Tag Archives: how things are NEVER done

by billytheskink | October 22, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Patience Zero

Today’s strip is filler. Total filler. In fact, it is possibly the filleriest filler that ever filled four panel borders. Filler filler filler filler…

The idiocy of Winkerbeans here is wearing the same clothes they were back before Wally and Amicus visited Adeela in jail, so it is presumably the same night/day that Adeela was arrested and President Clinton was called. Why are they all so resigned? Just how quickly do these people think Federal agencies work? And they expect a call back from Mr. Clinton himself, assuming failure when that doesn’t happen within an hour? Between yesterday’s strip and this one, there is probably a long list of right-leaning organizations that have more trust in the Clintons than these five.

13 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Adeela, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, arcs where nothing happens, cell phones, cellphone, coffee, deportation, enraging hair strands, fabric lines, filler, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, hatchet face, Holly, how things are NEVER done, immigration, implausibility, Montoni's, not how the world works, Now Funky, President Clinton, Rachel, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, steam line (singular), The letter A, The Montoni's District at night, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, this is all a horrible mistake, tiny lassos, uselessness, Wally

by billytheskink | October 21, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Getting the runaround

Did you know President Bill Clinton likes to jog? I sure didn’t, at least not until today’s strip… and when I say “today’s strip”, I mean “when he was first elected President”. Does TB think calling him “President Clinton” is not enough of an identifier for readers or did he just recently start watching a DVD box set of 1990s Saturday Night Live episodes?

What’s with all the Eeyores in the first panel? Funky just dialed up BILL CLINTON on a whim, got the former POTUS to answer directly, and was told by the man himself that he would help. Why is Rachel even questioning this?

Better yet, why am I questioning this? Any of this? It’s been a fool’s errand for decades.

48 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as 1/4 inch from reality, Adeela, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, cell phones, cellphone, delusional fantasies, deportation, enraging hair strands, exercise, Falling leaves, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, half-assed political commentary, Holly, hoodie, how things are NEVER done, immigration, leaves, Life is a dismal horror from which you can never escape, melting faces, mistaken identity, Montoni's, Montoni's logo, Montoni's T shirt, not how the world works, Now Funky, President Clinton, Rachel, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, stupid, tags you never thought you'd use, technology, terrible artwork, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, this is all a horrible mistake, Wally, you have got to be f-ing kidding me

by billytheskink | October 19, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Hey I once met you, and this is crazy… but here’s my number, so call me, Funky.

Holly’s persistence pays off in today’s strip… or does it?

Yes, the 27 (or 37) year old phone number for President Clinton that Funky has still works, and his call has been received by a cell phone that recognizes Funky’s personal cell phone as Montoni’s! It must be the same brand as Wally’s magic Adeela-recognizing phone. But the man answering it, unfortunately, is not the former President.

Look, I dunno if this guy is Durwood 40 years in the future or maybe James Woods after a horrible accident involving a beaker or two of acid or the world’s most embarrassing caricature of the late Jerry Orbach or if Ayers just forgot what Flash Freeman looks like… but I do know he’s not Bill Clinton.

55 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as 1/4 inch from reality, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, cell phones, cellphone, enraging hair strands, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, half-assed political commentary, Holly, how things are NEVER done, huge hands, Montoni's, not how the world works, Now Funky, Ohio, President Clinton, Rachel, sheer idiocy, stupid, tags you never thought you'd use, technology, telephone transactions, terrible artwork, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, unneccessarily long arcs, Wally, you have got to be f-ing kidding me

by billytheskink | October 18, 2020 · 10:30 pm

An elepha… er, donkey never forgets

Well after today’s strip, Amicus’ moronically repeated “subpoena their evidence” idea looks a LOT better… Never mind trying to get Mr. Clinton to intervene in Adeela’s predicament, just the suggestion to call up a former POTUS is, at best, a pretty awkward fit with this:

“Any cartoonist takes things from their life to put into the strip and Funky is so close to real life. I’m only a quarter inch removed from real life so I pull everything.”

“Batiuk lets real life play out in both of his strips with serialized stories, drama and time jumps mixed in with the gags. A Batiuk character can live, laugh and die in the world he’s created. He says both his strips are ‘about a quarter inch removed from real life.'”

