Category Archives: Son of Stuck Funky

There’s No Deprecation Like Self-Deprecation Like No Deprecation I Know

Link To This Thing

That’s right, I’m back for an incredibly rare and extremely courageous third week. I don’t give a damn about what those fancy doctors say, with their “degrees” and their “worrisome test results”, I’m doing it, dammit. Never you mind “why”. If I want to throw myself on a grenade arc for the sake of the SoSF staff, then that’s what I’ll do.

As always, the regret re: doing a third week began immediately upon seeing the Monday strip. More Boy Lisa AND Batton f*cking Thomas…sigh. Maybe if Batton spent a little less time softly making wry, self-deprecating remarks about how mediocre and obscure he is and a little more time working, someone might actually read his stupid strip. He’s one of the dreariest, least-likeable characters in the entire strip, minus maybe Linda, I guess. Why is he even there? He STILL works out every day in the Atomik Komix studio? What, Phil, Flash, Ruby and Pete aren’t already wry and self-deprecating enough for one office?

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Leaves Of Ass

Link To The Always-Amusing Sunday Strip

Unless this is some kind of Sunday fake-out, it would appear that the John Darling handgun arc is finally, mercifully, over. That was weird. So anyhow, today BatYam aims his always insightful and cutting wit at leaf blowers, and how much they suck. Real topical there, Pulitzer (nominee) Boy. I could point out that Funky obviously hired the landscaping crew because he didn’t feel like raking the leaves himself, thus making him quite the hypocrite, but whatever. It’d totally kill the melancholy, depressing vibe he was going for here, and Lord knows I wouldn’t want to do that.

I assume that’s a young Cory there in panel four, which means that scene/memory probably took place during the time skip, which definitively proves it did in fact happen. Or maybe not, I don’t know.

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Forging New Memories One Gun At A Time

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Look at that thing. They haven’t made cast iron toys like that since the fifties, so naturally Batiuk remembers them very fondly. It seems pretty clear that this thing is finally, mercifully over, but then again, as Joaquín Andújar once said, “youneverknow”. One day we’ll all look back on this and have a hearty laugh, and newer SoSF commenters will think we’re making it all up.

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Misty Gun Metal-Colored Memories, Of The Way The Gun Was

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Yes, a heavy, pointy toy made of gun steel…this will surely end well.

“What’s this, dad?”

“It’s a spaceship forged from the steel from the gun used to MURDER YOUR GRANDPA!”

“WHEEEE! The spaceship is flying, daddy! It’s flying! It’s flying…OWWWWW! MY EYE!”

One day, sometime in the future, a new SoSF commenter will read a comment about the time Jessica had the gun used to kill her father (John Darling) melted down and cast into a toy rocket ship based on a Phil Holt sketch, and they’ll think “LOL yeah right, like THAT happened”. Like the time Les started climbing Kilimanjaro, stopped, came home, helped Funky name a car, then went back and finished the climb, AND rescued a wayward cat. Or the time he spent an entire week on squirrels. Truth is way stranger than fiction in the Funkyverse.

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Rubber City Meltdown

Link To This One

“Hmmm. Maybe I’ll do a crossover story where Jessica sees what’s going on with Channel One and becomes nostalgic over her father, John Darling. Then they’ll visit Atomik Komix, where Phil will draw Skyler a spaceship. Chester will tell her about a freaked-out collector weirdo, who will be Mitchell Knox, the old Batom Comics child prodigy. Then Mitchell will give her the gun used to kill John Darling. Then she’ll take the gun home, and have it melted down into the very same spaceship Phil drew!” (begins writing furiously).

The thought process at work here is unique, you just won’t find it anywhere else. This is why I’m increasingly inclined to believe* that this BatYam nut is actually a national treasure. He’s not just responsible for a whole slew of terrible comic strips, despite the bevy of evidence to the contrary. He’s actually more like an avant-garde free-form musician no one likes, who’s taking the art of writing itself into strange, abstract directions that totally defy all known conventions and standards. These stories cannot exist, yet they do.

