Syllabuster

It is not really fair for me to question the comparison of a military briefing to first day of an unidentified community college class as in today’s strip. While I have my suspicions about how appropriate the comparison is, I have only experienced the latter situation.

I will, however, point out that both Colonel Crew-Cut and Professor Forehead are awkwardly stating what both their audience in the room already know and what newspaper comic strip readers could reasonably infer without such clunky exposition. It is like TB leading off each strip with a drawing of him saying:

The following is a comic strip I wrote. It carries the weight of substantial ideas. Silver Age Flash is also important literature.

Uh, maybe I shouldn’t have thrown that idea out there…

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Tardee-la

Nice as that introduction is, Epicus, I don’t know if my return is triumphant. Even so, billytheskink is here for a couple of weeks of wading through the marsh that is TB’s latest “substantial idea”.

Last week’s slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow build up continues in today’s strip. I guess this is supposed to build suspense while we wait for Wally to become uncomfortable enough around Adeela to win an award or at least generate a Tuesday Arts & Entertainment section quarter-page story about how Funky Winkerbean is more serious than Sherman’s Lagoon.

But there is no suspense in this strip. There is only Dilbert’s brother, the Human Bowling Pin:
FunkyDilbert

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Sunday October 14

Link To Sunday’s Strip

Coming tomorrow: the triumphant return of billytheskink!

Sunday’s strip is, as usual, unavailable for preview. What will it be? Another comic book cover? “Wallace McHero and Budrick the Space Dog”. A continuation of whatever this Wally nonsense is about? Something totally unrelated? Sundays are always a crap shoot (emphasis on crap), anything can happen (so to speak) and it’s as unpredictable as a line of Keisha dialog. My guess? I’m running with the theory that this “Adeela” character is Wally’s Afghani girlfriend who lost an arm when Wally got hammered at the annual enlisted man’s ball and crashed his Jeep, then she dumped him for a Pakistani comic book virgin dude after believing he was dead. But the joke’s on HER because he WASN’T!

And that’s it for me for now, I’ll be back right around when the last leaf falls and the blizzards begin, or “November” as it’s known in the Funkyverse.

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Issues Of Futures Passed

Link To Today’s Strip

Poor, poor Wally. At long last everything appears to finally be going his way. He’s about to graduate with a coveted six year degree in pizzeria management, he’s once again able to freely mingle and fraternize with co-eds and his uncle is about to bestow upon him the highest honor a Westviewian can achieve. So naturally the Great Pulitzer Nominee is setting him up for yet another brutal gut-punch, another cruel setback, another trigger that will send his PTSD into overdrive and destroy the happiness he’s painstakingly built for himself over the last several years.

Apparently “Adeela” is some sort of new character hailing from the war-ravaged Middle East, a character who just happens to be enrolling at Westview Community College just as Wally reaches the apex of his long and painful recovery. And if I know my FW, this Adeela will probably be a one-armed radioactive comic book fanatic who stepped on a “bouncing Betty” on the way to the chemo ward after gaining a lot of weight. Lord only knows where this might be going but if Wally’s involved it’s a safe bet that it’s nowhere good.

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Relatively Speaking

Link To Today’s Strip

As usual the characters are furiously babbling and making no sense whatsoever. Wally already DOES “work with” Funky and has been doing so for YEARS now. Are we to believe Funky has been withholding the most important and meaningful secrets of the pizzeria trade from his nephew until he was sufficiently educated? Why are they talking about Wally like he’s some sort of child and why are the carrying on as if being made assistant manager at Montoni’s would represent some great career leap for him? “Fresh ideas”…”thriving”…LOL, I mean come on.

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The Analogies Of A Short Distance Runner

Link To Today’s Installment

Ol’ Man Winkerbean, fifty-five going on eighty-eight. Pass the baton, break the tape…what, is Montoni’s somehow involved in some sort of bizarre long-term business competition or something? “I’ll be damned if Kowalski Shoe Repair beats ME for longest continually operating Westviewian business! Help me pull out these IV tubes”. All of a sudden he’s Carl Lewis with the running references even though when he does run all he does is complain about it.

It’s pretty funny how Wally needed to earn a six-year business management degree in order for his uncle to consider him worthy of operating his pizza business. Working for six years to earn a college degree only to find yourself exactly where you were when you started…that’s just so, so Wally. Then again maybe he’s just pacing himself and biding his time until he hits his 80s and life becomes wacky and zany again. Either way it’s profoundly depressing, I mean hasn’t he already suffered enough?

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Arrivederci, Sir Tony

Link To Today’s Strip

So Tony came back for two days specifically to a) remind the readers that Wally is finally graduating and b) leave again almost immediately. It’s funny how everyone naturally assumed Tony was in Florida, a situation that needed no further explanation or embellishment, but actually he was right there at Montoni’s the whole time, which of course also meant that he was still seeing Wally regularly and probably would have known all about his upcoming graduation thereby rendering the last two days even more inexplicable. So in just two days BanTom revisited a character no one was clamoring for or talking about and who had no loose plot threads to speak of and created a whole series of new and even stupider questions about that character, questions that can never and will never be resolved or spoken of again. All just to get that “God’s waiting room” gag into the strip. Truly a master crapstman at work.

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