Son of Stuck Funky

by billytheskink | October 20, 2020 · 10:30 pm

The Westview Pizza-ccord

This guy still doesn’t look anything like Bill Clinton, but at least he’s game to help the gang in today’s strip, which means we’re probably closer to the end of this idiocy (and the start of a new idiocy). A President Clinton junk food joke? Really, TB? Did you write this in 1994 or when people stopped laughing at the thought of the President eating French fries (which was 1995, I believe)?

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Tagged as 1/4 inch from reality, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, awful dialog, cardiac issues, cell phones, cellphone, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, half-assed political commentary, hatchet face, Holly, Now Funky, pizza, pizza delivery, poor female characters, President Clinton, Rachel, sheer idiocy, smirk, stupid, telephone transactions, terrible artwork, tiny hands, Wally, you have got to be f-ing kidding me

by billytheskink | October 19, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Hey I once met you, and this is crazy… but here’s my number, so call me, Funky.

Holly’s persistence pays off in today’s strip… or does it?

Yes, the 27 (or 37) year old phone number for President Clinton that Funky has still works, and his call has been received by a cell phone that recognizes Funky’s personal cell phone as Montoni’s! It must be the same brand as Wally’s magic Adeela-recognizing phone. But the man answering it, unfortunately, is not the former President.

Look, I dunno if this guy is Durwood 40 years in the future or maybe James Woods after a horrible accident involving a beaker or two of acid or the world’s most embarrassing caricature of the late Jerry Orbach or if Ayers just forgot what Flash Freeman looks like… but I do know he’s not Bill Clinton.

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Tagged as 1/4 inch from reality, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, cell phones, cellphone, enraging hair strands, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, half-assed political commentary, Holly, how things are NEVER done, huge hands, Montoni's, not how the world works, Now Funky, Ohio, President Clinton, Rachel, sheer idiocy, stupid, tags you never thought you'd use, technology, telephone transactions, terrible artwork, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, unneccessarily long arcs, Wally, you have got to be f-ing kidding me

by billytheskink | October 18, 2020 · 10:30 pm

An elepha… er, donkey never forgets

Well after today’s strip, Amicus’ moronically repeated “subpoena their evidence” idea looks a LOT better… Never mind trying to get Mr. Clinton to intervene in Adeela’s predicament, just the suggestion to call up a former POTUS is, at best, a pretty awkward fit with this:

“Any cartoonist takes things from their life to put into the strip and Funky is so close to real life. I’m only a quarter inch removed from real life so I pull everything.”

“Batiuk lets real life play out in both of his strips with serialized stories, drama and time jumps mixed in with the gags. A Batiuk character can live, laugh and die in the world he’s created. He says both his strips are ‘about a quarter inch removed from real life.'”

“I’ve found you really have to reach inside yourself and try to pull out your experiences. But what I have found is the closer you get to your real, true experiences, the closer you get to the real, true experiences of your audience.”

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Tagged as Adeela, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, Classic Funky, deportation, disgust, enraging hair strands, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, half-assed political commentary, hatchet face, how things are NEVER done, immigration, Montoni's, Montoni's logo, multiple Montoni's logos, Now Funky, pizza, President Clinton, Rachel, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, Wally

by billytheskink | October 17, 2020 · 10:30 pm

It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is

While most of the now-reassembled idiocy of Winkerbeans mopes at a Pete-level in today’s strip, Holly is taking charge! How, exactly, she expects a photo of Act II Funky with the mayor of Centerville to help Adeela remains to be seen…

Before we get into the explanation for this bit of Batiukverse history, let’s take a minute to appreciate the magnificent uselessness of Amicus Breef, who today is repeating the exact same legal vernacular he spit out two days ago… like a 14 year old who just learned the phrase “subpoena evidence” and keeps saying it because he thinks it makes him sound smart. It has been some time since TB introduced such a remarkably incompetent character, which is saying something.

OK, now for the tale of the time Funky and his mullet met President Bill Clinton. It was the summer of 1993 and the Westview school district was facing its latest challenge in getting voters to approve yet another school levy (or “tax issue” as Fred and Nate referred to this one). Dinkle decided the best way to drum up support was to get the recently elected President Clinton to appear at a rally headlined by his WHS band. Being a well-known former band geek, the President actually showed up, endured the band’s performance, and finished things off by playing a saxophone duet with Dinkle. On his way out of town, President Clinton demanded pizza and Dinkle recommended Montoni’s. Thus:

Dinkle also gave the President a gift for showing up at the rally… *sigh* It was a box of comic books, of course.

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Tagged as Act II, Adeela, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, Classic Funky, coffee, deportation, enraging hair strands, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, green pitcher, half-assed political commentary, Holly, immigration, Iraquistan, lawyers, Montoni's, Montoni's logo, Montoni's T shirt, multiple Montoni's logos, not how the world works, not how to offer coffee, Now Funky, President Clinton, Rachel, really dumb questions, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, this is all a horrible mistake, tiny hands, Wally

by billytheskink | October 16, 2020 · 10:30 pm

How Much Is That Dummy In The Window?

Does today’s strip really take place right after yesterday’s? Amicus and Wally left the box office window presumably just a few minutes prior to go bother the supervisor and in that short time Adeela has already been put on the 3:45 AM flight to Baghdad? I see nothing that really indicates otherwise except for Adeela’s speedy departure, so I guess we’re still in the middle of the night of Adeela’s arrest.

