Today’s strip marks one week since we’ve heard so much as a peep from Amicus Breef, and yet he is still there like he did anything at all to help Adeela or anyone else. He doesn’t even get to bluster to the ICE agent, Funky fills that role today. Things ICE should have to show if they are going to arrest Adeela should be Amicus’ wheelhouse, not Funky’s. And yet, ICE backs off at Funky’s incomplete demand (seriously, what was he demanding to see?) while they never wavered when confronted by Amicus, making Funky a far far better immigration lawyer than Amicus, who is literally an immigration lawyer.
Son of a gun, TB remembered the insulated bag! Before we praise him too much for this, it should be pointed out that the insulated bag officially spent more time in ICE custody than Adeela.
Also, Funky still hasn’t gotten his delivery car back.
Son of Stuck Funky 
What could have been: ICE determines that Tony Montoni is an undocumented immigrant and mistakenly arrest and deport Funky.
“Yeah, we’re here for more of that great pizza, like the one we stole while mistakenly arresting an innocent woman. But we were only following orders! No hard feelings, eh? And if you give us a special 100% discount, we may return your delivery car!”
Awww. See? Those big heartless ICE meanies aren’t so bad after all. Just cogs in a faceless computer-controlled machine is all. Deep down they’re just regular schmoes who like a mediocre pizza just like the rest of us. And everyone lives wryly ever after.
And he resolved the pizza bag kerfuffle too! There’s a loose end you never thought you’d see resolved, eh? This BatHam guy is just full of all sorts of twists and surprises. Too bad they’re all so dumb and boring, you know?
Just arrest Funky and let us end the week on a high note
SHOOT LES MOORE!!! SHOOT HIM!!! HE’S TRYING TO ESCAPE!!!
Heck, shoot them all…they are all terrible characters.
“They would have been good people,” The Misfit said, “if it had been somebody there to shoot them every minute of their life.”
-Flannery O’Connor, who knew how to write a galvanizing story.
I still haven’t forgiven TB for his idiotic, wrong-headed and totally stupid put-down of 1933’s “King Kong” movie. And here he is, as always, basking in his inability to tell a story, or even keep the details straight.
Seriously, what’s the point of all of this? It’s to get him to a 50-year anniversary award, and there is no other point to it at all.
Tom Batiuk, I know you cannot feel shame…but you should. A lot.
Point
Of course Batiuk hated “King Long.” The audiences could identify with the title character, which is a trick he’s never managed.
So this entire week has revolved around plugging Montoni’s pizza. Signs, logos, a celebrity endorsement, and now a testimonial from hard-working law enforcement. Adeela’s arrest was a true MacGuffin, the triggering event totally irrelevant to the extended Montoni’s commercial.
Honest reaction on reading this stinking pile of crap: BatHack is FREAKIN’ SICK to make light of the real immigration and ICE problems in this country in such a cavalier manner. It’s a disgrace to comic writers, living and dead.
And I’m sure in his head he’s rounding the bases, convinced that this is an absolute home run. I forget how many “fucks” is used in my comment on yesterday’s strip, but clearly it wasn’t enough.
Don’t get your insulated bag in a twist, Funky! That’s not Immigration and Customs Enforcement walking through your front door. This ICE is Interstrip Comics Exchange, and they’re just checking on the unapproved panel one confab that appears to be between yourself, “Luann,” Susan from “Between Friends,” “Snuffy Smith’s” wife Loweezy, “Dennis the Menace’s” father, and the daddy from “Daddy Daze.”
“If you’re here to arrest someone, I’m going have to see…what other photo on the wall is a ’90s celebrity I can call for help. Let’s see…Dr. Ruth, Morton Downey, Jr., Kato Kaelin, Tonya Harding…”
Okay, so the Prodigal Bag (the insulated one, not Adeela) has returned. Now, when will DHS pay for the pizza they ordered under false pretenses? After all, that order and the one Clinton made appear to be the only business Montoni’s had throughout this storyline.
Looking forward to the return of something concerning “Dead St. Lisa’s Story: The Movie” tomorrow.
This is like a Jack Chick tract, if Montoni’s Pizza were a religion.
This quote needs to be incorporated into the banner of this site.
Even Jack Chick wouldn’t have given me an opportunity to use the “the back of Rachel’s head for some reason” tag twice in four panels.
