Why the hell must Haystack Hair “sidebar” with Darin when the dude was standing right there?!? Check out Jessica’s narrowed-eyed, conspiratorial posture in panel one: with her left hand hooking the crook of dopey Darin’s arm, and her right palm downward, fingers spread in the “keep this on the low” gesture. Always with the dollar signs in her eyes, this Jessica: recall her (short-lived) giddiness over the dough that Darin would make off auctioning those Phil Holt Batom covers. At least Jessica is looking out for their child’s future…unlike Darin, who without so much as consulting Jessica decreed that all that Phil Holt money should go to the Lisa’s Legacy fund (which I’m only hyperlinking here because they finally fixed it so the URL doesn’t redirect and give you a dire-sounding certificate error).
Tag Archives: Skyler
“You know how little kids sometimes have imaginary friends? Well, I thought it’d be very funny if a small child’s imaginary friend ditched him…ON CHRISTMAS! Imagine him there, sitting under the tree all upset…tee hee hee!”
“Tom, I told you you’ve gotta crack the window when you’re working with airplane glue!”
As much as I’ve grown to dislike little baby Skyler I can’t help but feel sorry for the little dolt after this one. His moronic parents played fast and loose with his early development as they ran around filming and drawing things and now the chickens have come home to roost, as they say. In his desperate attempt to shoehorn in a woefully awful wordplay-based gag, BatYuck has inadvertently painted a heartbreaking story about a sad, troubled little boy who’s obviously confused and baffled by this sudden burst of attention from his previously disinterested parents.
But man, what a shitty woefully awful wordplay-based gag it is, huh? “Ghosted” by his “imaginary friend”…duh. I wonder how long he’s had that one boinging around in that modestly sincere head of his. And what compelled him to use THIS as a Christmas strip? This little Skyler mini-arc is downright dismal and not in a hilarious “For Better Or For Worse” way but an Act III FW way, which is much worse.
What are the odds that Skyler still lives with his grandma, even after Jess comes back? I’d say very, very high. If Batiuk still put any effort into this strip, I’d see this resulting into another time jump when Old Lady Jess is berating Skyler about how she threw away a promising Hollywood career to stay home with him and his bum dad Darin who ended up running away to live at the Flash Museum with Pete.
I’m all for women (or men) choosing to spend more time with their families, even if it means career sacrifice, but I really don’t like how this is presented as kind of an either/or thing here. And she was apparently willing to spend years in Hollywood finishing up a single documentary about her dead dad, but not working for an actual Hollywood production.
And is it just me or does Darin look not quite human in the last panel?
Because glue “bonds”…wow, that’s a real reach even by Boy Lisa standards. This could be one of the worst FW gags I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen plenty, believe you me. “Bonding…together…hmmm, what sticks things together? Welds? Rivets? No, that’s no good…heyyyy, I think I’ve got it! GLUE! Yes! Now what could Boy Boy Lisa have glued together…let me take a look around the room…a COUCH! Eureka!”. I mean yikes, that’s a totally alien thought process to me. Then again, I’m not medically or contractually obliged to end every interaction with wry wordplay, so perhaps I’m just naive or something.
“Yeah, some kind of school shit, I dunno. Well, gotta go, Pete and I are rolling out a new character today…Disinterested Dad, the father who’s real blase and half-assed about parenting. It’s partially based on real life!”
I get the feeling that “I passed the test!” is something Skyler will say less and less as he ages. Call it a hunch. How much more mileage is BatYak going to get out of “no child left behind”? He’s been milking that one for years now. It’s unfortunate that The Syndicate doesn’t have a “does anyone actually read this re-assessment test”, because if they did FW’s run would have ended in 1989 or so.
Wow, just look at that expression on Ann’s face in panel two. That’s the face of someone who has had it up to here with her step-son, and is about to use her step-grandson as a bludgeon.
Wow, so your “wife” is going all California on you. What a terrible dilemma for you. Sure wish I had your problems, jack-off. I’ve got to look after the obviously unwanted product of your sham marriage, as well as my disintegrating husband, so you can play with your Flash dollies.
There’s a definitely an unseen third panel here, with Skyler cowering in a corner while Dullard lies on the floor, his neck bent at an unnatural angle, and Ann standing over him, fists clenched white with rage.
I can’t process Dullard’s sentence in panel two. It’s really awkward, and sounds like “Is it…your shoes? Is it a bug that landed on your…shoulder? Is it a bum sitting next to you? Is it your iPhone? IS IT YOUR MINECRAFT ACCOUNT?!?”
