wordplay, bad wordplay, bitter resignation, bitterness, bricks, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, Crazy, Crazy Harry, curmudgeonly oldsters, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, Funkys, hatchet face, hip, I used to be cool, lame wordplay, misappropriated wordplay, Montoni's, neatly lettered signs, Now Crazy Harry, Now Funky, Old dying people, old useless junk, pathetic attempts at relevance, Pun, punnery, puns, sad-sackery, sub-moronic wordplay, terrible wordplay, the inevitable ravages of age, the ravages of age, wordplay

by billytheskink | May 18, 2022 · 10:30 pm

So your Haiku is stuck somewhere between Chipmunks and early Springsteen…

Hip hip hip hip hip
Today's strip more of the same
It just never ends

Chipmunks to Springsteen
Crazy's music tastes cover
'58-'80

Only now Crazy?
How hip did you feel during
The last 40 years?!

"You can become hip,
Just listen to new music"
- Captain Funkvious

Funky's bald advice
Somehow smartest thing in years
In this comic strip

Funky's silhouette
Recognizably human
Crazy's, not so much

Listening to this
No wonder no customers
Are at Montoni's

Make it stop make it
Stop make it stop make it stop
Make it stop oh please

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Tagged as age discrimination, Alvin and the Chipmunks, awful wordplay, bad wordplay, Bruce Springsteen, Crazy, Crazy Harry, crosshatching, curmudgeonly oldsters, endless tedium, flying music notes, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, hatchet face, hip, lame wordplay, misappropriated wordplay, Montoni's, Montoni's apron, music, music in general, musica, Now Crazy Harry, Now Funky, Old dying people, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, pizza, silhouette, silhouettes, sub-moronic wordplay, terrible wordplay, the inevitable ravages of age, things that never end, tile, unnatural hand gestures, very old gags, wordplay

by billytheskink | March 17, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Keep Circulating The Tapes

I suppose it was inevitable… but I had a fleeting thought that we might escape this arc without anyone bringing up the Lisa tapes. Alas, today’s strip has happened. It was a silly thought, really.

Wait, all ~~Les~~ Cayla sent to Marianne was two videocassettes? (apparently) Didn’t Les ask Cayla to send DVDs of Lisa’s tapes? (yes) But didn’t Les also have all of his Lisa tapes on display on the very shelf he just placed Marianne’s Oscar on? (also, yes) But didn’t Crazy convert all of the Lisa tapes to “digital” (and DVD) years ago, negating the need to send any physical media at all? (again, yes) But didn’t the conversion process require Crazy to bake (and likely ruin) the tapes because of their fragility and deterioration? (it did) Beyond that, why is she only returning these tapes to Les now instead of through a delivery company or at the movie wrap party? (because TB has panels to fill)

I suppose the real question here is, did Lisa make a tape about what to do in the event that an actress won an Oscar for playing her in a major motion picture? That might explain why Marianne wound up giving her Oscar away… everyone obeys the Lisa tapes! Sic semper videocassetta!

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Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, cancer films, cancer movie, enraging hair strands, giant mouths, hatchet face, insufferability, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' blue sweatshirt, Lies!, Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Marianne, Marianne Winters, obsolete video technologies, oddly muted squiggly lines, Oscar, Oscars, rewarding the worst, silly awards, smug inept bearded jerks, squiggly lines, squiggly lines used to denote texture, tags you never thought you'd use, tapes, terrible ideas, the Lisa tapes, those stupid tapes, trash, unbearable smugness, unearned awards, unnatural hand gestures, VHS

by billytheskink | March 16, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Stolen Valium

In today’s strip Les, appropriately, puts all of his stolen Hollywood paraphernalia in same place.

Marianne doesn’t appear to understand the concepts of opacity and walls.

Cayla plans to monetize this display even though presently no one seems willing to visit the Moore house for free (and people are willing to visit Dinkle!).

Why am I blandly narrating this strip in lieu of hard-hitting commentary and rapier wit? Because I know my limits. Why is Les blandly narrating his actions in the first panel? Because there is no limit to his disdain for even those that worship him.

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Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, BatiukButt, books no one will ever read, boredom personified, cancer films, cancer movie, Cayla, Cayla's pink turtleneck, dumb props, hatchet face, how things are NEVER done, ID badge, inadequate Lisas, insufferability, insufferable assholes, it's called "writing", knowing smirks, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' blue sweatshirt, Les. Cayla, Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Marianne, Marianne Winters, not how the world works, not how things work, Oscar, Oscars, rewarding the worst, silly awards, smirk, smirking, smirks, smirks exchanged, smug inept bearded jerks, smug poses, theft, tiny trees, towel curtains, unbearable smugness, unearned awards

by billytheskink | March 15, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Guilt blip

As our sharp-minded posters have already noted, Oscar statuettes cannot be given away or sold without first allowing the Academy the right to buy them back for $1. As such, what Marianne gives to Les and what she keeps should rightly be flopped in today’s strip.

