Tag Archives: Jessica

Good advice that you just didn’t take

Montoni’s is busy in today’s strip! What? And Holly is flustered to the max and jealous of unhealthily self-conscious Cindy all the sudden*? Crazy!

Speaking of Crazy, his advice… isn’t ironic? I don’t know, actually, but I do know it’s been relevant to TB for decades. If only TB would take it one day.

Wait, Montoni’s is busy with regular FW cast members. Sheesh, this strip doesn’t even truly earn its “the rare Montoni’s customer” tag. This, THIS level of business has Holly frazzled and exhausted? She is as cut out for food service as Funky is for giving out marriage advice.

* Holly being self-conscious about her body hasn’t happened in a while, but to be fair, it actually isn’t new. It even goes back to when she was the other shoe.

Thanks for putting up with me and my blue tongue for the past two weeks. Thoughts and prayers for our next blogger…

Advertisements

10 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Something Definitely Needs to Be Dialed Down

Well, I never! Cindy called Harry! Someone better stop all this hilariousness, before it’s too late.
So many of the story lines in this strip lately have started this way. Somebody needs to go back to Westview because somebody there has something old timey that apparently nobody else in the world has and can’t be shipped or sent digitally. And even though apparently it’s so rare and forgotten that it only exists in Westview, somehow people will end up being wildly passionate about whatever old crap it is.
Here’s Batiuk’s writing process now:
“Gosh, I sure like old comics/movie serials/decoder rings/silent movies. If only I didn’t have to write this stupid strip, I could spend all my time reading back issues of Old Timey Junk Quarterly. I know! I could do a four month arc where someone in Westview has silent movies, and somebody else wants to see them, for some reason!” (runs the bases in his mind)
Also, am I crazy, or should it not be Cindy Jarre now? I don’t know if this is just Batiuk not giving a crap about his strip or “She was Cindy Summers in high school and that’s the only period of her live that matters”, but either way it’s dumb.

19 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

No, The Other Butter Brinkel

“So what’s the catch?” “I want to produce a documentary!” How is that a catch, exactly? I stopped wondering if Batiuk actually proofreads his own work a long, long time ago, since it’s incredibly clear he barely gives his work a passing thought anymore. Like, I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be “tried for THE murder of Valerie” and not “tried for murder of Valerie”, because nobody talks like that.
I would love to see Cindy’s job description. I think he saw her sitting in front of a camera once, but since then she’s basically just made documentaries and done whatever she feels like for her job, somehow. I mean, I know Batiuk gets paid for doing whatever crap he feels like, but most people don’t.
One of my least favorite things about Batiuk’s writing (I feel like I type that on a weekly basis) is his “funny” names. Butter isn’t in quotes, so I’m guessing it’s not a nickname, and some guy born in the late 1800s was actually named Butter by his parents.

26 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

This Comic is All Catch

It took me a little while to realize that’s supposed to be Cindy, what with the prominent bags under her eyes and the abrupt change in hair color, much grayer than it used to be. I wonder if the artist realized that Cindy and Jess, visually, were both basically just “hot young blonde” and realized Cindy needed to look older for some reason.
What is Jess even doing in Hollywood anymore? Is she still working on the stupid documentary about her dad? I think if she missed her family so much, she could do the work back in Ohio, since apparently all it consists of is sitting in front of soundboard and computer monitors with no mouse or keyboard in sight next to a Buddy Blog “journalist” for some reason.
And why does Jess think there’s some catch? The people in this comic fly back and forth between Ohio and California at the drop of a hat.

10 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Hello Darling

Programming note: Monday’s strip won’t drop until midnight eastern, so expect another “placeholder” post. Thanks!

Now this strip from last March (see detail) makes sense: the “we” moving back to Ohio is not Darin and Jess, but Darin and Pete. Turns out Boy Lisa was right, too. Jessica seems to have adjusted very well to being a long distance wife and mother.  Shouldn’t she be “trying to sublet the apartment and wrap[ping] up her documentary film work with Cindy”? Instead, she’s lounging on the deck enjoying her fifth Ketel and tonic. She’s so sloshed that she accidentally texts her mother, who is grateful for this misdirected crumb of affection.

