Author Archives: billytheskink

by billytheskink | April 17, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Table discussion

Whether or not the St. Spries choir will ever sing a note under Dinkle’s direction will have to wait for another day, for today’s strip returns to (what I assume is) TB’s latest writer’s block go-to: domestic scenes with the Winkerbeans. Hey, that rhymes!

Did you forget that Funky and Holly were having their kitchen ~~“reno”-ed~~ renovated? I don’t want to brag… but I did! And now Holly’s trying to spend the cataract surgery that Funky’s other eye still needs on a table they don’t need… such timeless humor. Wives, they’ll do it every time! What, there wasn’t a tip of the Hatlo Hat at the bottom of this strip? Guess my brain’s filling in missing visuals again.

Hey, thanks for putting up with me through two more weeks of this mess. I genuinely appreciate it. Steering us all through the swamp starting tomorrow will be the one and only man of space named Spiff, Spaceman Spiff. May you see no Les or Dinkle story arcs on your journey, good sir.

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Tagged as arcs that go on too long, arcs where nothing happens, boredom personified, complete lack of humor, domestic scenes, forgetting things, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, Funky's house, Funkys, furniture, Holly, Now Funky, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, shopping, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, Tom doesn't get women, unneccessarily long arcs, very long arcs

by billytheskink | April 16, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Hitting the route notes

I suppose we have the consolation that today’s strip is not nearly as terrifying as Dinkle’s last music directing dream. That’s not much, but we have to take what we can get here.

So this group really is a “Gospel” choir? That wasn’t just a set up for last month’s “gossip choir” joke? Look, I’m not saying that a choir of interchangeable old white midwestern women in what appears to be a staid mainline Protestant church cannot sing a genre of music that is most strongly associated with (often) male feature performers in southern evangelical or (particularly) Black churches. Unexpected as it might be, of course they can. What I’m saying is that I don’t think TB has any idea that Gospel music is an actual genre of music itself and not simply another term for “hymns” or “church music”.

Unfortunately for TB and for us, music is not like a choir loft. It can’t be researched by taking a photo of it and e-mailing it to Chuck Ayers.

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Tagged as band directing, California, Centerville, choir, church, church ladies, Dinkle, dream, dream sequence, dreams, futile crossovers, Harry Dinkle, how things are NEVER done, Lillian, Old Dinkle, old Harry Dinkle, poor female characters, St. Spires, the elderly, Tournament of Roses Parade

by billytheskink | April 15, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Looking for Mr. Goodbar?

Hey, I know who that is in today’s strip! No, not the choir lady. Bunhead. She went to community college and/or Kent State with Wally and Adeela! She even changed her sweatshirt mid-class once. No, twice! She also was in one of Rachel’s community college art teaching certification classes, apparently. And now she’s answering the door in a neighborhood deemed moneyed enough to waste money on ~~band~~ choir candy! Moving up in the world. Maybe one day she’ll graduate from college, or at least wear something other than a sweatshirt. It is good to have goals.

I have nothing else to say about this strip other than “at least Dinkle isn’t in it”.

At least Dinkle isn’t in it.

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Tagged as band candy, bunhead, chocolate, choir, choir candy, doors, fundraising, hoodie, Old dying people, old gags from the 1970's, recycled gags, rehashes, St. Spires, terrible artwork, uninteresting stupid anecdotes, very old gags

by billytheskink | April 14, 2021 · 10:55 pm

Medal of Horror

Today’s strip marks the third straight day that Dinkle is doing his eyes-closed, head tilted back, mouth-agape, peacocking thing… which I think we can all agree is seven days too many. Hopefully we can also all agree that the poetic tire fire that is “I believe this is the first time a man’s crew-neck undershirt has been seen in the choir loft!” is a sentence that is just too perfectly execrable to exist. Yet it does exist.

