Author Archives: Epicus Doomus

Good Ol’ Saint Dick

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It’s only December 2nd but already we see that Olde Westview Towne is nearly completely buried under yet another crippling blizzard. No sooner do they clear the leaves and boom, nine feet of snow. But, unfortunately, it’s not nearly enough snow to keep Les buried indefinitely, as in today’s sad installment he’s geeking out mightily over Xmas wrapping paper, which he doesn’t even need as his “friends” already know they’re getting another copy of the Trilogy…unsigned, naturally. Turns out they’re worth more that way, interestingly enough.

Les’ attic…(shudder). Stacks and stacks of old comic books (which he’ll no doubt sell to Chester to help cover Summer’s eighth and ninth years of tuition) and lots of musty old cardboard boxes labeled “Lisa Tapes 1990-1992” and “Lisa’s Hair- DO NOT OPEN!!”. I assume the unsold copies of his book are in the garage, as they’re probably too heavy to hoist up into the attic and all. Perhaps someday he can hold the world’s most morose yard sale and make a few bucks from those “Lisa’s Legacy 2013” shirts and old bedpans he held onto for sentimental reasons.

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Woe!

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Something I’ve been pondering: if you took a big pile of “in context” strips like this one (ones that only make sense within the context of that week’s arc) and you just randomly shuffled them up and just ran them in no particular order, how long would it take before someone noticed? I bet he’d get away with it for years before anyone aside from us caught on.

Anyhow, the fat rude jerk gets his comeuppance today, which is always sort of nice, I guess. In fact IMO every FW arc could hypothetically be improved by having the lead character suffer an injury in Saturday’s strip. Like, for example, if the big Wally/Adeela arc ended with them falling down some stairs or the last Atomik Komix arc ended with Boy Lisa being disemboweled with an antique Rip Tide-Scuba Cop letter opener or something. See what I mean? You’re smiling already.

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Draught Bore

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“You know how in auto racing the cars draft behind the car in front of them to lower the wind resistance? Well, I thought it’d be quite funny if I applied that principle to a treadmill in a gym!”. And on that fateful day a gag was filed away and, many months, years or decades later, that gag was finally hatched in the form of today’s strip. Obviously we all know what he was going for here but taken in the context of Funky’s refusal to take his exercise routine seriously it comes across as sort of crass and somewhat alarming, as Funky doesn’t appear to have any concern at all for anon-o-exerciser’s safety or well-being as he idiotically lumbers behind her on a running treadmill machine, all for the sake of being a wisecracking jackass at FG’s expense. Look at her in panel three, he’s aged her twenty years overnight with his antics.

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Mildfire

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Muscles firing? That’s barely a one alarm blaze right there. More of the same today…Fitness Girl gamely attempts to motivate a fat miserable sweaty Funky as he incessantly complains. It sort of (ahem) wears thin after a while.

Speaking of which, here’s another idea I’m throwing out there gratis…”Lifting Plates Is How I Ended Up Like THIS!!!!”, a paperback collection of every single “Funky exercises” strip ever. Just imagine visiting your favorite bookstore and seeing Funky’s sweaty alarmed mug staring back at you from between the “Family Circus” collections and the random Archie’s Comic Digests. The perfect gift for the reader with forty-five seconds to kill. I know it’s perverse and all but still, I wish some sort of “complete” FW existed somewhere, if for no other reason that for reference purposes. I’d really love to set aside an hour and just plow through the entire run in one sitting, just to see how coherent (lol) and/or entertaining it actually is as a whole.

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Bench Depress

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Bad wordplay reigns supreme today (shocking, I know) as Fitness Girl continues to feed the Funk Man more straight lines, a trend I assume (sigh) will continue for at least the rest of the week. If we’re lucky. I likewise assume it’s only a matter of time before Batiuk draws a “correlation” between “curls” and “curly fries” (he can have that gag free of charge, BTW). I keep sort of hoping that Funky and Fitness Girl wind up running off together and Montoni’s goes under after Wally refuses to come out from under the back booth but I dunno, it seems like a longshot. Although he could (and has) do a lot worse. I’d really like to know a lot more about FG…who’s she married to, what kind of pizzeria and/or comic book store does he (or she, as the case may be) own and operate, how did his (or her) first wife die…you know, the FW basics. Although that’s probably asking a lot from a guy who hasn’t yet fleshed out characters he’s been using for forty-plus years.

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Dummmmm…Dummmmmmm

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It’s almost hard to believe that the same guy responsible for last week’s atrocious jokes was also responsible for this terrible-yet-not-quite-as-bad gag, isn’t it? Apparently our old friend Fitness Girl isn’t just a trainer but some sort of all-purpose Fitness Guru. I honestly don’t care either way, as I’m still basking in the post-Adeela era, like someone who’s crawling out of a bomb shelter on a dismal drizzly day and is just thrilled to have survived at all. And besides, seeing Funky in physical pain is oddly satisfying, like when you look at the cricket you just whomped with your shoe. It’d be WAY more satisfying if it were Les but I suppose you can’t have everything.

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Breaking Fat

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First of all, let’s all take a moment to salute everyone on the SoSF staff, especially those who endured that SEVEN WEEK Wally fiasco. May we never speak of or have to type “Adeela” again.

Yep, we all needed a break after THAT debacle. Normally a “Funky goes to the gym” arc would have me reaching for the cyanide gun but right now it’s like the first really nice day of spring, all full of hope and invigorating. That will wear off by tomorrow, mind you, but still. This is FW and you take your pleasures where you find them. So the eternally fat Funky is at the gym with Fitness Girl, complaining about something and etc. No tornado sirens, no PTSD, no stilted dialog…by God it’s almost downright PLEASANT. It’s all relative, as they say. Sure, it’s ridiculous how he keeps working with a trainer he hates and how he never loses any weight but who cares, anything is a welcome change after seven weeks of Wally’s nonsense.

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