Palme d’Bore

Link To Today’s Strip

It took me a minute to decipher Mason’s idiotic babbling. He means palm trees. Get it? It’s so embarrassing when BatNap tries too hard to be clever. It doesn’t really happen that often and it’s easy to see why.

Didn’t they travel to NYC together? Why is Mason leaving without Les? The entirety of Les’ involvement with the cancer movie consisted of giving Mason a general idea of where he scattered Lisa’s ashes then showing him a bench in a city they visited once? That sort of seems, uh, not right. The contents of that cancer book of his become more and more enigmatic all the time, sometimes it’s the story of a dying woman’s courage in the face of death and sometimes it’s the Encyclopedia Lisatannica, complete with extensive footnotes.

Note Les’ incredibly obnoxious pose in panel one. Mason is actually thanking Dick Facey for the privilege of allowing him to stonewall him with his overly sensitive and quite frankly pissy attitude, like Les just granted this major Hollywood celebrity a priceless audience with a true artist. Well, I least that’s what I get out of that image, but Les is capable of enraging me even when he’s very poorly rendered from a distance. History has shown again and again that BatYap is nothing if not lazy, so let’s hope this marks the end of the cancer movie trip down bad memories lane, if for no other reason than a lack of effort.

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And A Second Hand Guitar It Was A Stratocaster Owned By Mason Jarre

Link To Today’s Strip

Uh yeah Mason, whatever you say. If I recall correctly, he actually traded in his guitar to become Dino Deer, whatever the hell that was. I’m trying to parse the timeline here, as Mason is way, way too young to have started a band after seeing The Beatles on Ed Sullivan. It’s so weird how every character in this strip is into popular culture from twenty years before they were born. And in Mason’s case, he traded a pop-culture icon from twenty years before he was born for another pop-culture icon from forty years before he was born, then starred in a movie with a pop-culture icon from a hundred years before he was born. It won’t be long before someone in the strip starts re-creating old patent medicine shows.

It’s almost hard to believe that BatYap ran out of Dead Lisa tropes already, but there’s really no other explanation. This one is so random and so pointless it doesn’t even qualify as filler. It also demonstrates that unlike with “writers”, BatHam doesn’t particularly respect actors all that much, as it’s sort of implied here that Mason just picked up acting as an afterthought and (in typical FW style) just pretty much blundered his way into Hollywood fame and riches without really trying. Which wasn’t Mason’s original back story, but at this point it doesn’t matter anyway, as we all know that Les f*cking Moore is the only living soul who’s ever had to toil, suffer and sacrifice to create truly authentic art and everyone else is just a big insincere phony hack. What a dick.

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Two Annoying Jerks With Dumb Intent

Link To Today’s Dreariness

Yep, it’s the one with the plaque that says “FOR LISA” with her face on it. Why Lisa has a park bench dedicated to her in Manhattan too is a mystery to me. She sure did like park benches though, that’s been made abundantly clear. Good thing she didn’t have ass cheek cancer or some sort of painted wood allergy, otherwise the entire course of the strip might have been inexorably altered. And so what if Mason sits on the Lisa bench? She died almost twenty-three years ago, countless hundreds of thousands of weirdos have sat on the park bench through the years. But if Mason does it somehow shames and disgraces Her memory? How. exactly? I mean it’s a park bench, what else can you do with it?

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Is It Me You’re Looking For?

Link To Today’s

Well, let’s see. There’s English teacher Les, the insufferable smug bearded dick with ears, Husband Les, the insufferable smug bearded dick with ears, Father Les, the insufferable smug bearded dick with ears, Author Les, the insufferable smug bearded dick with ears and Friend Les, the insufferable smug bearded dick with ears. So no matter which Les you “settle on”, you get an insufferable smug bearded dick with ears. Mason will have to up his smirking game though, I’ll tell you that.