Yes, we have here a call back here to Dinkle’s May 2017 trip to Belgium, where he was showered with unearned praise, given this unbearably punny-named medal, and stood in front of TB’s uncredited tracing of the legendary Hergé’s work. I’m not wordly enough to know if the Belgians hate us, but I can’t blame them if they do…

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Tagged as awards, awful dialog, band candy, choir, choir/organ, church, church ladies, Dinkle, flashback, fundraising, giant mouths, Harry Dinkle, it's called "writing", Lillian, man's crew-neck undershirt, marching band fundraisers, Old Dinkle, Old dying people, old Harry Dinkle, photo album corners, Pun, punnery, puns, sepia-tone, silly awards, Squick, St. Spires, unbearable smugness, unearned awards

by billytheskink | April 13, 2021 · 10:30 pm

If only there WAS a substitute for experience…

You are looking liiiiive at St. Spires Church and its odd, grass-covered exterior wall in today’s strip…

At least the choir ladies are asking follow up questions now. The last two times Dinkle pulled his “a little” shtick no one pressed him for specifics. I’m half-surprised Dinkle doesn’t carry around a printed resume to hand out to the mere mortals who aren’t familiar with his life story, that really seems like something he would do.

At least we get that brilliant salmonella pun again… 4 and a half months was just too long without it. It’s a true TB original too, you won’t find it anywhere else.

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Tagged as ancient Dinkle gags, awful dialog, band turkeys, bricks, choir, choir/organ, church, church ladies, coloring gaffes, Dinkle, fundraising, giant mouths, Harry Dinkle, hatchet face, Lillian, marching band fundraisers, non-pizza foodstuffs, Old Dinkle, old Harry Dinkle, Pun, punnery, puns, sneering, St. Spires, trite dialog, turkey sale, unnatural hand gestures

by billytheskink | April 12, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Parish the thought

I’m not on Dinkle’s side or anything, but I struggle to sympathize with the choir ladies in today’s strip. Those stern looks of disapproval are genuine and understandable, but these ladies have got to stop setting Dinkle up for this miserable gag. This is the third time they’ve walked right into it. Yes, Dinkle is insufferable and arrogant, but they’ve had plenty of time now to learn that asking him if he knows anything about a subject is a sure way to draw out that insufferableness and arrogance. If you don’t like the way he acts when baited, stop baiting him!

At least there’s no blood this time from Dinkle biting his tongue… Well, that’s not really an improvement. For a while there I thought that maybe Dinkle could be put on a path to self-destruction by frequently questioning his credentials.

26 Comments

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Tagged as ancient Dinkle gags, arcs that go on too long, choir, choir/organ, church, church ladies, comma eyes, Dinkle, fundraising, giant mouths, Harry Dinkle, hatchet face, Lillian, mouths way too low on the face, old Harry Dinkle, recycled gags, St. Spires, things that take an unnecessarily long time, unneccessarily long arcs, very long arcs

by billytheskink | April 11, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Robed in travesty

I thought maybe we were getting an extended break from Dinkle during the last week, TB does love pontificating on comic books after all, but I should have known better. The Dinkle-St. Spires choir story had yet to play all of the beats a Dinkle story plays. We’ve covered his arrogance, his ego, his megalomania, his ludicrously demanding practices, the one thing we were missing from the complete Harry Dinkle experience finally shows up in today’s strip… fundraising. I should have seen it coming, no excuses.

I’m not sure these robes appear to be “tired and worn” so much as they appear to be rain ponchos purchased at a Cleveland Browns game. Maybe add some patches or stains or loose threads next time to sell the effect, Chuck.

Now it is only a question of how many weeks will TB spend showing Dinkle pushing these old ladies to sell “choir mattresses” or his autobiography or whatever. Unfortunately, it won’t be a negative number.

