Tag Archives: unnatural hand gestures

Well, You Ain’t Never Caught a Rabbit

Mason walks around with that same stupid smirk all the time, but why must Les look askance at Funky in today’s strip? Could it be that, having been so immersed in Hollywood–even rescuing a starlet from a wildfire!–Les is starting to see his hometown Ohio friends as pathetic, smalltime losers? He can’t wait to get back to whatever’s left of Hollywood, where he’ll get to hang out on the set of Lisa’s Story and ogle Marianne in her Lisa drag.


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In The Hot Seat.

Link to today’s strip whenever it appears

Comic Book Harriet reporting from the scene of the missing previews. Literally sweating bullets over trying to come up with something that hasn’t been said already by the hordes of commenters, or, as Batiuk likes to call us, ‘Beady-Eyed Nitpickers’.

Seeing a bunch of fresh names in the comments section lately brings a smile to my heart. Hate reading crappy comics is one of life’s greatest pleasures, like music, or fine wine, meant to be shared with like-minded connoisseurs. I don’t know if you people are coming back to watch the world burn, or have just found the place, but the you’re stoking the fire with some pretty hot fuel for thought.

Such as.

I hope everyone will give SpacemanSpiff85 a massive round of internet points for putting up with almost an entire shift of no previews. He was able to transmogrify something out of nothing, which is the exact opposite of what Tom usually accomplishes.


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It is not really fair for me to question the comparison of a military briefing to first day of an unidentified community college class as in today’s strip. While I have my suspicions about how appropriate the comparison is, I have only experienced the latter situation.

I will, however, point out that both Colonel Crew-Cut and Professor Forehead are awkwardly stating what both their audience in the room already know and what newspaper comic strip readers could reasonably infer without such clunky exposition. It is like TB leading off each strip with a drawing of him saying:

The following is a comic strip I wrote. It carries the weight of substantial ideas. Silver Age Flash is also important literature.

Uh, maybe I shouldn’t have thrown that idea out there…


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Taco ’bout pressure

“I’ll take ‘Depictions Of Dining That Compare Unfavorably To Those Seen In Mary Worth‘ for $600, Alex.”

“This comic was drawn by someone who has never seen a real person eat a taco.”

“What is today’s strip, Alex?”


“Alright, I’ll move over to ‘The Trite Lights Of Hollywood’ for $400.”

“Fictional movie star Masone Jarre compared launching a doomed comic book company to the life stages of a commonly eaten shellfish in this recent work.”

“What is today’s strip, again?”

“Correct… again.”

“I’ll take, uh… how ’bout ‘Dreck’ for $800.”

“You’ve found our first Daily Double… what do you want to risk?”

“Let’s make it a true Daily Double, Alex.”

“OK, and the answer is ‘Dreck.'”

“What is every Funky Winkerbean strip since February 2018, Alex?”



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Almost Like Being Punched Out

Link to today’s strip.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the dumbest comic strip ever printed.  Proof positive, as if any more were needed, that Tom Batiuk intends to do nothing except spin his wheels until the 50th anniversary.

Other than Pete’s paper-mache head-on-a-stick, I’ve never seen such a crass, blatant display of nothingness.  In fact, it leaves me speechless.  Lucky you!  See you Sunday!


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The Never Mind

Link to today’s strip.

Let’s leave aside the fact, a year or so ago, that the Lord of the Late was revealed to be just an aspect of Pete’s personality.  That alone should banish him from the strip.  (Imagine a monster, long since revealed to be Old Man Carruthers, the Caretaker, returning to menace the Scooby Gang as the same monster.  They’d go right to the mask-pulling without even pausing for a musical number.)

Let’s also leave aside the charming picture of Pete furiously picking his nose in the penultimate panel.  And let’s leave aside what is going on with the hand in panel four (first one on the bottom).

Instead, I have to wonder–has Tom Batiuk ever read a comic book?  Because Super Villain Rule Number One is that you have to bedevil your designated hero at every opportunity.  Saying “I’ll let the internet be mean to him” is just not done.  Imagine the Joker refusing to plot against Batman because he notices the Batmobile parked in a loading zone or something, and is just giddy at the idea of Batman getting a traffic ticket.  I mean, why is the Joker even there if he’s not going to act?

Same with the Lord of the Late.  Why is even here, if his sole purpose is to announce that he’s not going to do anything?   Making Pete “woefully late” is all he does.   (Well, in theory.  In actual fact, Pete always comes up with a remarkably stupid idea to save his career at the last moment.)

Granted, that’s not the worst thing a Funky Winkerbean character can do.  At least it’s not Owen, asking why Humphrey Bogart didn’t use his jet-pack to rescue Ingrid Bergman in that poorly thought-out Casablanca film.  It’s not Holly telling Dick Tracy, “It’s not what you eat, it’s when you eat it.”  And it’s not Les doing, well, anything.