These ICE goons may have given everyone the Nacht und Nebel experience, but, hey, all is forgiven when they worship at the altar of Montoni’s pizza! Funky suddenly smiles like he’s saved their souls from the paganisms of Little Caesar’s!
The thing is, even if his handful of fans get all worked up by this and decide they’re gonna get themselves some quality pizza, they’re going to be looking for a “Montoni’s” restaurant which DOES NOT EXIST in the real world.
How does his constant shouting of “Montoni’s” help the real restaurant? Which I think is called Lousy’s? Or Worst’s? Or Neil Breen’s Pizza Apocalypse? Something?
Damn, Batiuk is not just a hack, he’s a really terrible version of hack.
I have two theories:
1. Enough people around Akron know that Montoni’s Pizza is really Luigi’s, so it is effectively an advertisement for Luigi’s.
2. The societal importance of the small town pizza restaurant is part of Tom Batiuk’s weird value system. Just like the proper way to appreciate comic books, and how to protect your long-dead wife from people who do not supplicate themselves to her thoroughly enough when you walk by.
Montoni’s is like the malt shop in a Fifties movie/comic-strip, except Batiuk realizes that you never saw the parents and grandparents hang out where the kids did. So we’ve got Montoni’s, where the adults go to feed and socialize.
That’s a solid comparison. Especially when the characters are basically all overgrown teenagers with severe maturity problems. Oh no, something has happened, we all need to go to Montoni’s and talk about it while eating pizza.
You can buy an insulated pizza box online for as little as $10.99. It’s literally worth less than a pizza. Just when you think the stakes of this story can’t get any lower.
A woman was nearly deported without a hearing, and was only saved by asking a permanently powerful oligarch of society to put his thumb on the broken scales of justice.
But there’s really no bad guy here.
No bad guy except for Amicus Breef, who is effectively a thief. Even providing his services during this arc pro bono is far too much compensation for such utter and complete uselessness.
Charles Manson also went nuts over Montoni’s.
Haiku of the Day
You want more pizza?
First you’ll pay for what you stole.
Cop, arrest thyself.
I really want Amicus to bill Wally for all the time he’s hung out at Montoni’s looking glum.
I mean, your lawyer’s not your friend. Your doctor’s not your friend. Your accountant’s not your friend. There’s a reason they don’t hang out with you once you get done meeting with them.
Batty is a celebrity at Luigi’s Pizza in Akron. Hence the reason for all of the plugs. But if you go to Akron, don’t eat there, go up the street and stop at Lock 15 Brewing Company. Great food and beer, and the beer taps feature artwork by Chuck Ayers.
https://www.lock15brewing.com/akron-craft-beer/
Oh my. Does this mean that we can look forward to yet another week of the consequences of getting a drivers license and feeling free, getting arrested, getting deported and undeported before the Fungymobile is returned?*
* indicates possibly a rhetorical question, but nonetheless a question, not to be confused with uptalk.
Tom Batiuk loves to portray his characters as big heroes when they’re in zero actual danger. Like when Les Moore confronted that unknown car that was following him, which conveniently turned out to be Mason Jarre doing “character research.” Now here’s Funky bravely confronting ICE agents who just want a pizza.
News flash, Funky: if they’re here to arrest your employee for overstaying a visa, you don’t have the right to demand jack shit. And since you’re employing illegal aliens in their eyes, you might want to get off your high horse.
Which is another problem with this story: there’s absolutely nothing to stop ICE from arresting Adeela again. This solution didn’t address the misidentification. They just pulled rank to get her released regardless of that.
Alternative interpretation: somewhere in Ohio, Other-Adeela goes to bed every night worrying about what will happen when ICE catches up to her. If only she knew that a phone call from an ex-president put her on the secret “Do Not Deport, Ever” list…but she never will, because it’s secret.
I didn’t think I had any fucks left to give after yesterday’s bit of crapulence, but today I am moved to say fuck fucking Tom fucking Batiuk fucking right in his fucking right fucking ear. Fuck.
And keep it up until it squirts out his left ear, which is a real possibility because there’s nothing between his ears to block it.
I just noticed that the ICE agent said “the other night” in this strip. This means that Funky, Mrs. Funky, Wally, Rachel, and special guest Amicus Breef were sitting in Montoni’s moping for a solid 24 hours.