Take The Vow With Son Of Holly, Fa-la La La La, La La La La

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Good God, man. While this may seem like a typically stupid and innocuous FW gag, it’s not innocuous at all. It’s actually one of the worst gags ever written by anyone, ever, and BatYam ought to be ashamed of himself for having dreamed it up in the first place.

First, you have the joke itself, which (as far as I can tell) is that the minister the happy couple found online speaks only in technology references, because he’s an “online” minister. But the thing is, he isn’t “online”, he’s right there. You can go online without becoming “online”, which seems like something you shouldn’t have to point out to anyone, regardless of how rooted in the past they are. It’s just a TERRIBLE joke on that level alone.

But then, on top of this already-abysmal gag, he uses “Bill Gates” and “Twitter” as his “online” references, as they both have something to do with “internet” and “computers”. And I mean yeah, they do and all, but it’s REALLY a weak, weak reach. If he said “by the powers vested in me by my local ISP, Megalith Cable” or something like that, it’d be a little closer to being a joke, albeit barely.

Then, the icing on the cake. It’s Summer, the young, with-it child of technology explaining the reference to Cayla, the old, out-of-touch fogey who always struggles with this internet thingie. And then there’s Boy Lisa’s absolutely baffling presence, too. Seriously? HE’S Cory’s best friend? He couldn’t even draw up some random anon-o-army guy to be Cory’s best man?

This one stinks on ice on every possible level. In fact, I’d go as far as to say this one, right here, is one of the one hundred worst FW strips of all time, maybe even bottom fifty. Just look at that terrible post title I resorted to using today, I am NOT a man who shies away from a terrible, lousy, no-good gag every now and again. But this strip is aggressively bad, the kind of bad that just grabs you by the shoulders and screams “LOOK HOW SHITTY I AM!’ right in your face, and in my opinion there’s just no call for that.

37 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

37 responses to “Take The Vow With Son Of Holly, Fa-la La La La, La La La La

  1. William Thompson

    Funky and Holly both shed tears? Of joy at getting rid of Cooty? Of sorrow that he’ll move back in with Rocksin Herhead? Or is a reaction to the stench of Skunkhead’s unwashed shirt?

  2. Banana Jr. 6000

    Are we sure these people at the wedding are Darrin and Summer? And Maddie, since we’re on the subject? They’ve been off-model for the whole wedding, but they’re off-model so consistently that I think they’re supposed to just be random people. Also, they’re not sitting or interacting with the people they should be.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Oh, that’s Boy Lisa all right. You can tell by the spectacles, which he began using after everyone began to wonder why Mason Jarre was standing around in the background looking stupid. How he ended up being Cory’s best man is quite a mystery, as Boy Lisa is around fourteen years older and, as far as I know, has never interacted with or even mentioned Cory even once in the past. Somehow, in between living in Hollywood, raising a child, bumming around with Phil Holt (pre-death) and working double shifts at the comic book mill, Boy Lisa somehow found the time to develop a friendship with The Corporal, totally in secret no less. The more you examine him, the weirder Boy Lisa gets.

      • ComicTrek

        It would have been cool if Darin had maybe taken Cory under his wing back when he was the ne’er-do-well kid of the strip, since they both have an interest in comics and all that, but it just didn’t happen! Cory’s best man should have been Pull-Up-Bar-Guy from the fair.

  3. Banana Jr. 6000

    Is “by the power invested in me” supposed to be a venture capital joke?

  4. Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet

    Is there a Crazy Harry clone at the wedding. The partial head behind Rocky looks like him, but he is also way in back between Cory and Rocky.

  5. Sourbelly

    Epicus, I think your post title is far better, and involves far more thought, than today’s atrocity deserves.

    This “joke” might have at least made a bit of sense if…Forget it. .This is easily one of the stupidest, laziest, nonsensical strips Batdick has ever crapped onto the comics page. And, total Hell, it’s only Monday. It’s only going to get worse.

    • Epicus Doomus

      If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume that the guy who wrote this doesn’t even really know what “online” even means. But I know he does, which makes it even worse, as he doesn’t even have total ignorance as an excuse.

  6. billytheskink

    This strip has one (and only one) thing going for it, Rocky’s crying maid of honor on the right. Given where Cayla’s seated, her tearful blonde head is the only thing keeping Les out of view.

  7. “Bill Gates” and “Twitter” have almost nothing to do with each other besides being related to modern technology. You could substitute “Steve Jobs” or “AOL” or…eh, whatever. I agree with all those who commented yesterday (and likely will today) about the tacky treatment of the marriage ceremony.

