The Tank Is Empty

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contentMan, I REALLY hate having to turn my entire computer sideways to read these stupid Sunday “homage” strips. Today we learn that Cliff (who’s in a modern movie RIGHT NOW) feels a little out of step with these newfangled picture shows, which is probably to be expected given that he just emerged from a sixty year hibernation. “You mean people watch movies in their HOUSES now? I…I…I…can’t BELIEVE it! Where does the projector go?”.

“Tank Thompson”??? What THIS has to do with anything is anyone’s guess. I’ll never understand why the Batom Comics covers are never relevant to the (ahem) “stories” they follow, but then again it’s be pretty stupid of me to expect logic to come into play at this point.

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Too Much Junk Business

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This is one of those strips it took me a while to figure out, as at first glance I was totally baffled. OK, apparently they’re doing an audience Q&A session and one of the audience members felt the need to lob rather unimaginative insults at the old WHS computer which, out of completely nowhere, has suddenly become a relevant character again. Continue reading

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Just Holtron To What You’ve Got

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Holtron? What? Are we pretending that the old Act I WHS school computer is sentient again? Why? This is just achingly bad, intelligence-insultingly bad, BAD bad and not in the “good” Michael Jackson way either. What the f*ck is Cliff smirking about and what’s up with Marianne? She looks like she’s about to gnaw on some logs or something there. This whole Comic-Con SJ Q&A panel premise hasn’t just gone off the rails, it’s gone off the rails, plummeted down a steep cliff and landed with a huge splash in a sewage treatment retention pond.

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She’ll Never Get Out Of There

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Ha…ha. “Cut”…get it? That’s a real howler and the wry banter really enhances the joke too IMO. Sigh. I guess it’ll just go on and on like this for a while, unfortunately. Once again we see our pal Guy McAuthor establish a semi-decent and perfectly functional premise only to gunk the whole thing up with the usual awful wordplay and barely-recognizable “jokes” as Conan enters the FW “why?” Hall Of Shame alongside Dick Tracy, the Flash and that comic book guy who had the heart attack that time. One wonders what the Great Writer had in mind when he started this, back before he became bored with it three seconds later. If he could ever just follow through on one of these premises someday…(sigh).

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Boy Howdy

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A female FW character talking about playing a strong female comic book character in a movie. Oh my, that’s just priceless, especially when it’s a female FW character with all the emotional strength of a lost puppy with its head caught in a sewer grate. An alarmingly delicate and naive waif who’s built like a Wheat Thin…maybe that’s Cartoon Conan’s type but sorry there BanTom, you blew the chance to create a buxom marriage-ruining boffo box-office sex vixen movie star character right around when you had this one trying to kill herself over seeing a candid picture of herself kissing Mason Jarre on the cheek. It’s too late to go back now, so have Cartoon Conan put it back in his pants.

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In Space No One Can Hear You Snore

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Conan allowed himself to serve as the butt of a FW gag? What an honor! Seriously though, what a hacky attempt at a joke, seeing how Conan interviews movie stars all the time and surely knows that they don’t really film space flicks in “space” and…

Whoops, there I go again, trying to apply “real life” logic to this comic strip again. Although this Conan cameo is a little strange, it’s old familiar turf for BanTom. You younger readers probably don’t remember the old Act I arc where Dick Cavett talked Les down off the gymnasium rope or that “very special” prestige arc where Lisa told off an irate Morton Downey Jr. or that classic one when Funky passed out drunk in Joe Franklin’s “green room”. And of course there was “John Darling”, the strip that featured “real life” celebrities all the time…supposedly, although interestingly enough there’s no one alive today who can verify for sure that JD was anything more than a fevered dream that never actually happened.

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Conan The Roar-barian

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Well THIS is somewhat unexpected. The SJ “sizzle reel” has at long last aired (off-screen, natch) and the gang is being introduced to the roaring SJ throng by none other than late night TV’s very own Conan O’Brien, who I used to respect. On the plus side at least this is somewhat relevant to something (tenuously, but still) and not just a bunch of characters meandering around making terrible puns and complaining about things, so there is that, I guess. I love how he worked that old WHS computer in there, sort of like an “easter egg” for loyal FW readers (LOL) who remember that minor subplot from way back when.

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