Tag Archives: hatchet face

Manos: The Hands Of Grate

Today’s strip finally gets to the point. Whatever.

All I see is a kid in a Davy Crockett coon-skin cap…
FWSmif

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Hai-Code

Today’s strip contains
A couple of near-haiku
Shall we take a look?

“This text may be the
Answer you are looking for
It’s just gibberish”

“That is because it’s
Written in the Starbuck Jones
Junior Spaceman’s code”
_________________________

Jeff has just put on
That stupid decoder ring
Why does he have it?

Came from his pocket?
Does he carry it around
Annoying others?

He just got a text?
But it was a Tweet he sent
To Director Guy

I guess that Durwood
Has uncle Jeff’s phone number
As if he’s used it

Nice car on the curb
Puts Batiukmobile® to shame
Who would park it here?

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Butterfl-hio Effect

Today’s strip is a sobering reminder of just how tantalizingly close we came to completely avoiding the foul, intrusive neighbor that is the Starbuck Jones movie. If only Mason had never come to Ohio, none of this would have happened.

– Mason only came to Ohio, of course, because he met Les on the set of Lust For Lisa.
– Tempting as it is to pin this all on Les, he was only able to lure Mason to Ohio with Holly’s collection of “Starbuck Jones” comics.
– Holly’s “Starbuck Jones” collection only existed because Cory started it.
– Cory only started the collection because… well, Tom only knows that. Maybe something to do with his stepfather reading it when he was a kid
– And Ohio is only a state because the British ceded it to the United States in the Treaty of Paris, which was only possible because the French ceded the Ohio Valley to the British after losing the French and Indian War.

“Fan” theory time:
Funky is still in a coma from that 2010 car wreck and everything that has happened since then has been a dream. It was immediately before the wreck when Starbuck Jones was first mentioned (Funky had to sell SJ issue #1 to cover Komix Korner’s overdue rent), everything else involving Starbuck Jones has occurred after the wreck. Also, think of all of the other outlandish things in this strip that have happened since that wreck, things that would have been unlikely before: the successful publication of Lisa’s Story and its national book tour and “Hollywood” chapters, Cayla’s appearance changes, Les’ love life, Cory becoming a soldier and a well-adjusted individual, Cindy comes crawling back to Ohio, Wally snags Rache and Buddy, Dick Tracy…

This theory is, of course, disgustingly unoriginal and incredibly stupid. But is it really worse than the alternative?

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Think, Tank

Day Two on the job and Rick Burchett is tasked with introducing a new character, and Batiuk even gives this one a name! “Tank” resembles bully emeritus Wedgeman, with his imposing physique, blue-black hair, and freckles/blemishes. Les, acting like a real teacher for once, unhesitatingly  offers Tank an opportunity to redeem his poor grade, but once again is stingingly slapped back to his senses, hard enough this time to make him effect a Jack Benny pose.

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Sweatin’ To The Creepies

Is today’s strip the first time Funky has gotten a positive reaction from Fitness Girl? Heck, is this the first time Funky has gotten a positive reaction from anyone in years? I think yes to the former but obviously no to the latter (see Thursday’s strip). Still, this strip usually holds Funky in such contempt that today feels like the first time someone has returned a smile to him in ages.

Giving her video of him working out is kinda creepy though. Where’s Rachel when you need her?
FWHarass-2016

Fitness Girl could have used Rachel in 2014 too…
FWHarass-2014

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Preludicrous

Had I known TB was going to gratuitously shill for his next collection of strips in today’s strip, I wouldn’t have plugged his Amazon pre-order page yesterday. Click the link above to the previous day’s post if you want to see it, I’m not linking it again.

So… Durwood first floated this whole “Prelude” idea to Les over a year-and-a-half ago. Les allegedly began working on it shortly thereafter, with his publisher delaying release of The Last Leaf until he could finish it so that they could be released together.  In fact, just last week Darin explicitly tells Les he wants to see what he has written so that he can start on the “illos” for the book.

But in today’s strip, Les is just NOW given the idea for the Prequel/Prelude book that he claimed to have started in mid-2015, a book it was definitely implied he was procrastinating on just LAST WEEK?!

I… I mean… Just… Just move on to the next story arc, please.

The Last Leaf, by the way, is going to be an actual thing. That means that, combined with Prelude and the already-published The Other Shoe, this trilogy of books that Durwood has proposed is going to be a real (expensive) thing too.

And to think I said I wasn’t gonna plug TB’s books today…

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Is Hatchet Face A Pre-Existing Condition?

Link To Today’s Hatchet Face Extravaganza

Good God that panel two Cory drawing is just an atrocity. If you showed me that drawing out of context I’d have absolutely no idea who it was supposed to be. He takes the time to shade Funky’s cheeks (because he’s fat and out of shape, you see) then draws a series of hatchet faces that could level a decent size wooded lot in minutes. I mean wow, it’s almost sort of spectacularly over-the-top in its own annoying way. It’s like a stroll through the axe department at Home Depot, except more angular.

So not only is Funky a fat guy in deteriorating health, he’s also surrounded by people who joke about his imminent death right to his face, even as he’s attempting to address his health through exercise. No encouragement, no pats on the back, just cheap mean-spirited gags about life insurance policies and a whole lot of obnoxious smirking. He goes outside and life punches him in the face, then he comes home and the family kicks him while he’s down. He’s a lot like Al Bundy, minus the jokes and the insane lust for revenge. I mean they’re literally goofing on him over the prospect of him not surviving this moronic race they’re forcing him to participate in, it’s sick.

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