2022, Lisa.
Lisa, many Lisa 2022.
Lisas?
Lisa January.
Lisa-est Lisa.
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The Child of Inattention is Forgetting.
Security has given us the all clear to continue. We thank the audience for their patience.
We’re also thankful to the first responders on hand who offered assistance to Mr. Thomas, as well as the ATF negotiator in the crowd who convinced Mr. Chaers to give himself up peacefully. We are confident that Chaers will receive back his Golden T-Square, once the proctologist at the hospital has retrieved it.
On with the show!
With a combined 86 years of continuity between Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean, keeping the Funkyverse accurate and consistent was bound to be a battle. A battle it was impossible to win.
A battle Crankshaft lost again this week, when Ed purchases a flamethrower despite already owning one.
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Artist’s Merit
Now that we’ve cut the power to his mic and had security drag Les Moore from the stage before he could read the second chapter of Lisa’s Story aloud, we can move on with our awards presentation.
From Michelangelo carving himself lowering the body of Christ from the cross,
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Opening Ceremony
We interrupt your Frankie Pierce Expose to bring you this special presentation.
Ladies and Gentlemen and Friend Fluid people of all ages, the Son of Stuck Funky team is proud to present:
THE 2022 FUNKY WINKERBEAN AWARDS!
The 2021 Funky Awards was our first ever awards presentation, and it was a great success enjoyed by all who attended. At the closing of the 2021 Funky Awards, we supposed that Tom Batiuk had no plans to retire, and hinted that we hoped to bring you many many Funky Awards to come.
A statement, I guess, Mr. Batiuk took as a threat.
But let us not mourn the ending of Funky Winkerbean, but instead celebrate all it managed to accomplish in it’s last year.
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Son of Stuck Funky 
Wash Me and I Will be Pure
Has the purported privilege of your race, your culture, your gender, your sexual orientation, your socioeconomic status, or your occupation got you feeling the stain of social guilt? Does the comfort of your upper middle class existence leave your conscience dirty when confronted with bad news on the TV?
Well! Wash those feelings away in just a few minutes! Pull out your laziest soapbox, and purge your conscience. You’ll feel fresh, radiant, clean, and righteous, when you’ve washed yourself in the fountain of virtue!
White Rain! Cheap! Affordable! Easy! The preferred soapbox of old, white, middle-class, heterosexual men everywhere!
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Tagged as 2022 Funky Awards, 2022 wrap-up, climate damage, Darin, Funky Awards, gun violence, handguns, Jessica, Roland, Rolanda, Skyler, social commentary, virtue signaling