    • Epicus Doomus

      It’s one of the most out-of-context things I’ve ever seen, so much so that I can’t even think of anything else to compare it with. I assume that in his mind, computers = Bill Gates and internet = Twitter. And I mean, duh.

      And the “online” thing is irking me way, way more than it should be too. So they found and hired some minister they found online…big f*cking deal. It’s 2022 for God’s sake, there’d be nothing novel or far out about hiring a minister you found online. But BatJam is slapping his knee over the thought, like “LOL oh man…a MINISTER who’s ONLINE!” like it’s 1995 or something.

  8. Lord Flatulence

    The minister’s head belongs on Easter Island.

  9. ComicBookHarriet

    Summer is aggressively off model. And just plain weird looking.

    I mean.

    Who, except football players, wears shoulder pads in 2022?

  10. none

    Why does Cayla need to have everything explained to her every time? How dumb is she supposed to be?

    Isn’t there any other way to have this “joke” delivered?

    “I guess anyone can become a minister online…”. There, done. Asshole.

  11. spacemanspiff85

    Who would ever, in the middle of someone’s wedding, highlight the fact they were ordained online?
    And as far as Summer’s line, “online ordination” would’ve worked. Or “Online seminary”. Or no Batiuk Patented Unnecessary Explanation. Or just no dialogue at all, honestly, because then at least you could pretend it was a sweet wedding scene.

  12. sgtsaunders

    Shitty as a case of Nut Boys.

  13. J.J. O'Malley

    Tom, Tom, Tom…you had this whole sad affair wrapped up on Sunday with the vows and the made-up Stan Lee quotes. Why are you prolonging the agony while demonstrating to America and the world that you are an out-of-touch Luddite who doesn’t understand binge-watching TV shows, how online minsters get their credentials, or the difference between “vested” and “invested”? Honestly, Steve Buscemi with a skateboard and a backwards ballcap wasn’t this embarrassing.

    Also: Batiuk wants Darwin to be Cory’s best man despite no apparent history between them, okay, let’s go with it. Mopey Pete is present, fine, he goes wherever his heterosexual lifemate Derwood is. But why on Earth is Skunkhead John among the attendees (“You know, honey, if we’re merging our comic book collections we simply must have the local comics shop proprietor among the guests!”)? And will we ever learn who the heck Rocky’s maid of honor is?

  14. be ware of eve hill

    Are the characters crying because this story arc is so awful?

    • be ware of eve hill

      I think Funky is crying because of his hunger pangs.
      Funky: When is this damn thing going to be over? I’m starving!

  15. Doghouse Reilly (Minneapolis)

    I’m disappointed no one shouted “Got the reference!”

  16. Gerard Plourde

    I’m surprised how unfunny and tone-deaf this series of gag-a-day offerings is. TomBa used Acts 2 and 3 to create characters and tell stories. We’ve discussed and evaluated those efforts here. In this arc it appears that he wrote down and submitted the first funny (in his mind) thought that came into his head. The result is an incoherent mess that doesn’t even reflect grade-school level humor.

    And yes, it does appear that Crazy Harry and Time Traveling Crazy Harry are both in attendance.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Unfunny, tone-deaf, narratively pointless, self-serving, and tasteless.

      Charles Schulz had a great quote about “my humor has dignity.” That’s what Funky Winkerbean doesn’t have a shred of: dignity. Nothing is too sacred, too noble, too weighty, or too important to the story not to be the butt of the joke. And no joke is never too forced, too lame, too obvious, too demeaning, too cheap, too incoherent, or too stupid to leave out. This from a man who declares that gag-a-day writing is beneath him.

      At the same time, this man expects us to drop to our knees and weep openly every time he says the word “Lisa.” And shoves Becky’s missing arm stump in our face every time she appears. And makes a “prestige arc” out of the police covering up a man’s brain damage-induced suicide, and his widow trying to get paid from it before and after he was dead. And uses that man’s funeral to settle scores about high school. And gave an Oscar to to a man who did nothing to help the movie succeed, actively impeded it at every turn, and gloated when it failed at the box office. And a racism story in which no verifiable racism happened, and the victims were told they just have to put up with it. The bleat goes on.

    • Hitorque

      Let’s be honest… We all know by now that this isn’t a “real” wedding… Not only is the pastor fake, if this was a real wedding Lester Moore would be at a podium delivering some long-winded speech about love, commitment and “til death do us part” and we’d be seeing Force Ghost Lisa seated in the front row, smiling…

  17. firedmyass

    At least the bride and groom aren’t cosplaying as a popular super-hero and his adopted son.

