Tag Archives: complete lack of humor

by billytheskink | March 10, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Special Enragement

In today’s strip, Marianne is coming off as not simply composed but rehearsed, belying the nerves and words she had just a few days ago. Or maybe Marianne is just that good of an actress and really is worthy of that Oscar… I have to admit, only a great actress could say that Mason and Lisa’s Story deserve Academy Award nominations without breaking out in riotous laughter.

Let’s look at some odds on who this Oscar-worthy “very special person” is:

100-1 Cassidy Kerr, for giving Mason points on the backend
1,000-1 “Mr. Director” Martin Johns, for keeping his head when Marianne went AWOL from the Starbuck Jones set, actually trying to reach Marianne instead of pointlessly pontificating, and then contacting the actual authorities like a sane person
1 million-1 Cable Movie Entertainment and Clay Wallace, for letting Mason pitch Lisa’s Story at another studio with no resistance after he torpedoed their Lisa production by quitting to become Starbuck Jones (nope, it ultimately wasn’t the infamous “kill fee”)
75-1 Cindy, for arranging to use Bull’s funeral as a pre-production springboard for the movie
275-1 Holly, for demanding the movie be made but not demanding her role be portrayed
50-1 Rex Morgan MD, for… uh, aren’t people always giving him things for no reason?
700-1 Cayla, for being inhumanly comfortable with being treated as a silver medal
40-1 Marianne’s oncologist, for obvious reasons
10-1 Lisa, for dying
27-1 Lisa’s oncologist, for obvious reasons
itsgonnabehim-1 Les, for absolutely no defensible reason at all

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Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, cancer films, comma eyes, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, crowd, crowds, encroaching dread, Hollywood, impending doom, Les, Lisa, Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Lisa's Story, Los Angeles, Marianne, Marianne Winters, Mason, Mason Jarr, Mason Jarre, Mason' Marianne, Masone Jarre, movies, oh no, Oscar, Oscars, sickening dread, silly awards, unearned awards, weird noses

by billytheskink | October 1, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Dej-UGH Vu

We can only hope that today’s strip marks the end of this story arc and the depiction of this unhealthy and unsettling Melinda-Holly relationship for some time (infinity is a time, right?).

With that, I will focus my commentary on Holly’s use of term “EMS Vehicle”. So, did TB just not like the way “ambulance” fit in the word balloon or does he have a thing for using awkwardly bland language? I mean, its not an incorrect term of course, but if Holly calls an ambulance an “EMS Vehicle” then Melinda ought to have said “medical facility” or something like that yesterday instead of “hospital“… y’know, to maintain this strip’s reputation for exceeding consistency.

38 Comments

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Tagged as alumni band, ambulance, awful dialog, Batiukronym, batons, complete lack of humor, crippling yet trivial injury, crosshatching, Flaming batons, Holly, Holly's mom, Holly's mother whose name escapes me at the moment, incessant rain, injuries, Jerome T. Bushka A&L Automotive Stadium, Melinda, misplaced nostalgia for things that weren't all that great to begin with, nostalgia, Old dying people, rain, sad-sackery, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, WHS, woman with receding hairline

by billytheskink | July 2, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Encyclopedia Brown And The Case Of The Disembodied Nerd Voice

I’m less curious about the identity of the unseen mystery nerd in today’s strip than I am about how they intend to “make it” to Comic-Con, which even in the Batiukverse is occurring “@HOME”.

Hey waitjustagoshdarnminute! This webpage is the same thing Pete was looking at on Monday, isn’t it?! Pete wasn’t even contacted directly by the Comic-Con or Eisner Award folks? He learned the news by reading a press release on the Comic-Con website? I don’t know if that is hilarious, sad, or hilariously sad…

(Some of our loyal SOSF commenters actually noted that Pete seemed to learn of Flash and Ruby’s induction via such indirect communication as a webpage earlier this week. It would appear that J.J. O’Malley was the first commenter to mention it, so please come up to receive your “Beady-Eyed Nitpicker” award, J.J.)

30 Comments

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Tagged as arcs where nothing happens, awards, Batom's bizarre comic book fantasy world, boredom personified, comic books, Comic-Con, comics, complete lack of humor, contempt for comic book nerds, disembodied voices within pointy word balloons to indicate disembodiness, Eisner Awards, embarrassing errors a comics fan shouldn't make, false suspense, NERDS!, not how the world works, pen, pencil, Pineapple computers, silly awards, technology, the comic book industry, the internet, unearned awards, uninteresting stupid anecdotes, waiting for things not worth waiting for, ways the internet ruined things, women in comics

by billytheskink | June 28, 2021 · 10:30 pm

All The News That’s Fit To Sit

“Really good news” for Ruby and Flash in today’s strip! We learned the “really good news” yesterday, of course, and Ruby and Flash will have to wait to learn it until… well, hopefully sometime this week. Please let them learn it sometime this week!