But we’re not in reality (we’re 1/4″ away from it), so what we are left with is a false modesty competition between Marianne and Les that offers nothing we did not already know yesterday. It’s a good example of Les showing his true colors though… If Les really and truly felt guilty about taking the Oscar that Marianne is stupidly and inexplicably giving up, then he wouldn’t wait until she flew across 70% of the country to tell her. I’ll bet he also excuses himself to go to the restroom just before the check comes at a restaurant and then returns to sheepishly offer to pay the bill just as his dining companion is handing their credit card to the waiter. Cue Ben Schwartz saying the thing…

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Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, bare trees, cancer films, cancer movie, collectible garbage, comical takes on trademarked brand names he cannot use, curtains, dead tree outside window, dead trees, enraging hair strands, face-melting rage, false humility, false modesty, giant mouths, hatchet face, horrible ideas, how Les feels, how things are NEVER done, huge hands, inadequate Lisas, insufferability, insufferable assholes, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' blue sweatshirt, Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Marianne, Marianne Winters, Netbusters, not how the world works, not how things work, Not Summer, not the way the world works, Oscar, Oscars, rewarding the worst, showbiz, silly awards, smug inept bearded jerks, smug poses, Taj Moore-hal, this is all a horrible mistake, towel curtains, trees, unbearable smugness, unearned awards, unnatural hand gestures, window

by billytheskink | March 14, 2022 · 10:30 pm

“N”, the bag

Today’s strip marks Summer’s first appearance since… oh wait, yeah, sorry, that’s (Marianne) Winters, not Summer.

Summer actually has appeared in this strip as recently as 7 weeks ago, which is not something you could often say since she graduated high school. Even so, it’s kind of remarkable that Les and Cayla have interacted more over the past few years with a now-Oscar-winning actress than they have with their own children, both of whom (still!) appear to go to Kent State… less than an hour away from where Westview is generally considered to be.

And by “remarkable” I mean 1/4 ~~inch~~ AU from reality. I think I would have found it more relatable and more entertaining had we focused instead on the adventure that must have been Marianne’s efforts to bring an Oscar stuffed in a small drawstring bag through a TSA checkpoint.

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Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, cancer films, cancer movie, Cayla, Cayla's pink shirt, Cayla's pink turtleneck, disembodied hand, enraging hair strands, giant mouths, hatchet face, hugging, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' blue sweatshirt, Les. Cayla, Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Marianne, Marianne Winters, mouths way too low on the face, movies, not how the world works, not how things work, Not Summer, not the way the world works, Oscar, Oscars, silly awards, smirk, smirks, smug inept bearded jerks, smug poses, Taj Moore-hal, unbearable smugness, unearned awards

by billytheskink | March 13, 2022 · 10:30 pm

You’ve come a long way, baby

Ah, the classic tug-of-war between privacy-invading exuberance and false modesty… who wins that race to the bottom in today’s strip?

Les’ false modesty does, of course. For one thing, it’s coming from Les, which makes it an additionally off-putting version of an already off-putting behavior. The biggest reason, though, is that Cayla’s desire to “let people know” is essentially moot, everyone already knows. Anyone who cares saw Marianne tell the television cameras that she was coming to give her Oscar away to Les this week. Yeah, if she’s trying to organize a mob to meet Marianne then that might not work if by “on the way” Marianne means that she’ll be there within the hour… but with Marianne’s very public announcement of her planned visit and the relatively specific time frame she gave, the Taj Moore-hal should have been descended upon by pushy celebrity obsessives and Starbuck Jones fans days ago. Where are they? Where’s Lenny and Frankie and (ugh) DMZ? Why am I asking you?

