Surly To Bed, Surly To Rise

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It’s FW at its darkest and most dramatic today, as an enraged Bull desperately flings his precious football DVDs around in an idiotic frenzy, refusing to return to bed until he’s able to re-live one more old football memory. How this is supposed to differ from non-CTE Bull is beyond me, but there you go. It’s sort of funny how one-dimensional Bull is and how every single aspect of his character, even his psychotic breakdowns, centers around high school football and it’s also mildly amusing how mundane the actual activity (looking for a lost DVD) is, given how this is apparently supposed to portray how “unstable” Bull is supposed to be right now. Maybe tomorrow he’ll violently attack the toilet brush or lash out angrily at that welcome mat that’s always getting stuck under the door.

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It’s Forget-A-Bull

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Aside from losing someone’s pizza or misplacing their comic books, losing a Westviewian’s old videotaped memories is about the worst thing that can happen, so I can’t really fault Bull for his obscenity-laden tantrum. “Brownie Point”…that’s a good one.

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Nuh Body Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen

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A stunning turn of events today, as it’s revealed that Bull is in fact downstairs watching one of his old high school football games, a development no one could have foreseen. BatYarn once again can’t resist grinding his heel into Bull’s soul, again reminding readers that Bull is, was and always will be a sad-sack schlub and all-around loser who wasted his life on stupid sports instead of watching his first wife die and writing a book about it like more refined, studious and educated Westviewians do. Suffering from a degenerative brain disease isn’t enough punishment for Bull’s past transgressions, now he’s going to be forced to wallow in his lengthy litany of defeat for good measure, just to further drive the point home. BatTom won’t even allow Bull the dignity of becoming a drooling helpless idiot, he’s still milking him for laughs and cheap gags and apparently will continue to do so to the bitter end. Man that guy sure carries a grudge.

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Linda Couldn’t Sleep At All Last Night

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Nothing else in the Funkyverse ratchets up the drama and tension like a good old fashioned silent Monday cliffhanger strip does. Where is Bull? The mind simply reels at the potential ramifications of this startling revelation. Is he alive? Is he dead? Is he in the house? Did he leave? And if so, where did he go? The possibilities and ramifications are practically infinite.

And of course by “infinite” I mean two. He’s obviously either watching TV or he’s over at the ol’ ball field, once again reflecting on the moronic life he’ll eventually be forgetting. Sometimes I wonder if a) Bull’s CTE will ever actually manifest itself in any visible way and b) will anyone be able to tell the difference when that happens? I mean it certainly hasn’t seemed to affect his ability to hang around remembering things, as it’s literally all he’s done since his diagnosis.

And I really appreciated the visual imagery today, as I’m sure I’m not the only regular FW reader who always (shudder) wondered what Linda looked like when she was (gak) waking up. Turns out she looks the same, only crabbier. Good to know.

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Did I Stutter?

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Back in 1994 BatYak was considered something of a modern-day Nostradamus, courageously addressing timely social issues of the day long before they became fashionable. Guns in schools, teen pregnancy, drunk prom driving, alcoholism, divorce, talk radio, medical chart snafus…BatHack saw these broad social trends coming and tried to communicate these truths to us via his unique brand of obtuse wry banter, which unfortunately was just a bit too far ahead of its time for the “average” comic strip reader to properly appreciate. In an era marked by noisy dissonant pop-culture phenomenons like Nirvana and “For Better And For Worse” Batiuk’s subtle, more writer-ly take was lost in the shuffle. It was truly America’s loss.

Anyhow, it’s a real delight to see the still-dying Fred manage to weakly mutter his approval for the #hashtag movement as his loveless wife and reluctant caretaker Ann looks on with barely interested disgust at the frail wretch of a man her philandering ambition-crushing husband has become. So it turns out that the whole #anti-guns in schools arc was just a prop to take a victory lap acknowledging that FW addressed the issue way before it became trendy and fashionable. Nicely done. If any “young people” get teen pregnant or let talk radio inspire them to blow up post offices he’ll have that covered too. Sigh.

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A Brief History Of Stupidity

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You know he’s going to say this arc was “about” climate change, even though it was actually “about” six days too long. See, while I have no idea how it really works, I assume they do the artwork based on a TomBan premise, then he fills in the word balloons with his shitty dialog. I mention this because in my opinion there was something “off” about this arc, like the premise it was drawn for was something different than he ultimately opted to go with. The subject of the arc (Holly’s mother) is unseen, Funky is inexplicably shoveling snow at some sort of municipal building, apparently having forgotten that his mother-in-law already does live with him and today Holly throws an entirely inappropriate sinister smirk at Funky for no reason.

It doesn’t add up and it reads like it was supposed to be something else before, for whatever reason, BatNard dropped the original premise and threw together this piece of garbage instead. Or maybe I’m wrong and this was exactly what he intended to do all along, which is an even scarier thought.

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Three Rights Make A Left

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Oh boy. Today we see TomBat courageously dipping his toe into, uh, “climate change politics”, let’s say. It’s an issue he tackles once a decade or so. Regardless of where you stand or how you feel about climate change, I think it’s safe to say that anyone concerned with or bothered by climate would take their chances sinking in Florida over living in Westview, where months-long Antarctic-like blizzards and life-threatening leaf falls are a way of life. It makes even New Jersey look like paradise.

Yeah yeah yeah, his name is in there but please, try to refrain from “political debate” in the comment section and devote your energies toward making fun of the comic strip, please. It’s one of the few things left that all comic strip-reading Americans can agree upon. I ask for so little and give so much, just indulge me on this one. Thank you in advance.

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