Author Archives: Epicus Doomus

There Is A Season (Twirl Twirl Twirl)

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Yup, Holly sure was something back in high school. Her whatever Dinkle exploding baton trick was the capper to many a 1970s FW football arc way back in the day. I can see why she needs to keep talking about it and displaying her old high school trophies in her living room for thirty-five years, as it really was just that hilarious and compelling. Back then Sundays were kind of dull, what with the gas crisis and blue laws and all, but Holly’s antics in the Sunday funnies really lifted the nation’s spirits after Watergate and Vietman. The tall ships during the Bicentennial helped too, as did the Fonz. But I digress.

This one would be a lot less odd if they were just going through an old box labeled “band awards” instead of treating us to the unlikely and time-warping sight of Melinda appearing to notice Holly’s living room baton shrine for the first time, which seems pretty implausible at best. That Holly would maintain a living room high school baton shrine is no surprise, as she is after all a Westviewian. But given how it’s all they appear to have in common, how could her mother not have noticed it before?

IMO Holly would have been the perfect wife for Bull, as they both peaked in high school and both sort of blither their way through the strip in a stupid and annoying yet sort of relatively inoffensive manner that makes them slightly more difficult to despise in the same way we despise Les and Darin and Dinkle and Lisa and Funky and you get the idea. And Linda would have been a perfect Mrs. Winkerbean, as her obnoxious brand of wry defeated cynicism and spiteful condescension would be a perfect foil for Funky’s all-encompassing sad-sackery. That’s always been one of BatNom’s problems, his refusal or inability to think this shit through before he felt-tips it out.

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Grave Concerns

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Impending climactic doom, neglected old gravesites hiding the bones of dead friends…Happy Holidays from your friends at Funky Winkerbean and King Features! Man, this Melinda sure is a barrel of laughs. You already know how I feel (and vice versa) regarding Author Guy’s reliance on adorable old coot humor so I won’t go into that again, but they’ve been popping up like mushrooms in the strip for the last few years. Cliff, Vera, Phil Holt, New And Improved Morty, his pals at the home and now Melinda. The average age of the characters in FW must be up around seventy or eighty by now. Even if it were funny (and it isn’t) it’d still be weird, especially when you realize he already has another comic strip that’s jam-packed with zany and depressing old coots. Which is already one too many.

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They Have Hotels In Florida Now

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Holly’s look in panel three really says it all. I’m assuming that The Corporal is approximately twenty-three or twenty-four years old. He defused live bombs in Afghanistan and he is currently engaged to a mute woman. Yet for some reason he’s almost infantile today, blubbering about “visiting Disney” which, to my knowledge, has never “happened” in the strip. And Cory, bless his pointy little head, never came across as being a Disney World kind of guy either.

IMO the way everyone just completely ignored Cory’s miraculous transformation has been one of Act III’s more annoying (recent) developments. For a few years there Cory was the strip’s “bad guy”, an incorrigible scowling hoodlum who (gasp!) stole from Lisa’s Legacy, always had his hair in his eyes and had no use for anyone, generally speaking. Then he comes home and he’s suddenly Opie Cunningham but no one seems surprised in the least. It’d be like if Summer suddenly re-appeared with long curly hair and a jaunty sundress.

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Fake News!

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Finally, at long last, I can stop typing “Holly’s mom” over and over and over again. It’s one of the unforeseen pitfalls of following this strip, the way Batom forces me to train my muscle memory to repeatedly type otherwise bizarre and useless phrases hundreds of times, like “band mattresses”, “Atomik Komix” and “smug bearded piece of shit”. Anyhow, her name is Melinda. OK then.

When in doubt, drag some mother-in-law gags out. The very last thing FW needs is ANOTHER adorable old coot character but it would appear that this “Melinda” is THIS CLOSE to becoming another FW regular. I will tactfully refrain from pointing out that long-range climate change would probably not have all that much of an impact on a ninety year old woman but hey, FW has NEVER shied away from Topical Issues That Affect Us All, especially somewhat vague references to said Topical Issues. Personally speaking, I’d LOVE to see a four month long arc about Melinda’s house sinking into the Atlantic Ocean but that’s just me.

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Snowbird Sanctuary

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Well, it may be the 26th and all but yuletide festivities are still in full swing over at Winkerbean Manor aka The House That Tony Built. Apparently Holly’s mother has been staying there this whole time, as that whole “band reunion” thing appears to have been nothing more than an excuse for Holly’s mom (does she even have a name?) to make Funky’s depressing life even more of a living hell. Despite it being a pretty tired old trope (mother-in-law gags are as trope-y as it gets) I was not altogether un-amused by Funky’s reaction there in panel two, nor by his sidewards comma eyes in panel one for that matter. Maybe it’s my misguided Christmas cheer, but IMO this is at least a baby step up from seven week PTSD arc or watching a befuddled amputee bumble around haplessly for a week, so there is that. I mean sure, it isn’t “good” by any measure but given how abysmal 2018 was overall, I’ll temporarily take it.

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Merry Christmas From The SoSF Gang!

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Twas the night before Christmas
With Holly’s mom and Mort
Not a creature was stirring,
And no wry retorts!

I suppose a wordless strip on Christmas Day is sort of like BatNard’s gift to his faithful readers. I hope they both really enjoy it. Yep, it all comes around full circle all right. Holiday greetings and much thanks to the SoSF staff and of course our loyal and hilarious army of snarkers, have a Merry Christmas and may your whiskey stones come with a receipt so you can exchange them for something better, like actual whiskey.

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A Very Funky Christmas

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Yes Tom, at one time or another most of us have heard that line and pondered the image of a Christmas tree covered in hanging gifts, seemingly making a mockery of gravity itself. I mean the song IS nearly eighty years old and all. The main difference of course, being that generally speaking, most of us stopped pondering that particular question when we were seven or eight years old. But I digress and besides, it’s Christmas time.

Coming for Xmas 2019: Funky introduces his special “Christ Child” pizza, featuring three kinds of “tender and mild” toppings.

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