Author Archives: Epicus Doomus

Some Mil-Dew And Some Mil-Don’t

Link To Today’s Strip

Blech, what an unsightly mess this is, even by fictional Sunday comic book cover standards. A mildew gag…really? Yikes. And “Wild And Watery Pulp Fiction”??? Really? Sounds like someone’s comic books might have gotten a little soggy in the not-too-distant past, as this is sort of weirdly specific in a discomforting kind of way. A superhero who’s susceptible to mildew…truly the hero the Funkyverse needs.

Maybe the next Atomik Komix (I will NEVER not hate typing that) title could be “The Horrible Hack” and, like with mildew and newsprint, his natural enemy would be online comic strip snark blogs. “Ha ha ha, you’ll NEVER escape the deadly grip of my continuity ray, Horrible Hack! BAH ha ha ha!”.

Stayed tuned for Comic Book Harriet, who’s throwing herself on the grenade tomorrow!

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The Power And The Snore-y

Link To Today’s Strip

Lacking anything of actual substance to say, strong female role model Cindy opts to brag about her salary instead, much to Dick Facey’s infernally smirking delight. What a waste of time, ink and paper. Maybe next year the “mass com” class can convert to some sort of pizza and comic books workshop, in which case they’ll have a whole host of interesting guest speakers to choose from.

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The Internet Did It

Link To Today’s Idiocy

Yes, it was The Internet, the very same internet that saved Cindy’s flagging career. Everything used to be sort of almost halfway decent, then These Kids Today came along with their “world wide web” and the gizmos and such and yadda yadda yadda, it’s all mostly bullshit now. Sort of like how FW itself used to be halfway decent, then Lisa got wasted at a party and yadda yadda yadda everyone became a wry cynical asshole…if they managed to survive at all.

Everyone knows why BatBrain hates the internet so much, it’s given his dozens of critics a medium with which they can band together and mock his feeble efforts in unison as opposed to having to sit down and pen a letter to the editor of their local newspaper, a letter no one was ever going to read anyhow. Well I say “hard cheese” to that, my good sir. As long as I have some sort of functional internet access this blog isn’t going anywhere until that final Sunday strip where they FINALLY plop Les’ casket into the cold frozen leaf-strewn earth. Bank on it.

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Fake It Til You Make It

Link To Today’s Thing

“My dad says your comic strip doesn’t really address the issues that young people face today and you just say that in your interviews to give the impression that FW is far more substantive than it actually is.”

“Ummmmmm, uh, yeah.”

Bernie’s dad sounds like he’s quite a character. He must be beaming with pride, what with Bernie just about ready to move up to 13th grade and all. Why is everyone pretending that Cindy is still a news anchor? Her last “big story” involved a ninety year old actor talking about the 1950s and while it may have made for a ripping good yarn, it’s hardly “news”, fake or otherwise.

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We The Sweeple

Link To Today’s Strip

Uh, Cindy works for Buddyblog and there is no “sweeps month” on the interwebs. Thus this gag, aside from being unnecessarily cynical and sort of obnoxious, is also quite dated and stupid too. “And that’s what we try to do…unless our advertisers balk”…there, it still sucks but at least it’s something applicable to THIS decade and not the 1990s. “Sweeps month”…when was the last time you even heard that mentioned in any context?

I hate it when he tries to pretend he’s commenting on “these times we live in” and such. Just get to the f*cking Butter Brickel thing, we all know it’s coming and the sooner it begins the sooner it’ll end, at least in theory. Cindy is by no means his worst female character but she’s undoubtedly one of the more grating ones.

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A-Pickin’ And A-Smirkin’

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Cindy’s jocular brand of cynicism is almost as annoying as Les’ face is. Almost, but not quite. I guess the gag here is supposed to be how little Les’ students respect him, which seems believable enough, I suppose. Speaking of annoying, Mason’s bizarre hair strand is a real rage trigger, especially the way he crammed it in there in panel one, where it actually trespasses into the word balloon, annoyingly enough. And what’s up with Cayla’s heavily-sedated smirk? You can tell she’s originally from out of town.

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Massholes

Link To Today’s Strip

I don’t know what Mason is doing to that slice there in panel two but it’s hard to believe it made it past the CK censors. Blech. This one is a visual nightmare, but at least he got Cindy’s hair color right this time.

So it’s “You’ll Hate Your Career Day” at WHS already, eh? Time sure does fly. Last year’s guest speaker, the former night manager at Montoni’s, dissuaded plenty of kids from choosing a career in pizza arts and Cindy is way more wry than he was, so IMO her talk will go over like gangbusters with Les’ class. They are, after all, at that age where pondering your future failure and unhappiness is very important, the decisions they make today are tomorrow’s regrets. Dream small, little Scapegoats, as it’ll soften the landing.

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