December 17, 2013 at 11:56 am
Where do they fit all those reindeer in the restaurant? The empty booths?

Well, that would be safer…but tradition demands that every Yuletide, Funky and one of his flunkies must retrieve Santa’s reindeer from the basement and install them on the roof. Tradition also holds that Batiuk drag out and recycle old gags that weren’t that funny the first time around. From 2009:



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

15 responses to “SPLANNG!

  1. Rusty

    Any male over 12 years old would day “Shit” or “Fuck” in this situation. No exceptions.

  2. “D’oh!”
    “A deer!”
    “A female deer!”

    Hey, if Batiuk is going to be unoriginal, I’m going to be unoriginal–but at least I’m quoting better material.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    But Boy Lisa wouldn’t actually see a word balloon so how would he know Funky said “deer” instead of…oh, never mind. And “SPLAN NG”? WTF are those reindeer made of, some futuristic space-age polymer or something? Whatever happened to “clang” or “bonk”? Come on TB, I thought you were a traditionalist!

    Check out Boy Lisa in panel one. The match is lit and it’s headed for the fuse…seriously though, as annoying as he is it’s almost possible to see the poor sap as more of a pathetic character (no “sym”) as opposed to simply loathsome…at least today, I should say. Standing on top of that cursed building and looking to the very edge of Westview, knowing full well that you’ll never again venture from its borders…it has to be a crushing realization. It’s almost like he’s living in a prison, although one with better sex (presumably, that is) and worse food.

  4. I think Tom Batiuk should recast the entire point of the strip and make Funky a serial killer. Today, for example, he could have a thought balloon that said “Heh heh, right on top of those caroling orphans! Ha ha!

    And the other day, he could have said “That’s right, Rachel, the decorations go up and then go down. Keep handling them the way you do, and also keep licking your hands after. Don’t worry about health regulations, I’ll lie for you until you start exploding. That reminds me, I need batteries for the camcorder. That’s a threat for what you should buy me for Christmas.”

    Eventually Funky would kill Ed Crankshaft, who would kill Funky at the same time–they’d both die with their hands locked around each others’ necks. Then, Tom Batiuk could have a final panel saying “Thank for forty years of fun! A Funky tip of the felt-tip to everyone! Be sure to leave your doors unlocked and windows open, because who knows who might want to drop in–it might be Les Moore!”

    Then, if he really wanted, he could start a new strip called “Les Moore, the World’s Worst Vampire.”

  5. Howard and Nester

    Then, if he really wanted, he could start a new strip called “Les Moore, the World’s Worst Vampire.”

    This would be different from the current strip how? I mean, Les is a parasite; he’s frozen in time; he has no empathy for humans; he’s mopes and angsts a lot…

    Oh. Oh! You mean supernatural vampire, not emotional vampire. Gotcha.

  6. John

    Funky: “Wait…there’s no visible aperture or other means of attaching the faux reindeer to these poles.”

    Darin: “Yup.”

    Funky: “So how the HELL did you get yours to balance flawlessly upon that pole?!?”

    Darin: “I dunno. Just lucky, I guess. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have fifteen more minutes of contorting my face wildly while I nuzzle its plastic cervine bottom.”

    Funky: “….*….why do I ever ask you anything?”

    Darin: “I dunno.”

  7. billytheskink

    Expect Durwood to groan himself into the grave when they go back downstairs to hear Tony demanding “Funky, you got-a some SPLANNGing to do!”


    Man on the street below “Look! Falling rain-deer!”

    Okay, what do you think, guys. Is this pun, Batiuk-worthy??

  9. Chaos Clockwork

    So, at this rate, the Quest for Starbuck Jones will be complete in…*quick calculations*
    …April? Hopefully, April First.

  10. Jeffcoat Wayne

    So Funky just totally destroyed that plastic deer for the sake of making one awful pun? I guess that makes sense.

  11. Guest Page Turner Author

    This is actually quite a breakthrough for Battic (rhymes with Attiuk) and quite a departure from the normal setup. In nearly every pun episode, the punner delivers the lame line, reacted to with foolish smirks from the punnee(s). This time, the punnee is reacting like a normal, socially adept human would! An angry glare and a sarcastic “Really?” show that there may be hope for Darin after all. He’s reacting like all of us non-Westviewans do to these insipid puns and he’s had enough already!

  12. Charles

    I don’t know which is worse, that Funky just dropped a plastic child-sized deer off the roof of his shitty restaurant, where it could have killed someone on the sidewalk below, or that he’s putting them up in such a way that a strong wind could knock them all down onto the ground 30 feet below. Or maybe that he seems totally incognizant of this obvious hazard.

    That would be one of the absurd yet fitting ways someone would die in Westview, however.

  13. apauled

    “That would be one of the absurd yet fitting ways someone would die in Westview”

    So Grandma didn’t get run over by a reindeer, she got squashed (or splannged) by a falling one?