40 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as ancient Dinkle gags, choir, church ladies, Dinkle, fundraising, gags that amuse only one person, gags that go on way too long, giant mouths, Harry Dinkle, Lillian, Old dying people, old gags from the 1970's, old Harry Dinkle, recycled gags, St. Spires, very old gags

by billytheskink | April 10, 2021 · 10:30 pm

It’s just a Flash wound

Well, the week’s comic book reminiscence is, of course, followed in today’s strip by the requisite comic book cover tribute, printed sideways in newspapers across the country to ease the task of deciding not to read it. If you are just now showing up to to read this story arc (for which I envy, but somehow also pity, you), let’s catch you up:

Sad-sack author avatar and comic strip creator Batton Thomas has based his entire post-12-year-old life around reading and re-reading The Flash #123. He has bought a reprint of the issue since his original is worn out, and he is re-reading it again. His 12 year old self has also materialized to re-read The Flash #123 reprint along with him… on the very same porch glider he read the original #123 when his 12 year old self was his only self.

If you, the hypothetical person just walking into this story arc today, is still thinking of going back and re-reading this week’s strips after that recap, save some time and read TB’s veneration of the issue on his blog (and also, previously, in Funky Winkerbean itself). Or save even more time and don’t do that. That’s your best bet, actually.

30 Comments

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Tagged as arcs where nothing happens, backs of ears, Batton Thomas, comic book cover, Comic Book tribute, comic books, comics, Comics Code Authority, complete lack of humor, Funky Felt Tip, misplaced nostalgia for things that weren't all that great to begin with, nostalgia, possibly Battom Thomas, The Flash, uselessness

by billytheskink | April 9, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Here Comes Inspiration!

Well, we aren’t reviewing individual pages of The Flash #123 in today’s strip, I guess we’ll pick that up next week. I’m kidding about that last part, let’s not actually pick this up next week, please. Please…

I’d admire Batton’s commitment to enjoying reading his favorite comics to the point that he’s essentially worn out what is now a very valuable comic book in good condition… but willingness to appreciate consumable art in a consumable way instead of foolishly betting on a longbow retirement plan is not what this dead snail of a story arc is about. It is, ostensibly, about drawing inspiration from The Flash #123, but we have seen no evidence of that. Batton just keeps saying nice things about the issue in increasingly dumb and boring ways. There is barely a hint of how or why #123 was such an inspiration, just the vague reference to “a plan”. Speaking of… are we ever going to hear about Batton’s plan? Do we even want to?

No, and no. So, what am I complaining for?

26 Comments

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Tagged as arcs where nothing happens, Batman, Batman logo, Batton Thomas, Captain America, comic book cover, Comic Book tribute, comic books, comics, comma eyes, Dead Skunk Head, DSH John, DSH's neck-hand, fallout shelter sign, fat fingering, hatchet face, huge hands, inexplicably happy people, it actually happened!, John, misplaced nostalgia for things that weren't all that great to begin with, nostalgia, Punisher, The Flash, things that make you seriously regret ever starting to read FW in the first place

by billytheskink | April 8, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Do you bereave in magic?

Can you believe it?
'Twas eleven years ago
That this site began

Let us all wish a
Happy anniversary
To SOSF!

Haiku all around!
It is how I celebrate things
I'm fun at parties

Now to Today's strip
Will DC send to TB
A cease and desist?

Young Batton enthralled
By Flash's famous power
Doing magic tricks?

Instead of the Flash
Batton imagines himself
In an audience

Batton's take away
From this famous Flash issue
Explains TB well

If Batton likes this
Doug Henning must be mind-blowing
Much less Copperfield

Thank you commenters
For the last eleven years
And what is to come

47 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as arcs where nothing happens, awful dialog, awful wordplay, Batton Thomas, boredom personified, comic book cover, Comic Book tribute, comic books, comics, complete lack of humor, crappy ploddinng stories that never get anywhere, death, dull stories, fat fingering, huge hands, inexplicably happy people, Komix Korner, lame wordplay, magic, orphans, rare sidewards weekday strips, tags you never thought you'd use, The Flash, tiny hands

Author Archives: billytheskink

Table discussion

Hitting the route notes

Looking for Mr. Goodbar?

Medal of Horror

If only there WAS a substitute for experience…

Parish the thought

Robed in travesty

It’s just a Flash wound

Here Comes Inspiration!

Do you bereave in magic?

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