Tag Archives: Pete

Holting On To The Past

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RIP Phil Holt, the latest FW character to sadly bite the dust. Well, at least he didn’t suffer. Apparently he had no family or friends, so he bequeathed his career-defining original artwork to some jerk he bummed a ride from a few months back. Too bad Phil didn’t own a pizzeria too, as then EVERYTHING would finally be going Boy Lisa’s way.

Pete’s reaction here is totally baffling. “I would have appreciated them too”…what? Is he being hypothetical and merely commenting on how awesome they are or is he expressing jealousy, like he wishes Phil would have left HIM some original artwork too? Either way he looks like a dick, as most normal people in his position would probably say something like “holy shit, Phil Holt died and left YOU his career-defining original art???” or something like that. Or maybe express some sadness about the news, you know, like normal people would. And these nitwits are his FANS, mind you. Imagine what Phil’s enemies must be saying about him right now.

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Wholly Predictable

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Wow! More comic book collectibles! Those will no doubt triple in value within a few decades and might be worth WELL over nine cents apiece by then! That Skyler sure is a lucky kid, when Boy Lisa kicks the bucket he’ll stand to inherit the ENTIRE Boy Lisa collection! That oughta be enough to pay for college AND a few pizzas too! Well, a good online college at least…IF he qualifies for some sort of comic book scholarship program, that is. Otherwise his path seems shaky at best right now unless he really, really likes old comic books.

Congrats to the SoSF snarkers who successfully predicted the contents of Boy Lisa’s Mystery-Pak. Although in fairness what else could it have been? After all, it was the wrong shape for a pizza box. I likewise assume that Phil Holt is dead, which makes him the shortest-lived FW character ever, assuming that Darin’s weird half-sister is still alive, that is. BatNom has spent countless weeks on Pete and Darin daydreaming about what it must have been like to work at ol’ Batom Comics, then he introduces a character that actually did work there only to kill him off after one appearance. Apparently the great comic book art master had no one better to leave his career-defining work to other than a guy he met and hung out with exactly once, which says a lot about the glories of being a comic book artist, at least from one perspective.

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Oh No…It IS Mail

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Oh no…it’s mail…and it’s an entire package too. Sigh, this could take a while, given how Boy Lisa once needed six months to open a single envelope. I really hope it’s evidence proving that Lisa wasn’t his bio-mom (as if) and the entire Funkyverse implodes upon itself, but the likelihood of that happening seems, uh, slim. It’s a Boy Lisa arc, therefore whatever it is it’ll be dumb beyond belief, that much is guaranteed.

And get a load of Pete/Tom’s little “dig” at lawyers. I guess they’re the scum of the earth…unless some humble little blog makes fun of your silly little comic strip, in which case they’re your pals…ain’t that right, Tom? Pete’s whole world-weary act really gets my goat, I mean the guy lives a fantasy comic book lifestyle most overgrown nerds would kill for yet all he does is gripe, bitch and complain about it. Just shut up and write your little Xaxian stories, you mopey nitwit.

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Skin Flakes, Phlegm and Excrement for Color

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So, everyone wanted to see Crankshaft, probably in the futile hope that his demise would be depicted onscreen.

Well, here’s Crankshaft.  He looks like a plastic bag filled with pus trying to decide if gravity is worth resisting any longer.

Tom Batiuk keeps trying to shove Crankshaft down our throats.  And it never works.  No one cares about Crankshaft, it has never generated any interest in anyone to watch it unfold.  I suspect it’s a very low performer, newspaper-wise, and perhaps Mr. Batiuk is trying to shovel his legacy over there now that he has destroyed Funky Winkerbean.  But that’s like trying to choose between a burning building and a sea full of sharks.

And to be honest, the fact that Mindy seeks the approval of the Old, Unplaceable Odor makes her a truly terrible person.  At least Pm N Jff recognize that Crankshaft is something to be tolerated, not cultivated.

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But The Grandfather

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Pete looks utterly distraught in that last panel–Oh, my God!  She’s making me meet her grandfather!  Well, this relationship is over…too bad, I thought it might have worked, but no, she’s gotta bring in the grandfather….

I can’t think of any other explanation for the expression oozing off his face–unless he once had a dream that he would die at the hands of some girl’s grandfather, and all of this is exactly like that dream….

The point is, he sure doesn’t look happy at all about this, and it’s worrying him to the point where he doesn’t even notice Mindy’s transformation into a 1960’s toothpaste advertisement.

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Re-Pete-I-Tion

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I find the most reasonable explanation for Mindy’s attraction to Pete is the one offered by a number of commentors–she’s hoping to sleep her way into some of those Starbuck Jones/Cable Movie Entertainment millions so she can buy her way out of this strip.  That’s surprisingly cynical for a strip like this, but, let’s face it–Pete is otherwise a repellent character, who has no attractive features of any kind, and only an insane/desperate person would find him worthy of affection.  I mean, he and Mindy had two remarkably stupid conversations, and suddenly she wants to divert from the airport to Bedside Manor?  (To meet He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Strip, of course.)  I’d find it more plausible if she was driving him to some remote field where she’d force him to dig his own grave before gifting him with a bullet.

Pete is one manifestation of the Ultimate Batiuk Form–the Whiner.  If Mindy is serious about wanting to be with him, she had better get used to endless whining about how hard he has to work at what would otherwise be his dream job.  Because those who exist in the Funkyverse without constant complaining don’t truly exist at all.

Of course, the sleeping-to-the-top theory falls down when you realize this would mean a female character has drive and ambition–and those things are not directed toward bringing milk and cookies to her comic-reading man.  Sorry, everyone.

It does remind me of the old Hollywood joke–this one comes from the 1930’s I believe, so it’s right there on Nostalgia Boulevard.  “Did you hear about the aspiring actress?  She was so stupid, she slept with the writer!”

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Door-To-Door Dullard

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The problems of working a year in advance are many, but this instance sets up a lovely contrast with reality.  I’m sure you can all see the headline on “Variety” there, trumpeting the Starbuck Jones movie’s success.   Well, IMDB has a headline that’s probably nearer the mark:

I still find it odd that there’s no room in Funky Winkerbean for anyone’s success but Les Moore…that we’re told of the movie’s success by an off-hand headline that you kind of figure Tom Batiuk didn’t want to put in at all.   I wonder if the new artist said, “Damn it, I spent a couple of hours drawing all that Starbuck Jones crap, so it better be a hit film!”

Oh, and speaking of a pile of festering garbage, there he is, smirking away!  He doesn’t get a line today, but we all know that won’t last.

I have to admit, I like the level of detail on the doorframe.  It’s meaningless and adds clutter to the image, but damn if someone didn’t decide that you just can’t have a doorframe without all the holes for the locks and such.  Pity none of those locks actually work, as it didn’t keep Dullard from wandering right in, but look at it this way:  they also wouldn’t keep an insane murderer out, either.

Hint, hint.

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