Tag Archives: Complete Worthless Ass

by billytheskink | November 15, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Re-haiku-ment

Are we STILL on this?
More on Ruby's retirement
Here in today's strip

Batton butts right in
Again, he does NOT work here
Who asked him to speak?

Batton's questioning
A reflection of TB?
Is the strip's end near?

Or is this resolve?
Tom writing his thoughts in strip
Eff-ing ponderous

^{A warning haiku
The link above has cussing
That's NSFW!}

With Dinkle, Linda
And others who fake retire
Do we believe this?

We probably should
Not like TB gave Ruby
Anything worthwhile

Chester looks depressed
I mean, he's just despondent
In his sad jacket

57 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as arcs where nothing happens, Atomik Komix, author avatar, Batton, Batton Thomas, boredom personified, Chester, comic books, comics, Complete Worthless Ass, curmudgeonly oldsters, depression, drafting table, endless tedium, enraging hair strands, glasses, gradient voids, gray ashen landscape, hatchet face, impending doom, jaunty scarves, Mindy, not how the world works, not how things work, not the way the world works, oddly muted squiggly lines, Old dying people, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, really dumb questions, retirement, scarf, seldom-seen characters wearing hats, squiggly lines, squiggly lines used to denote texture, stupid, the inevitable ravages of age, the ravages of age, things that never end, why?, windows

by billytheskink | May 25, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Fortune Dweller

Uh… Cayla, had you met your husband before today’s strip?! Good feeling… ha! You’d get a “ha ha” if that was genuinely funny.

THIS, by the way, is why Les is (rightfully) not allowed to speak at graduations…

^{Where were you when Lisa was recording, Marge’s significant other?}

^{Note: Barry Balderman didn’t leave WHS because he was bullied or ignored, he left because he was obsessed with being valedictorian and had a nervous breakdown after he overheard Principal Fred Fairgood say that Cindy had the highest GPA in the class. What he did not overhear was that Fred was making a dumb joke that GPA stood for “Greatest Popularity of All”. Les earned those boos and then some.}

Lest you think that WHS might make the mistake of letting Les speak at graduation again because everyone who was in the administration when he was a student is retired… They aren’t.

I’m half certain that (then vice-) principal Nate has committed to work at the high school until he (or Les) dies in order to make sure that Les never steps in front of a graduation ceremony microphone ever again.

45 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Anon-O-Character, anon-o-character with oddly-shaped head, Anon-O-Characters, anon-o-students, bearded dick with ears, Cayla, clueless students, comma eyes, Complete Worthless Ass, constant misery, disillusionment, four eyes, heavy-handedness, Inappropriate quotes, LBD, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' Slob-ass Tie, Les. Cayla, Life is a dismal horror from which you can never escape, random students, sad-sackery, smug poses, squiggly eyebrows, traveling green shirt, unbearable smugness, Westview H.S., Westview High School, WHS

by billytheskink | May 20, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Off The Depend

Today’s strip is both stupid and gross. I have nothing else to say about it.

Here are some better comic strips, read them instead…

These puns that don’t infuriate me. Most puns don’t. TB truly has a gift…

40 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as awful wordplay, bad wordplay, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, crappy ploddinng stories that never get anywhere, Crazy, Crazy Harry, curmudgeonly oldsters, disembodied hand, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, Funkys, hip, Holly, I used to be cool, idiocy, isn't it ironic?, lame wordplay, misappropriated wordplay, Montoni's, Montoni's apron, moronic grins, Now Crazy Harry, Now Funky, old crap, Old dying people, pizza, really dumb questions, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, Squick, stupid, sub-moronic wordplay, terrible wordplay, the inevitable ravages of age, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, the ravages of age, tiny hands, toilet humor, unnatural hand gestures, wordplay

by billytheskink | May 19, 2022 · 10:30 pm

It’s not even a proper hip. It’s polystyrene.

Today’s strip FINALLY gets to the point, if indirectly and dishonestly. Despite his protesting, Crazy doesn’t really want to be hip… He’s not sad that he doesn’t have the time or energy to keep up with what’s popular on the ~~radio~~ Spotify these days, he’s sad that listening to new music would require a modicum of effort from him. He’s sad because he has decided he wouldn’t enjoy listening to anything new even though he hasn’t even tried.

In short, he’s sad that what’s “hip” doesn’t conform to what he already likes.

