Author Archives: Epicus Doomus

About Epicus Doomus

V.P. at SoSF. Does not approve of new WP layout at all.

The Trilogy Of Tedium

Link To This One

It’s called a “tetralogy”, you nimrods. Or a “quadrilogy”, if you prefer. It took me all of three seconds to learn this. But BatYam felt he really needed to drive Flash Freeman’s general imbecility home, again, so here we are. It would appear that once again he’s done the impossible and discovered something even more tedious than that “Elemental Force” arc from a few months back, and that “something” is watching Flash and Phil talking to Batton about it. That BatHam, always pushing his artistic boundaries.

That “Elementals” arc was absolute hell to get through and I really hope we’re not revisiting that fiasco again, because I am totally out of sub-atomic particle puns. It really is remarkable how quickly Flash Freeman became one of my most despised FW characters, as he wasn’t even in the strip until a few years ago. And it was better that way. Marginally, yes, but nevertheless.

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Shooty Now For The Future

Link To Today’s

Keen observation there, Boy Lisa. Insight like that must be why they keep him around, in spite of his overwhelming blandness. Not that it would have helped or anything, but it’d have been way more in character if Chester had said something like “find out what next’s year’s hottest titles will be so I can buy all the first editions” or something that was, you know, related to comic books in some way. Because he’s Chester Hagglemore, the man whose entire life revolves around comic books.

But instead he just had him say the most generic thing possible in that situation, rendering the strip (and the Chester character) totally pointless, instead of just mostly pointless. This is a really, really bad premise, even by FW’s lowly standards. Usually the premises are semi-believable and it’s the execution where they all go hopelessly awry, but this one is just complete dog shit. He couldn’t think of any other way to work some “Flash” gags into the strip? “I know! I’ll have Batton Thomas inexplicably use the Flash treadmill at Atomik Komix”…I mean that’s really out there, man. Half the strip takes place in a comic book store and a comic book factory, and this was the best he could do?

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Speed Freaks

Link To This One

I have to assume that this gag would make sense to big “Flash” fans, but what good does that do me? Based on what I know thus far, Batton’s gym closed during the pandemic, so he wandered over to Atomik Komix HQ, where, as fate would have it, they had a treadmill he could use. And no one at AK seems to mind or finds this peculiar in any way. On the contrary, they actually seem fine with it, engaging in wry banter with Batton as opposed to saying something like “what the f*ck are you doing?” or something like that.

And if his gym closed due to the pandemic, is it wise for him to be wheezing all over a bunch of people (three of them elderly, no less) he doesn’t even really know? And what about the potential liability issues here? If Batton snaps a tibia or dies on that thing, the cops and lawyers will definitely be asking questions about AK’s incredibly lax security, and those questions won’t be wry.

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Karmic Dread Mill

Link To The Strip

Special thanks to TFH, and everyone else really, but especially him! Lucky me, I’m back just in time for the unholy alliance of Batton Thomas and Atomik Komix, perhaps the second or third most sickening development of 2022 so far. Les getting that Oscar is gonna be tough to top.

So this Batton guy just “started coming there”? He just showed up at random local businesses looking for gym equipment he could use? Did someone invite him? How did he even know about the treadmill? This was the only way a guy with fifty years of writing experience was able to work a character based on himself into the story? Why not just use “magic” next time? Would it really be that much more ridiculous?

Batton is in the strip all the time now, yet Batty is still explaining who he is, which means that either a) he thinks his readers are forgetful dullards or b) he has no confidence in the character and probably shouldn’t be using him at all. I’m kind of surprised that Batton doesn’t already work at AK, as everyone else even loosely associated with the comic book business (turns and glares at Mindy) does. He could write and illustrate “Apathy Man”, whose superpower is that everyone forgets interacting with him immediately. He could use that ability to solve crimes or save the planet or something, or he could just half-ass it and milk it for fifty years. Either or.

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Play The Stupid Game, Win Stupid Prizes

Link To The Sunday Strip

Yes, what Marianne needs to realize is that no matter what the outcome may be, her career and her life are both effectively over, as the whole Oscars thing (and the entire entertainment industry as a whole) is a giant sewer of lies, deceit and trampled dreams. But it’s OK, as whaddya gonna do?

What she also doesn’t realize is that they have these things called brushes and combs nowadays, as well as a plethora of various sprays, gels and pastes that keeps your hair from getting all ratty and unkempt while you’re out and about. It seems peculiar that a woman her age, in her business, wouldn’t be aware of the existence of these things, but whaddya gonna do?

This arc sure got really annoying really quickly, didn’t it? The irony of BatHam droning on about the inequities and pitfalls of showbiz awards wasn’t lost on me, as it’s pretty much a recurring theme at this point. Perhaps he should try to win an award for something, THEN run his mouth, like how you’re supposed to do.

