Well, we aren’t reviewing individual pages of The Flash #123 in today’s strip, I guess we’ll pick that up next week. I’m kidding about that last part, let’s not actually pick this up next week, please. Please…
I’d admire Batton’s commitment to enjoying reading his favorite comics to the point that he’s essentially worn out what is now a very valuable comic book in good condition… but willingness to appreciate consumable art in a consumable way instead of foolishly betting on a longbow retirement plan is not what this dead snail of a story arc is about. It is, ostensibly, about drawing inspiration from The Flash #123, but we have seen no evidence of that. Batton just keeps saying nice things about the issue in increasingly dumb and boring ways. There is barely a hint of how or why #123 was such an inspiration, just the vague reference to “a plan”. Speaking of… are we ever going to hear about Batton’s plan? Do we even want to?
No, and no. So, what am I complaining for?
Link To Today’s Strip
In hindsight perhaps my April Fools gag might have been somewhat jarring but nevertheless, it sure was funny. God I love you guys. We’re still here, no one is suing us and as far as I know Mr. Tom seems like a very nice man who just happens to write stupid comic strips. In case you’re wondering, no, this is not a parody strip and yes, he really did squeeze “see you next Tuesday” into a strip. I wonder if he knows? The Comics Code Authority is going to have his ass when they catch wind of this gaffe. If they ever somehow become aware of it, that is. Which seems sort of unlikely because, well, you know why.
“Sort of up there in years”…in Westview that means she’s a hundred and eleven at a minimum. Westview is like a Ukrainian mountain village where everyone lives to a hundred and fifty, with pizza instead of vodka. The way BatHam continuously mines the miseries of the elderly for laughs is always annoying and often downright troubling. Exhausted old ladies driving home after 2AM…stop dude, my knees are aching from all the slapping.
Coming tomorrow: the comedy kicks into overdrive as Gladys Goodtacia hits a deer on her drive home, putting her into a persistent vegetative state and jump-starting a protracted battle over her estate among her heirs. Harry’s punch line…”oh, deer!” is nominated for a Golden HaHa award by the Comic Strip Academy. This blog shuts down because the strip becomes too hilarious to goof on anymore.
And eye (ugh) *s-eye* (no no no) *sigh* (that’s better) sorry… I am about out of patience with this anti-majestic glacier of a story line. Every single thing in today’s strip happened in yesterday’s strip as well. I’m not sure even Garfield or Family Circus recycle at this level… I don’t know if this will help, but I have cut the 62 words in these last two strips down to 20 in an attempt to make this never-ending story stronger and more concise.
Dr. Droopy: Cataract surgery is pretty common nowadays. It is quite safe and not especially complicated.
Funky: I'm worried! WORRIED, I TELLS YA!
I hope against all hope that today’s strip marks the end of this chapter of Les Goes To Hollywood And Gets All Pissy- Part II, particularly for the sake of our own spacemanspiff, who has to write up the next two weeks of strips. Trying to come up with words to describe this horror is not a task I would wish on my worst enemy… or even Tom Batiuk.
On the emptiest beach in California, Masone engages in some criminal activity that doubles as the dumbest cult ritual this side of the Lisa’s Legacy Run. Not one aspect of this stupid movie project has moved forward since October despite the fact that four weeks worth of strips have been expended covering the inactivity.
Not even the prospect of s’mores improves things, which is terribly sad.
Fortunately, today’s strip stays in one time line. It also quotes one of Bob Dylan’s best-reviewed songs. Well, that’s two positives to the… end-ish? of this very
maudlin special story arc. FYI: A donation has been made to the Boston University CTE center, presumably so readers will remember what this story arc was about last month.
So was Bull a member of the local Dylanist congregation or is that the only house of worship in Westview anymore? Both?
And with that, I am relieved… both to be done with my posting stint and, come tomorrow, by the incomparable Spacemanspiff85.
Link To Today’s Strip
“I can’t BELIEVE that no one at The Syndicate realizes that I’m just repeating the same sequences of words and re-telling the same old stories day after day after day! I know! I’ll make this one a one-paneler, tee-hee!”
I can’t believe someone pays for this content. Lifelong Westviewian fixture Funky suddenly doesn’t remember his legendary band teacher (and infamous local legend) Harry L. Dinkle, Holly is talking to Funky like he’s new in town and the Alzheimer’s patient is as sharp and quick-witted as ever. He retconned the entire strip just for the sake of re-telling that dumb Rose Bowl parade story, apparently just because he associates the new year holiday with the Tournament Of Roses parade, I guess. Then, after turning his characters into total imbeciles in order to shoehorn his dumb reference into the strip, he can’t figure out how to end it without resorting to pathetic filler, brainless repetition and a “hilarious old coot” gag on top. What a sorry display.
Link To Today’s Atrocity
The joke here is that the Lisa Cancer Trilogy collection is so massive, expansive and all-encompassing it’s way too big to fit properly in this weirdo’s dead wife’s Xmas stocking. Imagine trying to explain this strip to someone unfamiliar with the eccentricities of the Funkyverse…
“Wait, the guy is buying a book about that guy’s dead wife as a Xmas gift for HIS dead wife?”
“Yes, that’s correct.”
“I don’t think we should be friends anymore.”
Three dudes hanging out at a book signing, just shooting the shit about the dead women in their lives. There’s only one “writer” alive today who’d mine that premise for chuckles. This is possibly the single worst Christmas story ever written and this Anon-O-Widower guy is one of BatHead’s most perverse creations ever. A guy who buys “Lisa’s Story” as a gift for his own dead wife…that’s a f*cking warped and disturbing fantasy scenario to dream up, even by FW standards.
A guy met Les at a “Lisa’s Trilogy” book signing and bought a copy to give to his dead wife as a Christmas present. Everyone smirked. This actually happened. We’re through the snarking glass here, people.
Link To Today’s Strip
“Lisa’s Trilogy”…the PERFECT holiday gift for that dead spouse in your life! Flowers, votive candles…that crap is all so temporary and trite. But “Lisa’s Trilogy”, now THERE’S a gift with some serious heft and permanence! Why, in a pinch it makes a totally acceptable tombstone…no worries about grave robbers with that weighty tome sitting on your loved one’s burial plot! And once it gets wet, soggy and frozen you’ll need a f*cking backhoe to drag “The Trilogy” out of there.
And for those still-living readers, what better way to re-live your own sense of deep loss and crushing grief than with a blow-by-blow account of Lisa Moore’s star-crossed poodle-headed life and tragic overwrought melodramatic death? See, some folks DO have things worse than you and you CAN’T do anything about it! It’s almost like an inspirational self-help guide, but the opposite! AND it’s personalized by the author himself!
“To my biggest dead fan…Merry Christmas! Condolences, Les Moore”…with a little Boy Lisa smiley face sketch beneath it. Man oh man, I have no idea what prompted this but Batiuk is going off the Lisa deep end again, killing off EVERYONE’S beloved wife in an increasingly desperate attempt to force everyone to remember his most prestigious prestige arc of all-time. It’s like he knows the ten year anniversary of “Lisa’s Story” is almost up and he’s racing to cram as much Lisa as possible into the strip before 2017 runs out. What a nut.