Tag Archives: terrible artwork

by billytheskink | March 6, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Shmucks in a row

Today’s strip begs the classic 5 Ws (and an H) of writing. It also begins the Oscars story Variety promised last month. Yeah, I thought that maybe if I buried the lede it would stay in the ground, but alas.

Who is Mason talking to on the left? Wait, he calls her Marianne… that’s supposed to be Marianne Winters? The lady with the pentagon head and the pigtail-bun hairstyle my niece insisted on wearing when she was a toddler is Marianne Winters?

What is with TB’s willingness to use Hulu and HBO’s trademarked names but still insist on sticking to the eyeroll-inducing “Netbusters”?

When does TB think the Academy Awards ceremony takes place? We’re three weeks out from this year’s Oscars broadcast… Does that mean? Oh no, please no. I really hope TB just got the dates wrong.

Where is the “chateau” where this “real party” is happening? Chateau Marmont? Haha, really? I guess if you don’t know… then you don’t know. I’m in no hurry to find out, either.

Why are Cliff Anger and Vera Nash here? Neither one was involved in the Lisa’s Story movie at all… well, other than inexplicably being at the film’s wrap party.

How is this story going to end? Insufferably, no doubt. I don’t think any other outcome is possible.

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Tagged as Academy Awards, Anon-O-Characters, brushing up against trademark infringment, Cassidy, Cassidy Kerr, Cindy, Cliff, Cliff Anger, comical takes on trademarked brand names he cannot use, enraging hair strands, Hollywood, Hollywood lingo, knowing smirks, Marianne, Marianne Winters, Martin Johns, Mason, Mason Jarr, Mason Jarre, Mason' Marianne, Mason's Nose, Masone Jarre, movie lingo, movies, not how the world works, not how things work, not the way the world works, Now Cindy, Oscar, Oscars, possible copyright violations, smirking, smirks, Squick, terrible artwork, terrible wordplay, trademark infringment, Vera, Vera Nash

by billytheskink | December 20, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Grossest In December

OK, I was kidding yesterday about skeevy Morton becoming a December tradition, but today’s strip takes my meanderings seriously. Who is the audience for this? OK, Greg Evans I guess, but who else?

I cannot decide which is more egregious:

The colorist’s decision to color both Funky’s and Morton’s coats blue (probably because they are just as confused by Morton and Funky’s converging ages as we are).
The Bedside Manor staff not knowing where five of their residents are.

If you are one of the 17 folks who own a copy of Roses In December or just a really really big Crankshaft fan, you may recall another story where a nursing home lost track of one of its residents. That time the nursing home had an excuse, as Ralph Meckler had kidnapped his Alzheimer’s-stricken wife and took her to Sotheby’s in New York to see his collection of vintage movie posters auctioned off.

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Tagged as Anon-O-Character, anon-o-nurses, Bedside Manor, bricks, cartoonish sexual tension, choir, choir loft, Christmas, connie, crippling snowfall, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, Funky's dad, Funkys, geriatric sex, hatchet face, heavy snow, Lillian, Lois, Merry Christmas, Mort, Morton, Morton Winkerbean, Nancy, Now Funky, Pat, rewarding the worst, sex, sexual innuendo, snow, Squick, St. Spires, terrible artwork, The Bedside Manorisms, things that make you seriously regret ever starting to read FW in the first place, Walt, Walt' Conie

by billytheskink | December 14, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Sitting Bleh

So… um… uh… OK, I had a point to make about today’s strip, but I keep getting distracted by Skyler’s unnervingly tiny hands. In the first panel they look like Lyman from Garfield‘s mustache and the one in the second panel looks like Donald Trump in profile. Look, I get it, hands are hard to draw. I draw hands especially poorly, to be honest, but I really try not to make them creepy and distracting.

OK… OK, now I remember where I was going on today’s strip. Skyler might want to get his senses checked. In addition appearing clearly baffled by who this “Santa Claus” character is, Crazy surely reeks of the timelessly off-putting combination of musty newsprint and salad dressing. And yet… Skyler happily agrees to play ventriloquist dummy. Well, at least that third panel image has me thinking about something other than Skyler’s hands.