I mean, he’s not really here solely so we can hear about “internuts,” “twitter tots” and “tweet revenge” is he?   Because that’s just sad.  Look, Mr. Batiuk, I know you don’t enjoy criticism–few people do.  But here’s how you get it to stop.  Start actually writing stories, using interesting characters, and–this is key–ask for a new editor, one who will push you to use your strengths rather than sign-off on your work without even reading it.

Yes, I know, that’s not going to happen.  It’s far easier to insult people and get all huffy than it is to change the path of a runaway truck.  So it’ll be all dreck, all the time, on the way to that magical 50th.  The thing is, the critics will be right along for the ride–you can’t shake them by having nothing happen in your strip, because that’s a choice as well.

Well, folks, I can see the sunshine finally appear as my SoSF guest-host stint finally comes to an end (for now).  Please welcome David O as your new dungeon master starting tomorrow, as we ask the musical question, “Whose idea was this?”


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky


Link to today’s strip.

Ah, there’s the punchable Les we all know and loathe.  Even with little more than half a face visible, I still want to punch that half until it’s gone.  Funky’s Expression in Panel Two (the Theme For The Week) is one of unmitigated fury, which struck me as strange until I realized that in panel one, Wino McHomeless’s remark could have been taken as sarcasm.   And to be fair, in panel one Funky looks like Holly after being (initially) denied a comic book.  Oh, I’m sooooo helpless and incapable, someone needs to give me things as gifts for free.  Oh boo hoo hoo, my son is in the military, soon to be slabbed as a key issue.

…sorry, got a bit off track there.  Anyway, if I was out running, and some guy passed me and said “Way to go,” I think I would probably interpret that as sarcasm if I was having the same sort of difficulty as Funky.   I mean, there I’d be, wheezing and puffing, trying to keep up with my Perfect Friend, and he’s essentially saying “Huh, wheezing and puffing, eh?  Well you’re doing it real good!”    I wonder why he didn’t say something like, “Don’t stop!  You can do it!” or “It takes a while, but you’ll get there!” or something more generally encouraging.

Oh.  Oh, you’re kidding.  Really?  He said that so that Tom Batiuk could insert his “joke” which uses the difference between  “go” and “no-go”?  I don’t know if I’ve encountered anything sadder this week.   And I write these entries a year in advance, so that’s a lot of weeks!

Bonus:  Funky’s zipper pull tab is lovingly rendered, isn’t it?    That and the Button are the only items to have any care lavished on them, other than Les, of course.  I mean, look at Wino’s right hand.  Clearly he’s a mutant of some kind.  Is he an X-Man?  I bet his mutant super-power is never appearing in Funky Winkerbean again, which sounds darn handy!  (ha ha ha)!


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The Gamesman

Link To Today’s Strip

“Unnatural hand gestures” ahoy!  I don’t recommend looking very closely at panel two, because you’ll probably end up like me:  wondering what the hell those body parts are supposed to be, and how they got there.

Panel three is pretty good nightmare fuel as well; those of you with small children might want to cut it out and paste it on cardboard, to see if you can use it to make the kids eat their peas.  Tell them she’s hiding under the bed, and only vegetables keep her away.

I do have to admire the way she’s all prepped and ready to…watch the progress of an online auction.  Not to actually do anything (strictly forbidden in the Funkyverse anyway)…but just sit there and watch, and hope no one outbids her.  The excitement just never ends, does it?  Well, that’s because it never begins either but you can’t have everything.  You should have learned that by now.


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Key-pin’ It Real

bad wolf
December 11, 2013 at 8:23 am
To spare anyone who might be curious, my definitions:
keys: Key issues, may include first issues, first appearances, crossovers, beginning of famous storyline. ($$)

Thanks to bad wolf who, in yesterday’s comments, provided a Komix Kollektor mini glossary along with a little insight:

Believe me, the industry has had a long conversation about these man-cave stores with geek-babble spouting salesmen freezing out potential customers by putting up a wall of ‘secret passwords’ and inner-sanctum speak.

Though, to be fair, today John is actually making sense: Silver Age Flash meets Golden Age Flash would be, by bad wolf’s definition, a crossover. I get it! Why doesn’t Holly? She’s making the type of classic “duhhh” face that we usually see on Bull.


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What the Heck Do We Care?

Now you know how many ‘holes it takes to fill Montoni’s Pizzeria.

July 10, 2013 at 11:50 pm
Okay, folks, place your bets:
Halle is drawn in the background of a Sunday spread in a listless nod to continuity: 6/1

Does Halle Dinkle’s presence here qualify as a “crossover” if nobody knows about her comic strip? She’s the one helpfully holding up a placard-sized “Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad” card. There’s another unfamiliar face in the crowd, above Dinkle’s head, whose identity will be revealed Friday (as an afterthought; TB’s just giving a shout-out to one of his music friends). Rachel’s been made to don the dreaded red apron but Wally (and his wonder dog Buddy) have been permitted to mingle with the invited guests. I would give Dead Skunk Head John a hard time for showing up in a t-shirt, but hey: we’re in a pizza parlor.

Get ready for another guest blogger: starting Monday, it’s the snark stylings of Beckoning Chasm!


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