“What is the point of this strip?” is a question that could be asked about Funky Winkerbean almost daily, yes, and it is a question that is never going to lead to any satisfying answers… but let’s pontificate anyway on today’s long panel of pointlessness. Is there really any reason at all to not have Durwood, Mindy, and Mopey Pete tell Ruby and Flash in this strip that they will be honored at Comic-Con in a month? Not revealing the news to them today does absolutely nothing. There is no suspense for the reader because we all learned the news yesterday. There is no suspense or anticipation for the characters because they have barely expressed the need or even want to be recognized for their work. Ruby and Flash have been glorified props in nearly every strip they have appeared in, existing almost solely to help Atomik Komix’s hard-shirking employees shirk even harder. Why wouldn’t Comic-Con and the Eisner Awards reach out to Ruby and Flash directly instead of relaying the news to Pete? Why wouldn’t these three wait for the Eisner folks to inform Ruby and Flash even if they got the news first? Why would Ruby offer her sad-sack take on the state of the comics industry as a response to the question “guess what?” posed by a coworker? Shouldn’t everyone who works at Atomik Komix be well aware of the sales of both their titles and the titles of their competitors? And what is Flash even doing here? He doesn’t work for Atomik Komix. Please tell me he’s not going to become a fixture, the Dinkle to Pete’s Lefty…

All this is doing is padding out the week worse than I padded out the preceding paragraph by asking hopeless and rhetorical questions. Oh, silly me, the point of this strip was in front of me the whole time!

32 Comments

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Tagged as arcs where nothing happens, Atomik Komix, awards, Batom's bizarre comic book fantasy world, boredom personified, comic books, Comic-Con, comics, complete lack of humor, Darin, Darin's blue shirt, Eisner Awards, fake news, Flash Freeman, hatchet face, Holtron, huge hands, mind-numbing tedium, Mindy, Minty Pete, Mopey Pete, Pete, Pete's Plaid Shirt, Ruby, Ruby Lith, sad-sackery, silly awards, that crappy old school computer, things that take an unnecessarily long time, traveling green shirt, unearned awards, weird noses, window

by billytheskink | April 17, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Table discussion

Whether or not the St. Spries choir will ever sing a note under Dinkle’s direction will have to wait for another day, for today’s strip returns to (what I assume is) TB’s latest writer’s block go-to: domestic scenes with the Winkerbeans. Hey, that rhymes!

Did you forget that Funky and Holly were having their kitchen ~~“reno”-ed~~ renovated? I don’t want to brag… but I did! And now Holly’s trying to spend the cataract surgery that Funky’s other eye still needs on a table they don’t need… such timeless humor. Wives, they’ll do it every time! What, there wasn’t a tip of the Hatlo Hat at the bottom of this strip? Guess my brain’s filling in missing visuals again.

Hey, thanks for putting up with me through two more weeks of this mess. I genuinely appreciate it. Steering us all through the swamp starting tomorrow will be the one and only man of space named Spiff, Spaceman Spiff. May you see no Les or Dinkle story arcs on your journey, good sir.

11 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as arcs that go on too long, arcs where nothing happens, boredom personified, complete lack of humor, domestic scenes, forgetting things, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, Funky's house, Funkys, furniture, Holly, Now Funky, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, shopping, the raptor claw in Holly's hair, Tom doesn't get women, unneccessarily long arcs, very long arcs

by billytheskink | April 10, 2021 · 10:30 pm

It’s just a Flash wound

Well, the week’s comic book reminiscence is, of course, followed in today’s strip by the requisite comic book cover tribute, printed sideways in newspapers across the country to ease the task of deciding not to read it. If you are just now showing up to to read this story arc (for which I envy, but somehow also pity, you), let’s catch you up:

Sad-sack author avatar and comic strip creator Batton Thomas has based his entire post-12-year-old life around reading and re-reading The Flash #123. He has bought a reprint of the issue since his original is worn out, and he is re-reading it again. His 12 year old self has also materialized to re-read The Flash #123 reprint along with him… on the very same porch glider he read the original #123 when his 12 year old self was his only self.

If you, the hypothetical person just walking into this story arc today, is still thinking of going back and re-reading this week’s strips after that recap, save some time and read TB’s veneration of the issue on his blog (and also, previously, in Funky Winkerbean itself). Or save even more time and don’t do that. That’s your best bet, actually.

30 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as arcs where nothing happens, backs of ears, Batton Thomas, comic book cover, Comic Book tribute, comic books, comics, Comics Code Authority, complete lack of humor, Funky Felt Tip, misplaced nostalgia for things that weren't all that great to begin with, nostalgia, possibly Battom Thomas, The Flash, uselessness

by billytheskink | April 8, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Do you bereave in magic?

Can you believe it?
'Twas eleven years ago
That this site began

Let us all wish a
Happy anniversary
To SOSF!

Haiku all around!
It is how I celebrate things
I'm fun at parties

Now to Today's strip
Will DC send to TB
A cease and desist?

