Tag Archives: smug inept bearded jerks

by billytheskink | March 17, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Keep Circulating The Tapes

I suppose it was inevitable… but I had a fleeting thought that we might escape this arc without anyone bringing up the Lisa tapes. Alas, today’s strip has happened. It was a silly thought, really.

Wait, all ~~Les~~ Cayla sent to Marianne was two videocassettes? (apparently) Didn’t Les ask Cayla to send DVDs of Lisa’s tapes? (yes) But didn’t Les also have all of his Lisa tapes on display on the very shelf he just placed Marianne’s Oscar on? (also, yes) But didn’t Crazy convert all of the Lisa tapes to “digital” (and DVD) years ago, negating the need to send any physical media at all? (again, yes) But didn’t the conversion process require Crazy to bake (and likely ruin) the tapes because of their fragility and deterioration? (it did) Beyond that, why is she only returning these tapes to Les now instead of through a delivery company or at the movie wrap party? (because TB has panels to fill)

I suppose the real question here is, did Lisa make a tape about what to do in the event that an actress won an Oscar for playing her in a major motion picture? That might explain why Marianne wound up giving her Oscar away… everyone obeys the Lisa tapes! Sic semper videocassetta!

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Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, cancer films, cancer movie, enraging hair strands, giant mouths, hatchet face, insufferability, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' blue sweatshirt, Lies!, Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Marianne, Marianne Winters, obsolete video technologies, oddly muted squiggly lines, Oscar, Oscars, rewarding the worst, silly awards, smug inept bearded jerks, squiggly lines, squiggly lines used to denote texture, tags you never thought you'd use, tapes, terrible ideas, the Lisa tapes, those stupid tapes, trash, unbearable smugness, unearned awards, unnatural hand gestures, VHS

by billytheskink | March 16, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Stolen Valium

In today’s strip Les, appropriately, puts all of his stolen Hollywood paraphernalia in same place.

Marianne doesn’t appear to understand the concepts of opacity and walls.

Cayla plans to monetize this display even though presently no one seems willing to visit the Moore house for free (and people are willing to visit Dinkle!).

Why am I blandly narrating this strip in lieu of hard-hitting commentary and rapier wit? Because I know my limits. Why is Les blandly narrating his actions in the first panel? Because there is no limit to his disdain for even those that worship him.

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Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, BatiukButt, books no one will ever read, boredom personified, cancer films, cancer movie, Cayla, Cayla's pink turtleneck, dumb props, hatchet face, how things are NEVER done, ID badge, inadequate Lisas, insufferability, insufferable assholes, it's called "writing", knowing smirks, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' blue sweatshirt, Les. Cayla, Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Marianne, Marianne Winters, not how the world works, not how things work, Oscar, Oscars, rewarding the worst, silly awards, smirk, smirking, smirks, smirks exchanged, smug inept bearded jerks, smug poses, theft, tiny trees, towel curtains, unbearable smugness, unearned awards

by billytheskink | March 15, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Guilt blip

As our sharp-minded posters have already noted, Oscar statuettes cannot be given away or sold without first allowing the Academy the right to buy them back for $1. As such, what Marianne gives to Les and what she keeps should rightly be flopped in today’s strip.

But we’re not in reality (we’re 1/4″ away from it), so what we are left with is a false modesty competition between Marianne and Les that offers nothing we did not already know yesterday. It’s a good example of Les showing his true colors though… If Les really and truly felt guilty about taking the Oscar that Marianne is stupidly and inexplicably giving up, then he wouldn’t wait until she flew across 70% of the country to tell her. I’ll bet he also excuses himself to go to the restroom just before the check comes at a restaurant and then returns to sheepishly offer to pay the bill just as his dining companion is handing their credit card to the waiter. Cue Ben Schwartz saying the thing…

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Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, bare trees, cancer films, cancer movie, collectible garbage, comical takes on trademarked brand names he cannot use, curtains, dead tree outside window, dead trees, enraging hair strands, face-melting rage, false humility, false modesty, giant mouths, hatchet face, horrible ideas, how Les feels, how things are NEVER done, huge hands, inadequate Lisas, insufferability, insufferable assholes, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' blue sweatshirt, Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Marianne, Marianne Winters, Netbusters, not how the world works, not how things work, Not Summer, not the way the world works, Oscar, Oscars, rewarding the worst, showbiz, silly awards, smug inept bearded jerks, smug poses, Taj Moore-hal, this is all a horrible mistake, towel curtains, trees, unbearable smugness, unearned awards, unnatural hand gestures, window

by billytheskink | March 14, 2022 · 10:30 pm

“N”, the bag

Today’s strip marks Summer’s first appearance since… oh wait, yeah, sorry, that’s (Marianne) Winters, not Summer.

Summer actually has appeared in this strip as recently as 7 weeks ago, which is not something you could often say since she graduated high school. Even so, it’s kind of remarkable that Les and Cayla have interacted more over the past few years with a now-Oscar-winning actress than they have with their own children, both of whom (still!) appear to go to Kent State… less than an hour away from where Westview is generally considered to be.