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Tagged as Cleveland Browns, Crazy, Crazy Harry, crippling snowfall, hardwood floors, heavy snow, holidays, huge hands, Komix Korner, little baby Skyler, Mindy, Now Crazy Harry, quarter inch pinch, Santa Claus, Santa hats, sitting down, Skyler, snow, terrible artwork, things that make you seriously regret ever starting to read FW in the first place, tiny hands, unnatural hand gestures

by billytheskink | July 8, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Rag-snore-rok

Hey, we’re finally getting around to the reason behind Flash and Phil’s falling out in today’s strip and it’s… less than fascinating to say the least. Durwood, who asked Flash to elaborate on their split to kick this week off, appears to already know the answer to his own question anyways. So was the primary reason Durwood brought Phil up to Flash so he (and, by extension, TB) could humblebrag about selling Phil’s old comic book covers for the St. Lisa charity? I think that is a reasonable assumption.

I don’t know what to make of the fact that Flash is smiling as Durwood brings up the straw that broke the Holt-Freeman partnership camel’s back, so I won’t make anything of it much like how nothing has been made from this story arc’s rancid ingredients.

48 Comments

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Tagged as air travel, airplanes, Batom Comics, Batom's bizarre comic book fantasy world, chemtrails, Chester, Chester the Chiseler, Chester's intrigued face, comic books, comics, crappy ploddinng stories that never get anywhere, Darin, embarrassing errors a comics fan shouldn't make, Flash Freeman, insufferable assholes, Phil Holt, photo album corners, retcon corner thingies, Ruby, Ruby Lith, tags you never thought you'd use, terrible artwork, The Subterranean, weird noses, word zeppelins

by billytheskink | April 15, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Looking for Mr. Goodbar?

Hey, I know who that is in today’s strip! No, not the choir lady. Bunhead. She went to community college and/or Kent State with Wally and Adeela! She even changed her sweatshirt mid-class once. No, twice! She also was in one of Rachel’s community college art teaching certification classes, apparently. And now she’s answering the door in a neighborhood deemed moneyed enough to waste money on ~~band~~ choir candy! Moving up in the world. Maybe one day she’ll graduate from college, or at least wear something other than a sweatshirt. It is good to have goals.

I have nothing else to say about this strip other than “at least Dinkle isn’t in it”.

At least Dinkle isn’t in it.

41 Comments

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Tagged as band candy, bunhead, chocolate, choir, choir candy, doors, fundraising, hoodie, Old dying people, old gags from the 1970's, recycled gags, rehashes, St. Spires, terrible artwork, uninteresting stupid anecdotes, very old gags

by billytheskink | April 7, 2021 · 10:30 pm

The Taking Of Boredom 123

Today’s strip goes beyond TB’s regular “tell, don’t show” philosophy into, well, “tell, don’t tell” territory I guess. We get a couple of 35 cent metaphors and learn NOTHING. Not a thing. In fact, you could swap the order of yesterday’s and today’s strips and it would make exactly as much sense as the present order. The Flash #123 made this big impact on this author avatar who went on to become a cartoonist… yeah, we knew that yesterday (or, 12 years ago, if you’ve ever read TB’s blog). Shouldn’t we be on to the why? The how? No, don’t bother with that, we need to hear a few more flowery words that restate what has already been restated ad nauseam.

This is beyond Herb and Jamaal‘s dopey non-specificity, which muddied the gags but didn’t keep the reader from recognizing that they existed. This glacial garbage muddies a complete lack of any substance to begin with. There is nothing here. Nothing. At all. No conflict, no suspense, no character development, no dispensation of information real or fictional. We’re waiting for a man to pay for a comic book. WE ARE WAITING FOR A MAN TO PAY FOR A COMIC BOOK. I’ll put up the $5.99 or whatever the #123 reprint costs just to get Batton the heck out of there.

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Tagged as arcs where nothing happens, author avatar, Batton Thomas, boredom personified, comic book cover, Comic Book tribute, comic books, comics, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, Domo, fallout shelter sign, hatchet face, knowing smirks, M!, Magic 8-ball, mixed metaphors, silhouette, silhouettes, smirk, smirks, statues, terrible artwork, The Flash, unnatural hand gestures

by ComicBookHarriet | February 18, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Rot Fuzz

Link To Today’s Strip

Here ya go guys! I hope you like it. Because this fuzzy, disgusting thing is the best joke we’re getting this week outside of our own wonderful comments section.

Actually, truth be told, I laughed when I read this one. I mean, it strains credulity that this girl is only now noticing that something she’s putting in her mouth several times a week looks like a fried caterpillar. But I still laughed. The joke stuck the landing for me, even if the routine leading up to it was as thrilling and challenging as Simone Biles sliding directly across the balance beam on her belly.

But I just don’t care. I’m so worn down by the bad pranks this week, the non-punchlines. This followed a tried and true humor formula: set-up, surprise, and realization. The set up is a filthy reed, the surprise is that Dinkle doesn’t just tell her to toss it, the realization is that making a sarcastic comment about science projects is totally in character for him.