Well if that isn’t this comic strip in a nutshell…

32 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as awful wordplay, bad wordplay, bitter resignation, bitterness, bricks, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, Crazy, Crazy Harry, curmudgeonly oldsters, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, Funkys, hatchet face, hip, I used to be cool, lame wordplay, misappropriated wordplay, Montoni's, neatly lettered signs, Now Crazy Harry, Now Funky, Old dying people, old useless junk, pathetic attempts at relevance, Pun, punnery, puns, sad-sackery, sub-moronic wordplay, terrible wordplay, the inevitable ravages of age, the ravages of age, wordplay

by billytheskink | March 10, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Special Enragement

In today’s strip, Marianne is coming off as not simply composed but rehearsed, belying the nerves and words she had just a few days ago. Or maybe Marianne is just that good of an actress and really is worthy of that Oscar… I have to admit, only a great actress could say that Mason and Lisa’s Story deserve Academy Award nominations without breaking out in riotous laughter.

Let’s look at some odds on who this Oscar-worthy “very special person” is:

100-1 Cassidy Kerr, for giving Mason points on the backend
1,000-1 “Mr. Director” Martin Johns, for keeping his head when Marianne went AWOL from the Starbuck Jones set, actually trying to reach Marianne instead of pointlessly pontificating, and then contacting the actual authorities like a sane person
1 million-1 Cable Movie Entertainment and Clay Wallace, for letting Mason pitch Lisa’s Story at another studio with no resistance after he torpedoed their Lisa production by quitting to become Starbuck Jones (nope, it ultimately wasn’t the infamous “kill fee”)
75-1 Cindy, for arranging to use Bull’s funeral as a pre-production springboard for the movie
275-1 Holly, for demanding the movie be made but not demanding her role be portrayed
50-1 Rex Morgan MD, for… uh, aren’t people always giving him things for no reason?
700-1 Cayla, for being inhumanly comfortable with being treated as a silver medal
40-1 Marianne’s oncologist, for obvious reasons
10-1 Lisa, for dying
27-1 Lisa’s oncologist, for obvious reasons
itsgonnabehim-1 Les, for absolutely no defensible reason at all

46 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, cancer films, comma eyes, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, crowd, crowds, encroaching dread, Hollywood, impending doom, Les, Lisa, Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Lisa's Story, Los Angeles, Marianne, Marianne Winters, Mason, Mason Jarr, Mason Jarre, Mason' Marianne, Masone Jarre, movies, oh no, Oscar, Oscars, sickening dread, silly awards, unearned awards, weird noses

by billytheskink | April 7, 2021 · 10:30 pm

The Taking Of Boredom 123

Today’s strip goes beyond TB’s regular “tell, don’t show” philosophy into, well, “tell, don’t tell” territory I guess. We get a couple of 35 cent metaphors and learn NOTHING. Not a thing. In fact, you could swap the order of yesterday’s and today’s strips and it would make exactly as much sense as the present order. The Flash #123 made this big impact on this author avatar who went on to become a cartoonist… yeah, we knew that yesterday (or, 12 years ago, if you’ve ever read TB’s blog). Shouldn’t we be on to the why? The how? No, don’t bother with that, we need to hear a few more flowery words that restate what has already been restated ad nauseam.

This is beyond Herb and Jamaal‘s dopey non-specificity, which muddied the gags but didn’t keep the reader from recognizing that they existed. This glacial garbage muddies a complete lack of any substance to begin with. There is nothing here. Nothing. At all. No conflict, no suspense, no character development, no dispensation of information real or fictional. We’re waiting for a man to pay for a comic book. WE ARE WAITING FOR A MAN TO PAY FOR A COMIC BOOK. I’ll put up the $5.99 or whatever the #123 reprint costs just to get Batton the heck out of there.

59 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as arcs where nothing happens, author avatar, Batton Thomas, boredom personified, comic book cover, Comic Book tribute, comic books, comics, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, Domo, fallout shelter sign, hatchet face, knowing smirks, M!, Magic 8-ball, mixed metaphors, silhouette, silhouettes, smirk, smirks, statues, terrible artwork, The Flash, unnatural hand gestures

by billytheskink | January 19, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Eye vey iz mir!

Oh, so we’re back to the jokez! in today’s strip. If we’ve learned anything in the last week and a half, it is that Dr. Droopy and Funky both are willing to dish out this cornpone but neither is willing to take it (in fact, I would argue that this is quite literally the only thing we have learned in the last week and a half).

