Tag Archives: Cliff Anger

The Cure For The Common Qualms

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As regular FW readers know, the only “artist” who ever does anything for the sake of artistic expression is Les Moore, everyone else in the “entertainment business” is an amoral money-grubbing weasel. What the f*ck is Cartoon Conan babbling about here? “Take over” the “large franchise”? What? Who’d he “take it over” from? How can it already be a large franchise when the first one hasn’t even been released yet? Why can’t ANYONE in this stupid f*cking comic strip EVER just ask a normal question?

The funniest thing in this one is Cliff in panel one, inexplicably doddering around for no reason. What is he doing, is he pushing the chair in or pulling it out and if so, why? It’s such a needless-yet-fascinating detail.

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The Tank Is Empty

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contentMan, I REALLY hate having to turn my entire computer sideways to read these stupid Sunday “homage” strips. Today we learn that Cliff (who’s in a modern movie RIGHT NOW) feels a little out of step with these newfangled picture shows, which is probably to be expected given that he just emerged from a sixty year hibernation. “You mean people watch movies in their HOUSES now? I…I…I…can’t BELIEVE it! Where does the projector go?”.

“Tank Thompson”??? What THIS has to do with anything is anyone’s guess. I’ll never understand why the Batom Comics covers are never relevant to the (ahem) “stories” they follow, but then again it’s be pretty stupid of me to expect logic to come into play at this point.

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Just Holtron To What You’ve Got

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Holtron? What? Are we pretending that the old Act I WHS school computer is sentient again? Why? This is just achingly bad, intelligence-insultingly bad, BAD bad and not in the “good” Michael Jackson way either. What the f*ck is Cliff smirking about and what’s up with Marianne? She looks like she’s about to gnaw on some logs or something there. This whole Comic-Con SJ Q&A panel premise hasn’t just gone off the rails, it’s gone off the rails, plummeted down a steep cliff and landed with a huge splash in a sewage treatment retention pond.

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She’ll Never Get Out Of There

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Ha…ha. “Cut”…get it? That’s a real howler and the wry banter really enhances the joke too IMO. Sigh. I guess it’ll just go on and on like this for a while, unfortunately. Once again we see our pal Guy McAuthor establish a semi-decent and perfectly functional premise only to gunk the whole thing up with the usual awful wordplay and barely-recognizable “jokes” as Conan enters the FW “why?” Hall Of Shame alongside Dick Tracy, the Flash and that comic book guy who had the heart attack that time. One wonders what the Great Writer had in mind when he started this, back before he became bored with it three seconds later. If he could ever just follow through on one of these premises someday…(sigh).

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Conan The Roar-barian

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Well THIS is somewhat unexpected. The SJ “sizzle reel” has at long last aired (off-screen, natch) and the gang is being introduced to the roaring SJ throng by none other than late night TV’s very own Conan O’Brien, who I used to respect. On the plus side at least this is somewhat relevant to something (tenuously, but still) and not just a bunch of characters meandering around making terrible puns and complaining about things, so there is that, I guess. I love how he worked that old WHS computer in there, sort of like an “easter egg” for loyal FW readers (LOL) who remember that minor subplot from way back when.

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Cinema Sins of the Father

SosfdavidO here, with the biggest shovel I could find because even for Tombat’s writing, today’s strip reeks of absolute bullshit.

So what age is Mason now? I’m going to be kind.. KIND, mind you, and peg him at 32. He’s probably more like 35 but for the sake of argument, he’s 32.

Now it’s time for some simple math, courtesy of Wikipedia.

List of Serial Movies by Decade

Perusing the list, one can see that the last gasp of serialized movies happened the mid-50s and the end of the space soap operas like Starbucks Jones ended around 1953, when all of America collectively got a cowboy fetish.

So if Cliff was 32 in say, 1952, that would mean he was born in 1920. NINETEEN F***ing TWENTY. That would make him just shy of 98 years old. Does the grey haired dude in panel 2 look 98? Or even 78!?

Maybe it’s the whole thing is CG and Cliff just had to croak out a few lines but even looking at him strolling around the streets without as much as a walker is some Grade A Bullshit Tommy is slinging there.

Maybe we can pretend the time jumps that hit Westview every couple of decades work in reverse wherever the hell Cliff Anger came from. Was that New York?

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Sizzle Lean

SosfdavidO here, fresh off my rant from yesterday about how unlikely it is that Darrin, who had only a passing interest in art in high school, is suddenly Hollywood’s Golden Boy when it comes to story-boarding.

Deep breath…

My disbelief extends well into today’s strip, where with only a off-hand passing mention we’re supposed to believe Cindy is hard at work on a documentary movie about the original Starbucks Jones actor.

Sure, it’s been mentioned she was working on it before, but land sakes, this is a major life event for Cindy and she seems to devote 2 hours a year to it at most. Will this movie ever see the light of day? Just how many damned movie projects are getting juggled in this dopey strip now, anyway? I know there was a Lisa movie that got canned, then a John Darling movie, now the Cliff Anger movie and Starbucks sequels… like, whoa, Tombat went from hating Hollywood to it’s biggest fan. What gives? Probably the rise of super hero movies being every other damned movie at this point.

Anyhow, back to this stroll along Exposition Drive…

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