There’s the early act III Les we all know and loathe, the Delicate Genius who’s experienced loss and pain on a level none of us slovenly mortals can ever truly grasp. Now on top of somehow turning Les’ maudlin cancer book (in real life not a book but just a collection of previously-released material BTW) into a semi-watchable film Mason has to study Dick Facey too, lest he fail to properly capture his many nuances and foibles. It’s just repulsive beyond words.

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Point, Les

Link To Today’s Thing

Man, that post title just wrote itself. I’ve been waiting years to use that one. Anyhow, Lisa’s sainted ashes (sigh) are still the main focus, as Mason (who just promised to respect Les’ Lisa boundaries a few months ago) is poking and prodding him to give up the EXACT SPOT where Les dumped Her ashes, as if anyone would actually care. It’s so weird when Les isn’t the sickest and most morally repugnant character in a story, you know? I mean how long is this movie going to be? How many downer endings will it have? Ten? Twenty? Does it start when they meet? When they get married? I KNOW I definitely don’t want to relive THAT wedding (look it up). Is there an intermission after she dies? Sigh.

Coming soon: “Lisa’s Story Part II…The Re-Lisaning”, the follow-up to Mason Jarre’s 2020 smash hit film. Watch as Les blithely ignores his new still-living wife…again. With forty-three hours of never-before-seen “behind the scenes” footage.

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Ashes To Ashes, Funk To Funky

Link To Today’s Atrocity

Sigh. Once again Dick Facey is forced to defend the sanctity and honor of his cancer book, which as always makes one wonder why he keeps agreeing to these adaptations. No one cares about the time Les littered Central Park with Lisa’s mortal remains (which is probably illegal anyhow), why Mason would need to include that bit of morbidity in his stupid movie is anyone’s guess. I’m pretty sure that precise historical accuracy isn’t really necessary to properly tell Lisa’s f*cking story…again…but TomLes never could resist an opportunity to snuggle his masterpiece firmly to his bosom and screech “MINE!” at anyone attempting to soil or defame it. This is definitely FW’s most annoying recurring theme and there are plenty of those to choose from, believe you me.

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The only creature that knows of death, and its inevitability

Link to the Sunday Mourning strip.

I’m writing this before the Sunday strip becomes available, as is usual for Sunday and Funky Winkerbean.  Thus, I have no idea what it might be.  I have a feeling we’ll be seeing more trivia associated with the upchucking upcoming Lisa’s Story movie, but we might get Funky and Holly at home, or–in a massive middle finger to “continuity”–Funky and Les out for a morning run.   Remember the time Les flew to Africa, then flew back to Ohio in the middle of his trek up Mount Kilimanjaro so he could comment on Funky’s new car?  He then immediately flew back and ended up back with his tour group.  Lucky for them, huh?  Probably, that’ll be revised so that it was Mason’s private plane doing all that plague bacillus transporting, even though Mason was but a glimmer in Batiul’s eye back then, because when you have awards to win, tiny little details like telling a coherent story are totally unimportant.

UPDATE:  Oh my goodness, Lisa’s Story is the most tragic and heart-rending story every told.   Every detail is just more piteous and disturbing.  Why?  Is it because her suffering reaches deep into the soul, and illustrates the grand scheme of life in all its glory, which is then only cut from us cruelly, and discarded, along with all our dreams?

No, it’s because it gave an asshole like Les Moore the gateway to fame and respect–two things that should never have come close to this utterly loathsome gibbering slime-sheet.  I would give–(checks pocket change)–$1.78 if Mason would just dump Les into the fountain and say, “What a waste of space you are.  Good luck getting an airline ticket out of here; after I use my enormous fame to blacken your reputation forever, no one will want to touch you.”

Heck, I could go as high as $2.56.  Let me check under the couch cushions, and I might be able to sweeten that even more!

And…that’s all from me for this go-round.  Thank you all for your indulgence and for being a great audience.  Your contributions make this site what it is.  And please, a warm round of applause for Epicus Doomus, who takes over the center seat starting Monday.  Excelsior!

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