Well, as they say, “write what you know”… Certainly no one can claim that TB doesn’t know hypocrisy.

14 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as arcs that go on too long, arcs where nothing happens, Bad medical news, comma eyes, complaining, Complete Worthless Ass, crappy ploddinng stories that never get anywhere, doctor guy, doctors, Droopy, dull stories, dumb clothing jokes, four eyes, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, gags that go on way too long, glib doctors, hypocrisy, manila folder, medical professionals, Now Funky, Old dying people, old gags from the 1970's, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, sarcasm, Sarcastic Old Bastard, sheer idiocy, smirk, smirks, smirks exchanged, stupid, surliness, the inevitable ravages of age, the ravages of age, tiny hands, unneccessarily long arcs, very long arcs, very old gags, weak sarcasm

by billytheskink | January 18, 2021 · 10:30 pm

¡Eye Caramba!

I apologize that the post title significantly oversells the drab discharge that is today’s strip. Funky has cataracts, just like many people over age 65. Cataracts make it hard to see clearly, as Dr. Droopy so helpfully informs us. Will Funky and Dr. Droopy decide what to do about these cataracts by Saturday? If you care about the answer to that question, please seek help.

33 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as "jokes" that aren't really jokes at all, arcs that go on too long, arcs where nothing happens, boredom personified, comma eyes, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, crappy ploddinng stories that never get anywhere, doctor guy, doctors, Droopy, dull stories, four eyes, glib doctors, Old dying people, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, stupid, the inevitable ravages of age, the ravages of age, uninteresting stupid anecdotes, unneccessarily long arcs, very long arcs

by billytheskink | January 17, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Eye Cannot Believe It

If today’s post title didn’t tip you off already, I will warn you here and now that we are NOT done with Funky’s visit to the eye doctor in today’s strip. You don’t need to read it. You don’t want to read it. As much as I generally hope to see lots of comments on this site, I won’t be remotely offended if there isn’t a single comment posted today.

What is there even to say? That this whole strip could have been avoided had Funky just answered the doctor’s question in last Friday’s strip? There, I said it. Tune in tomorrow for more warnings, probably.

17 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as anon-o-nurses, arcs that go on too long, arcs where nothing happens, boredom personified, comma eyes, complaining, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, crappy ploddinng stories that never get anywhere, doctor guy, doctors, Droopy, dull stories, four eyes, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, glib doctors, idiocy, incessant complaining, Now Funky, Nurse Greenhair, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, really dumb questions, scrunchie, sheer idiocy, stupid, unneccessarily long arcs, very long arcs, waiting for things not worth waiting for

by billytheskink | January 15, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Putting the “die” in dilate

Let us all sincerely hope that today’s strip is the end of “Funky terrorizes the optometrist’s office with his shmuckery.” Oh please please please! I ran out of things to say about it on Tuesday and since then I’ve been filling space with a Droopy photoshop done in Microsoft Paint, obscure 90s punk rock references, and my own experiences at the ophthalmologist. Today, I very nearly wrote 3-4 sentences in this post about what my cat was doing right now, but I’ve taken up too much of you all’s valuable time already. Well, at least I finally thought of something to say about this strip…

Speaking of drops, I’m thinking this country’s newspapers should do just that to a couple of comic strips.

26 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Anon-O-Character, Anon-O-Characters, anon-o-nurses, arcs that go on too long, assorted weirdos, complaining, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, curmudgeonly oldsters, doctors, four eyes, Funky, Funky Cayla, Funky Winkerbean, inexplicably long intervals between events, insufferability, insufferable assholes, insulting the reader's intelligence, jerkwads, Nurse Greenhair, oddly muted squiggly lines, Old dying people, scrunchie, squiggly lines, squiggly lines used to denote texture, stupid, the inevitable ravages of age, the ravages of age, things that take an unnecessarily long time, tiny hands, token black character, unneccessarily long arcs, very long arcs

Tag Archives: Complete Worthless Ass

Re-haiku-ment

Fortune Dweller

Off The Depend

It’s not even a proper hip. It’s polystyrene.

Special Enragement

The Taking Of Boredom 123

Eye vey iz mir!

¡Eye Caramba!

Eye Cannot Believe It

Putting the “die” in dilate

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