Tag Archives: Funky Awards

Wash Me and I Will be Pure

Has the purported privilege of your race, your culture, your gender, your sexual orientation, your socioeconomic status, or your occupation got you feeling the stain of social guilt? Does the comfort of your upper middle class existence leave your conscience dirty when confronted with bad news on the TV?

Well! Wash those feelings away in just a few minutes! Pull out your laziest soapbox, and purge your conscience. You’ll feel fresh, radiant, clean, and righteous, when you’ve washed yourself in the fountain of virtue!

White Rain! Cheap! Affordable! Easy! The preferred soapbox of old, white, middle-class, heterosexual men everywhere!

Continue reading

56 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

The Child of Inattention is Forgetting.

Security has given us the all clear to continue. We thank the audience for their patience.

We’re also thankful to the first responders on hand who offered assistance to Mr. Thomas, as well as the ATF negotiator in the crowd who convinced Mr. Chaers to give himself up peacefully. We are confident that Chaers will receive back his Golden T-Square, once the proctologist at the hospital has retrieved it.

On with the show!

With a combined 86 years of continuity between Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean, keeping the Funkyverse accurate and consistent was bound to be a battle. A battle it was impossible to win.

A battle Crankshaft lost again this week, when Ed purchases a flamethrower despite already owning one.

Continue reading

83 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Artist’s Merit

Now that we’ve cut the power to his mic and had security drag Les Moore from the stage before he could read the second chapter of Lisa’s Story aloud, we can move on with our awards presentation.

From Michelangelo carving himself lowering the body of Christ from the cross,

Continue reading

71 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Opening Ceremony

We interrupt your Frankie Pierce Expose to bring you this special presentation.

Ladies and Gentlemen and Friend Fluid people of all ages, the Son of Stuck Funky team is proud to present:

THE 2022 FUNKY WINKERBEAN AWARDS!

The 2021 Funky Awards was our first ever awards presentation, and it was a great success enjoyed by all who attended. At the closing of the 2021 Funky Awards, we supposed that Tom Batiuk had no plans to retire, and hinted that we hoped to bring you many many Funky Awards to come.

A statement, I guess, Mr. Batiuk took as a threat.

But let us not mourn the ending of Funky Winkerbean, but instead celebrate all it managed to accomplish in it’s last year.

Continue reading

58 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

The Home Stretch

Voting closes 12:00 CENTRAL Last chance to put your finger on the scales!

THE 2022 FUNKY AWARDS START TOMORROW!

Please, CBH, I beg of you — please dive into some Act I material when Batiuk actually wrote things that were mildly entertaining.

Y. Knott

I’m sorry, Y. Knott, but I am bound and determined to see this Frankie thing through. Don’t worry, today is the last day of unfortunate implications, as the final Frankie arc is as anodyne as it is baffling.

But still, I hear your plea, so here’s a little Act I palate cleanser of some strips I pulled at random during my deep dives.

First, cream of the crop Political humor.

Continue reading

57 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky