Tag Archives: sad-sackery

by billytheskink | April 4, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Batton Exchange

Welcome to Son Of Stuck Funky’s week-long 11th anniversary spectacular! Well, it will be tacular, at least, we shall see on the spec… Today’s strip kicks thing off with a ~~bang~~ flash! You can have that one for free, TB. Hey, maybe I’ll even pay YOU to take it.

So, I’m billytheskink, and I am (apparently) contractually obligated to take over the author’s seat here at SOSF whenever Batton Thomas makes his annual appearance. I really should have read the fine print. But really, I covered both of Batton’s previous appearances, April-May 2019 (he crashed DSH’s Free Comic Book Day) and April 2020 (Les invited him to mope in front of his class), naturally. One could argue that he also appeared back in January of this year, moping about Komix Korner mere days before my last stint here started, but one could also argue that old moper was Jff Murdock.

Apparently Batton “used to be famous”. I guess that is why he only started appearing in Funky Winkerbean in 2019.

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Tagged as Batton Thomas, comic book cover, Comic Book tribute, comic books, comics, Dead Skunk Head, inexplicably happy people, John, Komix Korner, memorabilia, misplaced nostalgia for things that weren't all that great to begin with, nostalgia, sad-sackery, The Flash

by billytheskink | January 21, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Eye am about out of eye puns

And eye (ugh) *s-eye* (no no no) *sigh* (that’s better) sorry… I am about out of patience with this anti-majestic glacier of a story line. Every single thing in today’s strip happened in yesterday’s strip as well. I’m not sure even Garfield or Family Circus recycle at this level… I don’t know if this will help, but I have cut the 62 words in these last two strips down to 20 in an attempt to make this never-ending story stronger and more concise.

Dr. Droopy: Cataract surgery is pretty common nowadays.  It is quite safe and not especially complicated.
Funky: I'm worried! WORRIED, I TELLS YA!

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Tagged as arcs that go on too long, arcs where nothing happens, awful dialog, Bad medical news, boredom personified, bug-eyes, comma eyes, crappy ploddinng stories that never get anywhere, doctor guy, doctors, Droopy, dull stories, four eyes, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, glib doctors, hatchet face, manila folder, medical professionals, Now Funky, oddly muted squiggly lines, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, recycled gags, sad-sackery, squiggly eyebrows, squiggly lines, squiggly lines used to denote texture, stupid, things that make you seriously regret ever starting to read FW in the first place, tiny hands, uninteresting stupid anecdotes, unnatural hand gestures, unneccessarily long arcs, very long arcs, weird noses

by billytheskink | January 18, 2021 · 10:30 pm

¡Eye Caramba!

I apologize that the post title significantly oversells the drab discharge that is today’s strip. Funky has cataracts, just like many people over age 65. Cataracts make it hard to see clearly, as Dr. Droopy so helpfully informs us. Will Funky and Dr. Droopy decide what to do about these cataracts by Saturday? If you care about the answer to that question, please seek help.

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Tagged as "jokes" that aren't really jokes at all, arcs that go on too long, arcs where nothing happens, boredom personified, comma eyes, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, crappy ploddinng stories that never get anywhere, doctor guy, doctors, Droopy, dull stories, four eyes, glib doctors, Old dying people, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, stupid, the inevitable ravages of age, the ravages of age, uninteresting stupid anecdotes, unneccessarily long arcs, very long arcs

by billytheskink | October 22, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Patience Zero

Today’s strip is filler. Total filler. In fact, it is possibly the filleriest filler that ever filled four panel borders. Filler filler filler filler…

The idiocy of Winkerbeans here is wearing the same clothes they were back before Wally and Amicus visited Adeela in jail, so it is presumably the same night/day that Adeela was arrested and President Clinton was called. Why are they all so resigned? Just how quickly do these people think Federal agencies work? And they expect a call back from Mr. Clinton himself, assuming failure when that doesn’t happen within an hour? Between yesterday’s strip and this one, there is probably a long list of right-leaning organizations that have more trust in the Clintons than these five.

