Tag Archives: nausea

Pea-Brained

So, do you think it’s just Melinda that forgets what Funky does for a living, or Batiuk himself? I know Funky currently owns and manages Montoni’s, but I guarantee he’s done more than his share of cooking, and I don’t get at all why Melinda is so shocked she’s literally covering her mouth. But I guess it’s worth scrapping years of character development for the bad sitcom level hilariousness of “men don’t know how to cook”.

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Thou Shalt Not Make Unto Thee Any Smug Bearded Image

Link To The Strip

“Galoot”??? Les Moore is not a “galoot”. Bull was a galoot, Buck was a galoot, even Funky could be a galoot. But Les is a somewhat effete bearded dick with ears and there’s nothing even remotely galootish about him. And Cayla is like what, forty-five or so? Why would she be using slang that fell out of fashion thirty years before she was born? Sigh.

So Les, courtesy of his great artistic gifts and his wife’s untimely death, saved a life and not just any life, mind you, but a FAMOUS PERSON’S life, which is worth like five or six regular lives, at least. This is so mawkish it’s hard to believe an adult wrote it, and it’s so self-reverential it could have only sprung from the pen of one man. Then, on top of everything else, he actually has Les’ current, still-living wife grant him permission to hug other women, as long as Lisa is somehow involved, which is just too distressing and too disturbing for words. Les isn’t merely the most detestable character in the entire history of fiction, he’s a deeply twisted psychological disaster area too, trapped as he is in a bizarre relationship amalgam with Lisa, Calya and the stupid book of his.

It’s all too much, which is what we all say after a few days of Dick Facey’s irritating shenanigans. As far as “Lisa’s Story” stories go, this one was a real corker all right. Women getting breast cancer, women starring in movies about women getting breast cancer, women who secretly lusted after Les in high school, women thanking Les Moore for saving their lives, other women looking on approvingly, this one really had it all. It’s a wild wish-fulfillment fantasy and an obnoxious victory lap all in one.

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You Forgot the Hot Chocolate And Cookies, Cayla

Link To Today’s Strip

Oh, yay. Another sideways strip. If your comics are so awkwardly wordy that they have to be turned sideways to fit in all the dialogue, maybe you’re doing something wrong. Or maybe visual storytelling isn’t for you.

What Lisa-related writing do you think Les is working on while he sits there silently while Cayla literally praises his greatness and showers him with kisses? That is one awkwardly clunky line Cayla is reading. I wonder if this was one of those situations where Les won because nobody else bothered to enter.

I have a feeling that Batiuk tells himself “You deserved to win” every day, when he thinks about the Pulitzer. I can see how he could be that deluded, given that he can spew out garbage like last week’s arc and still get it published and somehow get interviewed in major newspapers like he’s an Artist.

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Femur? I barely know her…

Hey party people, billytheskink here wishing Son Of Stuck Funky a very happy 8th Birthday! Has it really been eight years? Feels like eighty reading this strip…

I was going to say I was here from the beginning, but apparently I wasn’t. Not in the comments section anyways. Nevertheless, I was a Stuck Funky regular who made my way over not too long after that first post and I’ve been here ever since. The community here has been one of my favorite things on the internet for each an every one of its eight years of existence. Big thanks to TFH, Epicus, and everyone who has taken on the duty of decency that is cutting this strip down to size.

Oh yeah, there’s today’s strip to look at. *Yawn*. Cindy is still insecure… and now she is blind, as a kissing Mason’s razor-sharp features have gouged out her eyeballs. Please add “enjoy it while it lasts” to the list of things no one has said about Funky Winkerbean in 25 years.

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Lions And Tigers And Bores…Oh No

Link To Today’s Strip

The bizarre fantasy sequence-within-a-wish-fulfillment fantasy continues today and incredibly it’s even more nauseating than yesterday’s strip was. There’s something about seeing women throwing themselves at Les that just fills me with revulsion, it’s just so unlikely and unseemly, you know? At least TomBat’s therapist will have an interesting week, or so one would think. Whatever that doctor is getting paid isn’t enough IMO. Can you even imagine being stuck in a room with that guy for an hour as he whines about his world of make-believe? Shudder.

Typical Les (or in this case, Leslie): a beautiful actress is flaunting her curvaceous body in front of the guy and his response is to start boring her (and everyone else) with more useless facts no one cares about. Always trying to prove how intellectually superior he is…what a dick. The funniest line is when she refers to him as a “writer”, even though so far in this arc no one has actually seen Les write anything at all. And my educated guess is that just like with his avatar, we never will. I guess TomLes figures that if he keeps saying it, someone will eventually believe it. Like how those gullible Pulitzer voters did a few years back.

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My Contrivance Sense Is Tingling

Link To Today’s Strip

The more we see of Cindy, the older and uglier she gets. I wonder why that is? Oh, right….the hackery. Anyhoo, you can practically hear the phony canned laughter behind this trope-laden piece of crap. Old 1980’s sitcoms would have rejected this premise as being too stupid. ABC’s former longtime weekend anchor can’t score herself a hotel room in Cleveland in March? Surely there must be at least one, right? And get a load of Batom, nearly brushing up against something that could possibly be construed as an “adult situation” just like in one of them there Woodsy Allen movies they sometimes have on the cable! Why you can almost feel the cackling…I mean crackling sexual tension as these two rapidly aging former lovers engage in some playful wry banter and…..

Oh, sorry, I had to take a brief break to throw up. What was I saying? Oh yeah, the way he’s already f*cking up her hair from panel to panel…LOL. I can’t believe I’m even saying this but maybe having Cindy rent a mysterious new apartment above Montoni’s would have been a BETTER premise than this one. I mean seriously, Cindy moves in with the Winkerbeans and hilarity ensues…duh. AND another comic book reference too! Maybe Funky should try “common sense” first to see how he likes it, THEN graduate to “spidey sense”. This arc has rapidly turned into one of the biggest debacles of the year, if not the entire decade.

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