Tag Archives: Fire

By Popular Demand, It’s Moore Les!

Oh, yay. More Les and Mason and Lisa’s story. And what’s this twist? The womenfolk are wandering off into the darkness while their men handle the real business? Wow, Cayla’s talking a lot, I’m sure it’s funny and/or insightful. Oh, wait. She’s just saying Les is unsure about this? I had no idea. I think Batiuk should spend five more days repeating that point without adding any humor or advancing the “plot” a bit. What are the odds that’s exactly what’s going to happen?


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Dreck on the beach

I hope against all hope that today’s strip marks the end of this chapter of Les Goes To Hollywood And Gets All Pissy- Part II, particularly for the sake of our own spacemanspiff, who has to write up the next two weeks of strips. Trying to come up with words to describe this horror is not a task I would wish on my worst enemy… or even Tom Batiuk.

On the emptiest beach in California, Masone engages in some criminal activity that doubles as the dumbest cult ritual this side of the Lisa’s Legacy Run. Not one aspect of this stupid movie project has moved forward since October despite the fact that four weeks worth of strips have been expended covering the inactivity.

Not even the prospect of s’mores improves things, which is terribly sad.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

When Time Stands Still

Is this today’s strip or the October 26 strip?! No, it is today’s… and it leaves us in the exact same place we were in October. THE. EXACT. SAME. PLACE.

Masone promises a “shopping agreement”, explains that he has to sell Lisa’s Story to some powers-that-be, assures him of his good intentions and that he is making the right decision by letting Masone pursue this stupid movie thing, Les prepares to wait for the shopping agreement in a snit… scene. It’s the exact same thing we got in October with two exceptions:

One, this week of Masone-wants-to-make-a-Lisa’s-Story-movie strips was preceded by a week of Les and Cayla arguing about whether or not they should fly to California to discuss with Masone the fact that he wants to make a Lisa’s Story movie. We wasted this week on repeating the October scenario PLUS the week of Les and Cayla debating whether to take the stupid trip… the trip that could have been resolved with a 15-minute telephone call!!!

Two, this week ends with the unfortunate promise of future strips in which Les takes Masone around New York for some unbearable Lisa reminiscence, undoubtedly griping all the way.

Misery. Sheer misery.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

The Winters Of Les’ Discontent

Now we’re getting to it in today’s strip! Finally!

“It” being Les trying to undermine specific elements of Masone’s Lisa’s Story passion project for no explained reason. And boy is Masone going to give Les EVERY opportunity to sabotage the project, inviting dragging him into practically every element that TB thinks exists in the film-making process. It’s a good thing Les has all of those unused personal days

Also, what is Les’ problem here exactly? He doesn’t want Lisa to be played by an attractive and successful actress? Frankly, Marianne Winters seems like a fine choice to play late Act II Lisa based on looks at least. She’s for certain sure a dead ringer for the bewigged Lisa we saw during much of that first bout with breast cancer in 1999.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Burn, baby, burn!

Link to what Bats hath wrought.

Wow. An entire week of Starbuck Jones and every bit of it has been peripheral to the actions of Funky Winkerbean regular cast members. I have to take back all the nasty things I’ve said about the writing in this strip – it’s obvious that Tom Batiuk is a genius – he’s managed to bring about a whole new comic (Starbuck Jones) while keeping the science fiction out and revolving the story entirely around the residents of his beloved Westview Ohio. Truly he is a master of his craft. Though I have to say that it would have been nice if there had been just a teeny bit of Mason Jarr hamming it up, or Marianne Winters’ cute little implied butt. No matter, there are still a few years to go until Bats gets that Lifetime Doodler Award or whatever, so I guess there’s plenty of time to inflict entertain us with the continuing interweaving of Funky Winkerbean and Starbuck Jones.

Oh, yeah, and before I forget – my wish was granted, too!

Mason, please, for the love of all that is holy, have Holly do her her Flaming Baton act.

— Me.

One last thing…we joke about this movie being “straight to cell phone” bad, but c’mon. We all know how bad it’s really going to be.


And…that’s it for my turn in the barrel. Beckoningchasm will be here tomorrow with some more high-quality snark, and I’ll be back in the comment section ruining T-Bat’s artwork.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Woo hoo! Les’s hair is on fire! Oh, wait.

Today’s strip, at first glance, seems to show Les, head aflame in the purifying fire of just desserts. But no, they’re just burning their Yuletide tree out in the field. That practice makes my Californian instincts turn to rage, and calls to mind Johnny Cash’s infamous “buzzards” incident.[1] Then I remembered that Ohio used to burn its rivers (for decades), and it all seemed to make more sense.[2]

The picture of the Cuyahoga River on fire that ended up in Time Magazine a month later – a truly arresting image showing flames leaping up from the water, completely engulfing a ship – was actually from a much more serious fire in November 1952. No picture of the ’69 river fire is known to exist.—Cleveland Historical

My live-in expert on all things Ohio tells me that residents of Buckeye Lake toss their trees into the water’s edge. This encourages the growth of algae, which attracts fish, which makes for easy fishing in the springtime. By the next winter, the tree will have completely decomposed. That seems awfully green for the midwest, but it’s a damn sight greener than just lighting it on fire and smirking at it.

Given how Cayla usually reacts to news from Les, I’ve corrected the dialog in panel 3.

Cayla asks, 'How much can we make Mason pay?'

  1. To be fair to Mr. Cash’s memory, the part about roasting 49 California condors appears to be apocryphal.  ↩
  2. Speaking of uniquely Cleveland things, thanks to @Nathan Obral (yesterthread) for pointing out that the Lost reference had extra meaning for those in the Cleveland TV market.  ↩


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky