Tag Archives: Cory

Snarky Answers To Stupid Questions: Holiday Edition

Link To Today’s Strip

“No, it’s my father’s room. He has some pretty severe developmental issues.”

“No, it was my bedroom when I DIDN’T live here, you clod!”

“Whaddya mean “when I lived here??”

Those bedroom eyes are pretty freaky, eh? I wonder if he’ll ever actually marry these two or if they’ll be perpetually engaged, like how Boy Lisa and Jessica are perpetually” young kids just starting out”? It’s uncanny how Batom always misses the most obvious story arcs. Like with these two. Cory comes home, gets engaged, gets married in a quick blow-off Sunday strip, tells everyone he’s moving away to Chattanooga or wherever and bam, out of the strip. No need for updates, forced dialog and etc. Quick and easy. I mean who would care anyway?

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And Not A Creature Was Stirring, Except In Mort’s Pants

Link To Today’s Strip

Good old horndog Morton, fully recovered from his advanced Alzheimer’s disease and as randy as ever. Gross. I honestly forgot all about Melinda, who apparently still lives with Funky and Holly in Pizza Mahal. And Cory and Rocky…apparently they’re still characters in the strip. Who knew? Other than the fact that they’re engaged we really know very, very little about Cory and Rocky. Comic books, pizza, the army, engaged…and that’s about it. They’ve had one or two arcs at most over the last six or seven years and those were when he first came marching home.

Where do they live? Where do they work? What do they do? Why are they even in the strip in the first place? Continuity? That’s, uh, “inconsistent”, let’s say. As far as Morton is concerned I don’t want to belabor the point as I’ve ranted about it many times, but his transformation from “advanced dementia patient” to “sassy and adorable old coot” is one of the more offensive things BatYarn’s done over the course of Act III. He milked that Alzheimer’s arc for a shitload of pathos, it really takes a lot of balls to just suddenly drop it and have Mort jamming with jazz combos and hitting on elderly women.

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Snappy Answers To Pizza Questions

Link To The Thing

“No, it’s what’s left of my dignity. I’m taking it out to the dumpster.”

“No, obviously they’re comic books, YOU CLOD!”

“No, it’s an IED. Now excuse me, I have to get to the post office.”

It’s impossible not to laugh at panel one, as it’s SUCH an imbecilic question. They work in a pizzeria, Cory is holding a pizza delivery bag and he’s walking toward the exit. What the f*ck else would it be? Something tells me that Adeela might not be pizzeria manager material.

“Use my driver’s license”…hmmm, I never really thought about it like that before. And who the f*ck is their “driver”? You mean there’s ANOTHER as-yet-unknown Montoni’s employee out there? How is that even possible? And they work together, why wouldn’t they call this “driver” by his or her name? Who speaks like this? Am I to believe this situation NEVER arose before now? How is THAT even possible?

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It’s OK It’s Not Loaded I’m A Good Driver Don’t Worry Wally

Link To Today’s Installment

What could go wrong…INDEED! Boy, this Pulitzer Nominee Guy just can’t tell a linear story no matter what. We already know something is definitely going to go wrong, but now instead of actually seeing it happen we’ll get day after day of moronic pizza banter and Crankshaft references. Then the Saturday cliffhanger, then repeat…and repeat…and repeat. Why can’t the goddamned thing go wrong on Monday, just once? Sigh. Does anyone know what day of the week Lisa actually died? Had to be a Friday, right? Or did he drag that out through the Sunday strip too?

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Ruined in What Way?

Link to today’s strip.

Other than taking place at Montoni’s, I don’t see how “date night” has been “ruined” in any way.  Unless the BMV was hundreds of miles away, Wally and Adeela should have gotten back well before any form of “night” started to fall.  Perhaps, once back at Montoni’s,  Adeela talked and talked forever about how awesome it is to have a driver’s license (which I would not put past any character in this strip), but it should still be late afternoon at most.

And even if she was excited about her achievement, she knows that Wally’s generosity put him on thin ice with Rachel; a decent person would have said “Wally, thank you for your help, enjoy your date tonight!”

I’ll grant you that decent people are not found anywhere in this strip, but it would have been the right thing to do under any circumstances.

Not to mention, prior to the test, “Say, Wally, are you sure you can do this?  Isn’t tonight your date night?”  Of course, we would have missed the last two scintillating weeks, but….

