Tag Archives: the internet

Haikreepy

Centerville woman
Still talking in today’s strip
Took a creepy turn

So, what is the deal
Les leaves his writing around
Women pick it up

And just like before
The woman who picked it up
Keeps it for decades

Why was this two arcs
Really, a baffling story
Why even one arc

Still, creepy woman
Has not purchased Lisa book
Holding up the line

But, seriously
She kept a high school essay
I just can’t even

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Recipe for Disaster

Link to today’s strip.

Ha ha, old people are so stupid!  But, like, the internet is so evil…

So when those two elements collide, get ready for wacky hi-jinks!

Today’s strip is the opening scene.  I’m sure you’ll agree those hi-jinks aren’t very wacky.  It’s too much work for them to be wacky.  I mean, it takes them a long time to get out of bed, with all the creaking bones and complaints about gout.  Hoping for wackiness is, like looking for substance in Funky Winkerbean, a fool’s errand.

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Monkey Winkerbean

Making their first appearance since January 2016 are Summer and Keisha. I’m sure the sounds of one-on-one basketball right outside his door do wonders for the terminally distractable Les’ writing process.

If “see you later, alligator” is good enough for Cliff and Vera, I don’t know why Les and Cayla feel the need to “update” it. Let’s not get started on Les calling his black wife a monkey. Instead let’s examine Batiuk’s tendency to take a feeble but acceptable joke and proceed to stretch it ’til it breaks. He could have left it at “they’re working on an update blah blah blah.” But, because it’s Sunday and he still has two panels to fill, he’s gotta drop in the stuff about going “viral” and “beta testing”.

It’s all well and good that Batiuk recruited a couple comic book pros to draw Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean. But the draughtsmanship, maddeningly inconsistent as it is, isn’t the problem with these strips, it’s the writing.

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Plaintive Pale

The wavy bordered third panels continue in today’s strip, and they surely must be representing a dream, because what is happening is practically impossible.

According to the official Hollywood Sign website’s helpfully-titled “Why Can’t I Hike To The Sign” page:

Question: How can I hike to the Sign?

Answer: You can’t.

Why? It’s against the law. There is fire danger and your personal safety is at risk.

Additionally,

In the early years of the Sign, it was possible to climb to the Sign, though it was just as dangerous and inadvisable a trip then as it would be now. Even if you had the stamina to ascend the steep, slippery slope without falling, you could still fall victim to a lurking rattlesnake, be scratched by the rough brush, or be menaced by a mountain lion.

Also,

The security system for the Sign was developed in concert with city officials, police and fire authorities, park rangers, and the Department of Homeland Security, and it includes the following features:

• A tall perimeter fence with razor wire
• 24 hour electronic surveillance by City of Los Angeles authorities
• Infrared lights and cameras that can see equally as well in the day and on a moonless night
• Monitoring microphones and bullhorns
• Web cameras
• Motion sensors
• Regular patrol visits by city police and park ranger helicopters

Rigorous Enforcement, 24x7x365

Walking into the protected Sign area is trespassing and violators will be cited by police. Anyone who makes an attempt to do so will be buzzed by a park helicopter, ordered off the slope through the bullhorns, and find a police cruiser waiting for them at the bottom of the slope.

So, this is not reality we are seeing, nor is it within 1/4″ of an inch, not by any reasonable conclusion. Unless… Marianne is a ninja.

Well, no wonder people are threatening her.

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Technicolor Difficulties

TFH, you are a tough act to follow, I stand in line… and apparently it is my turn. Hello folks, billytheskink here to do my level best as I take you through Christmas. Remember, it’s the most wonderful time of the year, no matter what Funky Winkerbean has in store for us.

The world’s gone grayscale in today’s strip.  What could this mean?

Tonal shift?  Dream sequence?  Reference to comic book or film that no one under the age of 83 remembers?  That the syndicate colorist up and quit, their conscience finally getting the best of them?  So many possibilities, but we will probably never know the true story.

Meanwhile, things are happening:
– Mason has psychoanalyzed the internet.
– Cindy thinks a movie set is the perfect place to break out her little black dress.
– The tablet that Mr. Director was thrusting at Mason last week has morphed into a laptop.
– The Starbuck Jones crew has made sure to properly light today’s trio as they crowd around their Pineapple Abacaxibook.
– We learn that Marianne owns a 1991 Mercury Capri convertible.

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DMZZZ

Uh oh, readers! From the looks of today’s strip, Frankie, a character we barely know about is stalking Boy Lisa and Pete, two characters we barely care about. Unless Frankie is about to run them over with his van I don’t think anything too exciting is about to happen, but it’ll be teased and dragged out for the next three weeks.

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Miss Exposition

Here’s a post for the late night snarkers while I go see some movie!

Link to today’s strip.

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