I hate having “Crankshaft” rammed down my throat anytime, but on Christmas Eve it’s just absolutely galling. I see two interesting things about this one. First, it appears that Boy Lisa and Jessica had another kid, because that ain’t Skyler. And two, although I realize it’s probably just another “Crankshaft” character I don’t know, it sure looks like Bull is there, right next to Jessica. But that can’t be, as Bull is dead, just as Skyler is definitely more than a foot tall by now. Continue reading
Author Archives: Epicus Doomus
About Epicus Doomus
V.P. at SoSF. Does not approve of new WP layout at all.
by Epicus Doomus | December 23, 2022 · 10:31 pm
There Goes The Neighborhood
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Tagged as Amanda, Amelia, Andy from Crankshaft, bricks, Carl, Cayla, Channel One, Christmas, church, connie, Crankshaft, Dinkle, Ed Crankshaft, Funky's dad, glasses, gloves, Hannah Murdoch, Harry Dinkle, holidays, Jeff, Jfff, Les, Lillian, Mort, Morton, Morton Winkerbean, Pam, Pm nd Jfff, Ralph Meckler, Rocky from Crankshaft, Santa, scarf, school bus, snow, St. Spires, Summer, that unnamed cranky guy, The Bedside Manorisms, those annoying Crankshaft twins, those stupid Crankshaft twins, Walt
by Epicus Doomus | December 21, 2022 · 10:30 pm
To The Bore-a-torium! And Step On It!
Real impressive snowplow there, Pulitzer (nominated once fifteen years ago, did not win) Boy. That thing looks like a death trap. Given the five months of total whiteout blizzard conditions in that town, you’d think they’d have a few real trucks. And why is Cayla screaming? Les is going to totally ruin his $1500 car by plowing through that snowbank. And for what? Christmas jazz played by elderly dementia patients? Bah, humbug, I say. Cayla’s reaction is all out of proportion to what’s actually happening here, which is a whole lot of nothing.
Great Moments In FW Arc Recap History
March 1-7, 2020
Dinkle shares with Becky that he has been reading a book about squirrels.
The instantly forgotten, one week, totally random arcs, now those were the real challenge. Anyone can snark on Bull dying or Marianne getting cancer while playing Lisa in a movie, but the arcs like these, those were the ones that put you to the test. By Wednesday you’re totally out of squirrel and/or nut puns, but there’s a post to do, and you gotta come up with something. And it’s tough, because Becky and Dinkle are still talking about squirrels. Every SoSF guest host, and the regular commenters too, know exactly what I mean. Sometimes it was like he was daring us to just give up and stop reading the strip altogether.
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Tagged as bare trees, Batiukmobile®, Cayla, Keisha, Les, school bus, snow, snowplow
by Epicus Doomus | December 19, 2022 · 10:30 pm
The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Funkyverse
Um, why is Summer out hitchhiking in a blizzard? Summer began her walk in the morning, ostensibly to “clear her head”. Are we to believe she’s been wandering around in the snow all day? I mean, it’s certainly not impossible or anything, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t pretty f*cking weird. As is hitching a ride to church. I don’t know exactly what he’s trying to do here, but bringing these stories together by having Summer just happen to be standing there on the side of the road is really, really lazy writing, even by Batiuk’s extremely loose standards.
I’ve never endorsed violence (here at SoSF, that is) and I’m not going to start now. But “coinkydink” is a “word” that should never be uttered, let alone spelled out, and quite frankly, I think it merits a beating. I didn’t even know WHAT it said at first…”coin ky dink?”. Then I figured it out, and it made me irrationally angry. And I still am right now.
Great Moments In FW Arc Recap History
The Entire Month of June, 2013
Jessica apologizes to Darin for forcing him to go through with the Frankie meeting. Jessica’s father, John Darling, who was murdered when Jessica was a baby, makes an appearance in a Sunday flashback. Darin and Jess summon the Moores and the senior Fairgoods to alert them to Frankie’s plot. Nobody in the room has a clue how to thwart Frankie until feeble Fred murmurs “Pm nd Jff”…their former neighbors and the daughter and son-in-law of Ed Crankshaft.
Frankie attempts to interview Funky, Bull, and Crazy Harry to get some dirt on Lisa, but they all deny remembering her. Summer and Cayla arrive home from school. “Jff” Murdoch visits Westview to share his recollection of witnessing teenage Frankie and Lisa in a domestic dispute one night thirty years ago in “Lover’s Lane”. This recollection leads to the discovery of young Lisa’s journal, which details her abuse and impregnation at the hands of Frankie. Jessica videotapes Summer reading aloud from her late mother’s journal, and Darin threatens to post the whole sordid thing on YouTube if Frankie goes ahead with the reality show. Defeated at last, Frankie and Lenny pack up and leave town.
“The entire month of June”…LOL. This was one of my personal favorite Act III arcs. I always had high hopes for Frankie whenever he’d come slithering back on to the scene, but he ended up being sort of a wuss, with no follow-through at all. I remember hoping that Frankie would befriend Boy Lisa and steal all his money or something, but he never really “did” much of anything. And I hoped he’d somehow ruin the Starbuck Jones movie, but again, he delivered nothing. FW was always crying out for a true villain, someone who genuinely hated these jerks and carried a grudge, but Frankie was as close as we ever really got.
