Spring Bored

Link To Today’s Installment

Mort has really exceptional hearing too, as he apparently overheard every morsel of Mindy’s tiresome maudlin babbling. The fact that he’s in a band makes his excellent hearing that much more remarkable. I wonder if Fred Fairgood ever stares from his window forlornly and wishes he was stricken with the fun, zany kind of debilitating illness Morty got instead of the shitty one he ended up with.  I’d say it’s a near certainty.

Anyhow blah blah blah, multiple days of characters talking about using the internet…let the wry times roll, eh? They’re gonna buy this rare old catalog, give it to Crankshaft…and then what? Does he die happy (ha)? Does he drool all over it? Given how decrepit Act III FW Ed is, I don’t see many other possibilities there. No one can romanticize old junk quite like BatSnore can. Shitty old comics, decoder rings, VHS tapes, old catalogs, I bet his garage is a real mess.

 

Advertisements

6 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Grandpa Batom Always Does

Link To Today’s Thing

At least demented, Alzheimer’s-ridden old Morty had a unique FW personality all his own, uninteresting and un-entertaining as it may have been. Now, alas, he’s just like the rest of them. Sigh.

Note to Tom: “Grandpa Google” is never, ever going to catch on, mainly because it doesn’t make any f*cking sense whatsoever. Perhaps it’s almost time to stop carrying on as if The Internet is some sort of newfangled marvel and just allow the characters to use it without acting all incredulous about it.

Coming tomorrow: Mort’s three-hundred pound box of old catalogs arrives and is unfortunately dropped on Ed’s oxygen hose. It crimps and he dies. Entire generations of comic strip readers shrug and/or say “what the hell is a “Crankshaft”?

20 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Room /Z/

Link To Today’s Strip

See, if you never fully commit to the crossover it’s not shameless self-promotion, it’s just wry Tomfoolery. Everyone remembers the psychotic old school bus driver but no one in the Funkyverse can remember his name…which is Ed. Har-dee-f*cking har-har. After Mindy (shudder) marries Pete and they rent some “young couple just starting out” shitbox in the Montoni’s district will she still remember her grandfather’s (Ed, BTW) name or will she refer to him as “that grandfather guy”? Will Pete call him “your grandfather guy”? The mind reels.

 

19 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Everyone Hates The Sunday Strips

Link To Today’s Strip

Strip drops at midnight.

 

18 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Con Job

Link To Today’s Strip

Good ol’ Morty Winkerbean…BatWards’ worst retcon job ever. Those of you with short memories might not recall the “Funky puts his dementia-stricken father in a nursing home” arc of whatever year that was (2010, maybe 2011?) or how it led to Funky’s near-fatal car wreck or how that arc birthed (sigh) the Starbuck Jones phenomenon. Back then (and until he started smoking cigarettes several years later) Mort was gone, as in all the way. He’d show up on Father’s Day, Funky would wheel him around, he’d mutter a little and that was that.

Fast-forward to mid-2018 and that very same Morton is as sharp as the point on BatNard’s head and twice as witty. Hatching feel-good schemes, cutting records and performing live (only a few years after learning to play the trombone, mind you) AND he’s online too! Why, a reader who didn’t know any better might assume that this “Mort” fella is a brand new character but nope, he’s the same guy who was reduced to drool-cup status a few short (actually extremely long and tedious) years ago.

So I guess what I’m saying here is that BatWrite wasted years and years creating his little stories and creating a fictional universe that not only never went anywhere, it actually grabbed itself by the tail and ate itself. And I didn’t even mention how Crankshaft is somehow way older in FW than he is in his own strip, which is something I’m not even going to comment on as I don’t read “Crankshaft” and never will.

19 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tedium Rare

Link To Today’s Strip

The single dumbest FW/Crankshaft crossover arc ever continues today, as the Power Couple Of The Century continues to drone on and on about some old catalogs in front of a decrepit and slowly dying Crankshaft, as an increasingly aware and mentally sharp Morty eavesdrops and schemes in the background. It’s difficult to believe BatWad needs TWO daily comic strips to spin this yarn but then again it’s difficult to believe he has two daily comic strips at all.

19 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Mope Springs Eternal

Link To Today’s Strip

Springtime…a time of rebirth, flowers blooming, leaves sprouting (as opposed to falling), sunshine, mailboxes full of junk mail…yep, a time when a psychotic old bus driver’s fancy turned to the ol’ mail order catalog. No wonder everyone hates him and/or can’t ever remember his name.

Then there’s Pete, who understands ol’ Crankshaft all too well (and has to make the conversation all about himself and comic books, of course). Apparently HE sat on pins and needles waiting for the new “Starbuck Jones” to drop even though it may or may not have already run its course ten or thirty years before he was even conceived. WHY are these two talking about old mail order catalogs at a nursing home? What prompted this completely random old memory? Why is Morton lurking suspiciously in the background? Is he going to buy Chester’s old catalogs for his ol’ pal Crankshaft?

Of course he is. Crankshaft sold his catalog collection to Chester who’s going to sell his catalog collection to Morton who’s going to give them to Crankshaft, because that’s how things always work in the Funkyverse. Then Crankshaft will die and some cold unfeeling health aide will unceremoniously toss his life’s work into the dumpster and the circle of junk will be complete. I mean just look at ol’ Cranky…what the hell is he going to do with two hundred pounds of old catalogs? No one sentimentalizes old garbage quite like BatNut does. Just look at how he keeps re-packaging that stupid old Lisa story…ZING!!!!

19 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky