Up Yours, Dumb Sportos

I’m sure Batiuk was running the imaginary bases after the five seconds it took him to write out this strip. Which is ironic considering how he’s crapping all over athletes and sports itself here.  I guess sports are cool when you do them in your head after writing incredibly trite dialogue.
“Sports isn’t real life, it’s just playing” does not seem like a good thing to be saying when you’re honoring a guy for his sports accomplishments. Like, I get his point, but when this is the focus of Bull’s induction speech it really makes you wonder, again, why the hell he’s even being inducted. “All that silly stuff Bull did to get into your silly Hall of Fame, that’s just playing. Sitting around his basement now, that’s real life”.
For not the first time this week I’m totally baffled as to what Bull has done that’s supposed to be damn inspiring. Also, the strip that more often than not is just a vehicle for Batiuk’s comic daydreams really shouldn’t be criticizing anything anyone else does as “just playing”.

By far the best part of the strip is the hilarious handwritten “Bushka Family” sign.  Not nearly as good is how Jinx looks.  I really don’t think it’s a good idea to draw Asian characters with their eyes slanted and closed, especially when they’re wearing glasses.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

21 responses to “Up Yours, Dumb Sportos

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Yes, he had the courage to walk down the stairs and the grit to turn on the TV. Easily the guttiest showing by any Westviewian since Boy Lisa gave Summer the flu that time. I wish I was being sarcastic but it really IS the grittiest thing anyone in FW has done in a while.

  2. Doc

    I’ve read that CTE can only be diagnosed after death as of now. Bull can show symptoms but can’t be diagnosed. I think Batiuk is a sick man himself for making a living and getting his rocks off by drawing his stupid stories making fun of those with traumatic diseases, or going for pity by giving cancer and other diseases to everyone in f*cking Westview. Shame on you Batiuk!!

    • Remember the **cough** time jump, which means that Funky Winkerbean takes place ****cough**** ten years from now, when CTE can be diagnosed from birth, and pizza, once thought the least healthiest food on earth, is now “exactly the opposite from what we now know to be true.”

      • Doc

        Damn time jump. Gets me every time. I can’t wait to get ten years older. I’ll get a senior discount at Montoni’s and all of these jerks will be gone! Kampai!!

      • Count of Tower Grove

        Nice “Sleeper” reference.

      • Buckeye Feculence

        Great reminder.

        Based on that, it means that many of the “relevant issues” this strip pretends to address are actually in the past and may not be issues anymore in the FW time warp.

  3. “Yeah, awards for athletic achievement, yeah, I suppose those are something. I mean, somebody must care, right? [pause for laughter]. But no, if I can bring the event down a bit, just a little–yeah, lighting guy, can I get a blue spot? Thanks! No, folks, if I can just bring us down, a bit, just a bit toward reality…thank you.

    “Sports awards, folks, are tied directly to disease, and that disease is CTE. Now, no, no, don’t panic. This disease does NOT, I repeat NOT afflict people who make comic books! Thank you, yes, that is a relief, to me as well as you.

    “No,CTE is directly tied to sports activities. So, if I may, please, parents and loved ones, stop spending money on sports stuff, and buy vintage comic books instead.

    “You will thank me, when I’ve amassed all the awards I should be getting. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Bull Busha!”

    • Epicus Doomus

      “He was the greatest athlete in the history of WHS and served as athletic director and head football coach for over twenty years. But let’s set Bull’s athletic accomplishments aside for a moment at this, his induction into the Westview Sports Hall Of Fame, and take a moment to reflect upon Bull’s amazing courage upon realizing he’d wasted his entire life. Fortunately he’ll be able to forget that soon (laughter from audience) but for now let’s marvel and gawk so he can bask in our pity one last time. Always remember this evening, as Bull won’t.”

  4. Count of Tower Grove

    Linda recording the event on her phone. Nothing captures the moment like an unsteady hand held.

  5. billytheskink

    “It’s great to talk about important issues and current events in a comic strip… but this is just dreck.”

  6. Epicus Doomus

    When BatNard favorite Harry Dinkle retired he took a MORE active role with the WHS band that became synonymous with his name. But, because Bull was a high school sporto jock bully, when HE retired it was to go home, dwell on the past and watch TV by himself. Batom secretly despises Bull and his attempts to hide his hostility for the character behind this sort of condescending “heartfelt” dreck only makes it more obvious. It was the same way during his retirement arc, which featured lots of snarky Funky remarks and plenty of Bull’s trademark oafishness.

  7. Chyron HR

    BATIUK: Okay, Chuck, it’s time to reintroduce Jinx to the Funky Pizzamatic Universe!
    AYERS: …Who?
    BATIUK: Ha ha, you’re a kidder. So, I think her new design needs to emphasize that she’s oriental, so people don’t just think Summer grew her hair out.
    AYERS: Okay, so slanted eyes and buck teeth?
    BATIUK: Chuck, Chuck, I write a classy and sophisticated comic strip here. Drop the buck teeth and we’re good.

  8. Paul Jones

    I can well imagine his angry reaction to our comments about how he himself was too chicken to show the real life that was Les raising a child on his own….or his constant use of the device “Build something up but don’t show it because it’s ‘better’ to have smirking idiots react to the cool thing we never saw.”

  9. Rusty

    Well Jinx is depicted without a date, so I guess the only kid in Summer’s class that found a partner thus far is Cory.

    • Epicus Doomus

      When you think about it, the Cory-Rocky union might be the last FW wedding arc ever. Assuming that Owen and Alex are still an item, the only remaining Westviewian bachelors are Cody, Bernie and Chester. I’m not sure about Klabichnik or (ugh) Buck but he’s not a real Westviewian anyway. On the female side the only single ladies left are Summer, Keisha (assuming they’re not an item), Adeela, maybe Jinx, maybe Rana and possibly Fitness Girl, six characters who’ve cumulatively appeared in maybe 1% of the last five years worth of strips. That’s one sad-sack sorry lot right there.

  10. Gerard Plourde

    “True courage and true grit are shown in how you deal with real life.”

    Ok, TomBa, those “sportos” don’t know anything about real life, right? Kind of like Eagles Defnsive End Chris Long?

    “Long donated the entire amount of his first four game checks to fund his “First Quarter for Literacy” program, which gives free books and mentoring services to families.

    Long, the son of Hall of Famer Howie Long, also said he would match donations up to $25,000 from any opponent who wanted to donate.

    He also climbed Mount Kilimanjaro with other NFL players and some U.S. military veterans to raise money to build clean water wells in East Africa.

    A year ago, Long donated his entire salary to support education in cities where he has played: St. Louis, Boston and Philadelphia.

    In addition to the Walter Payton award, the NFL will donate $250,000 to the The Chris Long Foundation, which includes programs focusing on clean water, military appreciation, homelessness and youth.”