Author Archives: Epicus Doomus

About Epicus Doomus

V.P. at SoSF

Perfect Atten-Dunce

Link To The Sunday One

There’s actually a very good reason why our SoSF guest hosts usually take two week shifts. It’s because by the end of the second week you’re just so disgusted and appalled by it all you need to step away and gather your senses. Our fearless leader, prophet and god-king TFH once hosted SoSF solo for a long, long time but if you’ve noticed even he doesn’t do that anymore and again, there’s a very good reason why. It’s called “sanity”, people.

This marks the end of my three week stint and let me tell you, it feels more like a century. Not that I didn’t enjoy it or anything, but man, what a garbage dump THAT was. Hopefully next time around I’ll get something “good”, like an amputation or a brain injury or a same-sex couple ordering a breakfast pizza or something, but probably not. It’ll be more like “Dinkle cracks wise about band directing” or “Wally buys new snow tires” or something hilarious like that.

Anyhow, I’m done and thanks for the memories. Official SoSF Funkstorian billytheskink is up next for your snarking pleasure and not a moment too soon!

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Who’s The Floss?

Link To Today’s

Consider this: this one was written in early 2019 or maybe early 2020, when BatYam was still free to get out and mingle at the pizzeria, local comic-cons and etc. Just wait until we get to the ones he wrote post-pandemic, when he’s been confined to his studio for days and weeks on end. Shudder.

Coming in 2021: Funky’s six week battle with the lint trap on the dryer comes to and end, although there’s no closure whatsoever, which is followed by the twelve week major prestige arc about Les’ clogged shower head.

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I’m 4K, You’re 4K

Link To The Thing

Well, at least we’re not at the Korner anymore. Small blessings and all. BatHam has apparently become aware of 4K TV, which is very interesting and all, at least to him. The rest of us, not so much. “Heh, you know, I think it’d be very, very funny if someone thought “4K” meant how much it cost, tee hee!”. He really needs to learn how to self-edit better (ha). Continue reading

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D-I-V-O-R-C-(zzzzzz)

Link To The One Today

OK, I’ll just come right out and say it: this isn’t the worst FW gag I’ve ever seen. A little edgy (by FW standards), a little crazy (by FW standards)…if BatHam could string together another 359 of these in a row perhaps 2021 might not be so bad. If anyone wants trillion-to-one odds on that proposition, PM me please. Continue reading

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Because “Weirdos R Us” Was Already Taken

Link To Today’s Strip

Uh, I honestly don’t think “We Buy Comics” is any dumber than “Komix Korner” is. In fact, it’s actually far LESS stupid when you think about it. I mean would YOU eat at a place called “Kookie Kastle” or “The Ice Kreamery”? I know I’d keep driving, I can tell you that. But “Eat Here” or “Pizza”…that’s right to the point. A business like that has no time to waste on cutesy wordplay, they get you in and get you out. Continue reading

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Pulp Frisson

Link To Today’s Strip

Man, I really hate it when I’m at the creepy local comic book shop trying to buy a copy of a ridiculously-titled comic book I’ve never heard of before and some Owen-esque little dirtbag excitedly blurts out the entire plot before I even complete the transaction, I’ll tell you what. So obviously I TOTALLY RELATED to this one!

Just kidding. Only two people on the planet relate to this one and they’re the guy who writes this dreck and the guy he buys his comic books from. Almost all FW gags are bad and quite a few of them are really hokey, but this is kind of the worst of both worlds. This gag was tiresome back when people were spoiling Shakespeare’s plays.

And check it out, is that a two dollar bill in that asshole’s hand? That would be the most Komix Korner thing ever, some big spender whipping out a fat stack of twos and buying every issue of “Rip Tide: Scuba Cop” in the place. You know, speaking of “Rip Tide: Scuba Cop” I gotta admit…that title just very well might be the single greatest thing he’s done in Act III. It really sticks with you, ya know? Way more so than “Starbuck Jones” (I’ve always wondered if that was an inside coffee gag but I think it was more of a dumb coincidence) or (gak) “The Inedible Pulp”. I quite frankly want to see more Rip, but I’m not holding my breath. Get it?

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Is He Live Or Dead, Looks Like A Skunk Died On His Head

Link To Today’s Thing

Look, in panels one and three it’s snowing heavily, yet in panel two it isn’t snowing at all! What, are we to believe it’s some sort of intermittent blizzard or something? I mean come on! And why is the lettering different on the two windows? What’s up with that? Was keeping it uniform just too much of a challenge for this Ayers guy? Jeez.

Fat jokes followed by comic books…it’s pretty safe to assume that a pizza and/or marching band arc is on the horizon. I assumed that “one/one” was referring to “Iron Man” #1, but I don’t know, maybe John’s Iron Man dolly is referred to as a “one/one” by comic book dorks or something. Honestly I don’t care enough to look it up. I just wish the f*cking guy would change his shirt already, at this point it’s really more of a costume.

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So Is Any Hope Of Ever Legitimately Enjoying This Comic Strip

Link To Today’s Strip

The absolute bottom of the outtakes folder has been reached…or has it? I mean egads, man. Talk about a lifeless outing. There’s nowhere left to go from here aside from “equally stupid”…ideally, that is.

Stay tuned for a SPECIAL GUEST SUNDAY POST!!! Then I’ll be back for another thrilling week of, well, you know.

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Auld Lang, Sigh

Link To Today’s Strip

Happy New Year to all! In typical FW fashion, BatYam kicks 2021 off with a soft, barely perceptible plop, like a soggy tissue landing on a damp bath mat. I’ve been doing this for a long, long time and let me tell you, this past week has been as downright stupefying as any week I can remember. Then again, I say that a lot. Continue reading

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It’s What’s For Dinner

Link To Today’s Strip

Oh, that’s some real pleasant imagery there, Holly. I guess Westview doesn’t have a dry cleaner shop, which isn’t really too surprising given what these idiots wear on a daily basis. Suddenly the Winkerbeans are like a low-budget “Lockhorns”, something absolutely no one anywhere was clamoring for. Sigh.

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