Author Archives: Epicus Doomus

His Motto’s Always Been “When It’s Right, It’s Right.”

Link To Today’s Thing

You know, this whole “young lovebirds just starting out” arc would have made more sense if a) Boy Lisa and Jessica were fifteen years younger and, you know, young lovebirds just starting out and b) Jessica had moved back to Ohio with Boy Lisa THEN went out to California to film the Buckner Brigatoni documentary. BatGak STILL never bothered to explain what Jessica was doing out there, but at this point it doesn’t really matter anyway. They’ll be perpetually “getting their burgeoning careers on track” for the rest of FW’s run, whether that’s three years or three hundred (don’t put it past him). The truly scary part is that the Bucket Briquette arc HASN’T EVEN STARTED YET which means he’ll be flogging the Boy Lisa & Jess thing for months, if not years. Sigh.

And on that note allow me to step aside and turn the microphone over to TFH, our SoSF king of kings!

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Like A Ring-Tailed Lemur On A Swedish Meatball

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OK, now this mess is reading like a really shitty G-rated “Married With Children” knock-off type thing, the only thing missing is canned laughter and audience hooting. After a week of zany gags about children’s behinds, hot sex, Skyler’s aberrant attention-seeking behavior and potty jokes, it’s time for some sitcom-style gender role reversal. Boy Lisa expresses his feelings and his desire to “just talk” to his BFF Pete while the gals get together to exchange crude sexually suggestive similes involving primates and food. See, it’s funny because MEN are typically the over-sexed slobs and…ah, you know. At least Jessica finally got to bond with someone, although unfortunately for little baby Skyler it wasn’t him.

Check out that last word balloon and note the big empty space between “a” and “monkey”. My “inside sources” tell me it was edited. The original dialog was “…on me like Les Moore turning a tragedy into a masterpiece…”Lisa’s Trilogy”, available wherever books are sold!” but Comics Kingdom thought it was a little too blatant, so they went with his second choice, “monkey on a cupcake” instead. “Funky on a cupcake” would have been funnier.

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Your Aim Will Help

Link To Today’s Strip

Not only does this one have absolutely nothing to do with anything that came before it in this arc, it also creates some really disgusting mental imagery I really could have done without. What kind of person would visit their spouse’s job and say something like this? I think he tries to aim for “quirky and adorable” with Jessica but honestly, she seems more troubled and deranged than anything else, at least to me.

Weren’t Ann and Skyler involved in this arc for a while there? Where’d they go? Is Jessica really suggesting that without a woman around her husband, Pete and that weirdo Chester would wantonly urinate all over the bathroom floor? Are we to believe that no one cleans the AK building? Who spends time worrying about the restrooms at their significant other’s job? If this kind of thing is indicative of what BatHack has left in his already bone-dry tank, he should consider writing the rest of FW’s run now, before it devolves even more, if that’s even possible.

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His Wordplay Is His Bond

Link To Today’s Strip

Because glue “bonds”…wow, that’s a real reach even by Boy Lisa standards. This could be one of the worst FW gags I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen plenty, believe you me. “Bonding…together…hmmm, what sticks things together? Welds? Rivets? No, that’s no good…heyyyy, I think I’ve got it! GLUE! Yes! Now what could Boy Boy Lisa have glued together…let me take a look around the room…a COUCH! Eureka!”. I mean yikes, that’s a totally alien thought process to me. Then again, I’m not medically or contractually obliged to end every interaction with wry wordplay, so perhaps I’m just naive or something.

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Lust And Fond

Link To Today’s Strip

Good Lord. There are few things as repugnant as a FW-style sexual interlude, what with the grotesque foreplay banter and all. We still don’t know why Jessica was in California for all that time in the first place but at least we can rest easy knowing that Boy Lisa and Jessica are, at least temporarily, sexually satiated. I wonder if they exchange wry banter throughout the entire act?

“Oh God I’m coming!”

“Good! As long as you aren’t going again! (smirk)”

Shudder. I mean who is this garbage really for? There can’t possibly be any actual Boy Lisa and Jessica fans out there, can there? The way he chooses certain characters to focus on while completely ignoring other ones just fascinates me, as there’s no rhyme, reason or pattern to it at all. For years after he first came back Boy Lisa couldn’t get more than a day or two to himself but suddenly he’s in the spotlight all the time now and, weirdly enough, it isn’t even Lisa-related anymore. His job, his wife, his son, his mothers…it’s Boy Lisa overload.

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Sarcastic Crapitude Test

Link To Today’s Strip

“Test?”

“Yeah, some kind of school shit, I dunno. Well, gotta go, Pete and I are rolling out a new character today…Disinterested Dad, the father who’s real blase and half-assed about parenting. It’s partially based on real life!”

I get the feeling that “I passed the test!” is something Skyler will say less and less as he ages. Call it a hunch. How much more mileage is BatYak going to get out of “no child left behind”? He’s been milking that one for years now. It’s unfortunate that The Syndicate doesn’t have a “does anyone actually read this re-assessment test”, because if they did FW’s run would have ended in 1989 or so.

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Jess Another Monday

A big tip of the SoSF coonskin cap to Beckoning Chasm for seeing us through the last couple weeks. Link to today’s strip

Slight scheduling change, TFH will be jumping in next Monday so you’re stuck with me this week! And if today’s strip is any indication we’ll be spending yet another week on the inner workings of the Fukyverse’s weirdest and least plausible marriage of them all, as well as seeing firsthand what will happen when a dimwitted force meets an unbelievably bland object. I mean it’s not like Jessica just got back from Iraq or Antarctica or something, she was only in California waiting for someone to ask her to film a documentary, so this magical airport reunion doesn’t really have the “emotional impact” Bat Ick probably thinks it does. Only the most devout FW reader would even realize they’d been apart, much less why.

Note how I failed to mention today’s punchline. I think that summarizes it better than any other insult or criticism could. “Airport pick-up”…just kill me now.

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