And by “remarkable” I mean 1/4 ~~inch~~ AU from reality. I think I would have found it more relatable and more entertaining had we focused instead on the adventure that must have been Marianne’s efforts to bring an Oscar stuffed in a small drawstring bag through a TSA checkpoint.

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Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, cancer films, cancer movie, Cayla, Cayla's pink shirt, Cayla's pink turtleneck, disembodied hand, enraging hair strands, giant mouths, hatchet face, hugging, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' blue sweatshirt, Les. Cayla, Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Marianne, Marianne Winters, mouths way too low on the face, movies, not how the world works, not how things work, Not Summer, not the way the world works, Oscar, Oscars, silly awards, smirk, smirks, smug inept bearded jerks, smug poses, Taj Moore-hal, unbearable smugness, unearned awards

by billytheskink | March 13, 2022 · 10:30 pm

You’ve come a long way, baby

Ah, the classic tug-of-war between privacy-invading exuberance and false modesty… who wins that race to the bottom in today’s strip?

Les’ false modesty does, of course. For one thing, it’s coming from Les, which makes it an additionally off-putting version of an already off-putting behavior. The biggest reason, though, is that Cayla’s desire to “let people know” is essentially moot, everyone already knows. Anyone who cares saw Marianne tell the television cameras that she was coming to give her Oscar away to Les this week. Yeah, if she’s trying to organize a mob to meet Marianne then that might not work if by “on the way” Marianne means that she’ll be there within the hour… but with Marianne’s very public announcement of her planned visit and the relatively specific time frame she gave, the Taj Moore-hal should have been descended upon by pushy celebrity obsessives and Starbuck Jones fans days ago. Where are they? Where’s Lenny and Frankie and (ugh) DMZ? Why am I asking you?

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Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, bare trees, Cayla, Cayla's pink shirt, Cayla's pink turtleneck, cell phones, cellphone, dead tree outside window, dead trees, disembodied hand, hatchet face, huge hands, insufferability, insufferable assholes, jazz hands, knowing smirks, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les' blue sweatshirt, Les. Cayla, Marianne, Marianne Winters, Oscar, silly awards, smirk, smirking, smirks, smug inept bearded jerks, smug poses, Taj Moore-hal, tiny hands, tiny trees, travelin, trees, unbearable smugness, unearned awards, unnatural hand gestures

by billytheskink | March 11, 2022 · 10:30 pm

Hai-can’t with this

Here is today's strip
Is it worse than we all feared
Or simply as bad

If I was popcorn
I would be quite offended
By this portrayal

Les hated this film
Why would he even watch this
Was happy it failed

In this case, "writer"
Would not describe Les as he
Did not write the script

This deserves more scorn
I'm a skink, I can't rant, so
I'm counting on you

Rip this thing to shreds
Kill it with all of the fire
Or just acetone

89 Comments

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Tagged as Academy Awards, awards, bad fictional movies, bad ideas, bad movies, cancer movie, Cayla, disgust, furniture, getting a writing credit when there's no writing in the strip, giant mouths, hatchet face, Hollywood, it's called "writing", Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les. Cayla, Lisa's Story Movie, Lisa's Story-The Movie, Lisa's Story, Marianne, Marianne Winters, movies, not how the world works, not how things work, oddly muted squiggly lines, Oscar, Oscars, popcorn, public speaking, rewarding the worst, silly awards, smug inept bearded jerks, squiggly lines, squiggly lines used to denote texture, terrible ideas, terrible overacting, this is all a horrible mistake, tiny hands, TV, unearned awards, unnatural hand gestures, Watchin' television, writing

by billytheskink | December 16, 2021 · 10:30 pm

On the house… of (rare, gem mint, limited edition foil pack, holographic) cards

The great Christmas gift-giver strikes again in today’s strip. No, I’m not talking about Santa Claus or Crazy Claus (or Pete… I would never talk about Pete in this way), I’m talking about the nerd with the polecat on his scalp.

Dead Skunk Head John has a long long history of giving his wares away for free, and not just at Free Comic Book Day (which allegedly put him near bankruptcy). DSH pulled this exact same bit back during the yuletide of 2013 too, and that time his crazy skunk head did it in front of other customers! And that wasn’t the only time he gave Holly a break during her Starbuck Jones quest. Heck, he even murdered Tony Isabella for her. Seemed a little much to me, but he’s a generous guy.

Generous to a fault, it would seem, as Komix Korner has been depicted in financial peril many times, going as far back as the Clinton administration. DSH’s inability to pay his rent once almost sunk Montoni’s and the Winkerbean family as well… only the sale of a mint condition copy of Starbuck Jones #1 saved both businesses (even if DSH’s greasy hands devalued the issue).

