Tag Archives: Mickey

Up Yours, Dumb Sportos

I’m sure Batiuk was running the imaginary bases after the five seconds it took him to write out this strip. Which is ironic considering how he’s crapping all over athletes and sports itself here.  I guess sports are cool when you do them in your head after writing incredibly trite dialogue.
“Sports isn’t real life, it’s just playing” does not seem like a good thing to be saying when you’re honoring a guy for his sports accomplishments. Like, I get his point, but when this is the focus of Bull’s induction speech it really makes you wonder, again, why the hell he’s even being inducted. “All that silly stuff Bull did to get into your silly Hall of Fame, that’s just playing. Sitting around his basement now, that’s real life”.
For not the first time this week I’m totally baffled as to what Bull has done that’s supposed to be damn inspiring. Also, the strip that more often than not is just a vehicle for Batiuk’s comic daydreams really shouldn’t be criticizing anything anyone else does as “just playing”.

By far the best part of the strip is the hilarious handwritten “Bushka Family” sign.  Not nearly as good is how Jinx looks.  I really don’t think it’s a good idea to draw Asian characters with their eyes slanted and closed, especially when they’re wearing glasses.

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Wow, Summer and Maddie Got Married

Today’s strip

“When I told Bull I was going to introduce him, it really showed what a crappy friend I am, just making major decisions for Bull and not even giving him any input.  I mean, I am his friend, right?  That’s the word for a guy who just starts showing up at your house after you get CTE and spends a lot of one-on-one time with your wife?  Where’s that dweeby English teacher whose annoying wife died, maybe he can tell his what the right word for that is.  Oh, right, he didn’t show up, because apparently I’m the only one in Bull’s life who gives a crap about him.  Like when I lied to him to make him think he won a game he actually lost.  Gosh, good thing that never came up in any awkward situation later on.”

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My Mother Said, To Get Things Done, You’d Better Not Mess With Major Tom

Link to today’s strip.

Wow.

You see that, sportos?  If you start out in sports and athletic endeavors, your life will end in crushing failure after a career of setback after setback.  Any chance for happiness will be snatched back at the last moment, leaving your suffering ever more exquisite.  Serves you right for bullying certain people we could name.  Those people practice the only pure sport known to man, running!

You just wasted your entire life.  You could have done things differently–you could have followed the smart people, and become a big comic book fan.  Those people never ever fail at anything, and are always living fulfilling lives.  People smile and wave at them, and offer them rewarding jobs just because they’re comic book fans.  Just think, right now, Linda could be bringing you milk and cookies as you sat in the attic reading about the Flash.  But no, in the strip, you’ve never even mentioned whether you even like comic books.  Loser!

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a naked expression of hatred from a creator to his creation as today’s strip.  This goes way beyond harsh into rabid, frothing vendetta-land.  This is a person deciding his child’s kindergarten painting wasn’t very good–so it needed to be shredded in front of said child’s eyes as a lesson.  This is “vindictive” with a capital “murder,” to the point where I honestly can’t believe what I’m seeing.

And it would have been so easy to turn it around, to make it something positive.  Get rid of Bull’s dialogue in panels 4 through 6, and replace it with Linda:  “Bull, it’s okay.  That’s the last act of your old life.  The life where you were always worried and angry and things kept going wrong.  That life’s over, and we’re starting your new life tonight.  The one where we face life together.  You and me.”  Then the lights go out, but there’s the hopeful tinge that Bull actually has something to look forward to.  But no, we get an ever descending chorus of bleakness, then the lights go out.  I’m surprised there wasn’t a “BANG!” sound effect in that last panel.

It seems weird, because it sure looked like Bull was being rehabilitated.   As HeyItsDave pointed out on the 24th, Bull has a long list of favors that he’s done for Les.  I mean, if you can’t get absolution doing favors for Les Moore, than your star really is about to shatter.   But there’s always been a rather blatant contempt for sports in the strip.  Yeah, Wedgeman and the other team members were stupidly evil, but that’s typical for a lot of comic strips.  The real “sports is nothing and requires no talent” bit came when a star quarterback emerged from smoking loser Jared.  No practice, no hard work, no talent, anyone could do it.

Today’s strip, though.  I mean, like a nine-car pileup, it’s hard to look away.  This strip really looks like a revenge fantasy that Tom Batiuk drew without ever intending to publish (a sort of voodoo-strip, if you will).  But then there was this deadline, see, and time got short–

Makes me wonder if he has Sunday revenge-strips all drawn, inked and colored about all of us.  Somehow, I would not be surprised.

