Tag Archives: real people in Ohio

by | November 1, 2018 · 10:30 pm

Tongue Tied and Twistered

hitorque
October 30, 2018 at 9:06 am
…If the Funkyverse was in Kansas, then this would be a mere Tornado Siren Test and nobody would raise an eyebrow…

timbuysOctober 30, 2018 at 4:24 pm
I grew up in Illinois. We had (still do? I dunno) those. Growing up, I can recall at least two times when they went off for the real deal. The second time was when I was on my college’s quad with some friends…

Finally somebody stops to check on the still-hunkered down study buddies, who in the wake of the perceived threat have progressed from quarreling to finishing each other’s sentences. Buddy continues to minister to his master by licking his hand. Buddy, by the way, has been in Wally’s life for nearly eight years; so long in fact that his once golden fur has turned gray.

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by | May 2, 2018 · 11:18 pm

Grood Zeb

Link to Today’s Comic.

I think that positivity is an important element of growth. No matter how bad something is, pointing out the good things hopefully gives a foundation for improvement. So, in that light, I am going to use The Sandwich Method, so named because the pieces of bread represent positive feedback/compliments while the meat of the sandwich (or innards if you’re vegetarian) represents constructive criticism.

Bottom slice. The art today is pretty good. The human actually looks human, with no bulbous nose or drooping eyes. The action is dynamic and the background is detailed.

Meat of Criticism: Once again….comics bagged and boarded are colored as if they’re in unmarked Manila envelopes instead of plastic. This makes it look like our protagonist has stayed late to sort his porn.

Top slice of compliments. By Batiukian standards, Rusty Staples isn’t the WORST name they could have come up with. I’ve known several men, (most older than 50) with the name Rusty. And it rolls off the tongue leaps and bounds better than Cliff Angere or Masone Jarre. It’s comics related without being something like, Varence Covar or Polly Bagg.

Olive and toothpick. I’ve been puzzling over the name of the store for hours. What could it be? GROOMED ZEBU? GROOVY ZEB’S? GROUP ZEBRA?

Ground Zero.

The comics shop name is Ground Zero.

I take it back. I take the bread back. There is only the wet slimy coldcuts of criticism here…because Ground Zero is the most offensive name for a shop since a Christmas outlet called Holly Costs No More.

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by | July 25, 2014 · 10:33 pm

That Obscure Object of Desire

Link to today’s strip.

You thought I was kidding yesterday.  Well, take a look at that maniacal expression fixed to Holly’s face.  That’s the face of someone in the grip of an obsession.  I can just see it now, she thinks, I can start the quest all over again–only with ashcan comics!  Then I can start again, on all the foreign editions!  And after that–

Once again, Holly gets what she wants with no (apparent to her) cost or effort.  What a lesson for us all.  “If you want something in life, just be a pathetic loser, and people will give it to you!”

As for Dickhead John, panel two is what you get when you insist on getting your hair cut at that comic-themed barber shop that’s tilted like a Batman villain’s lair from the old TV show.  Poor drawing at its best.

And I bet panel three is what you get from John when someone is actually dying from a heart attack.  C’mon, you old faker, you’re taking way too much attention away from me.

These people should all be buried in lava.

Sorry about being kind of half with-it this week, folks.  There’s only so many things you can write about vanilla ice cream.

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by | July 24, 2014 · 10:32 pm

Ash Friday

Link to today’s strip.

I have no idea how accurate any of this is; it would seem to me that a pencil version of a comic would be so early in the process that copyrighting it would be rather premature.  Supposedly, Jack Kirby would pencil marvelously (no pun intended) detailed landscapes in Thor and Vince Colleta would just cover them in black because he didn’t feel like inking all those details (source: Ronin Ro’s book on Lee and Kirby, Tales to Astonish).

Ordinarily, I’d defer to Tom Batiuk’s knowledge of the comic book process, but since he stumbled rather badly recently, he’s no longer my “go to” guy on this.

But this, all this, is missing the larger point.

Yesterday, Holly finally got the last issue she needed to complete Cory’s collection.   And there was much rejoicing.  Finally, this damned thing is OVER.

Today…well, she’s still looking through the comic boxes.  She has no real reason to do so….

You know what that means, right?  This isn’t over. 

No, now that she’s completed the Starbuck Jones run…now she has to find the “ashcan” versions, because of course Cory would have a great interest in obscure means to control copyright.  And of course she’ll also have to search for all the Giant Size Starbuck Jones, the digest-size reprint books, the crossover titles (Starbuck Jones meets The Kool Aid Man, Starbuck Jones versus Toyman), and on and on and on.

Listen, and understand. That Starbuck Jones quest is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

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by | July 23, 2014 · 10:31 pm

Break A Leg

Link to today’s strip.

Ron Jeremy’s Tony [Isabella]’s overacting ought to tip off anyone that the fix was in, but Holly, being Holly, remains oblivious.  Dickhead John smirks from the back, having made fools of two of his friends.  What a special day for him!

The question here is this–

Will Holly actually pay that quarter, or will she insist on getting the issue for free, because Cory Winkerbean?

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by | July 22, 2014 · 10:52 pm

Workin’ on My Dick Moves

Link to today’s strip.

Wow.  Just wow.

Just when you think a character can’t possibly be more of a dick, he descends into a full-blown scumbag.

Maybe I’m overreacting to this, but John knows Holly wanted that issue.  She spent the money to go across country to Comic Con, and hunted for that issue.  Got really upset when she couldn’t get that issue.  Even went back to an empty hall, hoping to find that issue.

She had no other purpose at Comic Con.  I’m sure they probably showed the teaser trailer for the upcoming Starbuck Jones movie, and instead she rode around in a little cart.

And now John wants to have a little fun for himself, at Holly’s expense.   How long had he had that issue with him?  A couple of days, I’m guessing.  I guess he was really just enjoying all her worry and anxiety, as well as a totally unnecessary trip to Tony [Isabella]’s house.   Or maybe he wanted revenge for having to do all that pedaling.

I’m sure Tom Batiuk and his various pseudonyms would say, “Oh, come on, it’s just a harmless bit of fun,” but I disagree.  It seems to be much deeper, and much darker, than that.

You think you really dislike these characters, then they do something to make you realize you’ve barely scratched the surface.

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