Readers of the official FW blog will recognize the bespectacled geek dad in panel one as John Darling, Jessica’s father who was murdered. Unless they read today’s “dialogue,” though, they’ll have a hard time figuring out that the woman who looks exactly like Jessica but with different hair is her mom Jan. As drawn by Tom Armstrong, Jan Murdock was quite the hottie. Batiuk (and the returning Rick Burchett) render her using the Blandly Attractive White Female Template.

19 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

It’s Just the Wasted Years So Close Behind

Link to today’s strip.

So:  this makes a walloping four times a strip has been unavailable for preview during my latest hosting period.  That’s gotta be a record of some kind.

Of course, two of those times were Sundays, and Sunday’s strips are always unavailable for preview.  Because why should he give us time to point out the shortcomings practically leaping all over his work?

Over at Shankcraft, for example, Apple Annie is about to sign her first author:  Lillian.  But–

–didn’t Ann have Les as a client?  It seemed only a short eternity ago that Lillian was hosting Les’ launch party for his book about John Darling, who was murdered.  I thought the story was, Les, seeing as he and his book were both garbage, tossed his manuscript into the trash (where it belonged, and where it was happy*).  Ann, then a bag lady, fished it out (making it unhappy) and got it published (terrifying it), thus leading to the greatest display of egomania ever shown on the comics page.  Way to go, Ann.  Thanks (said all sarcastic-like).  But no, apparently continuity is for losers if you can score cheap points about schizophrenia.  It’s supposed to be touching, but it shoots right past maudlin and treacly and lands right in the middle of gorge-rising.

Why is it that Tom Batiuk is completely incapable of creating sympathetic characters?  Does he think, “Well, she’s got a terrible mental condition, readers will love her, because they won’t dare not!”?  Someday I’d like to ask him about his methods, and I don’t mean that as something nasty.  I’m honestly curious about how his mind works.

Anyway, based on what’s coming next week (trust me, it’s not a superpower anyone wants), I’m thinking Sunday will be a stand-alone strip.  I’m going to take stab and guess Funky’ll be in it.  But who knows?  All we can really say is that it will be uninteresting in every aspect.

And speaking of next week, my time in the chamber of horrors has come to an end, for now, so please give a warm welcome to your next host, snarker extraordinare Epicus Doomus!

*I have an idea about a children’s book, about a manuscript that knows it’s bad, and wants to be thrown away, but it keeps getting passed from hand to hand until it’s published.  It has a happy ending, in that no one buys it and the author never tries again.  Does anyone have Ann Apple’s phone number?

24 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

On Monday the Angels Start Weeping

Link to today’s strip.

Monday begins a new cycle, so today’s strip was not immediately available.  I’m going to guess we’re going to get more Cliff Anger garbage, because Batiuk seems particularly fond of that of late.  Of course, ever since Becky’s mother was left on top of a scissor-lift many years ago, I’ve learned not to be too sure of my predictions.

According to the dialogue yesterday, Cindy actually won an Emmy for her Cliff Anger documentary.  I ought to find this surprising for a number of reasons.  For one thing, I’m not sure an internet gossip site really qualifies, but never mind that.  I don’t know the rules for the Emmys.  The fact that Cindy learned nothing about Cliff (her viewers learned nothing either) makes me wonder about the quality of the work, and why it was thought award-worthy.  All we saw was people sitting in chairs chatting.   Probably Baituk shares the same low-level contempt for television that once marked one as “sophisticated,” and he feels that there are no significant awards unattached to comic books.  And of course, Cindy won and accepted her award entirely off-stage (that oughta show ‘er).

Still, I keep thinking the award was announced thusly:  “And the award goes to….Cindy Jarre, for Six Decades of Idiocy: The Cliff Anger Story!  Congratulations, Cindy, you’ve won the Emmy Award for Best Chairs!”

18 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky