Tag Archives: church ladies

Hitting the route notes

I suppose we have the consolation that today’s strip is not nearly as terrifying as Dinkle’s last music directing dream. That’s not much, but we have to take what we can get here.

So this group really is a “Gospel” choir? That wasn’t just a set up for last month’s “gossip choir” joke? Look, I’m not saying that a choir of interchangeable old white midwestern women in what appears to be a staid mainline Protestant church cannot sing a genre of music that is most strongly associated with (often) male feature performers in southern evangelical or (particularly) Black churches. Unexpected as it might be, of course they can. What I’m saying is that I don’t think TB has any idea that Gospel music is an actual genre of music itself and not simply another term for “hymns” or “church music”.

Unfortunately for TB and for us, music is not like a choir loft. It can’t be researched by taking a photo of it and e-mailing it to Chuck Ayers.

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Medal of Horror

Today’s strip marks the third straight day that Dinkle is doing his eyes-closed, head tilted back, mouth-agape, peacocking thing… which I think we can all agree is seven days too many. Hopefully we can also all agree that the poetic tire fire that is “I believe this is the first time a man’s crew-neck undershirt has been seen in the choir loft!” is a sentence that is just too perfectly execrable to exist. Yet it does exist.

Yes, we have here a call back here to Dinkle’s May 2017 trip to Belgium, where he was showered with unearned praise, given this unbearably punny-named medal, and stood in front of TB’s uncredited tracing of the legendary Hergé’s work. I’m not wordly enough to know if the Belgians hate us, but I can’t blame them if they do…

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If only there WAS a substitute for experience…

You are looking liiiiive at St. Spires Church and its odd, grass-covered exterior wall in today’s strip

At least the choir ladies are asking follow up questions now. The last two times Dinkle pulled his “a little” shtick no one pressed him for specifics. I’m half-surprised Dinkle doesn’t carry around a printed resume to hand out to the mere mortals who aren’t familiar with his life story, that really seems like something he would do.

At least we get that brilliant salmonella pun again4 and a half months was just too long without it. It’s a true TB original too, you won’t find it anywhere else.

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Parish the thought

I’m not on Dinkle’s side or anything, but I struggle to sympathize with the choir ladies in today’s strip. Those stern looks of disapproval are genuine and understandable, but these ladies have got to stop setting Dinkle up for this miserable gag. This is the third time they’ve walked right into it. Yes, Dinkle is insufferable and arrogant, but they’ve had plenty of time now to learn that asking him if he knows anything about a subject is a sure way to draw out that insufferableness and arrogance. If you don’t like the way he acts when baited, stop baiting him!

At least there’s no blood this time from Dinkle biting his tongue… Well, that’s not really an improvement. For a while there I thought that maybe Dinkle could be put on a path to self-destruction by frequently questioning his credentials.

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Robed in travesty

I thought maybe we were getting an extended break from Dinkle during the last week, TB does love pontificating on comic books after all, but I should have known better. The Dinkle-St. Spires choir story had yet to play all of the beats a Dinkle story plays. We’ve covered his arrogance, his ego, his megalomania, his ludicrously demanding practices, the one thing we were missing from the complete Harry Dinkle experience finally shows up in today’s stripfundraising. I should have seen it coming, no excuses.

I’m not sure these robes appear to be “tired and worn” so much as they appear to be rain ponchos purchased at a Cleveland Browns game. Maybe add some patches or stains or loose threads next time to sell the effect, Chuck.

Now it is only a question of how many weeks will TB spend showing Dinkle pushing these old ladies to sell “choir mattresses” or his autobiography or whatever. Unfortunately, it won’t be a negative number.

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A Major Bummer

Link To This One

If “A” is for “asshole”, definitely. Are they aware that they’re not absolutely required to employ Dinkle and can fire him whenever they like? I believe Ohio is a “right to fire cackling assholes” state, too, unlike mine where you pretty much HAVE to be one to climb the ol’ coporate ladder. The church ladies are way too passive about it, they’re not a captive crowd like his old marching band students were, so why are they tolerating it? I think if they team up they could take him and quite frankly I’d be totally willing to help them if only I could.

But anyway yeah, Dinkle is an obnoxious taskmaster who loves to torture his charges and so forth. I have to assume this, as we never actually saw Dinkle doing much of anything, but church ladies never lie so therefore it must be true. If this is the end of the big St. Spires mini-mega arc it ended in classic FW style, with a “climax” that has all the impact of a damp tissue landing in a bathroom wastebasket. What a tedious ordeal, I mean Lord knows I’ve covered my fair share of really plodding, worthless FW arcs but man, this premise was feeble even by FW standards. Please let it be over.