“I’ve found you really have to reach inside yourself and try to pull out your experiences. But what I have found is the closer you get to your real, true experiences, the closer you get to the real, true experiences of your audience.”

50 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Adeela, Amicus Breef, An idiocy of Winkerbeans, Classic Funky, deportation, disgust, enraging hair strands, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, half-assed political commentary, hatchet face, how things are NEVER done, immigration, Montoni's, Montoni's logo, multiple Montoni's logos, Now Funky, pizza, President Clinton, Rachel, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, Wally

by billytheskink | July 26, 2020 · 1:33 am

Neither can we, Marian… uh, I mean, Lisa

And we’re back to Les’s cameo in today’s strip. I dunno what that golf thing yesterday was about, but it will probably be awful and unsatisfying if it is ever revealed at all.

Having seen more of this scene, I really hope Les’ fear that his cameo will elicit knee-buckling laughter from his friends, family, and assorted other acquaintances comes true. What better time in Lisa’s Story to bust a gut than this maudlin bit where Les recaps a phone conversation Lisa had with her insensitive doctor? That’s the first and only thing about this Lisa’s Story flick that makes me want to watch it.

This strip is a nice reminder that Lisa’s second battle with cancer was full of bumbling and insensitive doctors: always mixing up important cancer charts and exhibiting awful bedside manner. What timing TB has… I cannot think of a time in my life when fewer Americans would be interested in fictional depictions of incompetent and unpleasant doctors.

And that’s it for me. I cannot say I envy spacemanspiff85, who takes over tomorrow. Good luck to you. You won’t have it, but it seems the right sentiment to express.

23 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as cancer, cancer films, doctors, glib doctors, Hollywood, how things are NEVER done, jerkwads, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' yellow shirt, Lisa, Lisa's Story, Marianne, Marianne Winters, MariLisa, Martin Johns, MasoLes, Mason, Mason Jarr, Mason Jarre, Mason's Nose, morbidity, movies, non-pizza foodstuffs, not how movies are made, palm trees, random film crew, sheer idiocy, smug inept bearded jerks, soundstage, wig

by billytheskink | July 22, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Order Up-chuck

Today’s strip was done better some 36-and-a-half years ago by one Charles M. Schulz. Les is echoing the more-likable Sally Brown’s Hark! Hark! Hark! Hark! from Christmastime 1983…

Unlike Lisa’s Story, those strips were worked into an actual film, It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown, which I got on videocassette for the price of a tank of gas in my parents’ Mazda at a Shell filling station back in 1993.

And frankly, “Les says things and bothers innocent bystander(s)” is not new ground even within the history of this strip either. Let’s move on.

21 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Anon-O-Character, cancer films, Hollywood, how things are NEVER done, insulting the reader's intelligence, jerkwads, ketchup, Les, Lisa's Story, movies, non-pizza foodstuffs, not how movies are made, other somewhat related comic strips, palm trees, sheer idiocy, smug inept bearded jerks, writing

by billytheskink | July 21, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Waitersday, July 22

Today’s strip was not available for preview; I guess that’s a Wednesday thing now. Les is, presumably, still antagonizing over the terrible horrible no-good very bad fate of making a 6 word cameo in a major motion picture. ¡Qué mala suerte!

While we wait on that, why not take another trip in the WABATIUK machine with me and check out a particularly disgusting Act II scene with Les Moore, the Midwest’s greatest monster, and his legendarily thin skin. Here, less than 3 months into their marriage, Lisa made the mistake of offering up some constructive criticism of Les’ in-progress and all-stupid John Darling book manuscript. Les acts like Les and Lisa complains about it downstairs in a conversation with co-worker Funky (EVERYONE in Westview has worked at Montoni’s at one time or another, it’s like compulsory military service in countries that have that). Lisa has Les pegged perfectly…

FW1-29-97

This rare moment of seeming self-awareness from TB about the monster that Les truly is proves fleeting, though. The very next strip, Lisa regrets not giving Les ten thousand words of well-reasoned adulation. Funky and Tony convincer her to bring him a pizza, and for good measure she stops by Komix Korner on her way home as well. Seriously, Les’ oversensitivity is rewarded with pizza and comic books and… an “apology” from Lisa.

