Tag Archives: band candy

Fun Raising Skills Considerably Less So

Link To Today’s Strip

That’s right Becky, let’s not go around patting YOU on the back for merely using Harry’s band candy fund raising idea, YOU just did the work and put in the effort. Dinkle is, as always, the real hero here, as he used to be “wacky and zany” a long, long time ago. Remember? Huh? Well do ya?

Still though, it isn’t his worst gag ever, although there’s no way this is the first time he’s used this joke. As irritating as Dinkle is this is just your typical end-of-year FW fare, filler material he used to check off those last few weeks back when he was stuffing 2018 into the big self-addressed envelope The Syndicate provided for that purpose. Even he gets visibly tired of Becky after two or three days of her one-armed moping. The new guy did do a fine job with her pinned-up sleeves this week though, he got the folds exactly right. Kudos to him.

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Prove It All Night

Link To Today’s Strip

Well, at least that highly disturbing Morty and Holly’s mom arc appears to be over, thank God. This week we’re switching gears and visiting good old Westview High to see what the good old Scapegoats band is up to during this, the most holiest of all seasons. And, to no one’s surprise at all, everything is still exactly the same. Beleaguered and perpetually harried band director Becky still has one arm and still relies heavily on her predecessor, who “retired” eleven or fifteen or seventeen or twenty years ago (no one is really sure) for basic teaching advice.

At this point I am contractually obligated to point out yet again that if BatDolt hadn’t ruined the Dinkle character by using him to generate totally unnecessary Dinkle pathos where none was needed or wanted, he’d still be able to do Dinkle-style band gags without finding a way to work that miserable one-armed woman into the strip. It’s kind of weird how he kept her around to have a disabled person presence in the strip yet she’s by far one of the most hapless and helpless characters in it, which IMO kind of belies the whole point. But hey, it’s only Monday, maybe (sigh) this time will be different.

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Route Canal

Dinkle appears in today’s strip.
No “spoiler alert” tag… this is not a spoiler, it is a warning. You have been warned. Read at your own risk. Or don’t, your life will be better off.

You know what, I’m going to focus on just one small little part of this strip and let our great commenters take the rest of it apart. I’m going to deal only with the first four words that appear in the strip, “Speaking of band candy”.

“SPEAKING OF BAND CANDY”?!
NO ONE was speaking of band candy! No one other than Dinkle is ever speaking of band candy! No one in their right mind wants to speak of band candy! I suppose Dinkle is correct in “saying “speaking of band candy” because that is a 100% accurate description of what he proceeds to do… thus, he most assuredly wanders around uttering “speaking of band candy” whenever he wants to speak of band candy. There is no other possible explanation. I’m typing “speaking of band candy” over and over again in desperate hope that this will be last time those words are ever written. Please. Please.

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Candy-scam

The “new year” is about 10% over, but today’s strip doesn’t care.

So Dinkle has a basement full of unsold band candy… but just last year he was flown to Belgium and received an award for being the Van Houten chocolate company’s all-time biggest purchaser. That might seem odd, but I’ve actually seen something similar before. I believe the prosecutor called it “money laundering”.

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I Don’t Want Candy

If yesterday’s strip depicting Mort and his walker (hey! Mort Walker!) going door to door to sell candy yesterday was not heartbreaking enough, here’s poor Carl pushing around his oxygen tank. Anyone opening their door to this sight would be overcome pity, but this Westview resident is fed up after years of Dinkle’s interminable fundraisers and decides she’s gonna take it out on Carl. “Whopperjawed” sounded to me like some kind of Willy Wonka reference (think “everlasting gobstopper“), but according to Google it’s a word meaning “crooked or askew”. Between the nonsensical punchline and the cruelty of sending nursing home residents out to hawk candy, this is FW at its unfunniest.

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Candy Man Comes Around. Again.

170505Members of any band under the baton of “Noble” laureate Harry Dinkle are compelled to support the enterprise by going door to door peddling turkeys, books, and that sweet, sweet Belgian chocolate. Even a member who uses a walker and who several years ago couldn’t recognize his own son.

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Raisin The Bar…Lowering The Standards

Link to today’s strip

For what seems like the thousandth day in a row I have no idea what the gag here is supposed to be. Are the background anon-o-characters supposed to be characters I’d recognize? “Immaculate metro stations”…huh? There’s no “joke” here, again. And not only that, there’s no “story” either. Color me totally baffled. I even visited the official FW blog just to see if maybe something there would shed a little light on whatever the hell is going on here but (of course) there’s no help there unless you’re looking for way, way too much information on fictional comic book covers. All in all one of the most pointless FW arcs ever and that includes the band box arc AND the Food Film scam.

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