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Freaking Unfunny Cackling Knob Yet Obnoxiously Ubiquitous Dopey Idiot Now Killing Ladies Expeditiously

Link To Today’s Strip

In hindsight perhaps my April Fools gag might have been somewhat jarring but nevertheless, it sure was funny. God I love you guys. We’re still here, no one is suing us and as far as I know Mr. Tom seems like a very nice man who just happens to write stupid comic strips. In case you’re wondering, no, this is not a parody strip and yes, he really did squeeze “see you next Tuesday” into a strip. I wonder if he knows? The Comics Code Authority is going to have his ass when they catch wind of this gaffe. If they ever somehow become aware of it, that is. Which seems sort of unlikely because, well, you know why.

“Sort of up there in years”…in Westview that means she’s a hundred and eleven at a minimum. Westview is like a Ukrainian mountain village where everyone lives to a hundred and fifty, with pizza instead of vodka. The way BatHam continuously mines the miseries of the elderly for laughs is always annoying and often downright troubling. Exhausted old ladies driving home after 2AM…stop dude, my knees are aching from all the slapping.

Coming tomorrow: the comedy kicks into overdrive as Gladys Goodtacia hits a deer on her drive home, putting her into a persistent vegetative state and jump-starting a protracted battle over her estate among her heirs. Harry’s punch line…”oh, deer!” is nominated for a Golden HaHa award by the Comic Strip Academy. This blog shuts down because the strip becomes too hilarious to goof on anymore.

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The Gossip According To Tom

Link To Today’s Strip

Women…LOL, amirite here fellas? Always unable to resist the urge to gossip…you know how they are! Anyhow, it got me to thinking, what do people in Westview gossip about anyway?

“And I heard he left her home alone while he gallivanted around Hollywood…twice!”

“Did ya know she’s been in college for eight years now?”

“Yup, that comic book store LOSES money every month! Oh, that poor, poor one-armed woman!”

“I’d heard he was gay but supposedly he’s engaged to some woman from Centerville.”

“Yeah, he wears glasses now. That wife of his…what a moron.”

“No one’s seen that therapy dog of his in a while.”

“This Dinkle guy once had a child set herself on fire, you know.”

“I heard it isn’t real mozzarella at all.”

“Yep, she was all over that Buck guy before they even pried Bull’s head from the helmet.”

“They tried to deport her but she’s involved with the Clintons somehow.”

“I heard smoking cigarettes cured his Alzheimer’s. He has a thing going with Holly’s mother, you know.”

The mind truly reels. Post your own Westview gossip here! Well, not “here”, but in the comment section.

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It’s Alright Church Lady, He’s Only Bleeding

Link To It

So biting himself until he draws blood is apparently how Dinkle reacts to new opportunities, which is a brand new character trait as far as I know. “Oh, yeah, Dinkle. He’s the guy who bites himself, right?”…nope, doesn’t ring a bell. I mean yeah, he bites all right, he bites big f*cking time, but until recently it was only metaphorically.

So obviously Dinkle will be “directing” the church choir, apparently WHILE he’s playing the organ, because Dinkle = music. Get ready for lots of hilarious scenarios, like making the church ladies sing in torrential downpours and forcing them to attend choir competitions chauffeured by the cranky old bus driver whose name escapes me at the moment. I think it’s “Dick Yank” or something along those lines.

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No Choir Boy

Link To The One Today

Ugh, this certainly doesn’t bode well for the rest of the week. When did they suddenly begin talking about the choir? I thought this was about the organ. And there’s no joke here, other than how this happened to Dinkle before back in 1977 or whatever. And that ain’t funny.

Instead of a silly hat that always covers his eyes, I believe Act III Dinkle should wear a silly hat that obscures his entire body AND his word balloons too. He’d be way more palatable that way. He’d still suck, of course, but at least we wouldn’t keep seeing proof of it.

This arc should be more like the movie “Hustle And Flow”. Dinkle would sit down at the organ and start playing a hot riff, then the church ladies would jump in and lay down a tight beat and it’d end with Dinkle in jail for beating the hell out of Les after discovering that Les threw his sheet music in the WHS urinal after promising Dinkle he’d get it to his publisher. I’d buy that anthology AND stand in line to get it signed, too.

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