Femur? I barely know her…

Hey party people, billytheskink here wishing Son Of Stuck Funky a very happy 8th Birthday! Has it really been eight years? Feels like eighty reading this strip…

I was going to say I was here from the beginning, but apparently I wasn’t. Not in the comments section anyways. Nevertheless, I was a Stuck Funky regular who made my way over not too long after that first post and I’ve been here ever since. The community here has been one of my favorite things on the internet for each an every one of its eight years of existence. Big thanks to TFH, Epicus, and everyone who has taken on the duty of decency that is cutting this strip down to size.

Oh yeah, there’s today’s strip to look at. *Yawn*. Cindy is still insecure… and now she is blind, as a kissing Mason’s razor-sharp features have gouged out her eyeballs. Please add “enjoy it while it lasts” to the list of things no one has said about Funky Winkerbean in 25 years.

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23 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

23 responses to “Femur? I barely know her…

  1. Rusty

    I hate to say it, but the new artist is worse than Batiuk. Also, Cindy is old.

  2. Jimmy

    I missed yesterday’s post, but I still want to give kudos to TFH and the gang of authors (and graphic designers) who make this community what it is. Believe me, the fact that you can make FW an enjoyable experience speaks volumes to your talents.

    • comicbookharriet

      Seconded! My daily reading is haphazard on the weekend, but I wanted to pass on much love and praise to TFH and Epicus for all their hard work. The idea of a stable of writers is a genius way to prevent Funky burnout, and contributing has been an absolute blast!

      Stay Funky Folks!

  3. countoftowergrove

    Cindy must have mega morning breath if Masone Jarre isn’t gonna swap spit with her.

    • comicbookharriet

      Actually, in the first panel he’s obviously incredibly aroused by the smell of her breath. Eye’s closed, lips pursed, his nose hovers above her parted lips, inhaling the scent of Crest White Strips and a 3 skinny martini breakfast. He grabs her chin to bring her bleached veneers closer to his eager, snuffling, nostrils.

      I can only assume it’s a daily ritual for him

  4. Epicus Doomus

    Man, just when you thought Batom had really bottomed out re: his female characters, along comes Cindy to remind us that she’s still do-able but the hotness is fading fast. That’s been her basic shtick since her Act III return and it never gets any funnier. Or even funny.

  5. spacemanspiff85

    This crap with Cindy is really gross on Batiuk’s part. Essentially her entire character now is just “I’m old and a hag, and the only thing that makes my life worth living is being on the arm of a hot successful man”. It just seems like this Batiuk’s way of sticking it to some hot girl he leered at in school, like Les did in that terrible strip years ago.

  6. Charles

    I don’t think Batiuk quite understood when he decided to make his strip “gag-a-day”.

    Apropos not of that, why is she driving through the security gate if she’s dropping him off there?

  7. Not only do we get his weird issues with women and the entertainment industry, we also drop the Hagglemore thread like it’s made of lead.

    • hitorque

      You say that like it’s a bad thing… Because the next time we revisit this shit we’ll be in another flashback to 1957 (Chester is a carbon copy of the old cigar-chomping editor for a reason, folks) and the Ghost of Phil Holt will appear in a jealous rage over how much cash even mediocre hacks in the industry can rake in these days….

      Calling my shot right now — The first hire these assholes will make for the new comic will be Chullo Kid…

      As an aside, why the hell must this new comic be based in Westview/Centerville instead of some major city???

  8. Next up, Masone Jarre loses his job (too old, too bipolar, too jarring) and is forced to move to Westview, where he teaches a high-school acting class. Cindy and Marianne end up there, too, because where else can girls go? Les realizes he has everything he needs to finance the production of his original “Lisa’s Story” script. Mopey Pete persuades Hagglemore to finance it, even though it’s going to be produced by high school students.

    • Gerard Plourde

      This is just too close to an actual FW story arc concept for comfort.The only difference is that the finished product would focus on one-liners, omit key story elements and end abruptly.

    • hitorque

      Please quit giving Batiuk ideas and step away from your keyboard… *Slowly*

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Batty could have Cindy do something interesting and humorous like posting something controversial on social media…or show her struggle to adopt to this new form of mass media.

      But he won’t…

    • countoftowergrove

      I saw what you did!

  9. bobanero

    Oh boy, another Cindy Summers self-deprecation week.

    • hitorque

      It’s not even the good kind of self-deprecation; it’s more of a “I need constant re-affirmation of just how awesome my life is and how everyone is jealous of me, because it’s all about ME, ME, ME! WHY WON’T YOU PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO ME?

      The funny thing about self-deprecation is when you use it too often people begin to take it literally and believe you.

  10. hitorque

    JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS BULLSHIT GETS OLD… Doesn’t Cindy get it? She’s won yet for reasons only Batiuk knows, she’s hellbent on throwing it away… Why can’t she allow herself to enjoy the success any of us would kill for?

    Cindy is engaged to an A-list Oscar-nominated actor whose global Q-rating is through the roof after appearing in the white folks’ version of “Black Panther” (and who in defiance of all logic, and despite having an infinite number of women to choose from he seems to genuinely love her), she got an Emmy nomination for her softball “interview” of Cliffe Angere, she lives in a $10 million Mailbu mansion on the beach, she’s 57 but looks 24, any kids/grandkids of hers have long since been banished to the Impossible Zone so for the casual observer there is NOTHING to place Cindy’s age other than the infrequent reminder that she’s in the same high school graduating class as the other legacy characters. She’s gotten her revenge on the old-school establishment media institutions that fired her, she’s conquered the young know-nothing Millennials of online streaming New Media and commanded their respect, just by simple word-of-mouth (and by fucking the lead actor of course) she was able to get *literally* half of her hometown on the studio payroll without having to do any real work whatsoever, and as today’s strip shows, she’s got a brand-new $150,000 convertible… Cindy is the eternal envy of ALL Westview women living, dead, or yet to be born…

    But in spite of all of this, she’s been depressed, neurotic, paranoid, spiteful, petty, jealous and self-loathing to the point where she’d rather interrupt filming than see Masone kiss his female lead… Maybe she should have tried to marry Kirk Cameron instead??

    And today just a simple heartfelt compliment that most women would die for is met with the darkest, unfunniest, most ominous reply imaginable reminding her soon-to-be husband that in a city where your image is your currency, he’s about to hitch his wagon to not only a mentally unstable two-time loser who’s bringing a metric fuckload of emotional baggage into the bedroom, but a woman probably 20 years his senior who through makeup, surgery and artistic license by the author can only conceal her true age for not much longer and is LONG past her childbearing years… Seriously, who does this shit? She’s practically telling Masone to take up with a woman who’s young, tight and glowing in fertility like Marianne Winters or that FFF-cup size blonde who was going to be Masone’s co-star in “Lust for Lisa”…

    I’m morbidly interested in seeing just how Cindy fucks this up and ends up moving back to Shitsburg with no money and only regrets and self-hate to keep her company at night…

  11. spacemanspiff85

    Here’s more of Batiuk being a jackass, from the intro to one of his books on his blog:
    ” But before I dig into them, I’m going to have to ask all of the people who think that comic strips are called the comics because they’re only supposed to be funny to check out of the intro at this point. Just skip on ahead and start enjoying the book, and the rest of us will catch up with you.”
    1. That is a huge assumption that people are going to enjoy your book.
    2. I’m pretty sure most people get that comics aren’t always funny, but it’d be nice if they were occasionally good.