Tag Archives: Morton Winkerbean

Videocracy

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Yet another cutting and timely observation about This Darned Technology Today, courtesy of the BanMan, who’s never more than five or ten years behind these “modern trends”. What a lifeless, listless outing. What’s next, a gag about unreliable GPS directions? Or that annoying warning sound your car makes when the seat belt isn’t buckled?

I assume that’s Morty driving in Funky’s sepia-toned flashback, for what it’s worth. This joke is so generic it’s almost impossible to think of anything to say about it aside from the usual generic snark. It sucks, it’s boring, it’s stupid and etc. Thus far this car trip to Florida is every bit as tedious as we all assumed it’d be. Where the hell is Cell Phone Girl when we really need her?

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Oh Yeah…THAT Guy

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All week he’s “Harry L. Dinkle”, now today he’s “that band director”. My God he’s made a mess of the dialog this week. I doubt there’s much of a risk of wild baton stunts with the Manorisms, seeing how they aren’t a marching band and all, but Batiuk never let logic get in the way of referencing a really old gag he left behind decades ago.

This has been mentioned all week but wow, the new guy has aged Holly by twenty five years at least, she looks like Morton’s mother today. Wouldn’t you think there’d be some sort of reference guide handy, one that lists all the characters ages and such? Why so matronly?

Well thankfully THAT’S over for now, time for me to step aside and turn the microphone over to…TF Hackett himself! Happy new year and see you in 2018!

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Belief & Technique For Morton’s Nose

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“I can’t BELIEVE that no one at The Syndicate realizes that I’m just repeating the same sequences of words and re-telling the same old stories day after day after day! I know! I’ll make this one a one-paneler, tee-hee!”

I can’t believe someone pays for this content. Lifelong Westviewian fixture Funky suddenly doesn’t remember his legendary band teacher (and infamous local legend) Harry L. Dinkle, Holly is talking to Funky like he’s new in town and the Alzheimer’s patient is as sharp and quick-witted as ever. He retconned the entire strip just for the sake of re-telling that dumb Rose Bowl parade story, apparently just because he associates the new year holiday with the Tournament Of Roses parade, I guess. Then, after turning his characters into total imbeciles in order to shoehorn his dumb reference into the strip, he can’t figure out how to end it without resorting to pathetic filler, brainless repetition and a “hilarious old coot” gag on top. What a sorry display.

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They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!

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“Then Mr. Dinkle came into the girls locker room and told us to get “backwards dressed”. You know what, I’m beginning to think there might be something slightly amiss about that guy!”. And during the trip to Pasadena they vomited instead of eating and sat outside the bus, which of course was going in reverse. Then later in life you decided to re-marry so you chose the opposite of someone you liked and were attracted to then let yourself go completely instead of making an effort to be healthy. We get it.

BatNard should try writing these FW strips backwards, starting with an actual joke first then working his way back. That way perhaps one of them might eventually include one. Why are they letting Holly hijack Christmas (and Morton’s glory) with these inane and totally pointless Dinkle stories? I guess the idea here was to do a sort of “you wanna hear about Dinkle? Well, do I have some Dinkle stories for you!” kind of thing but absolutely no one was demanding more Dinkle stories so why he went off on this particular tangent at this particular time is beyond me. His endless need to constantly re-establish the basic traits of characters he’s been doing for forty-plus years is downright intelligence-insulting. Everyone already knows that Dinkle is an annoying nut who’s always capable of doing something wacky, there’s no need for unrelated characters to drone on about him for days on end.

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Say “Ensemble” One More Gosh Darn Time

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Mort’s BAND, Mort’s GROUP…does it always have to be an ensemble? Every week he picks a new word or phrase and just beats you over the head with it all week. Mattress, trilogy, signing and now ensemble. Oh yeah, “my mom” too.

As usual BatWhat creates a decent enough premise with reasonable comedic potential, then inexplicably steers it straight into the ground nose down, full speed ahead. Suddenly Holly is telling ancient old Dinkle marching band war stories for some reason, my guess being “intense author malaise” or “devoid of ideas” but who knows, maybe he seriously believes that someone, somewhere might find this entertaining on some level. He apparently just can’t do a Dinkle story without slipping into this weird euphoric reverie over the “good ‘ol days”, the very same good ol’ days he made a conscious artistic decision to move away from “back in the day”. What a nut.

LOL seriously though, back to the strip. It certainly looks like Holly’s well on her way to a one-way ticket to Bedside Manor herself, as apparently she’s forgotten that Funky attended the same high school she did. In fact the entire strip is named after him. And I’m sure he heard all about the big Rose Bowl parade appearance, both at the time and ten thousands times since. But I guess it was just easier and faster to pretend that Funky needs some background on this Dinkle fella than to write a plausible conversation a normal person might have. And that’s really what it’s all about, is it not?

All in all this one is so mind-warpingly stupid it can’t help but make me wonder what he was being distracted by when he half-assed his way through the last few word balloons of 2017. Something on television? Staring out the window at the ceaseless winter snowfall? Pizza? Lisa? Whatever it was, he obviously put less than nothing into this drivel.

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Bore Ensemble

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Uh yes Funky, this was adequately covered in yesterday’s strip, but THANKS for re-establishing that for us. We wouldn’t want to forget a key plot point like that. So not only do they not know that Mort & company traveled to Memphis, they don’t even know that the despised Dinkle was the mastermind behind it all. I would imagine that Funky would be more amazed about his Alzheimer’s-afflicted dad’s incredible mastery of the trombone (and flawless mug-handling skills) than by hearing about that fool Dinkle, but who the hell knows. Funky does look a lot less fat today, I have to admit, which could be a very good or very, very, very bad thing in the Funkyverse. I’m just chalking it up to shitty artwork for now until the results of the biopsy come back.

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O Little Town Of Memphis

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Merry Christmas to our SoSF guest hosts and commenters! Without YOU it’s all just masturbation! Have a great holiday!!

Man, Funky sure is aging (even more) poorly…the New Guy added a solid ten to fifteen years to his already-decrepit character. Soon he’ll just be a skeleton…a big fat skeleton. Obviously it’s seems HIGHLY unlikely that his father went all the way to Memphis to record a CD without him knowing about it but by the standards of the Funkyverse it’s sort of believable. I mean just last week some guy bought “Lisa’s Trilogy” as a Xmas gift for his dead wife, so this seems rather innocuous in comparison.

“Greetings From Memphis”…wow what a shitty title, they only recorded in Memphis, they don’t live there. “Hits From The Oxygen Bottle”…”Over The Hills And Warfarin Away”…”Nights in White Pravastatin”…”(Let’s Get) Physical (Therapy)…”Stairlift To Heaven”…”Code Blue Christmas”…”Fractured Hippy Shake”…”Like A Rolling Kidney Stone”… “Stray Cataract Blues”…”The Grandkids Are Alright”…”(Do You Remember) AM Talk Radio”…”Every Assisted Breath You Take”…”Walker This Way”…”We (Medi)Care A Lot”…now THOSE are titles befitting the Bedside Manorisms. “Greetings From Memphis” will just confuse people, or it would if anyone actually cared.

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