Tag Archives: pizza

Sometimes Telling Is Preferable To Showing

Link To Today’s Strip

A: Eating pizza or having sex.

Q: What are the two things I’d least like to see the Dinkles doing?

Yuck. There’s some precedent here, as I seem to recall Dinkle making a lot of disgusting sexual innuendos during the infamous “Harry and Harriet go on their belated honeymoon” arc of whenever that was, maybe 2012 or thereabouts. It was their fiftieth anniversary and Dinkle blew off his own honeymoon for some imbecilic band thing, so they finally went to Niagara Falls and (zzzzzzzzz). I made it sound WAY more exciting than it was.

Coming next month: Wally’s new Dinkle-inspired marketing idea…sex pizza…doesn’t take off quite as well as breakfast pizza did back in the day. Wally finds himself embroiled in multiple lawsuits after Montoni’s customers badly burn themselves, but fortunately for Wally, Funky knows a guy.

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The Marble-ous Mrs. Klinghorn

Holly Winkerbean’s not the only Westview wife who’s been watching HGTV. According to Crazy Harry, Donna “seems plugged in and aware” of kitchen design trends. Too bad she’s married to a man who squanders his postal service pension checks on rare Tarzan comics.

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Reno 411

Crazy Harry: "I think I basically get the nesting urge..."I’m pretty sure that Crazy doesn’t get the nesting urge; if he did, it would mean he was pregnant. Crazy’s just saying he “gets” it. I didn’t: I had to look up “nesting urge”. Anyway, what’s not to get about the desire to “reno the nest” (and hoo boy, there’s another turn of phrase that you will hear nowhere in real life)?

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February 21, 2021 at 11:00 pm
Every time a strip features Funky being nervously anxious about the cost of something I will be motivated to write here to say, yet again, as I did yesterday and before, that FUNKY LIVES IN A GOD DAMNED MANSION OF A HOUSE THAT WOULD HAVE A VALUE OF AT LEAST ONE FUCKING MILLION DOLLARS IF IT EXISTED IN THE REAL WORLD…

Exactly. The Winkerbeans live in a spacious home (that I suspect closely resembles Batiuk’s “Cartoon Castle). Funky clearly should have the wherewithal to spruce it up just a bit. He’s just bent out of shape because Holly’s taken charge of things. But she spends at least as much time running the family business as does Funky. Doesn’t Holly deserve the kitchen (and bathroom) of her dreams?

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The Dirty Jobs

Such a weird joke today. I’m thinking that this “momentary lapse” Funky mentions was in November ’19, when he mused aloud about installing a shower in the guest bathroom for Holly’s mom. But that conversation took place face to face, and not over the phone. Does Holly surreptitiously record all their conversations, for use as leverage to get her way? Apparently there are third-party apps that allow you to record phone calls, but it’s not a feature of iOS. At any rate, Funky knows he’s been hornswoggled, and is none too happy about it. Even though profanity standards have become pretty lax, “damn” is still kinda salty language for any newspaper comic strip not named Doonesbury. And does Funky/Batty realize that Steve Jobs has been dead nearly ten years?

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All the Way to Reno

Maddest of mad props to ComicBookHarriet for carrying us through the last couple weeks!

Kitchen Reno“? I had to read today’s strip a couple times before I grasped that “reno” in this case is short for renovations. The weird alignment of type didn’t help. What’s with Funky’s stricken expression in panel 2? Home improvement is typically something guys like to talk about. Of course, all that Funky cares about is what all this is going to cost, especially with Holly out there sourcing materials. As the owner of a business that seems to have more employees than regular customers, he’s right to be concerned as to what this is going to cost.

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À la Recherche du Temps Pizza

Link To Today’s Strip

Comic Book Harriet here again! Can’t believe I’m up again already. It seems like yesterday I was struggling to find a band turkey joke that wasn’t as overdone as the ones in the strip. But Tom rolls on like an ever flowing stream of consciousness, bringing me back again, panning through his muck for fool’s gold.

