Tag Archives: Mason Jarre

Probing The Depths Of “Huh?”

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Like your comic strips overflowing with oddly-worded nonsensical babble? Well then, today is your lucky day, because we have that. The same film that drops everything and re-writes the entire script every time someone involved with it happens across some old coot or random piece of junk actually has a fully-fleshed out and complex back story behind it, a back story Mason committed to memory after holing up at Holly’s house three or four years ago and reading the entire SJ collection, which has since been sold to finance Cory’s wedding plans, which are apparently in the same place as Frankie’s food truck and Becky’s mom. Got that? Consider yourself briefed. If Batiuk really wanted to shock his readers he’d wrap up every dangling plot thread in one six day arc just jam-packed full of huge word balloons, but that would mean the next few years of FW would consist of the characters just aimlessly standing around doing nothing. In other words, it’d be indistinguishable from how it is right now.

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Too Much Junk Business

Link to today’s strip

This is one of those strips it took me a while to figure out, as at first glance I was totally baffled. OK, apparently they’re doing an audience Q&A session and one of the audience members felt the need to lob rather unimaginative insults at the old WHS computer which, out of completely nowhere, has suddenly become a relevant character again. Continue reading

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Just Holtron To What You’ve Got

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Holtron? What? Are we pretending that the old Act I WHS school computer is sentient again? Why? This is just achingly bad, intelligence-insultingly bad, BAD bad and not in the “good” Michael Jackson way either. What the f*ck is Cliff smirking about and what’s up with Marianne? She looks like she’s about to gnaw on some logs or something there. This whole Comic-Con SJ Q&A panel premise hasn’t just gone off the rails, it’s gone off the rails, plummeted down a steep cliff and landed with a huge splash in a sewage treatment retention pond.

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In Space No One Can Hear You Snore

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Conan allowed himself to serve as the butt of a FW gag? What an honor! Seriously though, what a hacky attempt at a joke, seeing how Conan interviews movie stars all the time and surely knows that they don’t really film space flicks in “space” and…

Whoops, there I go again, trying to apply “real life” logic to this comic strip again. Although this Conan cameo is a little strange, it’s old familiar turf for BanTom. You younger readers probably don’t remember the old Act I arc where Dick Cavett talked Les down off the gymnasium rope or that “very special” prestige arc where Lisa told off an irate Morton Downey Jr. or that classic one when Funky passed out drunk in Joe Franklin’s “green room”. And of course there was “John Darling”, the strip that featured “real life” celebrities all the time…supposedly, although interestingly enough there’s no one alive today who can verify for sure that JD was anything more than a fevered dream that never actually happened.

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Conan The Roar-barian

Link to today’s strip

Well THIS is somewhat unexpected. The SJ “sizzle reel” has at long last aired (off-screen, natch) and the gang is being introduced to the roaring SJ throng by none other than late night TV’s very own Conan O’Brien, who I used to respect. On the plus side at least this is somewhat relevant to something (tenuously, but still) and not just a bunch of characters meandering around making terrible puns and complaining about things, so there is that, I guess. I love how he worked that old WHS computer in there, sort of like an “easter egg” for loyal FW readers (LOL) who remember that minor subplot from way back when.

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Cinema Sins of the Father

SosfdavidO here, with the biggest shovel I could find because even for Tombat’s writing, today’s strip reeks of absolute bullshit.

So what age is Mason now? I’m going to be kind.. KIND, mind you, and peg him at 32. He’s probably more like 35 but for the sake of argument, he’s 32.

Now it’s time for some simple math, courtesy of Wikipedia.

List of Serial Movies by Decade

Perusing the list, one can see that the last gasp of serialized movies happened the mid-50s and the end of the space soap operas like Starbucks Jones ended around 1953, when all of America collectively got a cowboy fetish.

So if Cliff was 32 in say, 1952, that would mean he was born in 1920. NINETEEN F***ing TWENTY. That would make him just shy of 98 years old. Does the grey haired dude in panel 2 look 98? Or even 78!?

Maybe it’s the whole thing is CG and Cliff just had to croak out a few lines but even looking at him strolling around the streets without as much as a walker is some Grade A Bullshit Tommy is slinging there.

Maybe we can pretend the time jumps that hit Westview every couple of decades work in reverse wherever the hell Cliff Anger came from. Was that New York?

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Sizzle Lean

SosfdavidO here, fresh off my rant from yesterday about how unlikely it is that Darrin, who had only a passing interest in art in high school, is suddenly Hollywood’s Golden Boy when it comes to story-boarding.

Deep breath…

My disbelief extends well into today’s strip, where with only a off-hand passing mention we’re supposed to believe Cindy is hard at work on a documentary movie about the original Starbucks Jones actor.

Sure, it’s been mentioned she was working on it before, but land sakes, this is a major life event for Cindy and she seems to devote 2 hours a year to it at most. Will this movie ever see the light of day? Just how many damned movie projects are getting juggled in this dopey strip now, anyway? I know there was a Lisa movie that got canned, then a John Darling movie, now the Cliff Anger movie and Starbucks sequels… like, whoa, Tombat went from hating Hollywood to it’s biggest fan. What gives? Probably the rise of super hero movies being every other damned movie at this point.

Anyhow, back to this stroll along Exposition Drive…

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