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Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Adeela, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, arcs where nothing happens, cell phones, cellphone, coffee, deportation, enraging hair strands, fabric lines, filler, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, hatchet face, Holly, how things are NEVER done, immigration, implausibility, Montoni's, not how the world works, Now Funky, President Clinton, Rachel, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, steam line (singular), The letter A, The Montoni's District at night, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, this is all a horrible mistake, tiny lassos, uselessness, Wally

by billytheskink | October 21, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Getting the runaround

Did you know President Bill Clinton likes to jog? I sure didn’t, at least not until today’s strip… and when I say “today’s strip”, I mean “when he was first elected President”. Does TB think calling him “President Clinton” is not enough of an identifier for readers or did he just recently start watching a DVD box set of 1990s Saturday Night Live episodes?

What’s with all the Eeyores in the first panel? Funky just dialed up BILL CLINTON on a whim, got the former POTUS to answer directly, and was told by the man himself that he would help. Why is Rachel even questioning this?

Better yet, why am I questioning this? Any of this? It’s been a fool’s errand for decades.

48 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as 1/4 inch from reality, Adeela, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, cell phones, cellphone, delusional fantasies, deportation, enraging hair strands, exercise, Falling leaves, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, half-assed political commentary, Holly, hoodie, how things are NEVER done, immigration, leaves, Life is a dismal horror from which you can never escape, melting faces, mistaken identity, Montoni's, Montoni's logo, Montoni's T shirt, not how the world works, Now Funky, President Clinton, Rachel, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, stupid, tags you never thought you'd use, technology, terrible artwork, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, this is all a horrible mistake, Wally, you have got to be f-ing kidding me

by billytheskink | October 18, 2020 · 10:30 pm

An elepha… er, donkey never forgets

Well after today’s strip, Amicus’ moronically repeated “subpoena their evidence” idea looks a LOT better… Never mind trying to get Mr. Clinton to intervene in Adeela’s predicament, just the suggestion to call up a former POTUS is, at best, a pretty awkward fit with this:

“Any cartoonist takes things from their life to put into the strip and Funky is so close to real life. I’m only a quarter inch removed from real life so I pull everything.”

“Batiuk lets real life play out in both of his strips with serialized stories, drama and time jumps mixed in with the gags. A Batiuk character can live, laugh and die in the world he’s created. He says both his strips are ‘about a quarter inch removed from real life.'”

“I’ve found you really have to reach inside yourself and try to pull out your experiences. But what I have found is the closer you get to your real, true experiences, the closer you get to the real, true experiences of your audience.”

50 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Adeela, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, Classic Funky, deportation, disgust, enraging hair strands, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, half-assed political commentary, hatchet face, how things are NEVER done, immigration, Montoni's, Montoni's logo, multiple Montoni's logos, Now Funky, pizza, President Clinton, Rachel, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, Wally

by billytheskink | October 17, 2020 · 10:30 pm

It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is

While most of the now-reassembled idiocy of Winkerbeans mopes at a Pete-level in today’s strip, Holly is taking charge! How, exactly, she expects a photo of Act II Funky with the mayor of Centerville to help Adeela remains to be seen…

Before we get into the explanation for this bit of Batiukverse history, let’s take a minute to appreciate the magnificent uselessness of Amicus Breef, who today is repeating the exact same legal vernacular he spit out two days ago… like a 14 year old who just learned the phrase “subpoena evidence” and keeps saying it because he thinks it makes him sound smart. It has been some time since TB introduced such a remarkably incompetent character, which is saying something.

OK, now for the tale of the time Funky and his mullet met President Bill Clinton. It was the summer of 1993 and the Westview school district was facing its latest challenge in getting voters to approve yet another school levy (or “tax issue” as Fred and Nate referred to this one). Dinkle decided the best way to drum up support was to get the recently elected President Clinton to appear at a rally headlined by his WHS band. Being a well-known former band geek, the President actually showed up, endured the band’s performance, and finished things off by playing a saxophone duet with Dinkle. On his way out of town, President Clinton demanded pizza and Dinkle recommended Montoni’s. Thus:

Dinkle also gave the President a gift for showing up at the rally… *sigh* It was a box of comic books, of course.

