Tag Archives: Batiukmobile®

by | September 18, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Westview: Silent Hill Edition

Link to today’s strip.

Wow, look at that background in panel one!  It’s going to be great when Pyramid Head shows up and starts butchering everyone.  I’m going to take back everything bad I’ve said about this strip!

Ha ha, not really.  Anyway, here’s another Funky Winkerbean “story” in which speculation far outstripped reality.  Imagine, you folks talking about affairs and house-building!  You should’ve seen yourselves!  Don’t worry, I’m not making sport of you, as I fall into the same trap pretty much every time.  Sigh.

A question for those of you more knowledgeable than myself.  Adeela seems like a fairly devout Muslim–aren’t there strictures on the company that Muslim women can keep?  Isn’t being with a man who is not in her family (and a married man at that) forbidden?

I know that women driving was restricted (until recently) in places like Saudi Arabia, so she’s clearly bucking that trend.  So, why continue with the hijab, then?  (I know the answer to that one–it’s so Batiuk can claim diversity by using the most superficial traits.)

Credit where it’s due:  I like the drawing of Rachel in panel two.  That is a genuinely good rendering of Rachel’s expression–someone who is clearly not happy, but is willing to listen.

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by | September 5, 2020 · 10:30 pm

I Got a Rock

Given the fact that Jeff nearly died during his trip, his reunion with Pam is…sort of lowkey. Very obliging of Pam, though, to feed Jeff his straight line. As promised, here is that neato rock that Batty pictured on his blog. Jeff’s souvenir appears a lot bigger than the one brought back by Batiuk, and this is a good thing, because in unseen Panel 8 Pam will use it to bash in Jeff’s head.

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by | August 21, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Passive Patricide

Link to today’s strip

Is there any character in this strip as thick-skulled as Mindy? She’s been standing outside the Bedbug Hotel with Pete long enough for Masone to drive from the Channel Island Harbor Marina (The nearest marina north along the coast from Malibu) to, judging by the view, the Hollywood foothills.

I know Comics Curmudgeon has been going nuts trying to parse out the geography of this arc, but here’s my take on it:

So, of course, given this map, it was entirely reasonable for Mindy and Pete to stand and wait for the minimum of two hours it would take Masone’s Starbuckmobile to drive BACK THROUGH THE FIRE to pick them up after dropping off Marianne and Les.

Only for Mindy to then remind her friends that her dad was hiking in Griffith Park.

Pete is smiling in relief in panel one, and suddenly worried in panel two. So unless he has the attention span of a goldfish, Mindy is only bringing this up now. And she seems at a complete loss as to what to do next.  So she’s going to let her fiancee and his pal decide if and how they should alert emergency personnel.  Or is she expecting them to go charging through the brushfire themselves?

Truly, dumb as a box of sponges. Because a box of rocks at least has some weight.

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by | August 12, 2020 · 1:12 am

Mad Masone: Beyond Blunderdome

Link to today’s strip

Sorry for the late post, today’s strip was not available for preview, but I
was already up late bingeing cartoons, so decided to wait around for the exciting next installment of Twin Boobs: Fire Drive Through Me. But the darn strip refused to drop. And when it finally did, it’s just two panels of ridiculous action. DOES ANYONE EVEN CARE ABOUT THE LAWS OF CONVECTION? The reason cars can drive through fire in the movies is that the type of incendiaries they use are meant to burn up quickly.

But it’s just another strip of MEN BEING MANLY, BY SAVING THEIR HELPLESS WIMMENFOLK, FROM FIRE BAAAAAAAD.

A single story, or even two, of a brave Les running down the street screaming, “USA! USA!” would be fine, if it was balanced out by some feminine heroics. Can anyone think of an instance? Because all I’m thinking of is Lisa giving Les a ghostly phone call from beyond the grave to warn him not to get on a plane that didn’t end up crashing anyway. So basically she saved him a couple hours sitting on a plane that refuses to leave the gate. HEROIC.