And on that note, I’m outta here until April Fools Day, when I’ll be going into detail about the Department Of Justice’s crusade against SoSF. Up next, the Captain himself, TF Hackett!

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And I Lost Interest, Again

Link To It

Ha! That f*cking internet sure does suck balls, amirite? Boy, society sure has gone to hell in a handbasket, I’ll tell you what. Even a humongous Hollywood mega-star can’t get reliable internet service, shows you just how useless and limited it really is. I can’t wait til this fad dies down and we go back to landlines and good ol’ AM radio again.

“Oh for pity’s sake”…and it’s official. Marianne is the least cool twenty-something Hollywood actress of all-time. No one could possibly be this twee in real life, you wouldn’t even be able to breathe. The hair, the hapless naivete, the wholesome homespun exclamations…it just gets worse and worse with every panel. Just look at her today, all dreary and disheveled, she’s pitiful to the point where it’s tough to not feel sorry for her. At first glance I really did think it said “lost interest again” and really, who could blame him? No wonder she’s not in a relationship and has no friends, she’s a total drip.

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COVIDiot

Link To The New One

When I first saw this one I just stared at it for minutes on end, unable to decipher or make sense of it at all. For the first time ever, I seriously considered asking my fellow SoSF hosts for help with figuring out what the hell this is supposed to be. Was Mason saying “COVID 15” or was he saying “COVID is”? I had no clue.

But eventually I figured it out. “COVID 15” is one of those clever little turns of phrase BatYam makes up when he’s trying to capture the way people talk in “real life” and, as usual, it fails spectacularly on every conceivable level. What Mason needs to do now is to pack on another COVID-75 so he can play Funky in the movie adaptation of “Singed Hair”. After that, all he needs to do is play Crazy Harry, at which point his life’s work will be complete.

Obligatory artwork critique: check out that photo on Marianne’s wall. My, such attention to detail. I mean, why even bother drawing it at all?

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A Nice Solid Number Two

Link To Today’s Strip

Oh dear, sweet, innocent, frumpy Marianne, totally unconcerned with shallow Hollywood things like her appearance and how her career is going. One has to wonder how someone so hopelessly naive and frumpy stumbled into a film career in the first place. Fortunately for her, she has Mason Jarre to mentor her and explain how movies and showbiz works, so at least she’s in very capable male hands. After all, Mason has played Les Moore TWICE, thus his veracity and integrity is obviously beyond reproach.

That Marianne drawing in panel two is just awful. She looks like Rocky’s harried, weather beaten mother, a far cry from the sexy sex vixen who played the vivacious Jupiter Moon just a few short years ago. She might as well just move to Westview and take a job teaching drama at the high school or slinging pies at Montoni’s, as she’d fit right in. And it’d only really be confusing when Summer was in town, but that rarely happens anyhow.

NEWS FLASH: You’ve got to check out the official BatBlog, which has been updated with an absolutely epic “Lisa’s Story” retrospective victory lap of truly Batiukian proportions. It’s the REAL “Never-Ending Story”.

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Netbust A Movie

Link To This One

I guess “Blockflix” didn’t roll off the tongue so well. So seriously, what the f*ck has happened to Marianne? Suddenly she’s become the frumpiest leading lady of all time, with that horrific Summer haircut and that bizarre neck/chin deal she has going on. She actually looks more like Rocky’s mom than anyone else, now that I think about it. And Mason’s face in panel three just makes me want to punch things, especially Mason. Those video screen renderings are some of the worst FW drawings I’ve ever seen. Marianne suddenly sprouts some sort of weird pigtails/mullet hairdo and Mason looks like he’s having a seizure, they’re just outrageously terrible.

“Pink Entertainment” sounds like a porn company. Sorry to be all childish about it, but it does. What a cockamamie turn of events this is. The movie was a giant bomb that ended up being relegated to the “art house circuit” even though it’s not a f*cking “art film”, then the pandemic blew that all to hell, at which point one of those horrible internet thingies picked it up, where it became a surprise smash hit. I’m kind of shocked at how much effort BatBrain put into that premise, to be honest. I would have guessed that’d be way, way too complicated for a FW premise, yet here we are.

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And The Oscar For Best Cancer-Stricken Actress Starring In A Movie About Being Stricken With Cancer Goes To…

Link To Today’s Implausible Development

“I’d like to thank everyone, but especially Lisa Moore, whose untimely death made all this possible. Thank you, Lisa, wherever you are, for inspiring me and an entire generation of young women by, you know, dying and stuff. You like Lisa…you really, really like Lisa!”.

Oh brother. The last time we heard about “Lisa’s Story-The Movie”, Les was disinterestedly shrugging it off as yet another bothersome nuisance he didn’t have time to care about one way or the other. But, after overseas distribution and yadda yadda yadda, Les’ masterpiece is being dragged back into the spotlight yet again. Unlike Lisa, it just refuses to die and, just like Lisa, it just keeps coming back, over and over and over again. Sigh.

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