55 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Act II, Adeela, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, Classic Funky, coffee, deportation, enraging hair strands, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, green pitcher, half-assed political commentary, Holly, immigration, Iraquistan, lawyers, Montoni's, Montoni's logo, Montoni's T shirt, multiple Montoni's logos, not how the world works, not how to offer coffee, Now Funky, President Clinton, Rachel, really dumb questions, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, this is all a horrible mistake, tiny hands, Wally

by billytheskink | October 14, 2020 · 10:30 pm

De-10-tion Center

Amicus continues to Amicus in today’s strip, quoting last year’s newspaper headlines almost verbatim… Big kudos to commenter Banana Jr. 6000 for uncovering Breef’s past appearance in Crankshaft back on Monday. The “Lionel Hutz of Westview” is not only less entertaining than the beloved Simpsons character (obviously), he also appears to somehow be even less competent at practicing law than the intentionally idiotic Hutz.

Writing facial recognition software in the Batiukverse has got to be the ultimate fool’s errand. While I was not able to find any source for Amicus’ 20% of the time figure here in real life internetland, in Westview I would think the figure would be well above that. WAY well above that.

40 Comments

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Tagged as Adeela, Amicus Breef, arcs where nothing happens, boredom personified, crosshatching, deportation, encroaching dread, enraging hair strands, Falling leaves, immigration, impending doom, jail, leaves, Life is a dismal horror from which you can never escape, neatly lettered signs, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, please make it stop, sad-sackery, sarcasm, technology, terrible artwork, this is all a horrible mistake, Wally

by billytheskink | October 12, 2020 · 10:30 pm

A Breef Encounter

What’s better than four white saviors? Five white saviors of course! That’s the gist of today’s strip, it seems… as *groan* Amicus Breef emerges from the walk-in freezer brimming with fantastic legal advice such as talking to Adeela. Preferably by phone, no need to go down to the clink and talk to her in person if you can help it, right? I mean, jails are full of criminals after all and you can’t be too careful.

Oy! Amicus Breef?! Amicus? Stupid punny names are nothing new for this strip, but they usually at least involve a first name human beings might actually have. Well, at least he works in a profession relevant to his stupid punny name. What if Mason Jarr(e) was really into making homemade preserves or holding iced tea at restaurants known for their cucumber salad, or if Cliff Anger was actually a solo climber? Or what if Ruby Lith’s job was to illustrate schlocky no-budget Silver Age comic books? Oh wait…

42 Comments

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Tagged as Adeela, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, cell phones, cellphone, college, enraging hair strands, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, hatchet face, Holly, immigration, jail, lawyers, melting faces, Montoni's, not how the world works, Now Funky, Pun, punnery, puns, Rachel, really dumb questions, sad-sackery, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, Wally

by billytheskink | October 11, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Dude, where’s my car?!

After spending more than a month on this insipid story arc and these irritating characters, today’s strip offers some much welcome relief… I’m speaking, of course, of the Green Pitcher, far and away the best character in Act III Funky Winkerbean (and probably Acts I and II as well, to be frank). By the way… hello there, I’m billytheskink and I’m… uh, I guess I’m going to talk about the Winkerbeans as they talk about Adeela.

FASCINATING! (In my best Merv Griffin voice)

More interesting than Funky’s understandable concern for his restaurant’s assets or the icy glares of his family members is his continuing transformation into Gasoline Alley mainstay Slim in both attitude and appearance. Less interesting, of course, is Wally’s inability to use his phone to tell Funky that Adeela’s arrest had to do with her (mistaken) immigration status.

41 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Adeela, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, anger, bowling trophies, delivery people, deportation, enraging hair strands, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, green pitcher, hatchet face, Holly, immigration, Montoni's, not how the world works, pizza delivery, Rachel, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, stupid, the back of Rachel's head for some reason, The Montoni's District at night, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, Wally

Tag Archives: sad-sackery

Batton Exchange

Eye am about out of eye puns

¡Eye Caramba!

Patience Zero

Getting the runaround

An elepha… er, donkey never forgets

It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is

De-10-tion Center

A Breef Encounter

Dude, where’s my car?!

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