This man must be stopped! This film must be stopped! This strip must be stopped!

34 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Anon-O-Character, Anon-O-Characters, cancer films, hatchet face, Hollywood, how things are NEVER done, huge hands, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, MasoLes, Mason, Mason Jarr, Mason Jarre, Mason's Nose, movies, not how movies are made, random film crew, smug inept bearded jerks, soundstage, uninteresting stupid anecdotes, wig, writing

by billytheskink | July 19, 2020 · 10:30 pm

This strip’s just six words wrong

Get a load of today’s strip… Les is gonna cameo in this thing?!

I think we’ve all but officially moved into The Producers territory, haven’t we? This Lisa’s Story movie is actually some sort of scam cooked up by Mason, Cindy, Cassidy Kerr, and probably Martin Johns, right? You wouldn’t think anything could possibly make any part of this movie any worse, and then there is the mere suggestion that Les could actually be in the flick. Les’ appearance is inherently negative, it cannot even be neutral. Les, amazingly, realizes this.

And let’s not forget, Mason is getting “points on the backend” for this work as casting director, which has seen him cast three people with no genuine auditions. Gotta be a scam.

55 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as bench, cancer films, disgust, excessive tagging, excessive tags, hatchet face, Hollywood, how things are NEVER done, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Lisa's Story, MasoLes, Mason, Mason Jarr, Mason Jarre, Mason's Nose, New York, not how movies are made, park bench, smug inept bearded jerks, snow, soundstage, unidentified background objects, wig

by billytheskink | July 19, 2020 · 1:25 am

Secrets, Lies and Errors

What fresh awfulness do we have in today’s strip? Oh, just the latest reminder that Lisa’s Story is all about Les… and that anything written or filmed about Les isn’t worth the paper or celluloid it is recorded on.

This is who Mason considers “a real hero”? Someone who apparently told the accomplished and successful actress Marianne Winters to her face that she wasn’t good enough for the role of Lisa? Someone whose advice to her on playing the role of his late wife in a scene where she is preparing to have a biopsy to confirm a probable cancer diagnosis is to think more about HIM?

Les Moore is monstrous cad and in a just Batiukverse he would have been thrown off of a railroad trestle years ago by one of a long list of suspects too long to investigate and whom no jury would convict even if caught.

34 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as bench, cancer films, disgust, Hollywood, how things are NEVER done, inside lingo, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Lisa, Lisa's Story, Marianne, Marianne Winters, MariLisa, Martin Johns, MasoLes, Mason, Mason Jarr, Mason Jarre, movies, not how movies are made, park bench, sad-sackery, silhouette, smug inept bearded jerks, soundstage, Squick, tags you never thought you'd use, wig

by billytheskink | July 17, 2020 · 10:30 pm

Snow Job Snore

Cameras are FINALLY rolling in today’s strip, which is take 3 (why?) of the contents of this Sunday strip from January 31, 1999.

Yep, even when it was actually happening, Lisa’s story was pretty much all about Les.

Les didn’t write the script for this movie, and yet, this scene is almost verbatim what was actually said back in 1999. I guess he had nothing to fear after all as the script writer must have been clairvoyant… or perhaps just too lazy to even try to punch up a bland passage lifted wholesale from the Lisa’s Story book.

If Les cannot live through seeing actors recite his own words, he knows where the door is. Even if he somehow didn’t walk through it to get in the soundstage, maybe he parachuted in or was brought in bound and gagged inside of a trunk (my favorite theory), he saw Marianne do so.

30 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as bench, cancer, cancer films, Hollywood, how things are NEVER done, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Lisa, Lisa's Story, Marianne, Marianne Winters, MariLisa, Martin Johns, MasoLes, Mason, Mason Jarr, Mason Jarre, movies, not how movies are made, park bench, retcon, sad-sackery, snow, soundstage, wig

Tag Archives: how things are NEVER done

Patience Zero

Getting the runaround

Hey I once met you, and this is crazy… but here’s my number, so call me, Funky.

An elepha… er, donkey never forgets

Neither can we, Marian… uh, I mean, Lisa

Waitersday, July 22

This strip’s just six words wrong

Secrets, Lies and Errors

Snow Job Snore

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