    • Maxine of Arc

      My personal opinion, which nobody asked me for, is that the wedding ceremony is not the time to be cutesy. It’s not the time to invoke Bill Gates, it’s not the time to dress up like people other than yourselves. Knock yourselves out at the reception party! Joke about Netflix viewing in your toasts! Go nuts! But this is some tacky crap to be pulling during the actual pronouncement of your supposed commitment to each other. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some pearls to clutch.

      • sorialpromise

        Maxine, your permission to state your opinion is always granted. It is the official policy of SOSF. (I do not believe it was *invested* by Bill Gates or Twitter!)

  18. Gerard Plourde

    “Charles Schulz had a great quote about ‘my humor has dignity.’”

    Exactly. I’d add that Charles Schultz had respect for the characters he created. His characters had foibles (as all human beings do), but they had depth beyond that. Linus may have been dependent on his blanket but he also was deeply philosophical. Lucy was overbearing but she also was shown to listen and care for others. Charlie Brown was a bit of a nebbish (as we all are in some aspect of our lives), but he transcended this and persevered and took chances.

    TomBa’s characters have never been allowed to develop beyond being stereotypes and a megaphone for his voice.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Batiuk’s characters are also never allowed to care about anything. Look at today’s Mary Worth. It’s a childish, petulant scene between two adults. But you can see that both characters care about each other. One is upset about being dumped, and the other wants to salve their hurt feelings. You can see in their faces and body language that this moment matters to them.

      Nobody cares about Cory and Rocky’s wedding. Because what have we seen? Funky wants to eat first. Les wants to show off his intellect. Crazy Harry wants to help with the sound system. The minister (possibly Malcolm) wants to make a point out of how he got his ordainment. Wally, who is Cory’s half-brother, isn’t even there. The pre-ceremony was all comic books and toys. This walk-on maid of honor is the only friend of the couple we’ve seen. Even the best man has no apparent connection to the groom.

      Nothing about this wedding indicates that it is of any relevance to anyone. Least of all the bride and groom. Or Tom Batiuk.

  19. Dood

    Is Les boycotting the wedding because of the Lisa’s Legacy heist?

  20. Hitorque

    1. So Bill Gates and Twitter can grant the power to officiate over weddings?? Dumb…

    1a. Why didn’t they just get a local magistrate or justice of the peace to do the wedding??

    1b. It’s funny because Roxanne literally put an ad on craigslist for any kind of pastor willing to work for free food and drinks…

    1c. It’s funny because there’s no way in hell this marriage would be legal so the ceremony is all for show… For fuck’s sake he didn’t even say “By the State of Ohio”… Unless of course Cory and Roxanne were already ‘officially’ married by the magistrate or whatever…

    2. Oh yeah I’m sure this is exactly what Roxanne’s relatives had in mind when thinking about a Christian wedding…

    2a. Oh I can’t wait to see Roxanne get crushed on TikTok, Instagram, and her podcast for such a tacky half-assed ceremony.

    3. So why even bother with the tuxedo and white dress if they never planned to have a real wedding in the first place? Why not dress up as cosplay G.I. Joe characters or Starfleet officers or Rey and Kylo Ren?

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      3. This should have been the Batman and Robin wedding, not Les and Lisa’s. That was supposed to be a serious moment of love and commitment, between the (swallows own bile) leading man and leading lady of the strip, before they went on their (swallows own stomach) tragic, emotionally moving life journey together (heart explodes).

      In all seriousness, the comic book cosplay sullied whatever emotional weight Les and Lisa’s wedding could have had. Cory and Rocky were the perfect couple to use for the “comic book wedding” story. They’re irrelevant, blank-slate, fourth-tier characters we don’t have to care about, and have no loose ends that need to be tied up. Loose ends that Batiuk ignores anyway. So of course their wedding must be presented with the utmost seriousness, even as it’s making a mockery of itself.

      • Hitorque

        NO BRIDE NEEDS TO BE “ROBIN”, EVER! EVEN IF SHE’S COSPLAYING AS CARRIE KELLY!!

        There are literally hundreds of sexy adult villains, allies, frenemies and ancillary characters in the Bat-universe that would be perfectly acceptable for a bride to cosplay on her wedding day. You add in the extended DC multiverse and it’s thousands… And most of these women characters are at least Batman’s “equal” if not greater… Why would Batiuk have a woman willingly cosplay as a character who is not only weaker in every regard, but is completely subordinate to Bruce Wayne? He’s aware of the ‘message’ he’s sending with that, right??

  21. sanehary

    kids today… always refusing to recognize the authority of the church so they can worship monopolistic tech overlords, amirite?

    coming soon to funky winkerbean:
    – phones are bad!
    – hey kid, how bout you read a BOOK instead of lookin at yer PHONE
    – i hate my wife!
    – my wife hates me!
    – airplane food
    – more strips where the characters tell you how much they like comic books