Security has given us the all clear to continue. We thank the audience for their patience.
We’re also thankful to the first responders on hand who offered assistance to Mr. Thomas, as well as the ATF negotiator in the crowd who convinced Mr. Chaers to give himself up peacefully. We are confident that Chaers will receive back his Golden T-Square, once the proctologist at the hospital has retrieved it.
On with the show!
With a combined 86 years of continuity between Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean, keeping the Funkyverse accurate and consistent was bound to be a battle. A battle it was impossible to win.
A battle Crankshaft lost again this week, when Ed purchases a flamethrower despite already owning one.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Wash Me and I Will be Pure
Has the purported privilege of your race, your culture, your gender, your sexual orientation, your socioeconomic status, or your occupation got you feeling the stain of social guilt? Does the comfort of your upper middle class existence leave your conscience dirty when confronted with bad news on the TV?
Well! Wash those feelings away in just a few minutes! Pull out your laziest soapbox, and purge your conscience. You’ll feel fresh, radiant, clean, and righteous, when you’ve washed yourself in the fountain of virtue!
White Rain! Cheap! Affordable! Easy! The preferred soapbox of old, white, middle-class, heterosexual men everywhere!
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Tagged as 2022 Funky Awards, 2022 wrap-up, climate damage, Darin, Funky Awards, gun violence, handguns, Jessica, Roland, Rolanda, Skyler, social commentary, virtue signaling