Why the hell must Haystack Hair “sidebar” with Darin when the dude was standing right there?!? Check out Jessica’s narrowed-eyed, conspiratorial posture in panel one: with her left hand hooking the crook of dopey Darin’s arm, and her right palm downward, fingers spread in the “keep this on the low” gesture. Always with the dollar signs in her eyes, this Jessica: recall her (short-lived) giddiness over the dough that Darin would make off auctioning those Phil Holt Batom covers. At least Jessica is looking out for their child’s future…unlike Darin, who without so much as consulting Jessica decreed that all that Phil Holt money should go to the Lisa’s Legacy fund (which I’m only hyperlinking here because they finally fixed it so the URL doesn’t redirect and give you a dire-sounding certificate error).
Tag Archives: Skyler
“You know how little kids sometimes have imaginary friends? Well, I thought it’d be very funny if a small child’s imaginary friend ditched him…ON CHRISTMAS! Imagine him there, sitting under the tree all upset…tee hee hee!”
“Tom, I told you you’ve gotta crack the window when you’re working with airplane glue!”
As much as I’ve grown to dislike little baby Skyler I can’t help but feel sorry for the little dolt after this one. His moronic parents played fast and loose with his early development as they ran around filming and drawing things and now the chickens have come home to roost, as they say. In his desperate attempt to shoehorn in a woefully awful wordplay-based gag, BatYuck has inadvertently painted a heartbreaking story about a sad, troubled little boy who’s obviously confused and baffled by this sudden burst of attention from his previously disinterested parents.
But man, what a shitty woefully awful wordplay-based gag it is, huh? “Ghosted” by his “imaginary friend”…duh. I wonder how long he’s had that one boinging around in that modestly sincere head of his. And what compelled him to use THIS as a Christmas strip? This little Skyler mini-arc is downright dismal and not in a hilarious “For Better Or For Worse” way but an Act III FW way, which is much worse.
What are the odds that Skyler still lives with his grandma, even after Jess comes back? I’d say very, very high. If Batiuk still put any effort into this strip, I’d see this resulting into another time jump when Old Lady Jess is berating Skyler about how she threw away a promising Hollywood career to stay home with him and his bum dad Darin who ended up running away to live at the Flash Museum with Pete.
I’m all for women (or men) choosing to spend more time with their families, even if it means career sacrifice, but I really don’t like how this is presented as kind of an either/or thing here. And she was apparently willing to spend years in Hollywood finishing up a single documentary about her dead dad, but not working for an actual Hollywood production.
And is it just me or does Darin look not quite human in the last panel?
Because glue “bonds”…wow, that’s a real reach even by Boy Lisa standards. This could be one of the worst FW gags I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen plenty, believe you me. “Bonding…together…hmmm, what sticks things together? Welds? Rivets? No, that’s no good…heyyyy, I think I’ve got it! GLUE! Yes! Now what could Boy Boy Lisa have glued together…let me take a look around the room…a COUCH! Eureka!”. I mean yikes, that’s a totally alien thought process to me. Then again, I’m not medically or contractually obliged to end every interaction with wry wordplay, so perhaps I’m just naive or something.
“Yeah, some kind of school shit, I dunno. Well, gotta go, Pete and I are rolling out a new character today…Disinterested Dad, the father who’s real blase and half-assed about parenting. It’s partially based on real life!”
I get the feeling that “I passed the test!” is something Skyler will say less and less as he ages. Call it a hunch. How much more mileage is BatYak going to get out of “no child left behind”? He’s been milking that one for years now. It’s unfortunate that The Syndicate doesn’t have a “does anyone actually read this re-assessment test”, because if they did FW’s run would have ended in 1989 or so.
Wow, just look at that expression on Ann’s face in panel two. That’s the face of someone who has had it up to here with her step-son, and is about to use her step-grandson as a bludgeon.
Wow, so your “wife” is going all California on you. What a terrible dilemma for you. Sure wish I had your problems, jack-off. I’ve got to look after the obviously unwanted product of your sham marriage, as well as my disintegrating husband, so you can play with your Flash dollies.
There’s a definitely an unseen third panel here, with Skyler cowering in a corner while Dullard lies on the floor, his neck bent at an unnatural angle, and Ann standing over him, fists clenched white with rage.
I can’t process Dullard’s sentence in panel two. It’s really awkward, and sounds like “Is it…your shoes? Is it a bug that landed on your…shoulder? Is it a bum sitting next to you? Is it your iPhone? IS IT YOUR MINECRAFT ACCOUNT?!?”
I assume he means “Are you in the emergency room because you are experiencing an emergency?” or shorter, “Is it you?” But, “Is it you?” would leave an awful lot of white space for a word balloon drawn a year ago, and I have to guess that this would be one thing that Tom Batiuk would feel embarrassment over.
Honestly, though, he really should feel embarrassment over the last panel. Dullard flies into a frenzy over learning that his child is in the emergency room– this is a natural reaction that any parent would have.
But any natural parent would have checked in on his offspring sometime in the last few months. A good parent would do this daily, at the very, very least. Instead of sweating over the cover art for the latest issue of The Inedible Pulp.
What I’m saying is that Dullard should slash his wrists and bleed to death…not so he can save his child, but so that the next Rip Tide – Scuba Cop can have realistic blood in the water.