Tag Archives: Cory

Reach Out And Punch Someone

Link To Today’s Strip

Ha ha, look, a callback to a recent arc! You remember, the one where Holly was all upset because Cory never answers her calls! Remarkably, it’s still exactly as funny as it was the first time. Even funnier is the wary look on Funky’s face, good thing they left Mr. Weisenheimer in charge instead of someone qualified. Nice going, fatso.

So I guess they’re really taking this trip to Florida. Holly and Funky in a car together for six days…(shudder). That’s considered torture in some countries. Not this one, though. At this rate the Alumni Reunion Band thing could take years to play out. Then again, tomorrow’s strip could feature Funky and Holly talking about the trip and the reunion in the past tense and honestly I wouldn’t even bat an eye. After yesterday’s strip, a two-week car ride arc is the least of our problems, as a senior citizen marching band arc appears to be, uh, looming, let’s say. Sigh.

Those eyeballs in the corner really freaked me out until I realized it’s just the Montoni’s logo in the window. The sudden attention to detail really threw me off.

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Double Cheese And Matrimony

Link To Today’s Strip

Montoni’s…the wedding venue of choice for couples who just don’t really give a f*ck anymore. A “99% success rate”??? So Montoni’s has hosted 100 weddings and only one of those unholy unions failed? THAT seems unlikely. As difficult as this is to believe right now I’m actually hoping they get back to the Big Alumni Reunion Band thing or whatever it was, as at least that wasn’t entirely predictable. I like how Rocky still has absolutely nothing to say and no input to offer regarding her own wedding, which would be wildly unrealistic in any other setting but makes perfect sense in the Funkyverse. Obviously she saw her inevitable future and gave up long ago, much like TomHack’s readership did back in ’84.

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The Gazebo Is Not A “Destination”

Link To Today’s Strip

Early Act III Cory had a personality. A sullen disagreeable personality but a personality nonetheless. But that was a long time ago, during that weird period when FW was still basking in the Pulitzer (nominee) afterglow and BanTom was still doing his Act II-style serialized “stories”. Here in 2018 The Corporal is just another annoying wryness drone with a strangely-rendered head, buzzing in and out of the strip every few years to crack wise and further some glacially paced plot line that’s been going nowhere for a solid two or three years now. Just marry the two of them already, why does their engagement need half a decade to play out?

Why’d he even bother with bringing Cory back at all? This strip is lousy with little-seen characters who offer nothing when they pop up out of nowhere every three years, I seriously doubt anyone would have missed Cory any more than they miss, say, Summer or Jinx or Cody or the field goal kicker. It’s all so pointless and random. But at least we have another (sigh) wedding arc to look forward to in two or three years, followed by the inevitable Pete and Mindy comic book (sigh) wedding which should be on the schedule in 2022 or thereabouts. Oh boy.

 

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No Pizza Mind

Link To Today’s Strip

Man, Wally and Rachel must be livid right now. Despite working there for a combined one hundred years, their boss totally overlooks them and hands over temporary control of Westview’s pizza supply to the moronically grinning Corporal and his stupidly smirking sidekick Rocky instead. Of course The Corporal responds to this huge honor and massive responsibility by immediately resorting to imbecilic wordplay, the sort of thing that would have caught him a serious beating (at best) back during his Army days. No one respects Funky at all, possibly because of insanely stupid decisions like this.

Seriously though, in Westview pizza is like a public utility and ANY disruption in the pipeline could lead to throngs of malnourished comic book nerds doubling over with crippling hunger pains, something the town fathers are woefully unprepared for. Picture hordes of starving young comic book thugs ransacking homes and freezers looking for a Mama Celeste to tide them over..if you can stomach the thought, that is.

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Sunday BatNom Fun Day

Link To Today’s Anticlimax

Many years ago, back during the legendary “Lisa Dies” ultra-mega arc, BatWad did a Sunday strip featuring Lisa receiving some sort of radiation therapy treatment. If you happened to miss that arc, it didn’t work. Anyway, I was patronizing a local NJ convenience store (Wawa) at some ungodly hour of the night/morning and the Sunday newspaper supplements and comics had just been delivered and were all stacked up outside. That FW Sunday strip was right on top, plastered all over every one of those bundles and I remember thinking “the average person is going to assume that FW is the work of some sort of total madman and they’ll be correct”.