Just re-read my description of the story above, and marvel over how that’s pretty much exactly what happened. He needed to quickly pull a story out of his ass, and THIS is what came to mind first. I mean, wow.

*(not really)

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Play D’oh

Link To The Strip In Question

Finally. It all makes perfect sense now! Boy Lisa is turning Phil Holt’s terrible spaceship drawing into a skeet target, which they will then shoot with Mitchell’s unwanted handgun. It was just so obvious all along. I’m quite frankly embarrassed and ashamed that we didn’t see this coming. Focus, people. Gotta start staying on freaking topic around here, dammit.

The biggest mystery? Why does Boy Lisa have modeling clay just lying around? He’s an illustrator/storyboarder, not a sculptor or a, uh, clay-molderer. Right now, I have to believe that SoSF commenter J.J. O’Malley might have been on to something yesterday, as this whole thing is veering off in a seriously queasy direction.

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I’ve Got An Idea Of Something We Could Do With The Gun

Link To This One

So to recap: an unstable weirdo they’d met only minutes before gave Boy Lisa and Jessica a misplaced handgun, which they then brought home and brandished while their eight year old son gleefully potty-trained in the background. Oh, and it’s not just any gun, but the gun that was used to kill Jessica’s father, John Darling. All very wholesome and normal.

And now, it would appear that Jessica is urging Boy Lisa to somehow use the handgun to…uh, I dunno, get Phil Holt to draw more spaceships for Skyler? I mean, only a fool would attempt to predict where this could be going, so I’ll leave that up to y’all. Just kidding. But seriously, WTF? This just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

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His House Was A Museum, When Boy Lisa Came To See-Um

Link To Today’s

SIGH. It’s still going. Jessica, a born and bred Westviewian, doesn’t understand nerdy collectors? Puh-LEEZE! Not buying that, even for a second. Her husband owns a Flash treadmill, for crying out loud. This is just plain lazy writing, and BatYam should be ashamed of himself. If he had any capacity for that, I mean.

Another robin’s egg blue car. I’m assuming that a container ship full of knock-off Estonian cars washed up on the Ohio shores back in 2002 or so, and everyone grabbed one. And that car would NEVER pass New Jersey’s stringent auto emissions standards, that’s for sure. I mean, no one would notice or even care, but you’d never get a clean inspection sticker driving around in that thing.

So where in God’s name could this arc possibly be going from here? Will Boy Lisa find some local weirdo who repairs cracked coffee mugs, thus preserving John Darling’s (Jessica’s father) legacy forevermore? Will he use the gun to wrest control of Atomik Komix away from the geriatrics? I don’t know, but I do know it’ll be stupid in ways that none of us are capable of accurately forecasting, and that is a 100% certainty.

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Hello Darling, Nice To See You, It’s Been A Long Arc

Link To The Sunday Strip

Interesting how the gun is nowhere to be seen today, in the Sunday strip. Perhaps he felt it’d be inappropriate, as a lot of people see the Sunday funnies, as opposed to the daily ones, which no one sees. It’s certainly conspicuous by its absence, as it was, you know, the whole centerpiece of the entire story and all.

Even stranger is Mitchell declining to talk about comic books. I repeat: MITCHELL DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT COMIC BOOKS. This is unprecedented in Westviewian history. It’s never happened before, and it’ll surely never happen again. Whatever that Brady Wentworth did to ol’ Mitchell back in the day, it sure was effective. Now let’s hope we never, ever find out what that was, OK? Because I really don’t want to know.

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Picture…This???

Link To This One

Well, if Batiuk was aiming for “complete insanity” re: Mitchell, he certainly nailed it. One minute he’s a snarling, angry psycho, the next he’s a star-struck fanboy. In any event, Mitchell is probably one of the, uh, more “interesting” Act III “new” characters. There’s not a lot of competition there, of course, but still, he beats the snot out of Buck, Cliff, Flash, Phil and the rest of that sad-sack sorry lot. Although I was really hoping he’d hold them hostage or kill them or something. Oh well, maybe the next John Darling arc will be better.

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