At least Boy Lisa got a fun “origin story” anecdote out of it. A keg party, a parked van, a sleazebag from a few towns over…what’s not to love? Man, that BatYam is one sick f*ck sometimes, I’ll tell you what.
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Tagged as bare trees, Bedside Manor, Carl, Centerville, coinkydink, connie, hitchhiking, Iris, Morton, snow, Summer, The Bedside Manorisms, van, Walt
by Epicus Doomus | December 17, 2022 · 10:30 pm
It’s Just The Wasted Years So Close Behind
And here it is, my last-ever Sunday FW strip. I’ve always had mixed feelings regarding the Sunday strips. Sometimes they’re annoyingly invasive and have nothing whatsoever to do with anything, other times they’re just weird and difficult to say much about, like with those horrible comic book covers with the always-wry reality bubbles. Honestly, they mostly just kind of suck, and I’d bet that every other SoSF host agrees, too. You see that second Sunday strip of your shift and it’s almost always so demoralizing. I’m trying to recall my favorite Act III Sunday strip of all-time, but I’m totally drawing a blank. That’s the kind of impact the Sunday strips make.
Ending on a down note…yup, that’s sounds about right. Maybe he’s setting up a big “Lost”-like ending here, where everyone gathers in a gauzily-lit non-denominational church to smile and dance around all stupidly. Or maybe everyone in FW was actually dead the whole time. Except for Lisa, who imagines the whole thing in the one moment before SHE dies, again!
Or maybe everyone will just walk around aimlessly for no reason, I dunno. I guess he had to cram Dinkle in there somehow, but none of this explains anything about Harley and the helmet, which were all the rage two weeks ago. When you get right down to it, this is what BatYarn is all about…boring hackery. It’s been over a decade since he last did an arc anyone might consider “good” or even merely “OK”. And obviously that isn’t changing now.
Great Moments In FW Arc Recap History
Jan. 10-23, 2011
Wally travels to Colorado to train with and take ownership of Buddy, his new companion dog.
All this Bingo talk reminded me of FW’s most beloved character, Buddy The Dog, who debuted in what was probably the “best” Act III arc of all time. By “best” I mean the most well-received, in general. At the time I was trying too hard, and I failed to recognize that by FW standards, it was a relatively upbeat, happy and hopeful little story, featuring an adorable dog AND a combat veteran. I should have known better. You can be “edgy” and all, but not all the time and definitely not when veterans and service dogs are involved, because there’s no way you won’t come across as anything more than a real dick. It was a lesson worth taking to heart, so thanks O.B. Dan, wherever you are.
Anyhow, Buddy was a good, good boy, and deserved WAY better than what BatHack had in store for him. Torturing him on Ferris wheels and at heavy metal concerts, a thousand “he’s my Buddy” gags, then seemingly written out of the strip entirely, Buddy merited a hell of a lot more than that. Meanwhile, the strip is crawling with cats. I guess that for BatYam, dogs are like women, and he has no idea how to write for them. Zing.
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Tagged as bare trees, Bingo, Channel One, choir, choir loft, choir/organ, church, Claude Barlow, Facegram, Harry Dinkle, Lillian, organ, snow, social media, St. Spires
by Epicus Doomus | December 15, 2022 · 10:30 pm
Off The Deep End
Yes, Summer, by all means, climb the snow and ice-covered diving board hanging over the abandoned swimming pool. Remember, this genius has ten years of college under her belt. What an idiot. Again we see something that happened in high school resonating through history, yet college seems to make no difference one way or the other. If she slips, falls, and ends up freezing to death in that abandoned pool, this whole thing will have been quite worthwhile.
Great Moments In FW Arc Recap History
September 20 – October 4, 2015
Crazy Harry finishes transferring (and ostensibly watching) the hours of Lisa tapes. He informs Summer that he found “a couple of Easter Eggs” on the tapes, which he burns to separate DVD’s marked “For Les” and “For the Other Woman”, and Summer presents these to Cayla. Cayla’s starts with a lecture from Lisa about how to handle her duties as Les’ wife (before devolving into threats that Lisa will haunt Cayla if she ever hurts “our Les”).
The “Other Woman” Easter Egg arc, definitely one of Batiuk’s weirdest Lisa fantasies. And, of course, Cayla just sat there with a stupid look on her face, content as always with her role as Les’ good-natured doormat. Cayla was one of Act III’s least-believable characters. Being attracted to Les wasn’t enough, so over the course of Act III he neatly excised her already-barely discernible personality and turned her into Cayla Tyler Moore, always ready, willing and able to indulge Les and his demented Lisa nonsense. This arc SHOULD have ended with Cayla lobbing those DVDs into the fireplace with middle fingers extended, but she just sat there grinning stupidly instead. Yuck.
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Tagged as bare trees, chair jammed in a diving board ladder, diving board, fence, Funky, ladder, rarely used overhead perspective, scarf, snow, Summer, swimming pool
Son of Stuck Funky 