43 Comments

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Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, bare trees, Cayla, Cayla's pink shirt, Cayla's pink turtleneck, cell phones, cellphone, dead tree outside window, dead trees, disembodied hand, hatchet face, huge hands, insufferability, insufferable assholes, jazz hands, knowing smirks, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' blue sweatshirt, Les. Cayla, Marianne, Marianne Winters, Oscar, silly awards, smirk, smirking, smirks, smug inept bearded jerks, smug poses, Taj Moore-hal, tiny hands, tiny trees, travelin, trees, unbearable smugness, unearned awards, unnatural hand gestures

by billytheskink | March 11, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Hai-can’t with this

Here is today's strip
Is it worse than we all feared
Or simply as bad

If I was popcorn
I would be quite offended
By this portrayal

Les hated this film
Why would he even watch this
Was happy it failed

In this case, "writer"
Would not describe Les as he
Did not write the script

This deserves more scorn
I'm a skink, I can't rant, so
I'm counting on you

Rip this thing to shreds
Kill it with all of the fire
Or just acetone

89 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, bad fictional movies, bad ideas, bad movies, cancer movie, Cayla, disgust, furniture, getting a writing credit when there's no writing in the strip, giant mouths, hatchet face, Hollywood, it's called "writing", Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les. Cayla, Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Lisa's Story, Marianne, Marianne Winters, movies, not how the world works, not how things work, oddly muted squiggly lines, Oscar, Oscars, popcorn, public speaking, rewarding the worst, silly awards, smug inept bearded jerks, squiggly lines, squiggly lines used to denote texture, terrible ideas, terrible overacting, this is all a horrible mistake, tiny hands, TV, unearned awards, unnatural hand gestures, Watchin' television, writing

by billytheskink | March 7, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Naked and Famous

OK, three weeks until the actual Oscars ceremony, plenty of time to build suspense. Will Marianne beat out Gretchen Gold and Cordelia Rama for best actress? We won’t know for sure until…

The first panel of today’s strip?!

Uh, points for brevity, I guess, though in this case it is most certainly not the soul of wit… or any other word positively associated with writing. In the absence of anticipation as to whether or not Marianne will win the little golden man statuette, we have the ridiculousness of professional actress Marianne (and no stranger to public speaking and media attention) not having any remarks prepared despite having an apparent one-in-three chance of winning. This is compounded by the ridiculousness of her asking advice on accepting an award from a guy whose work outside of Lisa’s Story and Starbuck Jones consisted of Dino Deer, My Dog Pookie, and being incredibly nervous about simply doing a table read (!!!) for the unfinished masterpiece that was Lust For Lisa.

At least Cindy’s shtick is consistent.

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Tagged as Academy Awards, Act II tragedies, Anon-O-Character, awards, bad fictional movies, bad movies, cancer films, cancer movie, Cindy, enraging facial expressions, enraging hair strands, giant mouths, hatchet face, Hollywood, it's called "writing", Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Lisa's Story, Lisa's Stroy, Marianne, Marianne Winters, Mason, Mason Jarr, Mason Jarre, Mason' Marianne, Mason's Nose, Masone Jarre, mouths way too low on the face, movies, Now Cindy, Oscar, Oscars, ridiculous clothes, silly awards, slut shaming, smug poses, Squick, unbearable smugness, unearned awards, writing

by spacemanspiff85 | January 6, 2022 · 10:30 pm

It Was a Thrill, Just Like the Last Two Times

Three things about today’s strip:
1. Batiuk still depicts signs as being on the inside of the door, which is silly. I’m guessing he’d think people would miss the vitally important detail that this conversation is taking place in the band room, and he can’t think of a way to arrange the layout so you can see the outside of the door. (Also, there’s no hilariously crappy tape holding the sign up. Maybe we’ve made a difference!)
2. Based on my ten seconds of Googling, “finale list” isn’t a thing. I’m assuming it’s a play off of “bucket list”, (“he’s a musician, he wouldn’t talk about buckets, he’d talk about finales!”), but just swapping one word for another doesn’t instantly make comedy, despite what the existence of Crankshaft would have you think.
3. But hey, Dinkle is talking about his finale, which can only mean he’s about to die soon. Here’s hoping for a Sunday sideways “Death of Superman” “homage”, which will be extra awkward when it’s Becky cradling Dinkle’s corpse in her arm.

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Tagged as band room, band room sign, bare trees, Becky, bricks, bricks WHS, coffee, coffee squiggles, Dinkle, Harry, Harry Dinkle, hatchet face, heavy snow, music stands, pinned-up sleeve, Scapegoat Mascot, silhouette, smirk, snow, squiggly lines, Westview High School

Tag Archives: hatchet face

It’s not even a proper hip. It’s polystyrene.

So your Haiku is stuck somewhere between Chipmunks and early Springsteen…

Keep Circulating The Tapes

Stolen Valium

Guilt blip

“N”, the bag

You’ve come a long way, baby

Hai-can’t with this

Naked and Famous

It Was a Thrill, Just Like the Last Two Times

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