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The Bushka Fund

Is it possible that today’s strip is the last we’ll see of Bull and/or Bull’s retirement ceremony? Who knows? T-Bats stretched a three-panel story about Durwood running out of pens into two solid weeks of shitposting, so anything is possible.

Once again, though, we’re shown that Bull really is a solid dude, having established (with Linda’s help) an equipment fund that will provide future Scapegoats with state-of-the-art noggin armor. I swear, Tom never builds up a non-Les character like this unless he’s setting him up for a fall. The suspense is killing me! Or would be killing me, if I really cared about this half-rate storyline.

And someone help me out here…who dat in Panel Three, basking in the sunshine far from the Ohio night? It’s not Jinx – she had straight black hair, as befits her stereotypical ethnicity. Could it be Crazy Harry’s daughter Maddie? Has any other FW girl worn a billed cap? If it’s Maddie, why isn’t her hair red anymore?

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Who are you again?

Finally!  Today, we finally get back to the actual subject of this arc, with Bull making a self-depreciating joke about the anticipated trajectory of his condition. I have to admit that, having watched family members struggle and fade with memory loss and dementia, I found Bull’s comment bittersweet (especially since I kind of liked him – probably the only time you’ll hear me say that about an FW character who isn’t Buddy.)

annAnd then…in Panel Two…is that…Ann Fairgood? Why, we haven’t seen her in awhile. Say, she’s got a pretty talented hair stylist, huh? Four years ago her hair was mousy brown, and then for a while it turned white (probably from having to change Fred’s diapers four times a day) and today it’s Cindy Blonde. Good thing T-Bats knows how to indicate “old age” by adding a few crows feet around the eyes and putting in that line on the neck. Guess those art lessons really paid off. Wonder where Fred is? Probably handcuffed into bed with duct tape over his mouth since Ann’s been retconned into being a spousal abuser.

Jinx is still a no-show. Wonder if T-Bats even remembers that Bull and Linda had an adopted daughter?

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They’re naming it WHAT?

 

paul-winfieldFirst off, ladies and gentlemen, let’s have a big round of applause for the late Paul Winfield, appearing in today’s strip in the roll of game show host Principal Green.

Now let’s talk about this stadium stuff. Talk about a kick in the head (ha ha, no pun intended) to Bull. They’re kind of naming the stadium after him, but not really, since they also have a corporate sponsor who is presumably paying for stadium naming rights. So…thanks, Bull, for those three championships your teams managed to win despite sucking at football, but it wasn’t quite good enough. Sorry.

Oh, and Tom? A & L Automotive? I’m giving you points not only for making an asshole pun, but also  for getting it past the censors at King Features. If you’re ever in New Haven, look me up and I’ll treat you to a REAL pizza and not one of those Ohio shit pies.

anal

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Gesturing for Help

Link to today’s strip.

It sure looks to me as if Bull is trying to communicate entirely with gestures in panel one–if his mouth is open at all, it’s sure not open enough to let any words escape.  Not that words are a specialty of Bull–or of Tom Batiuk–but I’m hoping his webcam can capture all that expansive waving.

Whatever his hands are saying, his face in both panels says it all:  please give me a reason, any reason, to turn down the offer.  I’m depending on you to save me.

However, both virtual women seem to hate Bull as much as Linda does, and gleefully tell him that he needs to put his neck on the block.  Bull’s expression in panel two is an excellent example of the Oh…crap face.  I am doomed!

Speaking of the virtual women, the one on the right is Mickey (whom I had never heard of before her reappearance earlier this month–and she sure added a lot, didn’t she).  Is the one on the left Jinx?  I don’t think I’ve ever seen her before, but she sure has aged a lot since high school.  Did we miss a time jump–or is one on the way, and Jinx was first in its path.  Those things are like tornadoes, never know when one’s going to hit, to touch down, to pass over and change everything.

If we do jump forward another decade, I’m betting tomorrow’s episode will show Bull returning to Westview High.  “Boy, I sure am glad that I finally quit that job I had, of athletic director, over at Diversity University Ironton!  It was a hard job, and it made me tired!  Now I am back where I started, at Westview High School, having returned from Diversity University Ironton, where I was working–and living!  But I wasn’t really living…(panel ellipsis)

(panel ellipsis) (smirk) …until I came back here.”

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