I want to give special commendation to SpaceManSpiff 85. He was given a relentlessly dim and myopic arc, and managed to fill the week with a overwhelming flow of cataract puns. Sir, you have my admiration. And my sympathy. Because it seems I’m going to be just as burdened this week with shortsighted visual humor.

I asked earlier this arc if Funky has always been a hapless character that only exists to be neurotic and spout lame puns. My interactions with Act I Funky come through flashback photo-cornered panels, car accident coma dreams, and the offerings of our resident Batiukian researchers. Longtime Stuckfunkians Rusty Shackleford and Banana Jr 6000 were kind enough to reply, and both used the term ‘burnout’ to describe Act I Funky, which kind of surprised me. I can’t see the preachy Batiuk, with more cheap soapboxes than a Palmolive warehouse, insinuating his main character was dating Mary Jane Wackytabaccy on the weekends, and playing it for harmless laughs. Crazy Harry? Sure. But the eponymous protagonist?

I can see it now. Panel two has Act I Funky, in all his mellow glory, blissed out on his tiny bed, with every comfort a baked adolescent needs within arm’s reach: lamp, pizza, soda, music, The Amazing Mister Sponge. Curled up in a tiny cluttered nest of his own hedonism. He even has his SHOES on the bed, that’s how much he DNGAF.

Stark contrast to Act III Funky in panels 1 and 3, sitting on a huge, empty bed, in a mostly empty room. Only a featureless smartphone and a rapidly expanding mattress his plebian pleasures. His specific interests have been pulled out, leaving us with a boring box containing a boring man with a face slowly drooping like a blobfish.

I wish Funky could have gotten glaucoma instead. We could have had burnout Funky back.

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Pizza, Actually

Link To Today’s Strip

Or it might be when you give your oldest childhood friend your treasured copy of “Contrivance Man Vs. The Zanthian Blorks” # 1 so he he can complete his collection even though you could have easily gotten $125 for it on FleaBay. It depends on where you are in Westview at the time. Unless these are characters I am unaware of, this is an extremely rare example of BatYam devoting an entire Sunday strip to random anon-o characters, which doesn’t happen a lot in the Funkyverse. Ditto actual customers in Montoni’s. That certainly doesn’t happen every day either.

I assume that maybe this is an homage to something, maybe those old “Peanuts” strips or something. And it’s harmless enough, I suppose. I guess sometimes FW is just plain deeply weird as opposed to deeply weird and highly annoying like it usually is.

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That Brown Mush on the Plate is Disturbing

Haha, can you imagine? An actual(?) superhero man is petrified just at the thought of being near a woman! Hilarious! Can you imagine if maybe an actual superhero was a woman, and not just this evil supervillain(?) Pizza Monster? The entire multiverse would collapse! They’d have to invent new words like “superheroine”, probably! Ha, total fear just from being near someone who merely suggests they might be a woman, truly this is the epitome of hilarity and quarter-inch from reality writing.

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Unmanned

So I guess some guy dressed as Mr. Monster (who is actually a character not created by Tom Batiuk, so I do feel bad now about making fun of, but really, if you’re doing a “tip of the felt tip” to another artist, maybe don’t do it super tiny in between the panels of a daily strip?) really did just bust into a crowded (ha) restaurant and pull what sure look like two real guns on somebody, just because they’re dressed up in pizza boxes? Just to find out their identity? And this is supposed to be funny? Wouldn’t it have been easier, and safer, if Funky and Harry and just pulled out bats and started beating the Pizza Monster, or maybe set the boxes on fire so the Monster would have to remove them? That seems much simpler than arranging for someone to hold somebody at gunpoint in the middle of your restaurant.
Putting aside the “haha, he never thought it could be a woman” angle, which is weird since Funky also referred to the Pizza Monster as a he earlier in the week, shouldn’t it be obvious who the Pizza Monster is, just based on the voice? Only like five people, at most, are ever shown eating in Montoni’s anymore, and it would be very weird (although much creepier) if this was just some random person with no ties at all to Montoni’s. Or is there a voice changer under the pizza boxes (that also have no eye holes, but that’s another issue)?

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