I suppose this was inevitable, though. Westview has seen several immigrant refugees move to town over the years, and none have wound up ultimately staying. Let’s look at their fates:

Lu Lin and Zhang Li – escaped detention in communist China for their role in student pro-democracy protests and opened The Jade Dragon, a Chinese restaurant, next to Montoni’s:

Kahn (or is it Khan?) – immigrated from war-torn Afghanistan, founded a deli, and even became a US citizen (despite having been a known Taliban-affiliated arms dealer):

Rana – orphaned by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan and the adopted by Wally and Lefty and raised in Westview by Lefty and DSH:

Bye, Adeela…

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Tagged as Adeela, Amicus Breef, backs of ears, deportation, enraging hair strands, hatchet face, ICE agents, immigration, jail, not how the world works, sheer idiocy, silhouette, silhouettes, stupid, this is all a horrible mistake, time travel, uncaring professionals, Wally

by billytheskink | October 15, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Match Game

This ICE supervisor has got to be quaking in his Johnston & Murphy’s, Amicus Breef is finally breaking out the lawyering talk in today’s strip! And he’s doing it with righteous indignation too! What a lawyer this guy, keeping supervisor Ed O’Neill off of his Facebook feed for 4… maybe even 5 minutes by threatening to do something that would have been more useful had he done it before he showed up at the detention facility.

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Tagged as Adeela, Amicus Breef, backs of ears, deportation, enraging hair strands, ICE agents, immigration, impending doom, indignancy, jail, lawyers, not how the world works, sheer idiocy, silhouette, silhouettes, smirk, technology, this is all a horrible mistake, Wally, Yeah right sure

by billytheskink | October 14, 2020 · 10:30 pm

De-10-tion Center

Amicus continues to Amicus in today’s strip, quoting last year’s newspaper headlines almost verbatim… Big kudos to commenter Banana Jr. 6000 for uncovering Breef’s past appearance in Crankshaft back on Monday. The “Lionel Hutz of Westview” is not only less entertaining than the beloved Simpsons character (obviously), he also appears to somehow be even less competent at practicing law than the intentionally idiotic Hutz.

Writing facial recognition software in the Batiukverse has got to be the ultimate fool’s errand. While I was not able to find any source for Amicus’ 20% of the time figure here in real life internetland, in Westview I would think the figure would be well above that. WAY well above that.

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Tagged as Adeela, Amicus Breef, arcs where nothing happens, boredom personified, crosshatching, deportation, encroaching dread, enraging hair strands, Falling leaves, immigration, impending doom, jail, leaves, Life is a dismal horror from which you can never escape, neatly lettered signs, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, please make it stop, sad-sackery, sarcasm, technology, terrible artwork, this is all a horrible mistake, Wally

by billytheskink | October 13, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Ha-ICE-ku

Surely there is more 
This is all of today's strip? 
Missing third panel?

We already know
Identity mistake stuff
And so does Wally

Oh it's "possible"?
Truly a legal savant
is Amicus Breef

A word of warning
ICE will not hesitate to
deport falling leaves

Adeela's right, though
This whole story arc is a
Horrible mistake

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Tagged as Adeela, Amicus Breef, backs of ears, crosshatching, deportation, enraging hair strands, Falling leaves, hatchet face, ICE agents, immigration, impending doom, jail, lawyers, leaves, Ridiculous Contrivances, sheer idiocy, technology, this is all a horrible mistake, Wally

by billytheskink | October 12, 2020 · 10:30 pm

A Breef Encounter

What’s better than four white saviors? Five white saviors of course! That’s the gist of today’s strip, it seems… as *groan* Amicus Breef emerges from the walk-in freezer brimming with fantastic legal advice such as talking to Adeela. Preferably by phone, no need to go down to the clink and talk to her in person if you can help it, right? I mean, jails are full of criminals after all and you can’t be too careful.

Oy! Amicus Breef?! Amicus? Stupid punny names are nothing new for this strip, but they usually at least involve a first name human beings might actually have. Well, at least he works in a profession relevant to his stupid punny name. What if Mason Jarr(e) was really into making homemade preserves or holding iced tea at restaurants known for their cucumber salad, or if Cliff Anger was actually a solo climber? Or what if Ruby Lith’s job was to illustrate schlocky no-budget Silver Age comic books? Oh wait…

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Tagged as Adeela, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, cell phones, cellphone, college, enraging hair strands, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, hatchet face, Holly, immigration, jail, lawyers, melting faces, Montoni's, not how the world works, Now Funky, Pun, punnery, puns, Rachel, really dumb questions, sad-sackery, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, Wally

by billytheskink | October 11, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Dude, where’s my car?!

After spending more than a month on this insipid story arc and these irritating characters, today’s strip offers some much welcome relief… I’m speaking, of course, of the Green Pitcher, far and away the best character in Act III Funky Winkerbean (and probably Acts I and II as well, to be frank). By the way… hello there, I’m billytheskink and I’m… uh, I guess I’m going to talk about the Winkerbeans as they talk about Adeela.

FASCINATING! (In my best Merv Griffin voice)

More interesting than Funky’s understandable concern for his restaurant’s assets or the icy glares of his family members is his continuing transformation into Gasoline Alley mainstay Slim in both attitude and appearance. Less interesting, of course, is Wally’s inability to use his phone to tell Funky that Adeela’s arrest had to do with her (mistaken) immigration status.

41 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Adeela, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, anger, bowling trophies, delivery people, deportation, enraging hair strands, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, green pitcher, hatchet face, Holly, immigration, Montoni's, not how the world works, pizza delivery, Rachel, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, stupid, the back of Rachel's head for some reason, The Montoni's District at night, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, Wally

Son of Stuck Funky

The Westview Pizza-ccord

Hey I once met you, and this is crazy… but here’s my number, so call me, Funky.

An elepha… er, donkey never forgets

It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is

How Much Is That Dummy In The Window?

Match Game

De-10-tion Center

Ha-ICE-ku

A Breef Encounter

Dude, where’s my car?!

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