I assume he means “Are you in the emergency room because you are experiencing an emergency?” or shorter, “Is it you?” But, “Is it you?” would leave an awful lot of white space for a word balloon drawn a year ago, and I have to guess that this would be one thing that Tom Batiuk would feel embarrassment over.
Honestly, though, he really should feel embarrassment over the last panel. Dullard flies into a frenzy over learning that his child is in the emergency room– this is a natural reaction that any parent would have.
But any natural parent would have checked in on his offspring sometime in the last few months. A good parent would do this daily, at the very, very least. Instead of sweating over the cover art for the latest issue of The Inedible Pulp.
What I’m saying is that Dullard should slash his wrists and bleed to death…not so he can save his child, but so that the next Rip Tide – Scuba Cop can have realistic blood in the water.
Commentator Gerard Plourde said yesterday–
Maybe we should be thankful that he hasn’t thought of massive “hilarious” arcs of Skyler turning Dennis The Menace and pulling Home Alone-type pranks on overworked Ann and enfeebled Fred Fairgood.
Well, Gerard, from your lips to Tom Batiuk’s ears! Hows that for service? Granted, it’s not much of a “prank” to exhaust your grandmother…hm. On second thought, for Batiuk that probably is one of the major pranks you can pull!
Oh, and Gerard, next time you make a prediction, try to work “Les Moore savagely beaten” in there somewhere.
I am only going to focus on the positives in today’s strip.
Yessiree, just the positives today. Things like… uh… hmmm… well… Darin using “mom” to refer to the woman that raised him instead of Lisa. Yeah, that’s one! There is also… ummm… these two shmucks getting themselves soaked to the bone walking back to the Eaton Building because they naturally forgot to bring their umbrellas in perpetually sunny Cleveland. I can dig that.
So yeah, I’m only talking about the positive things today. You won’t see me mention any negative aspects. Nope, not a single one. I won’t mention at all how Durwood appears to have brought “Sky” back with him to Ohio solely so he could take advantage of his aging mother for free child care. I also won’t mention how he has put both his young son and disabled father in danger by working the only caregiver in their house to exhaustion. Nor will I mention how disingenuous it is for Durwood to talk about how important it is for “Sky” to be cared for while he is working after he just shot the breeze with Pete for who knows how long at an offsite coffeeshop on company time. No, I will not mention any of those things, only the positive stuff… the sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, safety, laughter, and skip to-and-fro.
Funny, I thought focusing on the positives would improve this strip. But alas, no such luck…
Like so much of Funky Winkerbean, today’s strip invites reasonable questions that have stupid and unsatisfying answers. Use the Q&A below to guide you as you take part in the frustrating experience that is reading today’s strip.
So when is Jessica moving back to Ohio?
I thought she had, but I was apparently wrong and she is still in California doing documentary work with Cindy. Durwood believes that she would not mind moving back to Ohio, so there’s that.
Wait… Jessica is doing documentary work for Cindy?
Well, she certainly was. If you didn’t have to blink back in November 2016 (the nerve of you!), you would have known this.
So Jessica is still working on Cindy’s Cliff Anger documentary 19 months after shooting the interview with Cliff and Vera?
Well… Cindy’s Cliff Anger documentary was nominated for an Emmy award in April 2017, so it is presumably complete. Either Jessica works so slowly that she has entered a time warp, an incomplete documentary was nominated for an Emmy award, or a certain writer forgot what he wrote 14 months back.
Why did Darin move back in with his parents in Westview instead of finding his own place in Cleveland, where he works?
Because he is a notorious freeloader who deserves to be nicknamed “Mooch” more than his old high school pal Eric Myers ever did. Recall his and Jessica’s previous residences in Act III, slumming with friends until getting kicked out (free), living with Les and Summer (free), and finally getting their first “real place” in the apartment above Montoni’s (technically not free, but Funky owned the unit and paid Durwood’s salary during this time).
Isn’t it hard on his senior-citizen mother to have him and Skyler living in the house on top of having to care for her stroke-crippled husband?
Of course it is, but Durwood is all about Durwood.
Does Darin not get along with his parents?
That seems to only be implied, but given that he has spent far more time beatifying his “bio mom” and “step dad” in Act III than spending any time at all (pleasant or otherwise) with the couple that loved and raised him from infancy, it is a very strong implication. Durwood is awful.
Why did Skyler move with Durwood, who is starting a time-intensive new job, into Ann and Fred’s cramped old house instead of staying with his mother, who is still living in a whole apartment that he was already comfortably living in?
Because Jessica is awful too.
Is Darin the worst?
No, Les is the worst… but Durwood is making a genuine effort at sinking to his depths.