The slimmest weakest of jokes that I can’t bring myself mock. Maybe I’m feeling extra charitable since it’s the beginning of Lent. And as we read in Matthew 12:20 “A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory.”

If he won’t crush the bruised reed, who am I to quash the moldy one?

PS: Thanks to everyone who liked my story yesterday! It’s nice to know that when Batiuk gives me nothing you guys are okay with random tangents and personal anecdotes.

21 Comments

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Tagged as band practice, band room, gradient voids, Harry Dinkle, teachers who hate teaching, terrible artwork, these kids today, tolerable strips

by ComicBookHarriet | February 14, 2021 · 10:30 pm

A Paltry Substitution.

Link To Today’s Strip

Dinkle’s back. We’ve had to suffer through an inordinate about of Dinkle this winter. From piano lessons to turkey shenanigans to OMEA. It almost seems like Batiuk is intentionally giving us a break from Lisa’s Cancer Movie Extravaganza. Is he trying to reset our sensitivity to the storyline? Like letting a prisoner stew in the hole for a few weeks before bringing them back out for another round of enhanced interrogation.

Had a moment of confusion on my first read. Who the heck is Mrs. Howard? You mean One-Armed-Becky? The wife of Dead-Skunk-Head? I’m so far removed from thinking of either of them having surnames. I can barely remember DSH is named John.

I don’t think that this is a Dinkle strip that’s going to get cut out and pasted on many doors. The joke is anemic, but tolerable enough. Shrewd old teacher is down with substitute pranks. But this must either be a Freshman band class, or Dinkle hasn’t substituted for three years straight, otherwise the kids should be wise to his wisdom.

The real thing holding this strip back is the atrocious art in panels one and three. What is that hand in panel one? I could draw a better hand left handed. All the poor kids have horrible receding hairlines. I half expect that panel two was changed to black outline after the fact. After Ayers drunkenly turned in a scribbly panel of twenty mangled high school students as seen through a cracked funhouse mirror.

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Tagged as band room, band room sign, black and white, Dinkle, hatchet face, kid with receding hairline, knowing smirks, silhouette, terrible artwork, woman with receding hairline

by billytheskink | October 21, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Getting the runaround

Did you know President Bill Clinton likes to jog? I sure didn’t, at least not until today’s strip… and when I say “today’s strip”, I mean “when he was first elected President”. Does TB think calling him “President Clinton” is not enough of an identifier for readers or did he just recently start watching a DVD box set of 1990s Saturday Night Live episodes?

What’s with all the Eeyores in the first panel? Funky just dialed up BILL CLINTON on a whim, got the former POTUS to answer directly, and was told by the man himself that he would help. Why is Rachel even questioning this?

Better yet, why am I questioning this? Any of this? It’s been a fool’s errand for decades.

48 Comments

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Tagged as 1/4 inch from reality, Adeela, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, cell phones, cellphone, delusional fantasies, deportation, enraging hair strands, exercise, Falling leaves, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, half-assed political commentary, Holly, hoodie, how things are NEVER done, immigration, leaves, Life is a dismal horror from which you can never escape, melting faces, mistaken identity, Montoni's, Montoni's logo, Montoni's T shirt, not how the world works, Now Funky, President Clinton, Rachel, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, stupid, tags you never thought you'd use, technology, terrible artwork, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, this is all a horrible mistake, Wally, you have got to be f-ing kidding me

by billytheskink | October 20, 2020 · 10:30 pm

The Westview Pizza-ccord

This guy still doesn’t look anything like Bill Clinton, but at least he’s game to help the gang in today’s strip, which means we’re probably closer to the end of this idiocy (and the start of a new idiocy). A President Clinton junk food joke? Really, TB? Did you write this in 1994 or when people stopped laughing at the thought of the President eating French fries (which was 1995, I believe)?

34 Comments

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Tagged as 1/4 inch from reality, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, awful dialog, cardiac issues, cell phones, cellphone, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, half-assed political commentary, hatchet face, Holly, Now Funky, pizza, pizza delivery, poor female characters, President Clinton, Rachel, sheer idiocy, smirk, stupid, telephone transactions, terrible artwork, tiny hands, Wally, you have got to be f-ing kidding me

Tag Archives: terrible artwork

Shmucks in a row

Grossest In December

Sitting Bleh

Rag-snore-rok

Looking for Mr. Goodbar?

The Taking Of Boredom 123

Rot Fuzz

A Paltry Substitution.

Getting the runaround

The Westview Pizza-ccord

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