Young Batton enthralled
By Flash's famous power
Doing magic tricks?

Instead of the Flash
Batton imagines himself
In an audience

Batton's take away
From this famous Flash issue
Explains TB well

If Batton likes this
Doug Henning must be mind-blowing
Much less Copperfield

Thank you commenters
For the last eleven years
And what is to come

47 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as arcs where nothing happens, awful dialog, awful wordplay, Batton Thomas, boredom personified, comic book cover, Comic Book tribute, comic books, comics, complete lack of humor, crappy ploddinng stories that never get anywhere, death, dull stories, fat fingering, huge hands, inexplicably happy people, Komix Korner, lame wordplay, magic, orphans, rare sidewards weekday strips, tags you never thought you'd use, The Flash, tiny hands

by billytheskink | April 7, 2021 · 10:30 pm

The Taking Of Boredom 123

Today’s strip goes beyond TB’s regular “tell, don’t show” philosophy into, well, “tell, don’t tell” territory I guess. We get a couple of 35 cent metaphors and learn NOTHING. Not a thing. In fact, you could swap the order of yesterday’s and today’s strips and it would make exactly as much sense as the present order. The Flash #123 made this big impact on this author avatar who went on to become a cartoonist… yeah, we knew that yesterday (or, 12 years ago, if you’ve ever read TB’s blog). Shouldn’t we be on to the why? The how? No, don’t bother with that, we need to hear a few more flowery words that restate what has already been restated ad nauseam.

This is beyond Herb and Jamaal‘s dopey non-specificity, which muddied the gags but didn’t keep the reader from recognizing that they existed. This glacial garbage muddies a complete lack of any substance to begin with. There is nothing here. Nothing. At all. No conflict, no suspense, no character development, no dispensation of information real or fictional. We’re waiting for a man to pay for a comic book. WE ARE WAITING FOR A MAN TO PAY FOR A COMIC BOOK. I’ll put up the $5.99 or whatever the #123 reprint costs just to get Batton the heck out of there.

59 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as arcs where nothing happens, author avatar, Batton Thomas, boredom personified, comic book cover, Comic Book tribute, comic books, comics, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, Domo, fallout shelter sign, hatchet face, knowing smirks, M!, Magic 8-ball, mixed metaphors, silhouette, silhouettes, smirk, smirks, statues, terrible artwork, The Flash, unnatural hand gestures

by billytheskink | January 22, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Eye Do Not Care Anymore

Is Funky telling the truth in today’s strip? Last time we saw him get a physical was in early 2017, when he and Holly flew to Dallas (sure…) to visit a so-called “superclinic” (sure… again) for physicals. Well, Holly claimed it was an annual physical back then, so maybe the Winkerbeans’ annual January Dallas superclinic physical trip just recently happened. Not sure when that would have been, we’ve seen Funky and/or Holly every single week so far this month…

Oh wait, none of that matters. Nurse Scrunchie doesn’t care about Funky’s physical health, she just needs to know if he can afford to pay for his cataract surgery. What a scathing and original commentary on the American healthcare system! Groundbreaking stuff!

14 Comments

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Tagged as "jokes" that aren't really jokes at all, Anon-O-Character, anon-o-nurses, arcs that go on too long, arcs where nothing happens, Bad medical news, carrot cake, comma eyes, complaining, complete lack of humor, crappy ploddinng stories that never get anywhere, dull stories, four eyes, Funky, Funky Winkerbean, gags that amuse only one person, gags that go on way too long, half-assed political commentary, hatchet face, manila folder, medical professionals, Now Funky, Nurse Greenhair, old gags from the 1970's, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, scrunchie, tags you never thought you'd use, unnatural hand gestures, unneccessarily long arcs, very long arcs, very old gags

by billytheskink | January 18, 2021 · 10:30 pm

¡Eye Caramba!

I apologize that the post title significantly oversells the drab discharge that is today’s strip. Funky has cataracts, just like many people over age 65. Cataracts make it hard to see clearly, as Dr. Droopy so helpfully informs us. Will Funky and Dr. Droopy decide what to do about these cataracts by Saturday? If you care about the answer to that question, please seek help.

33 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as "jokes" that aren't really jokes at all, arcs that go on too long, arcs where nothing happens, boredom personified, comma eyes, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, crappy ploddinng stories that never get anywhere, doctor guy, doctors, Droopy, dull stories, four eyes, glib doctors, Old dying people, one of those arcs that just never seems to end, sad-sackery, sheer idiocy, stupid, the inevitable ravages of age, the ravages of age, uninteresting stupid anecdotes, unneccessarily long arcs, very long arcs

Tag Archives: complete lack of humor

Special Enragement

Dej-UGH Vu

Encyclopedia Brown And The Case Of The Disembodied Nerd Voice

All The News That’s Fit To Sit

Table discussion

It’s just a Flash wound

Do you bereave in magic?

The Taking Of Boredom 123

Eye Do Not Care Anymore

¡Eye Caramba!

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