(bat·ick·shuh·na·ry) A place to define words and phrases that, while never spoken by people in real life, are casually uttered by characters in Funky Winkerbean.
Readers may offer suggestions for new entries in the comments below.
An instance of symbol swearing, used by Summer and Darin in a discussion of Summer’s life situation at the time. In context, the deleted expletive is “sucks”; what is unclear is why only four characters are used in place of five.
A conflation of the exclamation “bingo” (“you are correct”) and “no shit, Sherlock” (“You have just stated an obvious fact”), used by Summer in reply to Darin when he correctly states the obvious fact that “everything [meaning her situation] *#@s.”
Darin’s disparaging reference, used repeatedly, to “Frankie” Pierce, his biological father.
Book launch party:
A conflation of “book launch” and “launch party”; Funky coerced Les into having his BLP for Lisa’s Story at Montoni’s Pizza. Tom Batiuk had his book launch for Lisa’s Story at Luigi’s Restaurant in Akron (the real-life model for Montoni’s).
Coming Reunion, The:
In the days leading up to Westview High School Class of ’78’s 30th Reunion, the alumni almost always referred to it not as “the class reunion” or “our reunion” but as “the coming reunion”; perhaps to imbue the event with some sense of inevitable dread:
Pete’s pet name for the popular search engine; it’s where he first learns of negative fan reaction to his Amazing Mister Sponge story; Pete also credits “Grandpa” with leading him, Mason and Cindy to the New York City apartment of forgotten Starbuck Jones actor Cliff Anger. When Mindy meets Pete before the Starbuck Jones premiere at the Valentine, she has already queried “Grandpa” for Pete’s background info.
I stand in line
Appears to be an expression of respect. The origin is uncertain, but this line is spoken by Crazy Harry to Funky at the end of the weird “Happiness Police” arc, and is used by Funky, accompanied by a humble bow, to give Darin props for his “breakfast pizza” idea.
In Situ Resource Utilization
Used euphemistically by Jim during the 2012 Westview Senior Trip to Washinton D.C. While ISRU does have a real-world application, Jim uses it to mean “hitting the mini bar in the hotel room”.
In the main
While not invented by Batiuk, this phrase meaning “for the most part” would probably never find its way into a romantic conversation; but leave it to Les to use it in the lead-up to his marriage proposal to Cayla.
It’s called writing:
This is not a line from the comic; it’s a quote from the Author Himself. “It’s called writing” is at once a mantra and manifesto for Batiuk, used to cover a multitude of crimes against continuity and plausibility. Shortly after the second time jump, on his blog Batiuk addressed questions by his fans regarding Wally’s status with the following: “…kick back, relax, and let the saga unfold tomorrow, and tomorrow and the tomorrow after that. It’s called writing (emphasis added).”
The “killer shark” surfaces twice in the Batiuktionary: after his car crash sends Funky back to the Westview of his teen years, he ruminates on the “killer-shark issues” that await him when he reaches adulthood. Frankie’s partner Lenny Gant tells him “you must have killer sharks swimming in your gene pool” as they discuss their evil scheme against Darin.
“Light this cracker”:
Spoken by a writer’s-blocked Les, April 19, 2013, in an attempt to psych himself up to start writing the Lisa’s Story screenplay. Would typically be spoken as “Let’s light this firecracker” in real life. Snarker Rick Brooks suggests that Les may be misquoting astronaut Alan Shepard’s “…light this candle.”
Spoken by Harry Dinkle to wife Harriet at their 50th anniversary pizza party; used by Harry to mean “to keep something secret or hidden”. Used everywhere else in the known universe to mean “to deliberately underestimate or understate a cost.” (Suggested by Gyre)
Used by Linda to emphatically agree with Les’ observation that “things have changed,” and by actress Marianne Winters in a chat with Mason Jarr. Most humans would go with “Absolutely” or “You can say that again,” but I guess “mega” sounds “cooler.”
A female who presumes to possess knowledge that is unattainable to most, equivalent to the real-world expression “know-it-all”.
More issues than my car:
A non-sequitir used by Rachel to imply to Wally that he has more problems than he admits; it is unclear how “issues” relate to “car” unless it’s been established that said car has numerous problems. A more logical, real-world equivalent would be “more issues than National Geographic” or perhaps “more problems than a geometry textbook.”
One-word substitute for “almost but not quite.” Used by Summer when Les’ book is referred to as “Lucy’s Story” during his Today Show appearance; also spoken by Linda when Bull botches the delivery of Coach Stropp’s cremains into the end zone at the WHS football field.
Possessed of the inability to experience happiness without a sense of mortal dread; always seeing the dark side of any positive condition. This, of course, is a major theme of Acts II and III, but is identified as “Nordic” by Jessica, referring to prospective new father Darin, and by Les in re: his jogging partner Funky. Possibly a Midwestern or Ohio term, as Google searches for this usage yield no corroborating result.
Pedantic schoolmarm from a bitter hollow
Cory can’t bring himself to talk to Funky, because every time he does, Funky turns into one of these.
Rent a room:
An expression of disgust directed at two people sharing a public display of affection; equivalent to the real-world expression “get a room”. Update: in the May 4, 2011 strip, Keisha uses the correct phrase.
Though it sounds more like something Mr. Moore, Language Arts might say, this is actually a term coined by Funky to describe the ritual of setting up the outside dining tables in front of Montoni’s.
1.) failed to or forgot to do: “I totally shanked that paper that was due in Mr. Moore’s class tomorrow,” Maddie
2.) messed up, mishandled: “I totally shanked the excuse,” Owen; “Just make sure you don’t shank it,” Darin to Pete, about his interview with the Starbuck Jones producers.
Solo Car Date:
Occurs when a teenage boy and girl travel in a motor vehicle; “solo” in the sense that each teen is without parental supervision; equivalent to the real-world expression “date”.
Sound made by a plastic reindeer when dropped from Montoni’s roof.
Athletes, “jocks”: At his first football practice, brooding-loner-turned-quarterback Jarod tells Bull “Listen, I’m not big with the sportos.”
Used by Ann Apple when discussing the possibility of Lisa’s Story being turned into “a real movie”. While movies can be viewed on “cell-phones”, the context implies a rank even lower than “straight to DVD”.
Sue [someone] back to a ball of dirt
To bring a massive lawsuit against someone, presumably for everything they’ve got. This is what Mason “Jarre” reckons the movie studio will do to whomever leaked the plot of Starbuck Jones online.
A vending machine, like they used to have installed at Westview High until the school board decided to offer the students “healthy choices” like tap water from the drinking fountain and mashed potatoes with gravy.
Vodka and orange:
A cocktail consisting of liquor distilled from potatoes or grain, mixed with the juice of oranges and usually served over ice. Most bartenders and bar patrons in the real world refer to this cocktail as a screwdriver.
What on this globally warming green Earth…?:
An exclamation uttered by Principal Nate in the course of disciplining Susan and Les after a picture of them kissing appears on the internet. Used as a secular equivalent of “What on God’s green Earth…” while also allowing TB to express his belief in climate change.
world’s perfect genome, The:
Owen’s description of Cody’s ex-classmate and ex-pretend wife, blond Mallory Brooks. A typical male teen would be more likely to point out her attractiveness rather than her potential as breeding stock.