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by | August 4, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Wildfire Wednesday

Today’s strip was not available for preview. It will no doubt be very disappointing.

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by | July 31, 2020 · 10:30 pm

August 1, 2020

Today’s strip isn’t available for preview. My guess is it’ll be a panel of Pete shrieking, a panel of Mindy shrieking, and a panel of Darin shrieking.

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by | June 27, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Bored In Least L.A.

Link To Sunday’s Strip

There’s just something about the mid-central Ohio area. The third-rate pizzerias, the comic book mills, the torrential downpours and never-ending blizzards, the incompetent medical care, porch swings and gazebos, the apathetic students and faculty, the death and amputations…Les looks at all of this and sees home. One again BatHam demonstrates his eternal enmity toward Hollywood, as he’s never going to let that failed “Crankshaft” project go. Everything there is awful, impractical and fake and the people are all vapid materialistic phonies, unlike the bottomless well of saintly pious martyrs who call Westview home. He’s just never, ever going to get over being rejected, the guy carries a grudge like it’s herpes or something.

Thanks for all the wry banter over the last two weeks, gang! Stay tuned for El Presidente himself, TFHackett!

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by | June 16, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Meet Cindy Sparks

Link To Today’s Strip

This one took a few seconds longer than usual to parse thanks to the incredibly clunky dialog. When these two fools start with the Westviewian banter it’s like trying to roll a dumpster up a flight of stairs. I concluded that Cindy must mean that if Mason has too much “chemistry” with whatever shameless harlot he’s working with she will make his life a vicious living hell when he gets home. Sounds about right. Describing Cindy and Mason’s marriage as “highly reductive” is being way too kind. And she’s supposedly the mature one.

“Are you OK with them looking to see who has good chemistry with Mason?”…wow. Maybe it’s grammatically correct but if it is it shouldn’t be. “Sure, because I can still make sparks happen when he gets back from the lab”…did I read this wrong? Is she talking about sex here? These two sentences should be in textbooks. Chapter Ten: Not So Good, This Is.

Coming next week: Les is mildly surprised to learn that Cindy carved “Mason + Cindy 4 Eva” into Mason’s chest with a Swiss Army knife corkscrew while he slept. No one else is.

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by | June 15, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Doo Diligence

Link To Today’s Strip

So Mason is insisting on holding a phony casting call just to assure Les that he’s putting every available resource into finding the perfect Lisa, even though he’s already decided who’ll play her? So they’re going to waste thousands of dollars and everyone’s valuable time just to put the smug bearded dick with ears at ease? BatHam’s insane “inside Hollywood” fantasies are spiraling out of control again. This is the most laughable cancer movie premise yet and they haven’t even settled on the cast yet. For anyone else setting your story on the set of a Hollywood movie would have all sorts of potential, but just like with Starbuck Jones he instead opts to focus on the most mundane aspects, like picking up a guy who’ll be sitting in during casting. Yet another fanciful sub-universe full of lore, characters and lingo where absolutely nothing ever happens. Sigh.

Why is Cindy always chauffeuring Les around? Isn’t she some sort of newscaster? It always amazes me how everyone in the Funkyverse always seems to have nothing better to do at any given moment. “The same driver”…he mentioned another arc, albeit a way more recent one this time. He’s suddenly doing that all the time and I find it kind of unnerving.

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by | June 7, 2020 · 10:30 pm

People are Strange

Link to today’s strip.

Well, Mason, if you didn’t want to freak Les out, maybe you should have been a little more subtle…you know, less following Les around in your little black car, less parking right across from their house–you know, that sort of thing.

Or, as all of us have been screaming for days now, maybe you could have realized that memorizing an idiot’s driving patterns isn’t going to help you in a drama about a man suffering because his wife is dying.  Has Mason always been this stupid?  I know, I know, to ask is to answer.

Cayla’s remark to the contrary, it would have been nice if Mason had made Les and Cayla act “weird or strange.”  They’ve been just as boring as they always were, and always will be.  I would have settled for “interesting,” too, but that ship has sailed.

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