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Tagged as Amazon smirk, Baby Yoda, bad business practices, Batman, Batman logo, Batman shirt, boredom personified, Captain America, Christmas, Crazy, Crazy Harry, crippling snowfall, Dead Skunk Head, DSH John, fallout shelter sign, Grogu, heavy snow, huge hands, John, knowing smirks, Komix Korner, Merry Christmas, Mindy, Minty Pete, Mopey Pete, Now Crazy Harry, Pete, Santa Claus, Santa hats, smirk, smirks, smirks exchanged, smug inept bearded jerks, snow, Spider-Man, Star Wars, that stupid Batman shirt, The Child, unnatural hand gestures

by billytheskink | December 15, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Does whatever a shyster can

I guess “sitting!” didn’t last long, and neither did the standard practice of letting the kid tell Santa what he wants. Crazy and Skyler are up and about in today’s strip, and Crazy is shamelessly shilling his employer’s wares. Really? That’s where we’re going with this? Even Hollywood was mocking this exact practice way back when Tom Batiuk was in diapers.

Speaking as someone who was once whatever age Skyler is supposed to be today: expensive static collectible figures made to sit on a shelf, as this “Spidey-Man” appears to be, are not great gifts for children. Kids want something posable that can be thrown back and forth across the living room. A Spider-Man figure that is actually fun to play with has got to be able to punch over some stacked cups, body slam Doc Ock (sold separately), and ride the Spider-Cycle (also sold separately).

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Tagged as Batman, Batman logo, Batman shirt, Captain America, Christmas, Cleveland Browns, comic books, comics, Dead Skunk Head, Domo, DSH John, dumb props, John, Komix Korner, little baby Skyler, Merry Christmas, Mindy, Minty Pete, Mopey Pete, Pete, really dumb questions, Santa Claus, Santa hats, shopping, Skyler, smug inept bearded jerks, Spider-Man, that stupid Batman shirt, Vision's foot bubbles

by billytheskink | December 13, 2021 · 10:30 pm

Do quit your day job

Et tu, Skyler? Crazy being baffled anyone would think he looks like Santa Claus while wearing a Santa Claus hat was bad enough… but today’s strip sees Skyler puzzled that Santa Claus spends time away from the North Pole? Has the kid never been to a mall? A store with a Salvation Army bell-ringer out front? A December Rotary Club fundraiser?

Actually, Given Westview’s general economic and retail landscape, that may be believable. The inquiry “North Pole?”, however…

As pretty much every single one of us beady-eyed nitpickers noted yesterday, Skyler was born in 2013, eight years ago (in fact, his birthday was November 22, just a few weeks ago), and has demonstrated his ability to speak in complete sentences on multiple occasions in the past. His regression to the verbal ability of a two year-old is a puzzling and insipid development, but no less so than a number of other things that have happened in this strip in Act III. Tomorrow may well find Kevin Garnett (no, not that Kevin Garnett, this guy after a visit to the Pete Reynolds New Last Name Store) correctly shouting “Anything is possible!” It’s true, we’re all living in Phil Holt’s world now.

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Tagged as Cleveland Browns, comic books, comics, Crazy, Crazy Harry, hardwood floors, Komix Korner, Mindy, Now Crazy Harry, retcon, Santa Claus, Santa hats, Skyler, smug inept bearded jerks, tiny hands, unnatural hand gestures

by spacemanspiff85 | November 2, 2020 · 10:30 pm

They’re All Writing in “Lisa”

Strips like today’s really just make Batiuk’s habit of writing his strips so far in advance extra hilarious. Not only is nobody wearing a mask and everyone is basically touching, you have a roughly hundred year old man on oxygen right in the middle of them. And it’s not like the global pandemic just sprung up in the last week when it was too late to tweak the strip. Batiuk’s had nine months where he could’ve had the artist at least draw masks on the characters to make it look like it reflected reality.
Les blatantly ogling Funky’s ass with both of his hands in his pockets while his Lesser Wife is standing right next to him is extra awkward.
When did Crazy Harry’s wife die from cancer/get murdered by him/starve because his part time job at a comic shop couldn’t feed them both? It’s especially sad when you’re a Funky Winkerbean character whose tragic untimely death doesn’t even merit an arc, or Les silently staring at your obituary in the paper.

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Tagged as banner, Batman logo, Becky, Cayla, Chester, Crankshaft, Crankshaft characters whose names I can't be bothered to learn, Crazy Harry, curtains, defective exit sign, Dinkle, doors, DSH John, eighteen different characters, election, extremely high character-to-panel density, folding table, Funky, getting a writing credit when there's no writing in the strip, Harriet, Harry's missing family, Holly, Les, Mindy, Old Glory, Pete, pinned-up sleeve not visible, Rachel, Ruby Lith, shoe-tying anomaly, silent strip, single panel, single-panel horizontal strip the day after a vertical strip, smug inept bearded jerks, supplemental oxygen, the single most objectionable fictional character of all time, voting, Wally, wheelchair

Tag Archives: smug inept bearded jerks

Keep Circulating The Tapes

Stolen Valium

Guilt blip

“N”, the bag

You’ve come a long way, baby

Hai-can’t with this

On the house… of (rare, gem mint, limited edition foil pack, holographic) cards

Does whatever a shyster can

Do quit your day job

They’re All Writing in “Lisa”

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