That random FW Sunday strip memory segues nicely into this one, particularly the randomness. The Sunday strips are nothing but totally random, there’s never any rhyme or reason to explain why they exist or why they’re running when they are and nothing ever happens during any of them either. He’ll do a two week arc where both Sunday strips involve that arc, then he’ll do a two month arc where none of them have anything to do with anything at all.

So that’s what we’re pretending “Cory” looks like now, eh? Nice to see BatNom easing him back into the fray and not saddling him with any kind of character development or updates or anything. That way when we see him again in 2021 he’ll still seem fresh. And I am assuming the pizza delivery guy is supposed to be Wally, although who the hell really knows anymore? Nice to see those college courses really paying dividends career-wise for Buddy’s favorite human, as just a few years ago he was still toiling away in the (shudder) kitchen.  If it isn’t Wally, kindly disregard.

It’s always funny when a FW character suddenly reappears after a long absence. Darin and Jessica showing up at Les’ house out of nowhere, Khan (or Kahn) showing up at Les and Cayla’s wedding, that time Jinx offered support for Jessica’s ill-fated documentary film making dreams, Bull’s placekicking daughter and so forth. Every so often he just feels compelled to let his readers know that these characters still exist in some sort of off-screen Funkyverse which is no doubt way, way more entertaining than this one is.

 

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First Thing You Learn Is That You Always Gotta Wait

Link to today’s strip.

So, Funky and Holly are off to a “super clinic” which, in the limited research I did, is a place where they focus less on treating disease and more on maintaining health.  Given that they are two of the unhealthiest looking people in the strip, this is probably a good idea, but it’s also a given that Funky would rather eat donuts than exercise so I’m not sure why he’s concerned about his health at all.

This episode is a very good example of a three-panel strip being stretched past the breaking point to fit it into a Sunday slot.  Tom Batiuk could easily have used some of those panels to explain the context beyond “annual physicals.”  An “annual physical” sounds like something a local doctor could do–why are they flying to Dallas for this?  Why Dallas in particular?  Gotta get to that 50th, I guess.

Is Cory still living with them?  I guess so.  Being in the army must have hardened him to withstand the tub of misery and failure that is Funky; I’m pretty sure I couldn’t stay in the same house with that guy.  The negativity would make me wish my health would deteriorate rapidly.  If he is living with them, wouldn’t he already know about this trip?  You know, like, several weeks ago they could have told him they were going to be out of town, he was going to be on his own for a few days, things like that.

Actually, I can fully believe that no one in this house talks to anyone else.  It just seems out of whack to be the normal state.

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…sorry about that.  This strip is so boring I fell asleep and knocked my head on the keyboard.  Say, do you suppose that’s how Tom Batiuk comes up with his jokes?

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Is Hatchet Face A Pre-Existing Condition?

Link To Today’s Hatchet Face Extravaganza

Good God that panel two Cory drawing is just an atrocity. If you showed me that drawing out of context I’d have absolutely no idea who it was supposed to be. He takes the time to shade Funky’s cheeks (because he’s fat and out of shape, you see) then draws a series of hatchet faces that could level a decent size wooded lot in minutes. I mean wow, it’s almost sort of spectacularly over-the-top in its own annoying way. It’s like a stroll through the axe department at Home Depot, except more angular.

So not only is Funky a fat guy in deteriorating health, he’s also surrounded by people who joke about his imminent death right to his face, even as he’s attempting to address his health through exercise. No encouragement, no pats on the back, just cheap mean-spirited gags about life insurance policies and a whole lot of obnoxious smirking. He goes outside and life punches him in the face, then he comes home and the family kicks him while he’s down. He’s a lot like Al Bundy, minus the jokes and the insane lust for revenge. I mean they’re literally goofing on him over the prospect of him not surviving this moronic race they’re forcing him to participate in, it’s sick.

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