Oh!  I’ve got it–there was another Time Jump, though only a few hours this time!  Sure, that’s it!

And the kicker is, Wally and Rachel are right there at Montoni’s, where (for some reason) they wanted to end up anyway.  What’s to stop their “date night” now, other than Batiuk’s fear some lightheartedness will detract from his serious “talking about driving” arc?  Rachel looks as puzzled as I am.  Well, she looks like she’s rethinking this whole “Wally” thing, but close enough.

And Batiuk’s plugging of Crankshaft is definitely irksome.  I’m surprised Adeela didn’t follow up with “Is there a convenient link a person could click on to learn more about this Crankshaft?  Thank you!”

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Maybe she’ll be “awarded” citizenship!

Link to today’s strip.

See?  “Awarded”?  It’s like getting an award–something a certain cartoonist has never achieved!

I don’t know what purpose Adeela serves, except to fulfill a diversity quotient in hopes of attracting the attention of an awards group or two.  The thing is, he already had Khahn, who was a Muslim, and who was available as a worker at Montoni’s but then he decided to give him his own shop and then wrote him out.  Why try again?  Has there been an uptick in awards for this sort of thing?  The blandness of the dialog in panel three makes me think so.

In contrast to some of the earlier episodes of this arc, the artwork here is very slapdash.  To coin an oxymoron, it’s decidedly slapdash.

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Taking Fred’s Job Away

Link to today’s strip.

First of all, nice ventriloquist’s dummy of Wally in panel one.  If they revive “Tales from the Crypt” you should definitely apply to play the Cryptkeeper.  Secondly, there’s an actual kind-of joke in panel two.  But naturally, Batiuk has to ruin it with panel three with something meaningless yet vaguely depressing.  From what we can see, he has definitely brought the mood down for everyone.

I guess this makes today’s episode a grand slam!  He’s out on that tiny baseball diamond even as we speak!

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Naming the Unnameable

Link to today’s strip.

Well, will you look at that.  That cranky old bus driver has finally been named!  I guess Batiuk realized his word zeppelin wasn’t big enough to include “–what was his name, again?  I can never remember–” so he was forced to use his real name.

And for Heaven’s sake, Cory, you’re going to wear holes in that countertop.  How much polishing does it need, considering there hasn’t been a customer at all during this “story”?  Talk about putting in the effort without obtaining a result.

That might be a good euphemism, come to think of it.  “Tom Batiuk has been polishing the countertop on Funky Winkerbean for a couple of decades….”

Afterword:  SoSF mourns the passing of Bill Bickel, host of “Comics I Don’t Understand.”   He presented senseless comics that needed an explanation, and he and his commentors were always up to the task.  “Senseless” also describes his passing, and the internet is poorer now.  I’m not very good at deep thoughts, so I will just say that I will miss his wisdom.

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You’ll Wonder Where The Yellow Went

Link to today’s strip.

Okay, this has to be a deliberate FU to Batiuk’s critics.  All last week Rachel’s hair was pumpkin orange.  Now, she’s a frosty blonde.  And, check out Wally–his hair has gone from acorn brown to some kind of gold-bronze sheen, like Doc Savage on those old paperbacks.  I think I had a GI Joe with hair like that when I was a kid, but his hair was plastic, so he had a good excuse.  (“Only his hairdresser knows for sure!”)

Really?  Is this what quality control is supposed to look like?  Is this the comic strip you are presenting as something to admire, Mr. Batiuk?  Seeing as it’s all, according to you, reality-based, but 1/4 inch from reality?  Is this why you think you deserve awards?  Do the chains of continuity rest heavy upon you, sir?

Maybe he was inspired when the MCU had Black Widow’s hair change from red to blonde in “Avengers: Infinity War.”  I like to think the comics geek in him thought “Oh wow, I just have to do that!”

Of course, “Avengers: Infinity War” was supposed to take place some time after Black Widow’s previous appearance…not later that same day.

Sheesh.

As for the rest of today’s thing, it’s a typical Mary-Worth-style “recap of the previous week” and thus contains no new information.  At least it has the word “ASS” in there–a handy designation for everything in this strip.  (Not to mention a shout-out to the future Academy-Award winning film.)

Also, nice bowling trophy.  I don’t think I’ve seen anyone in this strip go bowling (happens a lot in that other strip), but I guess someone was good at it once.  Can’t have been Les or we’d never stop hearing about it.

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